Author's notes:

I wrote this story in one sitting back in 2010. It really materialized purely as a whim, and it's not like I've ever given Shining Force Neo fanfic serious thought, so I opted to just post it on the Shining Force Central discussion forums and not have it "taint" my listing of works here on FF dot net. But to my surprise, it got a really good response from the people on Shining Force Central. Depressingly, it got more interest than any Shining fanfic I've written in the past five years.

So since then, the thought "If people like it so much, why not put it on FF dot net?" has been gradually working its way into my head. Computer troubles have left my work on "Shining Cloud" in a state of temporary disorder (I've still been writing it, but without access to the last saved file before my computer problems, I have to work on the chapters out of sequence), so this was the perfect time for it to go up. Hope you enjoy.

I Want Some Hot Stuff, Baby, Tonight

"Hang in there, Max!" Graham exhorted, felling another of the monsters. "We've destroyed all the monster gates; we need only eliminate these last few enemies!"

Max nodded, and charged towards the enemy, slicing through two more monsters. He saw a Legion coming at him and was crouching to meet the attack when he heard Meryl cry, "Watch out! Hot stuff coming your way!"

He instinctively rolled out of the way, and a massive fireball flew past him and quickly consumed the Legion. As he got to his feet and saw that all the enemies had been eliminated, what Meryl had just said sunk in. He turned and stared at his old friend. "'Hot stuff coming your way'?" he echoed, almost speechless.

"What?" she said, blinking.

Graham cleared his throat awkwardly. "Er... Frankly, Meryl, I had thought you were still in denial about your feelings for Max... or at least not as unashamed of your attraction to him as that."

"Huh? ...No, it's not like that between us at all! We're just friends!"

"Really?" he said with amusement. "Because I could have sworn I just heard you refer to him as 'hot stuff'."

"I wasn't talking about him! 'Hot stuff coming your way' is my new battle quip for my Blaze spell. It's, you know, hot stuff!"

"But... No offense, Meryl, but that's kind of silly," Max protested. "Why not just say 'Huge fireball coming your way'?"

"Oh! Now I see where you're confused," she said in a half-laugh. "It's sort of a double entendre, see. Both me and the fireball are coming at the enemy, so... two kinds of hot stuff coming! Get it?"

Both Max and Graham stared at her in disbelief.

This time Max cleared his throat, "Um, Meryl... Have you looked in a reflective surface lately? I mean, you're pretty, but..."

"...but 'hot stuff' is stretching it a little," Graham finished for him.

"A LOT," Max corrected, his confidence boosted by Graham's support.

Said confidence began to dissolve as soon as he took a good look at Meryl's now beet red face. He could have sworn he saw a bit of steam coming out of her nostrils.

"The HELL do you know!?" she hollered, swinging her staff just an inch shy of his face. "You're not exactly a prize PIG yourself, mister!"

"H-huh?" he stammered, taking a step back.

"Look at yourself in that outfit, flaunting your bare stomach around for the world to see! Have you really been training as a soldier these years, or was that just a cover for you SELLING YOURSELF ON THE STREET!"

"What? Are you saying -"

"Now, now," Graham laughed. "I can see that fight left all our tempers a bit tense. Let's all just calm down and discuss this over a nice honey latte."

"Stuff it, mister!" Meryl snapped. "Who the hell told you that incessantly bringing up honey lattes qualifies as a joke, anyway!?"

"Meryl, please! Just calm down a moment and -"

"Screw both of you!" She turned and stormed away. "'Hot stuff coming your way' is the best battle quip anyone ever came up with! You two are just jealous!"

A moment of silence followed.

"Hmm. For all the time you spent talking about her, Max, I don't think you ever mentioned that your girlfriend has such a temper."

"I've told you, she's not my girlfriend," Max replied. "And she's not that bad, really. She's angry now, but I'm sure she'll get over it in no time."

The next morning, Meryl was still giving them the silent treatment. Max tried to not let that bother him, but he'd never seen Meryl hold a grudge so long, especially not over something so silly. So what if she didn't have a "Grade A" bod? She still had her personality, her brains, and her cooking skills. Wasn't that enough for her?

Ordinarily I'd apologize, just because she's taking it so hard, but... The only way I can really apologize is by saying that she IS "hot stuff", and I'd never be able to live that down. Graham would be telling that one to his trainees until the day he dies.

"Max!" Graham called. "Come on, lad, get your head of the clouds! We've got Legions coming at us again!"

"Right!" Max shook himself out of his reflection and readied himself to meet the advancing hordes.

No sooner had his steel first clashed with that of the enemy than he heard a familiar cry.

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

Max winced. I guess she's determined to stick with that one. Oh well. Maybe if I don't say anything, she'll forgive me.

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

...Huh. Didn't she say that like five seconds ago? Must just be me. Time flies when you're in battle, I guess. He sliced through a pair of orcs.

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

Again? Doesn't she realize she's overplaying that line? You shouldn't use the same battle quip more than once a -

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

Even though this line was invariably accompanied by the satisfying sight of a monster being consumed whole by a raging fireball, it was really beginning to annoy Max. And Meryl wasn't dense enough to not know it was annoying. This had to be her way of getting back at him.

"Watch out! Hot stuff coming your way!"

Hoping to appease her, he forced out a laugh. "Ha, ha! That zinger really nails them, Meryl!"

She turned and narrowed her eyes at a Legion, completely ignoring Max. And then she let loose with another fireball. "Hot stuff coming your way!"

Max clenched his teeth as he turned back to the invading horde. He could somewhat understand her being angry, but enough was enough. If she didn't knock it off soon...

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

She said it pretty much every eight seconds, like clockwork. It was like listening to a broken record, only you didn't have the option of moving the needle past the problem spot so that you could enjoy the rest.

"Watch out! Hot stuff, coming your way!"

She said it in the exact same tone of voice every time, too. There was barely even any variation in the inflection she used each time. It was driving Max insane. Absolutely insane.

"Hot stuff coming your way!"

That's it. If she says that one more time... just one more...

"Watch out! Hot stuff-"

"Hot stuff shutting the f #$ up before I slice her sexy little head off!" Max howled, running at Meryl with his sword raised above his head.

Meryl yelped, "Hot stuff getting the hell out of here!" and fled as fast as her hot legs would take her.

"Max! Meryl! Get back here, you two!" When that got no reaction, Graham sighed and galloped after the pair.

END