So... I'm back again.
And while story #3 isn't anywhere near finished (sorry to those of you who have been waiting for that one - I'll get around to it sometime!) and there was no intention to do a fourth story, this idea came to me after watching the "Abandon All Hope" episode. So I went with it, writing bits and pieces, and then put it aside. Deciding to pull it out again after not being able to come up with anything great for the third story, I've been working on this one the last little while and have decided to start posting. There's still chapters to be written, others to be edited, but this story is all mapped out for where it's going and how to get there. Perhaps it should've been story #3...
Title is subject to change, I can't decide upon one that really fits just yet.
So here we go again... another Dean and Manda tale, because these two are just fun (and very annoying at times) to write.
Sending this one goes out to the people that have enjoyed them together so far - thanks so much for reading/adding/commenting!

Staring at the empty table in Bobby's kitchen from the desk where he was sitting, Dean envisioned Ellen and Jo just as they had been when they'd sat there only two days earlier. He blinked, knowing it was wishful thinking, and just like that – they were gone.

Not that he could forget that they would never actually be there again.

Ellen and Jo Harvelle were dead.

Getting up, Dean walked over to the fridge with the intent of pulling out a beer but stopped as he approached. The memory of him and Jo right there two nights ago took hold of his mind.

Sorry, Jo, he apologized silently as he remembered another moment – the one of their goodbye.

He opened the fridge door and pulled out another beer, the memory of seeing Jo dying before him still fresh in his mind.

Jo was a girl he'd connected with but had never had. And now he never would. She'd been ripped open by a hellhound while saving him from again meeting that same fate, and then she and her mom had gone out the hunter way, blasting those damned creatures back to hell in order to buy him and Sam a chance to get away so they could attempt to stop Lucifer with the colt.

Needless to say that with their luck the attempt had failed, Lucifer was still topside and looking to wear Sam like a glove, and Ellen and Jo had become more names added to his increasingly guilty conscience.

And now the pain felt from losing Jo, a girl he might have loved if they would have ever taken the chance to be together, was weighing heavily on Dean's mind and heart.

How many more people would die because of him and Sam? How many more of the few people left that he cared about would he lose before he wound up dead himself?

Once again he was wondering why he continued to fight what he was sinking in, because he couldn't take much more. He kept pushing on because that was the Winchester way, but he was tired of it. Just sick and tired of always having to keep going and fighting no matter what happened, no matter of the cost. And the costs had always been high and hurtful, but now they were prices he could no longer afford to keep paying.

One person drifted to the surface of his mind then. It was probably wrong to think of her, but he wanted to see her now. Actually, he needed to see her. The previous day's events just reinforced something he already knew – another chance might not exist soon enough.

Picking up his phone, Dean held it in his hand for a moment. The reluctance was there, but so was his need. And need was winning out even when it wasn't easy to do this.

Using his thumb to browse through the contacts in his phone to get to the one he wanted, it wasn't hard to notice the list was growing shorter as time went on.

Manda

The highlighted name stared at him.

Manda was a girl he loved but had let go, and she was still someone who would come running at the sound of his voice now.

I cared about Ellen and Jo, loved Jo a bit even, but if it had been Manda…almost lost her once, don't want to again either… but it'll happen soon.

Quickly glancing around to make sure Sam wasn't within hearing distance; Dean noticed he was still alone.

Bobby had gone to sleep an hour ago, and Sam had muttered something about using Bobby's washing machine, so no one was going to overhear his call. Not that it mattered much in the first place. But Bobby and Sam would each raise a brow at him over calling Manda, and then they'd know he was worse off than he was willing to admit.

Looking at his watch, Dean knew it was late, but that had never meant much before. It was long days and late nights for all of them, and Manda was bound to be awake and working a job somewhere.

Hitting the button to call her, Dean sighed once the phone rang a few times.

Hearing the vibrating buzz coming from a night stand, Manda's hand shot of bed and fumbled around to reach her phone. Looking at the illuminated screen in the dark once it was in her hand, she saw one name she somewhat wasn't expecting but had known it would be.

