I dared you to love me that night on my stoop. You looked back at me worried, like someone had heard what I said to you. I didn't want to but I couldn't help the tears from coming out and falling down my cheeks. You looked away because it bothered you to see me crying. You told me you had to go and then you walked home, leaving me hysterically crying on my front steps.
We didn't talk for a few days, and then one day I just decided I was tired. Not talking to you was the most exhausting of all. So without saying the words, we forgave one another and pretended we were fine.
That night at Rachel Berry's party you dragged me into the bathroom and told me you were sorry. Sorry for everything but that you couldn't promise me anything. I think I nodded. You told me you loved me that night and then you kissed me. I could taste the strawberry from the Jell-o shots you scarfed down and knew that the next day you'd act like that moment in the bathroom hadn't happened. So I tried to just enjoy it.
Miss Holiday explained to our Health class that being attracted to the same sex was more normal and more common than most people thought. She admitted that in college she dated a girl. The guys howled and cheered but you looked deep in thought and then you looked back at me.
I waited for you after class outside, but I head what you said to her. Miss Holiday told you to be confident in yourself but most importantly to be brave.
A week later I found an envelope in my mailbox, my name written in your unmistakably bubbly handwriting. It was a two page front and back letter telling me that you thought you were in love with me and that you were sorry for everything.
After I was done reading it for the fifth time I walked to your house. You nervously looked around your front porch, kicking the old wooden swing your Dad built that one summer when we were 7-years-old. You asked me if I read it and I flashed it to you, still very much clutched in my hand. I asked if you meant it and you told me you meant every word of it. You said you could have written a million pages but your hand cramped and you were certain you got carpal tunnel. I remember thinking that one day I should write you a letter as beautiful as that one.
You told me you were nervous and you chanced a step towards me. I told you I was too but that it would be okay and I moved closer to you. You asked me how I knew that it would be okay and I simply told you that as long as I had you I'd be perfect. You let me grab your hand, not just your pinky and you smiled, cheeks turning a light pink. You told me I was incredible but I told you I thought you were brave.
You bashfully looked down and bit down on your lower lip and stepped close to me. I asked if you wanted to kiss me and you asked if you could. You kissed me that afternoon on your front porch.
Senior year we didn't win King and Queen at the prom but you gave me roses and a crown in the limo afterwards anyway. We spent the summer together planning our futures, never not saying 'I love you'.
Freshmen year of college you called me from your room that was on the floor below mine. You told me you hated your roommate and that you wished we could have roomed together. We tried but our parents wouldn't let that happen. So in January when we got back to school from winter break you secretly got a job saving for an apartment for us.
Sophomore year our dad's helped us move into our new apartment. Quinn came over for our paint party and we introduced her to Jamie, the friend you made from school. Two weeks later they started dating.
In the middle of Junior year you admitted to me that you almost slept with someone else. I asked you what happened and you said nothing. When I asked you again you told me that you kissed someone else but that it didn't mean a thing. I cried and threw the vase you got me flowers in for Valentine's Day at you but I missed and it crashed against the wall. You were crying too and you fell to the floor. I couldn't understand you really, but I always thought you were saying you wanted to marry me.
We lived like roommates for a month until you finally stopped letting me ignore you. You wouldn't let me leave the apartment until I listened to you. I locked myself in the bathroom with you sitting on the outside against the door. You were crying.
I asked you why, and you told me you didn't know why you did it but it was stupid and meaningless. That you thought maybe you weren't good enough for me anymore and I told you that doing something like that only proved your theory. You said you were afraid that our love was fading, that yours or mine was since we lived together and we were only 19-years-old and it was scary. And that you couldn't go through with it because you couldn't imagine the hurt it would cause. You knew it would kill and destroy me and in turn would ruin you.
I didn't say anything; the tears were too much for me to speak. I heard you shift against the door and you said in a loud whisper that you were sorry because I was the only person you could ever love and the only person you would ever love. You begged me to forgive you because without me you could never be happy. You begged me to forgive you because you want to marry me one day.
I sat in the bathroom for a few hours because I was still made at you, I was still hurt. But I knew, three and a half hours later when I opened the bathroom door and found you still there, that I felt the same way about you as I did when I was 15-years-old. You stumbled to your feet and met my gaze. I asked you if you meant it, what you said, and you told me you meant every word of it. It took a while but we eventually got back to where we were before, actually we were better.
When we graduated you encouraged me to get a job teaching dance because I loved it. So while I looked for a decent job, you worked other odd jobs to pay the rent. When I got one we went out and you got drunk and I had to take care of you. You asked me if I ever at one point stopped loving you. I shook my head and told you I loved you every single day of my life, that even when I hated you, I loved you. You grinned and nuzzled into me and I smoothed your hair.
