the other life

Chapter 1

(rated T, later chapters wil justify the M however)

I. The visitor

It was still early in the morning, probably an hour after sunrise, but Katara was already wide awake. In the last few years she had become used to rising with the sun and found she rather enjoyed the quiet and cool of the early morning.

Today, however, was different. Like every other morning she would open her bedroom window to look down the hill at the harbour of the small town of Huoyàn but the sight that greeted her today was unexpected and somewhat unwelcome. A large fire nation cruiser was docked there between the local fishermen's boats. It carried the flag of the Royal Family.

She sighed and bowed to the inevitable. Her visitor would be here soon and there was nothing she could do about that. She just wished she had more time to prepare herself and him for the meeting.

All too soon the knock on the door came and Katara went to open it. Iroh had not changed much since she last saw him. He had gained the weight he lost during the war again and looked as friendly and peaceful as ever. Knowing Katara's need for privacy he had come alone, leaving his crew and staff behind on the ship.

"Good morning to you, dear niece" he greeted her with a small bow and a huge smile. Her answer was less enthusiastic than one would expect. "You shouldn't have come" was all she said, her voice rather gentle and sad than unfriendly. Iroh frowned but didn't say anything as he entered the small but tidy house. Katara led him to a small table by the fireplace and asked him to sit down while she prepared some tea.

After putting the cup in front of him Katara got up again and left the house through the back door without another word. Blinded by the rising sun she stayed in the doorway for a few moments shielding her eyes against the light letting them adjust to the brightness.

She quietly made her way to the lone figure on the stone bench in the middle of the garden. He sat still, eyes closed, his face turned to face the sun, feeling its warmth on his face. He didn't move, even when Katara sat down next to him and touched his right shoulder with one of her hands. "Your uncle is here" she said softly.

Katara waited and when he didn't answer or move or even open his eyes to acknowledge her presence she quietly sighed, got up and returned to the house. When she raised her head she could see Iroh standing in the back door waiting for a sign from her. She shook her head and Iroh turned and re-entered the house.

"How long will you stay?" she asked him, trying not to sound like she wished he would leave immediately. "At least long enough to see the children" he answered.

"I see" she replied "You'll have to stay overnight then. They are with some friends at the festival in Huochéng and won't be back until late tonight."

"You let your seven and six year old children go to the big town without you?" Iroh asked sounding surprised. Letting them spent their afternoons in Huonyàn, the small town at the foot of the hill was one thing, but sending your children on a trip to the next bigger town just for a festival...

"Han and Bao Lin are good friends of mine and they have four children of their own" Katara answered in a slightly irritated voice. "They have known my children from the day they were born and are more than capable to look after them. Nanami and Jiro wanted to see the fire works and as I couldn't ..." "...and as you couldn't leave Zuko alone..." Iroh continued for her but stopped when he saw the look she gave him.

"I'm going to prepare a room for you" Katara said and got up to leave. Iroh was just about to point out that it was still early in the morning but he seemed to be on her bad side already so he decided to hold his tongue for the moment.

After Katara had gone upstairs, Iroh got up and slowly made his way to the back door again. Zuko sat in the same spot as before, eyes still closed, his head turned a little to follow the still rising sun. He wanted nothing more than to run over to his nephew and embrace him in a tight hug. He wished he could talk to him, beg his forgiveness for whatever Zuko thought he had done to him. But he knew that his nephew would not welcome his company and if Katara noticed him trying to speak to Zuko she would, Fire Lord or not, freeze him into ball and bend him down the hill. Katara had always been overly protective of allof her children.

Iroh sighed and turned away from the sad sight of his beloved nephew and returned to the table by the fire place and his cup of cold tea. He didn't bother warming it up and drank the slightly bitter liquid down in one gulp. He sighed again. It would be a long day.

Not long after Iroh had finished his tea Katara came back downstairs. "I've made room for you" she said. "This is not the fire palace but I hope you'll enjoy your stay in our humble abode" Sarcasm didn't suit her. "You will stay in my room while I will spend the night in Zuko's room". Seeing his questioning look, she continued "It's been years since we last shared a bed." From the sad look in her eyes and the quivering in her voice he concluded that this had not been her decision. He dropped the subject immediately. No reason to cause her even more pain.

