RIP

by malliepoogummybear

Renee is your average american girl, on the outside.

I'm Ronnie. I'm sixteen, I have blonde shaggy hair and unrealistically green eyes. I have a wonderful mother, caring step-father, loving grandparents, two younger twin sisters, and an older step-sister.

You're probably asking yourself, "Why does this kid deserve a story? He seems normal." Well readers, I am far from "Normal". I'm actually writing this from my cell in the psychiatric ward. It's sad really; I've been in here for three solid months. Another question probably popped up in your oblivious, thick skull, Why am I in here?

I killed my sister.

I didn't necessarily mean to, but I don't really regret it either. Shit happens you know? I did her a favor; even mom said that she'd be better off dead. Renee was neck deep in shit, practically already six feet under. She was so stupid. I love her but I just got sick of her bullshit.

We were identical twins, except she dyed her hair black and hot pink, and wore a ton of eyeliner, and she looked more feminine. In January, she met the monster who took her soul right out of her fragile little body.

She was ignorant, and thought the word was love.

She was obviously wrong.

This isn't really my story, it's more of hers.

Today

I met him. His name is Ash. He said

That he's been going through a lot.

That he needed someone to love.

I

Told him that I'd love him forever

And ever. That I'd never let go,

No matter what. Even if we

Died.

I love you, I said. I love you.

I'm Renee, my first month at Newthorn High, and I already fell for someone. Now, growing up in an abusive cold-hearted household, you think it'd be hard for me to show affection to anyone. But Ash, he's such a sweet-heart. I go through hell everyday and he's the one to hold my hand and watch the sunset with me in the end. We've been dating for three months. Unlike me, this isn't his first relationship, so I let him teach me what to do. Actually, at first, I said no, I even tried shoving him off of me. He said, "No babe we're supposed to do this. Everyone does it." "I'm fifteen. I don't want to do it yet." I replied. "I thought you loved me…" Tears filled his big brown eyes. "I do I do!" and then I unzipped my jeans. He did the rest.

It hurt really badly. But he told me that it was a good hurt.

I've been letting him do this to me every weekend.

But it's okay; every time he gets done, he tells me that he loves me.

I wake up to screaming. I cover my ears with my hands and hold my breath. This is a normal routine. Nick, my step-father, isn't the nice man he pretends to be outside of the house. He uses my mom like she's some type of tool. He only uses her for cooking, cleaning, and fucking. He hits her a lot. At first she had a spine, and hit back.

Big mistake.

But I don't want to talk about that. I walk downstairs. Ronnie and Angie are at the table eating cereal, pretending that nothing happened. Mom's at the kitchen sink, silently crying while scrubbing the dishes. I swallow. "Good morning." Nick says while snapping the newspaper open and crossing his feet on top of the table. "Good morning." I reply. I go over and help mom sit down at the table. "This baby needs to come out." Mom chuckles. I can still hear the sadness in her voice. "It's your fault for getting pregnant. You stupid woman, don't know what birth control is do we?" Nick sneers. Mom opens her mouth, but doesn't say anything. None of us do. We never do. "You're so fat now Dahvie, you know that? I don't like cows." He says. "She's pregnant…" I mumble. "Excuse me?" He slams the newspaper down. Everyone stares at me. "I said, she's pregnant. She's not fat." I say. He chuckles. It sends chills up my spine. He gets up. I gulp. He grabs my shirt collar and yanks me up and out of my seat, knocking the chair over. He smacks me across the face.

"Don't ever talk back to me you demented little freak." He growls. I nod, and choke back tears. Angie coughs. His attention quickly moves to her. "You're looking a little chubby yourself; your mother would be so ashamed of you if she were here." He says. He releases me. My legs feel like jelly. Ronnie glares at Nick. He wants to do something, but knows that he can't. Nick's a fucking Hulk.

After Nick leaves for work, I call Ash to come pick me up. "No kissing!" Mom teases. I smile. I love my mom; she needs some happiness in her life. "I don't like that guy." Ronnie grumbles from the couch. He's sketching on a piece of cardboard. I glance over his shoulder and watch his hand make quick, yet smooth swipes across the canvas. "He's really a great guy." I say. "Whatever." I ruffle his hair. "I'll be back by midnight." I say. I step outside just as Ash pulls up. I get into the passenger seat. He grabs the back of my head and slams my lips into his. I giggle. After we pull apart, I look into those perfect eyes. "Why are your pupils are so large?" I ask. He grins. "New shit. I'm done chillin' with Mary Jane, this lady is so much better." He opens the drawer under the dash and pulls out a plastic bag with needles in it. My eyes go wide and my jaw drops.

