Chapter 1
(HEY guys, this a short start to the story but if i get reviews i will write more, tell me what you think and how to improve it, please please please please review thank you guys and if i get reviews i will update the story).
The feeling of numbness had been devouring Merlin for so long now, he felt like he had forgotten who he was, Will was gone, Freya was gone and now so was his father Balinor, he had only known him for a day yet he had felt closer to him then he ever could have had been two years since the deaths had occurred.
Camelot was different now, Lancelot was dead which brought him to a depressed stupor, it had been his fault yet nobody blamed him which made it worse, the knight had been the only one to know about his magic and Lancelot had suffered to save him.
He felt a sad sort of sigh escape him from where he sat polishing boots, it was all he ever really did, chores, it felt like he did nothing else, If nothing else help Giaus. He was on autopilot. Not even his best friend Gwaine could get a smile out of him.
And yet nobody knew what was really going on, everybody just thought he was grieving about Lancelot, the only person who knew the real truth could barely help, Giaus may have been around for a long time but he wasn't one for giving advice.
Merlin closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers trying to calm his mind. As well as the sadness that he felt Kilgarrah was pressing him about his destiny, it was all just piling up and he felt like he was drowning. He needed someone to talk to but it wasn't so easy, Arthur still wasn't sure about how he felt about Magic and since Uther was barely alive his view wouldn't be changing soon.
The knights were a different matter, he didn't know which one of them were the most trustworthy. His thoughts moved to Gwen who had trusted him for so long, could he tell her? He bit his lip and opened his eyes to look at the boot that he was polishing, he shook his head somewhat, he trusted her but he didn't think he could tell her, she was involved with Arthur and there was no guarantee that she wouldn't tell wasn't wanting to become a smoking pile of ash, that wouldn't help the future of the once and future king that Kilgarrah kept chiming him about. Why was everything so complicated?
The teenager inside Merlin seemed to jump at the question which he had just stupidly asked himself. "Because your powerful" his own voice seemed to echo in his troubled head. Yes that was the problem, he had to much power for his own good at least when Lancelot had been alive the knight had given him guidance in how to use it but now he had no idea. His power needed to be used, if he went more then a few days without using it, he felt like he would burst and that was not a good thing. Several times that had happened when Lancelot had been alive and it was always the knight that would cover for the poor warlock. A dull ache surrounded his heart and he sighed. What was he doing? Was he getting on with life? What was the point? To save Arthur? Save Camelot? But how much did the crowned prince really need him? Arthur had survived well enough on his own before Merlin had come into his life. Was he really making a difference? Did Arthur really need him that much?
The sound of boots on the floor echoed around the halls alerting Merlin that someone was coming and he didn't have to guess for to long about who that someone was. Arthur soon strutted through the door looking as arrogant as ever, as he pulled off his boots and sighed almost with contentment until he saw Merlin.
"Didn't i ask you to do that this morning?" he asked with an air of annoyance.
"It still is morning" came the reply that the prince was not expecting.
As Arthur just shook his head and changed into other shoes Merlin began to think of other things, he had once heard of a way to get rid of magic without dying but he couldn't remember and he wasn't sure if he even wanted to get rid of his magic, he loved it but he hated the fact that he had to conceal it and keep secrets from the ones he loved, sometimes it could just be too hard, not to mention the people who he had loved had died for his magic.
The more he began to think about it the more it began to sound appealing, he would still keep his magic but just not inside him, he could put it into a ring like Gillie had and then when he wanted to he could use it, or if he didn't he could hide it, that way he wouldn't be lying to anyone and everything would get better. The only thing was that he had no idea how to extricate himself of his magic and he knew that Giaus would not approve so asking his mentor was out of the question.
He bit his lip almost anxiously this time and wondered for almost a minute more until he felt a pair of eyes on him, frowning a little he looked up into the eyes of his master and put on his best cheeky smile that he could, which was greeted with a look as if to say, "your an idiot".