Title: Unloved
Rating: K+
Disclaimers: Characters belongs to JE, song to Espen Lind (I have edited out some of the lyrics)
A/N: Sorry for the bold and italic text, but I wanted it that way. Thanks to Kate and Lisa for editing and help!
Unloved
It was dark outside and the rain was splashing against the window. But it didn't matter to the two inside. They were sitting in front of the open fire, cuddled into each other.
I wondered if they would have been sitting there if they knew I was standing only five feet from the window.
I bet you don't know how it feels to be walking past your house by night
I bet you don't know how it feels to stand outside and watch the lights
And I don't know why I just can't seem to dry
The rain on my face all the tears I've cried
Even if it hurt the night you told me we were over I believed that I was able to move on, that the hurt would finally stop, but it never did.
I used to complain about your ability to attract every stalker in state, and now I was one of them. I felt the need to get to you, I wanted to hold you in my arms, watch you sleep in my bed, I wanted you to want me.
You might think he loves you and that he could make you happy, but I knew better. He was bad business, and eventually he would leave you behind.
I think of the day when you pushed me away
It was a warm day in the early summer. You had fixed your beautiful blue eyes on mine, and I just had to smile. I didn't understand why you looked so sad, but I swore that I would do anything to protect you; my love shouldn't feel pain.
"It's over. You have to try and understand. I belong to him, and I think I always have." It took about ten seconds before the words got to my brain. And another ten seconds before it hit me that I was the one causing the pain in your eyes.
What can I do when I still love you?
One part of me had always been expecting the day you would leave me for him. It wasn't like I was dumb, I knew the bond that was between you, and I know that it was the sort that never let go.
But I still wanted to keep you for as long as I could, and I hoped you were going to stay by my right side, just where I wanted you.
This might be what you needed, and what he needed. But I was destroyed the day you left and there were nobody to fix me back up again.
What can I do?
Where can I hide?
From all of these feelings I keep inside
It's dark as can be
And you'll never see
Just what it's like to feel unloved
I tried to leave Trenton, got a job outside the state and lived a life just containing sex, work, parties and women. Lots of women; none of them made me feel like you did. After a while I understood that there wasn't going to be another woman in my life.
My heart needed to be close to you, even if it just meant living in the same city. You were a drug to me and I was addicted to you.
Bet you don't know how it feels when you're life flashes before your eyes
Bet you don't know how it feels the moment when you realize;
That you lost all you had
All that's good all that's bad
And everyone tells you, you should be glad
Your love form is gone
I should be moving on
And find someone new
But I still love you
I blamed myself for losing you. Nobody knew better than me that the second you take something for granted you will lose it. How could I forget the most precious thing I ever had?
You were sitting home alone while I worked long shifts, too long shifts. You were sitting alone while I was hanging out with the guys and you were alone the time you needed me the most.
What can I do?
Where can I hide?
From all of these feelings I keep inside
It's dark as can be
And you'll never see
Just what it's like to feel unloved
After all the mistakes I made during our relationship, one part of me still blamed you. If you just had been willing to try, to give me a second chance?
"Fool, she gave you a thousand!" The voice inside my head told me. I knew it was true.
If I could turn back time
If I could press rewind
Go back to the days when you were mine
I used to be so good on reading you. I knew how you felt even before you told me. Your body never hid anything from me. When did that end? When did you learn to keep your cards so close to your chest that I couldn't see them? Or was it just that I stopped listening to you?
What can I do?
Where can I hide?
From all of these feelings I keep inside
It's dark as can be
And you'll never see
Just what it's like to feel unloved
In the end he won the race, he was the one sitting with Stephanie in his arms. It hurt like hell, but I had to accept it. My love for you was too high to hold you from a happy life with him.
"Enough now, it's enough for now," I whispered into the black rain. I took one last look at you before I walked away never to return.
It was fun as long it lasted, but life isn't a fairy tale, and nobody lives happily ever after.
The End.
Please R&R!