"Heroin?"

"Heroin."

He laughs at my expression. "Don't worry babe, it's good for you." "No it isn't!" He hands me the bag. He steps on the gas and we drive off. We stop at our usual spot; right by the lake. It's sort of romantic I suppose. The lightning bugs are pretty. He parks and gets the blanket out of the trunk. He sets it out on the grass. I toss him the bag and lie on the blanket.

"I don't want anything to do with that." I say.

"Baby, it's so good. Try it."

I fold my arms across my chest. "I'm not doing it." "Please?" "No." "Come on." "Ash, I said no." He takes a deep breath and injects himself. He sighs in relief. "This shit gives you wings." He says happily. I sit up and look up at his face. "Will I get addicted if I only do it once?" I ask. He grins. "Na sweetie, I've done it hundreds of times and I'm not addicted." "You promise?" "I promise, you won't get addicted."

He was wrong.

After I let him stick me with that needle, things got really fuzzy. I don't even remember what happened. We did the usual though. I know this because I woke up without my pants on and he was nowhere to be found. I don't mind though. All I cared about was shooting another jump in me.

Destroy

Rebuild

Until

God

Shows

Colors are so much brighter nowadays.

I've been doing this for a month. My clothes are getting baggier and my teeth hurt. I sit outside on the tree-swing. My mom had the baby, well, babies. Holly and Hannah, another set of twins. Holly is deaf though, and Hannah is blind. I blame Nick for that. He ruined their lives before they even had a chance to defend themselves. Holly will never hear, and Hannah will never see. Ronnie walks outside and stands in front of me. "Hey." I say.

"Hey."

"I haven't been seeing much of you lately. What have you been up to?" I ask. He takes my hand. "Renee, you look like shit." He says almost sympathetically. I frown. "I'm better than ever thank you." I pull my hand away. I get off of the swing and storm inside. "I don't need this from you of all people!" I yell while slamming the door shut behind me. A wave of nausea hits me. I run to the bathroom just in time to barf my guts out in the toilet.

What's happening to me?

I throw up again. "Renee?" Angie calls from the kitchen. I puke. "Renee!" I hear her feet pat over to me. "Renee are you okay?" She panics. "I'm fine, just had a bad piece of toast for breakfast." I mumble. "Oh Renee, you're skinny as a twig, you don't need to be throwing up after every meal." "I'm not, it just comes out." "Like, every morning?" "Every morning." "When's the last time you got your period?"

My eyes widen.

I quickly get up and sprint to the back door. I run towards the woods. "It's none of your business!" I scream. I go deep into the trees. My foot gets caught on a branch and I fall to my face. I start to cry. I pull out my pack of cigarettes and take one out. I take a long, long drag. I look up at the trees above me. They shade me from the sun. The sky is so blue. The breeze lifts my hair away from my face. I take another drag.

Angie's voice still echoes in my ears.

She doesn't even know. She doesn't know me. She's oblivious.

I put my hand on my stomach. There's nothing in there.

Life

Is supposed to be a beautiful thing.

Yet it is hell for most. People's hearts

And

Souls are crushed. Life is the best gift

Anyone can ask for. Sadly, I prefer

Death.

I'm done with this rollercoaster. It has

taken me on so many wrong turns.

I carry Holly downstairs and get her bottle from the fridge. She won't stop screaming and crying. "Shut up!" I yell. I stick the bottle in her mouth. "Renee you have to be gentler." Mom says softly while feeding Hannah. "I'm sorry mom; I've just been really stressed." "What's wrong?" I swallow.

"Nothing."

I look down at the ground. I can't even look her in the eyes anymore. I cuddle Holly. She's such a sad baby. "We're so low on money, Renee, I don't know anymore." Mom almost whimpers. "Mom…it'll be okay…" I whisper. "No it won't!" She starts sobbing heavily. Hannah starts to cry. "I have to run to the gas station." I say. I hand Holly to Ronnie, who's sitting on the couch. I get outside and walk up the street. I pull out a cig and puff in some nicotine.

I never realized how far away the gas station was.

