Chapter 1. The Reason We're Here
DISCLAIMER/Author's note: I do not own Brave Frontier or any of the characters mentioned within the contents of this story. Regardless, It is with great pleasure that I present to you the "Summoner's Lab" series! You may refer to me as Sheepus/General Weiss (or just General for short, either way I'll know you're talking to me). I encourage positive and constructive criticism, let me know what you think and above all enjoy!
*Pages turn*
Welcome to the summoner hall cafeteria, a place where heroes of the past all came together to enjoy a meal, cooked only by the greatest chefs of the past, before they were deployed for battle. The chrome walls, stainless white tiling and titanium tables, while abstract to the heroes, provided for a modern feel to the whole place. There were multitudes of champions here today, including myself, and we selected the fifteen most pathetic warriors and trained them for the field of battle under my command. My name is General Weiss and thanks to my associate Noah, we present you, project Summoner's Lab. Bear in mind while writing this I had to be as objective as possible so much so that I will even be referring to myself in the third person perspective and I had Noah proofread to be sure I do not break that mode. That being said, this is the story of the bravest and most venerable men and women I have ever had the honor of commanding.
-General Weiss
The summoner hall, home to some of the greatest and the most foolish heroes in history. From war veterans to back alley crazies, they were all gathered for the purpose of repelling the threat that shrouded the world in chaos. After being sealed away for almost a millenium the fallen gods had returned to finished what they had started, and that was their campaign to destroy the world and the mortals that inhabited it.
"Now now Cassius don't fret now… I had sliced the sandwich diagonally just like you like, pickles on the left side and only a pinch of mayo of course." Narza assured, talking right into his sword. He stabbed his sandwich with the blade and ate off it. "Do you like it Cassius? Nien My apologies, I knew you'd notice I accidentally got three slices of cheese instead of two,forgive me Cassius." He said caressing the blunt edge of his sword.
"Must you always speak to your sword Narza?" A witch girl said to her petting her cat.
"Silence! It's okay Cassius, Ulkina simply does not understand us. Verily" He said removing a slice of cheese from his sandwich.
"I still wonder how I ended up at the loser table with you and cave-woman over there…" Ulkina complained twirling her spoon in her mushroom soup. The alleged cavewoman, Signas, took a massive bite out of her turkey leg and snarled at Ulkina. While Signas had the brain of a neolithic teenage girl she was just that, a teenage girl. Being a guardian of the gods before they disbanded and because of that she kept her soft and homo-sapien qualities. She was just like anyone else, except clad in fur and sabertooth skulls.
"You make fun of Signas, but at least I was guardian of the gods.. you reject... " She jeered showing her fangs and swinging her turkey leg at Ulkina.
"Quiet you stone-for-brained bitch…" She avowed, turning red with anger.
"I'm here too…" said a quiet voice sitting at the very edge of the table.
"Who the hell are you?" Ulkina asked making eye contact with this set of armor that spilled out long pink locks and vines wrapping around the helm yielding flowers. She instantly pulled down her face guard and shook frantically in her armor.
"Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation! I'm just new here and I… uh Just forget I exist please!" She pleaded covering her face.
"Oh, you don't have to cover your face, it's okay if you're ugly…" She began, quickly pounding the side of her head in frustration. "Dammit Ulkina why would you say that! Listen I'm sure you aren't ugly, well you could be butt-ugh just come sit over here with us." She said stroking her spherical black cat as he snuggled against her breast.
"No thank you! I am fine here!" She shouted nervously, quickly recoiling afraid she spoke too loud.
"Aw c'mon sweetcheeks,come over here… you can take a seat on me." The dragon head on Ulkina's broomstick cooed.
"Yea' C'mere and join the party!" The cartoon-faced flame inside Ulkina's lantern called jumping out of his little wax bed.
"D-devilry!" The girl bellowed rising to her feet.
"Well I prefer the term conjuration or even witchcraft but devilry is a strong term… come on be our friend." Ulkina nearly begged. "Please…" She asked. But the timid girl was already running away not to be seen again for a while.
"Desperate much boss?" The little flame jeered lighting a cigar while leisurely lying in his wax bed.
"Shut up Pong. When you've had no one to talk to but a dim light, a cat and a broomstick all your life then you can come to me."
"Pah! What do you think my life is?" He cackled.
"Very funny, you little comedian you." She said sharply as he went out in a puff of smoke.
...
"Will! pass me my calculator!" A man in golden armor asked, furiously taking a pencil to his paper. He brushed his hand through his long purple locks and adjusted his glasses "Will!" He demanded.
"Oh hold your robotic horses Rashil, I'm searching for it in your man purse…." Will said throwing plastic test tubes and beakers carelessly behind him.