The ringing continued and Dean was about to hang up when he heard a voice that wasn't recorded as a greeting or a voicemail message like it had been over the past few months.

"If it isn't my favourite Winchester," Manda uttered with a bit of sweet sleepy tone in her voice, unable to hold it back.

God, he'd missed her voice. Missed hearing the softness it held when she spoke to him, but he heard the sleepiness in it too. "How's it going, Chambers?" he asked, finding a bit of their old rhythm easily coming back into play.

"Business is booming, but you know that," she chuckled wryly, rubbing her tired eyes. "What's up?"

Dean hesitated to say. She had known Ellen and Jo too, but a little chitchat was easier than being the bearer of bad news right off the bat, especially when he knew his call had awakened her from the luxury of sleep. "Been awhile…" he quietly spoke.

Sitting up in a lumpy hotel bed, Manda reached out and clicked on the light, taking note of the time. It was after one a.m., and that meant she'd barely gotten much sleep since she'd checked in two hours earlier. "It has… So is this the late night been awhile and want to see you kinda call, or are we talking the bad news, need a favour variety?"

Rubbing his hand into the back of his neck, Dean knew what she was getting at. It was late and it had been quite a while since they'd manage to speak to each other. He fell silent, not sure how to just tell her about the recent events or to ask her to meet up.

"Okay, if you want to play the horror movie breathing into the phone game, can we do it when I'm not trying to catch a handful of sleeping hours for the first time in a few days?"

She sounded a bit bitchy, but he had woken her. It was best to break the bad news now. "It's the bad news call. Hear about the Harvelles yet?"

Manda hadn't heard anything, but it wasn't hard to figure out. Two more hunters had been added to the list of fallen ones she'd known. It had been some years since she'd seen either of them, but Ellen had been a family friend, and she'd played with Jo when they'd been kids and the Chambers family had passed through Harvelle's Roadhouse on more than one occasion. "Damn it, not Ellen and Jo," she sighed. "Sorry to hear it, Dean. You all right?"

There was silence from Dean's end as he sat there thinking. He didn't want to flat out ask, but he needed to see Manda, hell, he was aching to be around her for a bit now. C'mon on, do that thing where you just know what I need.

"Dean?"

"Still here," he responded, drawing out a deep breath. "You workin' a job?"

It was now there in his voice for her to hear. He wanted to know where she was and if she'd come meet up with him. She hadn't heard that tone in months. "Was heading to a possible one in a few more hours, but where am I heading now that you're not asking to meet up?"

Dean found himself chuckling despite his sullen mood. Just as he'd thought, even over the phone, Manda was still good at reading him. "Bobby's."

She almost smiled, because she was heading there first anyway. The hunters were all keeping tighter tabs on each other these days, and Bobby was still a hell of a hunter, an old family friend, and she always tried to visit him when passing through South Dakota. "Must be kismet. I was set to barrel through there in the afternoon, planned on dropping in too."

How is it we're always somewhat close by when one of us calls the other like this? Dean thought, finding it weird, but then shrugged it off. It was just how they were, and he couldn't help but grin just a bit."Must be."

"Guess I'll see you later then… unless there's something else?" She paused, waiting for him to say something more, but he didn't. "Okay, get some sleep, Dean. We'll talk after."

"Thanks, Manda."

The call disconnected, Dean put his phone on the table and rubbed a hand over his face. Sleep sounded like a good idea, not that he'd get much of it with how he felt though.

"Manda? Now there's a name I haven't heard outta you in a while," Sam said curiously, walking into the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee pot.

"Yeah, well… consider it a heads up. She's stopping by in the afternoon."

Surprise registered on Sam's face. He knew Dean was torn up over Jo and Ellen, but if he'd reached out to Manda, there had to be more going on with him that he wasn't showing. "Sure that's a good idea?"

"Nothing's been a good idea lately," Dean retorted. Lately, ever… what's the difference anymore?

Sam poured a cup of coffee, hesitating to say something at first. "No, guess not… So, been some time since you've seen her. Not since…" he stopped, trying to figure out when that was.