I step inside and flick my cigarette onto the sidewalk outside. "Aren't you a little young to be smoking?" The clerk asks. He's a rather round man, possibly in his twenties. I reach over the desk and grab his shirt collar. I yank him towards me. I bite his lip, I don't let go until I taste blood. His hands find my breasts. He pulls me over the counter. I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bathroom. I bite his neck. He unzips his jeans and slides my shorts off. He slams me against the wall. I gasp. He slams up.

Again.

Again.

It's so hard. I moan. I pull his blonde curly hair. There's going to be bruises on my back later. He slams me into the wall again. His body is smashing mine.

Five minutes later, he stops. We're both panting like crazy. I grin. He kisses me one last time and zips his pants up. I find my shorts and put them back on. I just got fucked in a gas station bathroom.

Cool.

I go down the aisles to the women's section. I pick up a box of testers. I go back into the bathroom. It reeks of sweaty sex. I take out a stick.

Two minutes is a very long time. A negative symbol forms on the end of the little stick.

Negative.

Thank God.

I throw it into the trash and leave without paying. Instead of going home, I go to Ash's house. It's a pretty long walk, but I could use the exercise. I knock on his door. I want more of The Lady. His dad answers. "You're looking pretty sexy." He says. His eyes are glued to my 36 C's. I'm wearing a very thin, very revealing white tank top. "Is Ash home?" I ask. "Ash!" He calls. "I'm coming." Ash's voice replies. I can hear loud music coming from upstairs. Ash runs down the pearly white staircase and takes my hand. "Come on, it's a party upstairs." He says. I nod. I let him drag me to his room. A lot of Ash's friends are in here. His room is very large, it's a whole loft. Everyone has the plastic red cups in their hands and they're dancing to the music. I notice a few girls with their shirts off. Ash grabs one by the waist and starts making out with her. She's curvy, tan, with bleach-blonde hair. A sharp pain hits my heart. Ash shoves her away and takes my hand. "Here." He hands me a needle. I grin and shoot it up into my arm.

Hey baby, Inject Me Sweetly.

Ash sticks his tongue down my throat. I can taste the weed and alcohol in his breath. "Try this." He puts a pill in my mouth. I swallow it. "Just in case it's not strong enough..." He gives me another. "What is it?" "Ever heard of ecstasy?" I begin to laugh. I don't know why. My body feels like it's being electrocuted. Ash takes my tiny tank off. I open my mouth to protest. "Hey baby, the human body is art. Don't be self-conscious." He says. He goes back to the other girl.

A guy walks up to me and wraps his arms around my waist. "Did piercing that hurt?" He asks. I laugh. "It tickled actually." He's really muscular, with long brown hippy hair. His face is cute. He's working on a beard. He kisses my neck. I moan. He slowly lies me down on the floor. I hear that familiar zipping noise of the zipper. He does it right here in public. I laugh. It hurts so good. Colors flash all around me.

I wake up on the floor, in some guy's T-shirt. My hair's a mess and I feel like shit. I go to the bathroom and throw up. I look into the mirror. Dark circles have formed underneath my eyes. There's a couple sleeping in the bathtub. The woman looks familiar. I get up and look amongst the sleeping bodies for Ash. He's nowhere to be found. I shrug. I can't find my clothes either. This shirt's so big that it goes to my knees; good enough. I stagger down the stairs and out the door. I need to get home. I can't remember last night too well. I get whistled at as I walk down the sidewalk.

I finally make it home, Angie's sitting at the table. No one else is here. "Where's everyone?" I ask. "Dad's at work, your mom's at the hospital with the girls, and Ronnie's at school, where you should be." She says. "What time is it?" I ask. "Two o'clock." "Oh." She stands up. She's bigger and taller than I am. "Renee, I think you should take the test." She says.

"I already did." I say smugly while grinning. "Go get cleaned up, I'm taking you to the doctor." "What? Why?" "Cause you look terrible! Renee, what happened to you? You used to be so sweet and kind, now it's as if I'm talking to a stranger!" Tears fill her eyes. "You're just jealous." I say. She shakes her head. "I want to make sure you're okay." "I'm fine!" I yell. I cough. I taste blood. I stare wide-eyed at Angie. Tears are rolling down her cheeks. "Get in the car." She demands. I nod.

I just coughed up blood…

I get dressed and then we leave.

When did the hospital get so scary?

I walk down the cold, bright hallways beside Angie. She keeps her eyes forward. I can't help staring at the other patients. One woman walks past me, I notice that she's missing an arm and her face has burns all over it. I swallow. Poor lady.