"Rashil…" A girl wearing opaque glasses said keeling over in great pain.
"Calm down little blue…thing."Rashil said trying to remember her name."I'm just calculating your dosage." Will passed the calculator to Rashil and he frantically input the girl's height, weight and age into a very elaborate equation. He poured four ounces of a glowing liquid into a beaker and forced it down the girl's throat. Her face went from green to her natural, slightly blushing complexion and she sighed in relief. "Eureka! I have made a panacea that can cure poisoning, sickness, curses, paralysis and general weakness for all age groups. I, Rashil the great, am a genius!" He rejoiced looking skyward. The small girl admired him from behind her glasses and wanted to get up and embrace him but he was mounting his robotic horse "Well, I have to give this recipe to the elder summoner so he could commission its distribution. Pleasure working with you guys." He said riding off.
"So generous…" The young girl smiling.
"You are as obvious as he is oblivious, Elimo." Will said, taking a swig of ale from his holy grail. Elimo paid no mind to his remark and continued to daydream.
...
"Garnan! bring us our dessert." A blonde haired girl wearing a red crown demanded from an aged man.
"Garnan I am in the mood for strawberry today, so yeah make it happen." A dark brown haired girl, clad in black armor, sitting next to her demanded.
"Eh, damn whippersnappers, why should I do that for you?" he chided.
"Oh pretty please Garnan… We need you." A redheaded girl bedecked in ruby and emerald armor pleaded stroking his chest. Garnan giggled a little and agreed to fetch the three girls their desert.
"And what do you want Aisha?" He said to the redhead.
"Oh you know, the usual… Hot fudge sundae, extra hot." she asked twirling her rapier.
"Good grieving… Leave the poor man alone." A middle aged scarface with a massive shield on his back said.
"Oh Darvanshel we aren't doing anything to him… we were simply asking kindly that he get us some ice cream…" The blonde said sheepishly twirling her fingers in her voluminous curls.
"I'm sure you are Michele… It's the same story every time…" Darvanshel said standing up. "Go on Garnan, I'll get them their ice cream." He said.
"Oh thank yoOOou" The brunette said with a wink.
"Oh enough of the informality Lava." Darvanshel said. He was just about to head out before a jovial fanfare startled him, and a trumpet at point blank range nearly deafened him.
"Tis I!" A green hooded man called entering the room.
"Oh noooo…" Darvanshel said with gloom.
"Never fear your lord and savior Zelnite is here!" His many servants, clad in green and gold, made sure to clear his path for him. "I, Zelnite the great, slayer of devils and everything that is disheveled am here to lead you and claim his jail bait." He declared dancing around a bit, flipping a small gem to every one of his servant's feet, shaking a few of their hands even. He leaped onto Michele's table along with a few dancers that came running in from the cafeteria entrance.
"Do we have to do this every god forsaken day!?" Will yelled cynically from his seat.
"And how about you? Come on back to my room and taste my sweet morning dew." He said, extending his hand clothed in a golden gauntlet and seven rings to Michele. She wanted to reject him but she was captivated by his gleaming gold pupils, sleek red hair, his beautiful white-toothed smile and the sheer amount of gold that was visible on his person. She eagerly took his hand and embraced him atop the table. A man in black armor with two-inch thick black hair and midnight blue pupils sighed and covered his eyes.
"Oh don't get so down Logan, those girls only go after who has the most money anyway, especially Michele." A masked man with a sniper rifle in a sling over his back said taking a bite out of his frankfurter. Logan pressed his head against a skull he held in his hand.
"I may not be rich but I really do wish they would notice me for once… I swear to Lucius I will mutilate that green-hooded pansy, Rowgen." Logan assured unsheathing a sword.
"Let's not lose our patience Logan, as far as they know you are a decent, cool, calm and collected man. It would be wise if you kept it that way, otherwise you'll end up like Ulkina and Signas sitting with Narza." Rowgen said.
"Besides." A short green haired girl joined in. "Those bitches are overrated, so obsessed with themselves. I swear romance and the thoughts of it really make me sick." She said packing her boxing gloves in her dufflebag.
"Says the only one here who had a family in this barrack during her past life." Rowgen snickered.
"Zeln is different… He was actually a halfway decent person." She said tightening the cap on her water bottle.
"Riiight…" Rowgen said.
"Whatever I'm going to hit the gym." Nemia said getting up, instantly met with General Weiss' chest.
"Oh no you're not, Nemia!" He laughed. "This may be a democracy but you and everyone at this table is coming with me." He said. "And refusal of that will result in a mean tar and feathering." No one could deny General Weiss' orders, he was very high in the ranking of the summoner hall and in charge of what all the soldiers do.