"Only been a couple months. We ran into each other when you were off on your own." That wasn't entirely true. But Sam didn't need to know he had called her back then just like he had now, knowing he needed her, if not for the company, but also for the comfort she offered. Fortunately for him, she'd come through then and was going to this time too.

This was news to Sam, and he hid the shock from registering this time, wondering if it was really a matter of them running into each other or if his brother had called her then too. "And?"

"And nothing." Dean didn't want to talk about, didn't want to admit that he'd been with her for a few days and that once again it had hurt both of them when those days were up. "We had a good time. She went her way, I went mine. End of story."

Sam scoffed. He didn't understand it at all. The two hunters loved each other, had gone through some rough things together, but for some reason they just wouldn't stay together. "Don't know why. Manda's always been good for you, Dean."

You have no idea how good, and that's why we're not together. "Maybe that's the problem."

"Then why'd you call her?"

Dean didn't answer. The answer to that question was complicated and yet, simple - because he loved her, always would too. And his brother had to have known that by now.

"Think the end of the world would straighten you two out," Sam muttered. And it was true. Time was running out with the Apocalypse in mid-swing. Hunting was getting more dangerous than it ever had been. It would only be a matter of time before Dean got the news Manda was dead or vice versa.

So even though there wasn't time, there still seemed to be no better one for them to work it out. But love was messy, and Sam understood that. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized they were just afraid to cause each other more pain, and being together would cause a mountain of it.

Losing the other would be a crushing blow to one of them. He knew it as he looked at his brother. Dean would hide the mess it turned him into and then never be the same if he lost her, and Sam knew Manda would never be able to survive losing Dean, it would destroy her completely. So they'd let each other go, and that seemed to be the best thing for both of them to do.

But, it was curious that no matter how long they tried to stay apart, something had brought them back together for a little while more than once now, and Sam was sure that it was none other than a four letter word that was difficult for the older Winchester and the female hunter – love.

Looking at Sam with a funny expression, one that clearly stated his brother had to be kidding, Dean snorted. "Gonna take more than that, Sammy."

He walked out of the kitchen then, knowing it was time to end the conversation and time to get some sleep.

{ } { } { }

Putting her cell phone back on the night table and clicking out the light, Manda lied back down knowing it would take some time to fall asleep again. Maybe if the call had been from anyone else, about anything else, she would've been sound asleep by the time her head hit the pillow - but it hadn't been.

The news about Ellen and Jo's demise was one thing, but the call's undertone and what Dean hadn't exactly said was another.

He hadn't joked, hadn't made one smart-ass remark, hell, he hadn't even given her any real details or said much at all.

Whatever had happened now must have been beyond the usual range of bad, but whether it was the loss of the Harvelles or something else, Manda couldn't be sure what had Dean out of sorts. All she knew was that while he hadn't said it, he needed her.

They hadn't talked much in the last few months, but it was no secret the guy was drowning. Stuck smack dab in the middle of a war between angels and demons, both sides had started closing in on Dean once the Apocalypse had begun. He was struggling with the weight of the world on his shoulders, determined not to give in to what was wanted from him, or, what was supposed to be his fate – playing host to Michael for the angel's dream team to defeat Lucifer. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Lucifer's vessel turned out to be none other than Sam. Damned and holy brothers wanted a fight, and they were going to drag two very human brothers into the ring with them to carry it out if they got their way.

Manda's mind had barely been able to wrap around it when she'd heard about everything, and she had no idea how Dean coped with it, or how Sam did either. They just seemed to keep going on about doing things their own way, looking for some other way out, but it was questionable if that would be enough. She wanted to believe the Winchester brothers would find a way to stop the Apocalypse before it escalated to a level no one wanted it to reach more than they did, but that was an impossible burden to bear. One that was clearly tearing them apart a little more as time went on and the weight on their shoulders got heavier.

