Disclaimer: Don't own X-men.

Desire

Chapter 1

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)-

Perhaps it isn't left within oneself to make the decision that changes their lives forever. Something so significant must be determined by certain pressuring factors that stripped one of their true emotions and senses, leaving their minds in a muddle-heap. Yet, with everything that must happen, it's hard for one to concede to the fact that their lives were decided frivolously, without any true forethought. Fortune was based upon a lucky guess and ill fortune rather is one paying for their foolish and misguided decisions. When you want something, you are told to strive for it. One thing or an ideal becomes your sole desire and you run, chase it into oblivion for a simple glimpse. Yet, to achieve such, you do anything. Fear, anger, pain and depression all coalesce into one another, tearing any rationality apart as your hope flares into the brightest flame. You don't care about what you may or will become, as long as the same conclusion is met. However, the trials and tribulations that fall upon a person can affect them in the deepest ways imaginable.

Power is a gift, love is a blessing and happiness is a fleeting moment that is afraid of commitment. This is what you learn when you throw your life away, when everything you know becomes transparent and you can't distinguish where the boundaries are anymore. When all you can feel is the sweat trickle down your face as heat consumes your body and then the frigid air that envelopes you as gray wisps tease you by simply lingering near your flesh. You learn of substitution, settling for less and the satisfaction that comes with living within your own misgivings and regrets, knowing all along there is no one to blame, but yourself.

The striking sound of wind whipping around me filled my ears as my body clutched at the jacket that I wore. I stared out at the expansive wilderness, not exactly knowing why I had done it. He smiled back at me and I couldn't help but feel a swell in satisfaction over defying the crippled old man that I was taught to be ever grateful to. They had sheltered me like a child. Instead of nurturing my ability, they stuffed me into classes that I could have easily taken if I felt so inclined without coming to the institution. Yet how could I deny the curiosity of staying? So many alluring things surrounded me. The power that the teachers held was incredible. Also the student body was littered with girls that knew what I was and wasn't scared to approach me beside the factor. Maybe that's just my hormones talking, but I cannot deny the fact that I enjoyed myself some of the time at the very least.

They mumbled to themselves and I watched from the corner of my eye. They silently seemed to promise experience, a chance to learn, to hone my abilities and learn to completely control them. However the uneasiness within me never left. I had heard ghost stories about the brotherhood, yet at the moment such rumors could not be placed.

Mystique whispered into Eric's ear and she smiled as she glanced at me. I won't pretend to be ignorant of what they may want of me. I knew better than anyone that I would serve as excellent manipulative bait, if Lesher ever decided to confront Xavier. Yet it didn't seem to matter. I was just using him as well, for all they were concerned. I wanted power. Lesher claimed that I was a 'god among insects.' Now I wanted to know if he really meant it or if he was simply trying to goad me into to his confidence.

I had told him that I couldn't create it, yet he wasn't satisfied seemingly or rather he wouldn't believe it. The heat danced in my palm, resembling liquid as it slithered over every digit and encased my palm. One thing I never understood was why it didn't hurt. People who could project their mutation such as fire or…ice, were never injured by it. Although an impact with the substances would cause harm, they would never be burned by the heat or the frigid touch.

"You're not even trying anymore."

I snuffed out the flame and glanced up, my eyes instantly locking on Lesher as he stalked into the room. He seemed so old physically, yet the power he wielded left everyone in the brotherhood fearful. He walked up to me, stopping before the couch that I laid on. He always left me uncomfortable, holding the same scrutinizing glare that Xavier was renown for in the institute.

"Your progress has been disappointing, Pyro." Lesher began as he turned away. He was rather fond of pacing and I didn't act surprised as he disappeared to stroll around the couch. "You should be able to at least make a spark come to life by now, yet you continue to bar such progress from yourself."

"I already told you... I can only control it." This came out in a low hiss, my anger boiling to the surface. It wasn't the first time we had this conversation. The frustration that grew with every month was unbearable, nothing ever changed. Sure I could shape it now, anything I wanted could be molded by a single spark created by my Zippo, yet that was just it. Without it I was useless.