"Yes commander…" she said, standing by Weiss.
"Alright maggots! You're all coming with me. Come now." He commanded, snapping in the air. The large eagle on his shoulder cawed in agreement. "And can we segregate over there, hell's bells." He said gesturing to Zelnite and Michele. The eagle descended upon Michele and pulled her off the table. "Also what is all this crap all over the place, I don't remember enlisting all these green and gold pansies into my army! Garnan, get them out of here!".
"Yes commander" He said creating electrical charges within his hands."Ye young whippersnappers got about to the count of five to get outta here!" They all filed out ahead of Garnan, the twelve trumpeters, the dancers, the didgeridoo player and Boris the one man band.
"Thank you Garnan… Anyway it's time to man up you bunch of sissies, today… for the first time in hundreds of years you will finally see action."
...
Fifteen soldiers stood shoulder to shoulder facing a massive gate as Weiss paced back and forth. He scrutinized the countenance of each and every one of them, raising an eyebrow at the more… questionable ones.
"You maggots are probably wondering why I brought you here… Well I'll get to that in a moment, but I think I'll do a quick roll call,So if I say your name just… signal me in some fashion I really don't care it's a free country." Weiss said looking down at his clipboard.
"Narza."
"Here, and Cassius is present too…" He said caressing the blade.
"Edea"
"Here…" the pink haired knight moaned somberly, recoiling slightly.
"Darvanshel"
"Rrrright here!" He announced with gusto.
"Row- oh you know what screw it you're all here! All fifteen of you sorry insects." Weiss said throwing the clipboard behind him. "Alright here is the deal, you all are basically Fran- er… Vriksha and you need training." Weiss explained. "So my associate Noah has set up a few trials that should simulate our greatest threats for you to gain some experience in combat." He went on. " So I need you all to form three teams of five and elect a leader, make sure you vote, your team needs you!" Weiss ordered pointing directly at the soldiers. "So go, get into your groups."Aisha and Lava both held hands and shrieked happily, ever so excited to work with each other.
"Oh Rowgen!" They both said in unison.
"Cripes…" He muttered, they both hugged him and giggled. "I guess that settles who I'll be working with then…"
"Oh, can we take that cute little girl in blue too… poor thing is so smitten with that one man, we should help her." Aisha said walking towards her."Hi there." She said putting her hand on Elimo's shoulder. "Listen, I know that you are having troubles with that Rashil guy, Stick with us and we'll make sure you get noticed by him." She assured. Elimo's opaque white glasses flashed black exclamation points twice and her face lit up.
"Really!? Y-yes I'd love to work with you guys!" She said hugging Aisha tightly. Lava came beside Aisha and patted Elimo on her little blue hat.
"Alright well it looks like we just have to get Michele and-" Lava started.
"No! No, no, no and no! You're going to have me on your team otherwise I'll kill all of you!" Logan cried, lighting his two swords ablaze.
"Fffak.."Rowgen muttered.
"Uhhh are you quite alright Logan?" Lava asked, bemused. Logan held his flaming sword up to her neck, shaking frantically. Lava took a step back and listened closely. "A-are you crying?" she asked.
"N-no!" he lied, desperately seeking to look cool. His heart raced, he wanted so badly to be in the group, although he would never hold up to the threats. "J-just let me be in the group... " He demanded proceeding to whisper please under his breath.
"Logan!" Rowgen chided. He gingerly put his hand flat in the air and lowered it, signaled him to cool off.
"I-i'm sorry… I guess you could say I'm scared of r-rejection… a-and I just really wanted to be your friend… I'm sorry I lashed out." Logan said placing his gauntlet over the eyeholes in his helmet.
"O-oh… Well don't worry Logan, you can be with us." Lava said placing her hand on his chestplate.
"Yeah don't worry, Michele will find another place to be… just don't be sad." Aisha said with genuine pity in her voice.
"Ulkina did ya hear that?" The broomstick said.
"What is it paddle?" Ulkina asked eyes scouting for possible teammates.
"Michele is going to need a team… We can totally show our hospitality by giving her some quality wood if you know what I mean." He cackled, fire spewing from his nostrils. "Judging by the skirt she is wearing she is definitely looking for a devilishly handsome expert like myself to do some fashion inspections…" He giggled trying to levitate out of Ulkina's grip.
"Oh shut up before I take the life that I gave you." She said trying to bend his wooden spine in half.