Iroh got up and went to the front door. "I'll better inform my crew that we won't leave until tomorrow afternoon. I'll be back around sunset." When Katara made no sound or sign to acknowledge his statement he sighed for the umpteenth time and left quietly. He slowly made his way down the hill to Huoyàn, lost in thought about the best way of breaking the news to his nephew's frighteningly overprotective wife.

II. Memories

"He's gone" Zuko heard Katara say "At least for now. But he will be back tonight. To see the children". He couldn't stand it anymore. He turned to face her opening his unseeing eyes in the process. Still beautiful, she thought while staring into the pale amber orbs.

"He will take them with him" Zuko said, his voice rusty from the lack of use "He will take our children away from us". Although his voice was even and showed no emotion, Katara knew the signs and mentally prepared herself for the outbreak. "Don't let him, Katara, please don't let him take the children!" Zuko continued a little louder than before.

When she didn't answer immediately he raised his left hand, blindly reaching out for her. "Please, Katara, please, don't let him take our children!" His voice was now showing his distress and Katara did the only thing she knew would calm him down eventually. She stood up and hugged his sitting form, pulling his shoulders forward so that his head rested against her stomach, just below her breast.

Slowly rocking back and forth and humming softly she waited for him to calm down. Katara didn't speak words of comfort because she knew from experience that Zuko wouldn't listen to reason in his current state of mind.

Ever since Zuko and Katara had moved from the Fire Nation capital to the small house on a hill top just above the town of Huoyàn she had expected him to recover from both his physical and his mental hurt but the years did nothing to improve his condition. He got all worked up about his uncle taking away Nanami when the old man visited the couple after the birth of their first child and this obsession stayed with him and developed into a fully-grown paranoia after Jiro was born.

Although Iroh never showed any signs to confirm Zuko's suspicion Katara was so worried about her husband's health that she finally gave in and asked Iroh not to visit them any more. When Iroh protested that he had done nothing wrong and that he had a right to see his family, she agreed to secretly meeting him twice a year in Huoyàn, only her and the children, Zuko would know nothing of this arrangement.

This secret arrangement didn't stay secret for long however. Her younger child learned to speak eventually and Jiro didn't quite understand why he shouldn't tell his father about the great time he had with his grandpa Iroh.

When Zuko found out he snapped. He jumped at her, shaking her like a rag doll, calling her a traitor and much worse. He would even breathe fire, something she thought she would never see again. He didn't calm down for hours and wouldn't talk to her in days. Zuko kept the children in the house and would not allow Katara to take them to town with her for the next months. She finally promised him that neither her nor the children would meet Iroh again without his explicit permission.

Katara wrote to Iroh one last time. She explained that Zuko didn't want to see his uncle again and begged him to stay away from their family, if only for his nephew's sanity. She knew that Zuko's behaviour broke the old man's heart but she pushed back these thoughts. Her loyalty was to her husband only and if meeting with his uncle caused the former crowned prince distress she would protect him no matter what.

Slowly returning to the presence, Katara noticed that Zuko, his face still buried in the front of her dress, had started to sob quietly. He was probably lost in his own world of painful memories and she decided not to disturb him. She hated to see him suffer but if she tried to pull him out now he would be confused and unamenable for the rest of the day.

Katara softly pushed his shoulders back and and let her hands glide down his arms. He knew this particular sign well and automatically took her hands in his and let her pull him to his feet. Still in a trance-like state he let her lead him to the house, inside and upstairs to the small room he slept in. He made his way over to the bed and sat down while Katara still waited for her eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness.

Zuko's room only had two small and narrow windows that didn't let in a lot of light. Katara had to smile when she thought about Aang trying to get Toph to light a candle or lamp in her room in the western air temple. He thought it was spooky to sit alone in the dark but Toph, being blind from birth, couldn't care less about being alone in the dark. She had always been.