When we were 23-years-old Quinn asked us to be in her wedding party, she was getting married to Jamie, the guy we had introduced her to. When we were 24 we went to Vegas for her bachelorette party and Quinn made a drunken joke about us getting married by Elvis. You gave her the finger and got up to get us drinks and I thought about marrying you.
Three days later at the wedding I watched you being escorted by one of Jamie's friends. You were smiling, that way you do when you're trying to hide it. You were looking at me and I looked back at you. My heart fluttered and I thought about marrying you.
At the reception Quinn threw the bouquet and you caught it, only to give it to the flower girl next to you. She smiled back up at you and my stomach got butterflies. I thought about having a family with you.
On my 26th birthday you brought me out to dinner and then took me for a walk around the city. You told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you and that you felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I told you that I was the lucky one because you loved me. That night we had hot birthday sex on the living room floor by the television where you played the fake fire place.
I woke up to the sound of you humming in my ear lightly and tickling up and down my arm. I smiled, letting my eyes open up and slowly turned my head to face you. You grinned back at me and pressed your lips to mine. I thanked you for everything, the dinner, the walk and the faux fire. You said I deserved more and I saw a gleam in your eye. I said having you was more than I could have ever asked for. You smiled brightly and pulled me closer and said 'I was hoping you felt like that'. I gave you a strange look and giggled because sometimes you just said funny things.
You kissed me on the lips and said you forgot to give me my gift. I told you that you didn't need to give me anything, that the night before was more than enough. You rolled your eyes and told me that everyone always deserves a surprise on their birthday and that it was a small token of your love. I smirked because you made it sound so cheesy. I gave in and said 'gimme gimme' and you laughed. You told me to close my eyes so I did. I felt you move away for a brief second, only to feel your body against mine within moments.
I heard you take a deep breath and let it out slowly. In a low, soft voice you told me to open my eyes and I do, looking right to yours. Your brown eyes looked to your hand and I followed their path. In your hand was a black velvet box. My eyes widened and I looked back up to you quickly. I couldn't really get out words but I turned my body fully in to yours and breathed out the word 'what' like I didn't know the English language.
You giggled, fiddled with the closed box in your hand and tilted your head so cutely. You told me that you loved me and you always have. That in spite of all of your mistakes and short comings I somehow saw passed it and loved you more. You vowed right there, on the living room floor of our apartment to love me like nobody has ever loved before for the rest of our lives. You admitted to me that you've thought about our future so many times and that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me
Then, with the sheet loosely wrapped around your bottom half you brought up your other hand and opened the box. The ring was beautiful but not as stunning as you were in that moment. You reached over and tucked some of my hair behind my ear and let your pal rest against my cheek. You used my full name, Brittany Susan Pierce, as your opening. You called me your best friend and the most important part of your life.
You told me I was extraordinary, brilliant and that you loved me. You removed your hand from my cheek to wipe your eyes and you sighed inwards a sob. I smiled, pulling my lips in tightly, my emotions getting to me, encouraging you to continue to be brave. With another deep breath, you asked me to spend the rest of my life with you as your wife and you mine. You asked me to build a life with you, one with a house, babies and minivans.
I cried, happy tears of course, and said yes over a million times and then some. I reached for the box but you were already taking the ring out to slide it on my finger. As soon as it was on I pulled you in to a kiss and we made love that morning in front of our faux fire place.
Yesterday we filled out the paper work that legally makes us wife and wife. When I saw our names printed, 'Santana and Brittany Lopez' I felt a warmth rush through me. You have always been mine and I have always been yours.
You're sleeping right now and you look so peaceful. I had got to thinking and remembering this journey we took to get us to here and I remembered that I never wrote you that letter, like the one you had written me when we were 16-years-old. I thought about saying some of it my vows, but there's too many and our guests would get irritable. Quinn told me that she and Jamie exchanged gifts the day of their wedding so, this is my gift to you I guess.
When I first sat down to write this, I really had no idea it would take me to the places it did but those were the most important moments of our lives. We have so many memories and even though there are some sad ones, they led us to here. No relationship is perfect, so they say, but I'd like to think that ours is imperfectly perfect. We work because we love each other and we love each other because we work. You are the piece to my puzzle and you have always fit to me just right.
Today we get to start our life together. The next chapter, because let's face it, we started our life together twenty two years ago on the playground in Lima, Ohio. You are my best friend and my soul mate and the best part of me. I will be in love with you until the end of time.
Love Always and Forever,
Your wife, Brittany Lopez