"Oh don't be such a party pooper Ulkina… Hey! Babycakes, yeah you with the blonde hair wanna come over here and-"
"Silence!" Ulkina cried striking Paddle's head with her wand. He instantly went silent and lifeless. Narza approached Ulkina from behind and breathed down her neck. His bloodshot eyes pierced Ulkina's soul and his blanched complexion filled her with dread. He put his hand over his face and pulled down his lower eyelids."Join us… I talked it over with Cassius and we would like you to join us. come" He said, intensifying his breathing. "Don't you hear it!? Cassius calls for you! Let it be known that we were destined to be together!"
"D-dammit… fine Narza… just shut up." Ulkina agreed."But only because we worked together in our past lives." She assured.
"Who knows boss… Maybe it won't be as bad as you think it'll be." The cartoon faced flame said puffing his miniature cigar.
"Shut up, Pong." Ulkina chided.
"Hey… do you guys need a partner…" Will said walking up to Narza.
"Cassius do we trust this man? Verily. yes come with us… we welcome you… comrade, friend, blood brother? whatever you prefer." Narza said putting his hand on Will's cheek, staring intimately.
"J-just Will is okay." He assured.
"Tis I!" Zelnite joined in."Do not fear, the caper of all loot. I, the great Zelnite am here, and I will take it upon myself to lead these pitiful brutes!" He assured wrapping his arms around Ulkina and Narza. "Together we shall bring our enemies to the slaughter! we will take their wealth and their health… then I shall b'wood their daughters..." He conspired. "Yeah boss! give em the ol' Cosmo grip one-two!" A jewel ghost riding his cape cheered waving his arm back and forth.
"Oh he's adorable!" Ulkina said reaching forward. Zelnite closed his eyes and silently slapped her hand down.
"Ay! Watch the merchandise!" The jewel ghost scolded. "So long as I'm holding onto Zelnite's cape I am by federal law, section C subsection Q… By law I am worth my weight triple in gold so long as am in physical contact with the infamous Zelnite."
"If thou is so eager to touch polished gold in all it's cleanness… Might I suggest meeting me tonight and I'll let you stroke my-"
"Cassius approves of your leadership!" Narza spontaneously interrupted.
"Everyone got a team?" Weiss asked. "You better, otherwise I'll start picking for you."
"What's that Cassius? They don't count us as two people? Nien That means we need…" Narza rotated around, inexplicably without turning his spine or legs much like a spinning-top. "Edea... Edea " He levitated towards her, breathing heavily.
"No…" she began pulling her face guard down. Narza inched closer and exhaled on her, eyes twitching. "Noooo!" She screamed running towards Darvanshel. Her efforts were thwarted by Weiss as his eagle gripped her in it's talons dragging her back to Narza.
"What's that Cassius? Yes I know… She is a strange one." He said caressing the blade's broad body. Edea simply put her gauntlet to her face and cried. "Cassius… Why do people leak from the face? Should we leak from the face? Nien I didn't think so…" Narza discussed pressing the blunt side of his sword against his nose."
"Narza! please, you're scaring the girl." Ulkina said. "Hey, you feeling alright?" She said putting her hand on Edea's shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Edea bellowed running away, eagle flying after her.
"Alright you five are a team. Which means the remaining five are also a team." Weiss noted.
"Signas says… Darvanshel be leader."
"I think I should be leader." Michele suggested. Nemia simply sighed at the idea and motioned that she be leader.
"Why not let Rashil the great be leader in stead?" Rashil said, hand on his chest and eyes closed. But no one paid any mind to him… except Elimo.
"Comrades! I will be leader. I will take good care of us, I promise." Darvanshel solemnly assured.
"Democracy has spoken!" Weiss declared. "Now that you all have a group there is something I have to say, Garnan cue my music." Garnan placed a kazoo in his mouth and started playing a simple tune. "You all may or may not have memories of your past life, or your arrival here but the story is a bit like this. Long ago you all defended the earth from the oncoming invasion of the gods during which you all met your untimely demise, Save for a few, one of which was able to go on to set the basis for the idea of summoning, which in modern day is what we use to get us all here. Now for some reason the summoners thought it was a bright idea to summon you maggots from the depths of the afterlife considering their study found you to be the most "adaptable" to modern times, even though military history books devote like a sentence to maybe half of you. But regardless long story short humans won the battle way back then with the combined might of six specific heroes, but that victory only proved to be temporary, which is why I'm here and which is why you are all under my command. I'm going to train you to repel the threat that has shaken our world yet again. You pitiful lot have been selected for the Summoner lab project, the most rigorous program mankind has ever crafted and I want you maggots to know the fate of the world may rest on how fast you learn here. That being said, before we open the gates, any questions?"
"I have a ton of questions actually!" Edea said waving her hand up in the air.
"Good, let's open the gates!" Weiss said. "Good luck maggots!"
*Book closes*