A nurse takes us into a small room. I sit on the chair in the middle of the room. "Renee Isabelle Preston?" The nurse says. I nod. "And you?" "I'm Angie Garcia, her step sister. I'm eighteen." Angie says. "Well Ms. Garcia, please step outside." The nurse says. She nods and exits.

"Ms. Preston, Dr. Fisher will be with you shortly. You're fifteen right?" I nod. The nurse is such an elderly woman. She reminds me of a raisin. She nods and leaves.

The doctor comes in. He looks down at the clipboard in his hand. "Well, there aren't many options here, you can go to adoption services, or you will have to take a parenting class." He says. I choke.

"What?"

"Please, inside voice. You're two months along. It's a little too late for an abortion. I'm sorry." White-hot anger fills my head. "Also, you will have to go to a rehabilitation center for teens." I shake my head. "I'm fine!" I cry. "Having a baby is a big responsibility. I'm sure that you're aware of that." He takes my hand. I quickly jerk it away. My life is over.

I haven't seen Ash in months. He doesn't know. He's called me a lot. But I can't think of any way to tell him. I look into my full body mirror. I'm so big now. It's been eight months. Mom cries every time she sees me, she won't even talk to me. Nick beat me a couple of times for it. I still have bruises. Oh well, my baby's still kicking.

It

Is a beautiful feeling. There is

another heart beating in me.

Is

It unusual? Yes very, but in a

Good way. I love it. His body,

A

Very tiny little body, is in me. It

makes me smile, makes me cry, oh

Boy

It hasn't even started yet has it?

I pick up the phone with shaky hands, and punch in Ash's number. It goes to his voicemail. "Angie?" I call while snapping my cellphone shut, "Can you take me to a friend's?"

She drops me off at his doorstep. I swallow. I knock on the door. My head's spinning. I pull out a cigarette and smoke it. The door opens. Ash laughs when he sees me. "What happened to you?" He chuckles.

"You're the daddy."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are; I'm sorry." He grins. "I got a vasectomy last year. So it can't be mine. I'm sorry." My jaw drops. He's NOT the father? "What?" I gasp. He laughs harder. "Sorry kiddo, looks like you're a bigger whore than you thought you were." I slap him across the face. "You did this to me." I whisper. He wipes the blood off of his bottom lip with his fist. "You cheated on me Renee, so I should be the one upset." "I did not!" I yell. He shakes his head. "See ya."

He slams the door shut in my face. I fight back tears. I run to Angie's Cadillac. "What's wrong?" She asks. "Nothing." She shakes her head. "Renee, I want to help you." "I don't need your fucking help!" She steps on the gas. We drive the rest of the way in silence.

It's been three days. Angie went off to college. I sort of miss her. I lie on my back on my bed. The ceiling is so white, so pure.

I wish I was.

All of a sudden, I feel liquid. Did my water just break? A sharp pain explodes in my abdomen. I scream. "Renee!" Ronnie runs into my room. I scream again. "Get me to the hospital!" I yell. He helps me stand. "I don't even have my permit yet." He says while we run to the car. "I don't fucking care!" I scream while getting a chock-hold on his shirt. He slides me into the backseat and hops in the front. I scream. The hospital's at least a half an hour away. He speeds down the highway. I bite my lip, and try to fight back another scream.

All of a sudden, a semi pulls out in front of us.

Ronnie hits it square on.

I get thrown forward and out through the windshield.

…I'm finally free…

I hurt all over…I'm bleeding and broken…I can't breathe...is Oliver okay?

Please let my baby be okay…I can't see…I can't hear…all I feel is the pain.

Help me…please help me…

I just killed Renee. I just killed my sister. She is so dead. I killed her. I'm still in the car, I had a seatbelt on. I stare at Renee's body.

The cops and ambulance came, we're all at the hospital. I'm not hurt at all. The doctors had to cut Renee open to get the baby out. His name is Oliver Scott Preston. Renee's dead body lies on the hospital bed. She never got to see her baby…Mom and Nick are here. Mom's crying like crazy. Nick's emotionless. I am too.

Renee kind of deserved it.

I laugh. She so deserved it. Oliver is getting sent to a foster home. No one wants him. Renee didn't even want him either.

She

Lies motionless, breathless, words

Will never escape her lips again. I

Deserved

To live. I am supposed to be here.

I'm the better person. I so believe

It.

Rest in peace. Not.