I remember things used to be different between us, when we were younger. there was one time I remember in particular, but I don't really know why.

I was crying, I must have been nine or ten at the time, because it was after our father started... well, I hear everyone call it "abuse" but that word doesn't sum it up properly. Anyway, I was crying one night when Takeshi came into my room.

"Hiro," he said, pulling me into a hug, "Hiro, what did he say?"

I tried to tell him a few times, but I was crying too hard to speak. He waited though. He hugged me and rubbed my back and rocked me back and forth. He kept whispering things to me. I can't quite remember everything he said, but it was all really nice.

But he finally got me calm enough to talk.

"What'd he say to you, Hiro?"

"He said," I got all teary again thinking about it, but I forced myself to talk, because I wanted to tell him.

"He said that I'm the reason... I'm-I'm the reason that Mom..." but I broke off. I couldn't finish. I cried more, but I knew I had to tell him. Takeshi never gives up on what he wants, and he wanted me to tell him.

"He said I'm the reason Mom died," I finally said, "he told me he didn't want me. He told me that he loves you and he'd give me up if he could. He said... he wishes that... that I'd never been born. So he could live with Mom again. And you. And be happy."

And I heard him again, growling that at me. I'd knocked over a glass of water on the tile kitchen floor, easy to clean up, but he was so mad at me. It hurt so much. When he'd started touching on Takeshi, he'd started making comments about me not being what he wanted in a son. But he'd never said things like that before. He'd obviously favored Takeshi, but he'd never told me he hated me.

But I was crying again and shaking. Takeshi held me closer and started singing the song I used to listen to to go to sleep. He wiped my face on his sleeve and then he kissed me. It was the first time he'd ever kissed me, maybe that's why I remember this. It had confused me a little, but it felt nice. He held me tighter and just held still, kissing me softly. He pulled away after a moment, but not very far and whispered,

"I'm glad you were born, Hiro. Mom didn't die because of you, she died because doctors didn't do their job. I love you, Hiro. Please don't let him hurt you. I don't want to live without you."
And he kissed me again. It was the happiest I'd ever felt. I buried my face in his chest.

"I love you, Shishi."

I guess we fell asleep like that, because I don't remember anything else. Sometimes I wonder if it really happened, or if I just dreamed it because... Shishi doesn't love me anymore.