"Yes you have told me numerous times, yet I don't believe you." He paused and leaned down from behind me, his lips close to my ear, "When Stryker used Cerebro to eradicate all mutants, what happened John?

I gritted my teeth and shoved myself upright, "I don't know why that happened."

"Yet it did and you continue to deny the fact that this simple task is beyond your abilities."

My fists clenched tightly as I fought with myself and my rising frustration and anger. My fingers were itching to reach into my pocket, where my trusted Zippo laid, yet I knew better from past experience. He would have taken it from me before a spark was allowed to fall. "I couldn't control myself, I don't even understand what was happening to me. One minute I was walking and next writhing on the ground in pain. I was too goddamn distracted to notice that the snow was melting around me, let alone understand it."

"Yet it happened."

"Only before you sent Xavier after the humans!" I yelled, turning about on my heel to face him, "I felt the heat, everything sinking back into my pores yet I don't know how it came to exist. Don't you believe I have tried! More than anything, I-"

"You what?" Lesher mocked, raising a brow.

"You claimed that I was a 'god among insects', that my true name was Pyro. You promised me in that statement that power could be mine."

"And it shall," He smiled, seemingly amused by my outburst, "However, you must earn it first John. Only then can you truly call yourself Pyro. Yet with the distractions you hold, its obvious to why you haven't progressed."

I paused in my retort and stared at his amusement in confusion. What distractions could he possibly be speaking of…

"You miss it."

"Miss what?"

"The institute…" He drawled, "You miss that little school of Xavier's."

I turned away, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the emotions that played across my face, "No, I don't."

"Well, maybe not the school itself or your life as a doting prodigy under Charles's fingertips, but there are things within the school you miss."

I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me and I shut my eyes from the invasion of mental images that bombarded me. Skin smooth, the color of cream, framed by chocolate streaked locks, every strand itching for my touch. I felt them before I saw them, eyes that told more than any words could articulate, a deep emerald green and shinning with an innocence that was unbearable to behold. I shuddered, the tremor caused by multiple reasons that I would never say.

Lesher's hand fell upon my shoulder and I stiffened, "John, such things aren't worth wasting your life over. Things that are out of reach and untouchable."

"I control the untouchable," I commented lowly as I took out my Zippo and produced a baseball-sized orb of fire above my palm, its shape twisting within itself, taking no distinguishable shape.

Lesher seemed to find my comment amusing, for he laughed and turned to walk away, "Perhaps young John, but-" He stopped and glanced back. Without another word, he raised his arm up and opened his palm. In an instant my Zippo was gone and held securely within his thin fingers. "Yet, you still need assistance, you cannot control it on your own and that's why it slips from your grasp allowing others to take hold of what you seek."

The lighter came back to my hand and he walked out, his words weighing in my mind. I didn't know if he meant for the double-innuendo behind his words or if I was simply being paranoid, but the reminder of my situation did nothing to calm my mood. I threw the tiny vortex I had created at the sofa, watching as every inch of fabric, thread and stuffing, was engulfed and consumed by the inferno.

I stared down at my Zippo, a frown on my face. It wouldn't last forever…I tossed it up and caught it, all the while unaware of the eyes studying me from the corner. I pocketed it, turning on my heel as footsteps reached my ears.

"I don't need any more lectures today…" I mumbled to myself as I glanced at the metal frame and ashen piles that remained of the piece of furniture. I had reached the doorway Lesher had left from before, when I paused. I glanced back into the room, my eyes searching every dark corner and for a moment I could have sworn I saw something….something yellow. I shook my head and laughed at my own paranoid delusions.

"Johnny you need to get out of here and get laid…" I imitated, my mind falling back on Toad's reaction to my sour mood the day before. I shoved my hands into my pockets and left… Maybe he was right…

Don't kill me. Origins is being worked on and so is Misplaced…. They're just being incredibly difficult. This idea has swirled around in my head for quite some time. I was thinking about the one-shot challenge I wrote before and decided to continue it. The whole part of the snow melting when cerebro was being used to kill mutants is from the novelization of the second movie. Kind of short, but something for you all to read while you wait. Hope you liked it!