Katara's smile faltered quickly. Like Toph, Zuko was also alone in the dark. But unlike the self-confident little earthbender Zuko had a life in the sunlight to compare with the never ending darkness that surrounded him now. He had lost not only his sight but once again his path in life, his future.

Toph was entirely content with being the best earth-/metalbender in history, being able to see the world like everybody else didn't matter.

Zuko on the other hand had depended on his eyesight. A blind firebender was a great danger for himself and his environment, a blind warrior was quite useless and a blind crowned prince or fire lord was unheard of. How would a blind man handle all the paperwork, the official functions?

III. Intimacy

Unbeknownst to Katara Zuko dwelled on similar thoughts. Not about being unable to attend to his correspondence, but about how the "incident" had changed his life.

He heard Katara rummage about and noticed for the first time that he was back in the house, in his room. Zuko shivered slightly, already missing the warmth of the sun on his skin. He shifted his weight on the bed which got him her attention immediately.

Katara turned to face Zuko and found him looking back at her somewhat expectantly. She was relieved that he seemed to have overcome his gloomy thoughts for the moment. "Iroh will stay overnight" she announced calmly. No reaction so far. "I offered him my room, so it's either me staying with the children or with you" she continued. Still no reaction.

Zuko was wary about what to do. If he was honest to himself he dreaded having his uncle under his roof and wished to have Katara by his side for reassurance. He missed having her sleeping next to him and he missed her touch even five years after he shut himself away in his self-imposed celibacy. He told himself that he had had good reasons for leaving her and her bed back then but right now he was in desperate need for her closeness and tender touch that he only nodded and said "please stay with me, Katara".

Katara looked at him disbelievingly. She expected him to put up a fight not to practically beg her to stay with him. She decided to accept the easy victory and got on with making her, no their bed. She hummed softly, actually happy about being able to spend some time alone with her beloved husband.

Ok, so she spent every day with him but that was different. He hadn't let her close for five years. He washed and dressed himself and spent most of his time outside, meditating or playing with the children or the two lemurs Aang had sent for his last birthday. Katara remembered being extremely jealous of the attention Zuko gave the two furry beasts.

"Katara?" Zuko's voice yanked her out of her daydreams. She smiled at him, forgetting his blindness for a moment. "Yes, Zuko?" He hesitated, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. Katara waited patiently and finally was rewarded with the sound of his dark, husky voice "Let me hold you?" It was as a desperate plea rather than a question and she knew only one way to answer it.

Katara rounded the bed until she was directly in front of him. She put her hands on Zuko's shoulders and pushed him lightly to signal him to lay down. He pulled his legs on the bed and lay down on his back in the middle of the mattress. Katara decided not to push her good luck, so instead of kissing him passionately she just pecked his lips before crawling next to him. She slowly closed the distance between them and lay down next to him with her head on his chest.

When Katara felt Zuko's arms pull her in a tight embrace she couldn't help but let out a low moan. She had missed his touch and longed to tell him so but she was afraid to startle him. So she shifted a little and slid up and on top of him and pressed her face into the crook of his neck. She inhaled his unique scent and suddenly felt incredibly grateful for Iroh's surprise visit.

In stark contrast to Katara's state of utter bliss, Zuko was mainly filled with guilt and lust and guilt for the lust. He had sworn never to take advantage of her again and here he was, pulling here close and enjoying her warmth and softness and her heavenly scent. He wished he could tell her just how much he loved and desired her but he had no right to burden her with his problems, not again, never again.

Zuko knew it was wrong but in this very moment he couldn't care less when he felt so good, so warm, so safe, so loved.

Katara noticed Zuko's breath had become deep and regular and could tell he was fast asleep. Her thoughts wandered back to the meeting later that day. Iroh and the children would be here in a few hours and she expected the worst. She would let Zuko sleep until then, he needed to be well rested. Katara closed her eyes and listened to her husbands breath and heartbeat. A little rest would be good for her as well, she thought just before falling asleep.

TBC

better late than never: ATLA and all its wonderful characters don't belong to me and never will! Unfortunately...

I do own this story and a few OCs. But that's cold comfort :-(