Now Dean had just lost two more of the few people left he cared about, and she had heard how weary he sounded. His call had been made out of need, a need for someone who understood what he was up against and didn't answer to the name of Sam, or Bobby for that matter. And while he'd be more likely to call for a favour or a random hook up, this was about more than having a familiar warm body next to him for a night or two. So much like he had when he and Sam had stopped hunting together for a short time a few months earlier, Dean had called her once again knowing she would be there for him in whatever way he needed. Because despite months apart, handfuls of one night stands and miles of road between them, there was still a bunch of feelings that ran too deep and couldn't be denied. It was the root cause for why they continued to drift in and out of the other's life this way.

But even while the time together was never enough, it had to suffice when anything more than a few days here and there wasn't realistic. They had tried to date once or twice, have as normal of a relationship as they could, but the timing of it was completely all wrong. There wasn't much room to have a relationship with everything going on, and neither wanted to watch the other get hurt or die, so she had gone her way, he had gone his, and they didn't think too much about it. Well, maybe Dean didn't, but Manda knew she did.

In the dead of night, like right now, her mind often wandered to Dean Winchester because she still loved him, always would too. And in another life or some other time, she knew they'd work it all out, be together the way they should be, but in this life and time – they were who they were, and it meant they just weren't able to be together for anything that would last.

Sighing deeply then as she lay there in thought, Manda caught sight of time on the digital alarm clock.

1:53 am

The glowing red numbers mockingly stared at her. There was too much on her mind and now sleep seemed even less likely to happen than it had with the first attempt almost three hours earlier.

Hunting had gotten tougher since the Apocalypse had started, and there had been a long string of back-to-back crappier than usual jobs to work over the last few months, so Manda had completely neglected to put any thought into a day that had somewhat crept on her for how busy she'd been.

Today was her birthday.

Not that it mattered too much to the female hunter. Birthdays had never been a big deal, even less so after losing her family and having been on her own ever since. So, the day was usually spent working a hunt and marking the occasion with a few drinks in a bar or a hotel room, but having almost died earlier in the year, and willing to bet she wouldn't live to see twenty-nine with the end of the world in play, Manda Chambers felt like her twenty-eighth birthday would be the last one she would get to have.

There'd been no time to make any sort of plans, but during the fourteen hour drive yesterday, she'd briefly thought about calling Dean to see if they could meet up. That seemed out once realizing her cell phone had died and the car charger was nowhere to be found. So she had settled on the idea of sharing a drink with an old friend instead, knowing Bobby Singer was on the way to the next gig she had lined up. That's why she'd been headed there before Dean's call.

So maybe it was luck, or maybe it really was kismet, but regardless of the reasons, Manda was now getting to see Dean like part of her had wanted to.

And while he'd probably forgotten he knew today was her birthday, she hadn't expected him to remember anyway, especially when she almost hadn't herself. Though, because of his call and the news about the Harvelles, she wouldn't bring it up either. There'd be no mention or fuss, just a few drinks shared with the three male hunters currently at Bobby's, and a night spent with one that needed her again.

Happy Birthday, Chambers… you damned fool, she thought as she climbed out of bed, unable to pretend sleeping was an option any longer.

Another hour had come and gone with the tossing and turning and thinking, and she was now awake and alert. While a bit more rest would have been welcomed, there'd be time to get some decent sleep by the end of the day. Right now she planned to shower, get dressed, make some coffee to go, and then be on her way to somewhere she actually wanted to be today – in the company of good friends, and with the one man who would always have a strong hold on her.

There wasn't much more the hunter could ask for, because if this did turn out to be her last birthday, Manda couldn't think of a much better way to spend it.

Hope you've enjoyed reading this one so far. As usual, hope I haven't butchered the boys either.
Obviously, while it has yet to be written, my intention was to break Dean and Manda up in the last story. But you know these two wouldn't stay away from each other for too long.
Next up, reunion at Bobby's... Dean's not quite himself, Sam's neutral, Bobby's bound to have some things to say, and then there's Manda's forgotten/unmentioned birthday. The banter shall begin!
I will try to get the next chapter up soon - it need some serious writing. But I swear this story will get completed. The two ladies who get this before it goes up here have already demanded I finish it after reading my drafts already. So, if it takes too long, you're welcome to send me "WRITE MORE NOW!" messages like they have. lol.

Anyway, as always - review if you would like to. Thanks for reading! :)