Unconventional Remedy
Oneshot

I felt guilty. Even after Luffy publicly made it felt that he forgave me, I still felt it.

It burnt inside so much. I couldn't help but look myself in the mirror after our escape from Luffy's grandpa. Everyone knows this feeling, that when you've looked at yourself properly for quite a long time you'll notice that some things have changed about you and your surroundings.

I was downcast when Nami climbed up the ladder hatch to the observation room. I just knew it was her, as the familiar clip-clop of her clogs filled the somewhat empty room that contained no one but myself. She sat beside me and offered me a drink. I declined of course, still feeling down in the dumps about myself, but took sips anyway.

She started talking to me about how they all felt during the days when I was gone, but frankly, I didn't care. In the background I hear Luffy and Chopper calling for me. Their loud, boisterous voices reached even here in the observation room. Sanji's kick to Luffy echoed too. I guess he's too soft on Chopper. Then again, everyone is, even grumpy Zoro.

Oh, you guys. Too honest for your own good, that you are. You don't deserve a liar like me. I have to work hard to become at least half as honest as them, if I want to be re-integrated into the crew again, and this time for real.

"Oh, are you listening?" asks Nami, her face pouting. "We haven't even reached the main subject yet."

I still tune out Nami. After all, my mind was settled on that awkward dinner I had on my first night on the Sunny. Thank Dragon for Luffy, for without him, the awkwardness of it all would be so thick we would have all suffocated. Good for Luffy that he's forgotten all about our fight, but like I said before, I'm a normal human. I'm bound to beat myself up for things I did wrong. I worry about the others too, maybe with the exception of Luffy and Chopper.

Zoro just ruffled my head and nodded. Robin, well, she just muttered a hello and a welcome back. Sanji didn't say anything, but he prepared my favorite food so I guess he's forgiven me. Franky's a tough case, but all he really did was tell me that he was sorry for his crew beating me up. I told him that it was nothing of course, and that bygones are bygones, but deep inside I know it will be haunting my dreams for nights to come.

Nami brings me to my senses as she slaps my right shoulder. "How about listening to me for a change, dimwit?" I don't have the heart to retaliate to that. She scowls a little. "Talk to me, Usopp. We need to."

"Is it Luffy-related? If it is, then we're done, Nami. Just leave me alone for a while."

"Oh, really?" Nami adopts a thoughtful expression, gazing upwards at the ceiling. With her faced still directed upwards, she turns her eyes towards me. "You're beating yourself up for nothing though."

"No," I say tiredly. My guilt is still killing me, but I've been a liar all my life and I guess a few more wouldn't hurt. "Talk about anything, just not about Luffy."

Nami ploughs ahead, not granting my wishes. "You're beating yourself up because you feel you don't belong to the crew anymore, even if Luffy's forgiven you and everything. You feel that because of your duel with him, it means you're not as loyal anymore to the captain. Am I right or did I miss a few things?"

I turned my eyes to face her. She looked serious, slightly troubled and out of breath. Reason and instinct crashed against each other inside of me. "So it's what you think. Whatever. What I think is none of your business. If I beat myself for something I consider wrong, what do you fucking care?"

"We're nakama, Usopp." Nami's serious face softens to a slight smile. Against the moonlight, one could say it was pretty and seductive, but I wasn't in the mood for that. "It might be a bit silly coming from me, but I want everyone to get along, because that's what Luffy's doing."

"In the end it comes down to Luffy. Figures."

Nami brushes away a strand of hair. "It wasn't my intention, but yes, we're back to him. And what I want to say is this: stop beating yourself up."

My mind is slightly garbled as I think hard about what she just said. It didn't make sense that Nami is talking to me about not beating myself up, because she was always one to support self-deprecation on people she considered bad. Heck, she even told Sanji to buzz off one time. It threw the poor guy on a loop for a while.

"It was just one of our petty fights," offers Nami when I questioned her about it. "This is another thing. Knowing you, you'd brood over it long after everyone's thought nothing of it. I know Usopp, I've been there." Her smile vanishes, as she turns her gaze to the bucket full of ice and beverage. She fills her glass again, and offers to fill mine. I obliged of course.

"Are you talking about when you stole for..." I wasn't sure how to word the next line. "... Arlong, during the time your hometown was under him?"

Nami clenches her teeth, evidently not liking that the conversation turned to Arlong. "Yes, and I did more than steal. I divided villages, destroyed relationships, stole people's lives, all for the village." She closes her eyes, taking deep breaths. "I beat myself up for that like you wouldn't imagine, Usopp. I beat myself up every night.

"But then Luffy came and saved me from all of it," smiles Nami, evidently remembering our victory at Arlong Park. "He broke the clutches binding me to Cocoyashi. Every day since that time, I've always been thankful for him." Her eyes glazed with moisture, but I notice something stranger.

"Nami... This is alcohol, right?"

"Strange for me to get drunk before you," Nami replies, grinning toothily. "I guess it's easier for me to get drunk when I'm emotional. Actually, this has a lot to do with the next thing I'm going to tell you.

"I'm sure everyone in this crew knew at that time, that I was a former thief, and I loved my money," Nami says, cocking her head back at the open window sill. "I still beat myself up for that, even if Luffy assured me that Arlong wasn't coming for us, and that Genzo-jiisan told me everything would be alright back there." She took another sip, and it made her cheeks color a bit.

"You may not believe me, but I used to wake up late at night for coffee all the time before I was with you guys," smiles the navigator. "It kept me awake, since I was paranoid. Remember, I was a thief at that time, and a girl on top of that. You can imagine all the worries I had each night."

I nodded. There was enough trouble for a lone man at sea in the night, it went unspoken that lone women had it double.

"But Sanji... he was a godsend. He understood me for who I was. He talked to me like an equal." Nami glances at my surprised face. "Shocked? I bet you are. It's only during the day when he acts like a lovesick idiot. You forget how smooth he was when we first met him." She laughs at my face, which may or may not contain the expressions of incredulity and bafflement.

"We talked about me, that he knew I was beating myself up. He was in a similar situation once with his Head Chef." She purses her lips, evidently not sharing any more details further. Oh well, I wasn't expecting anything beyond that. "Tell you what, you can talk more about that with him tomorrow."

"He won't get mad you told me about this?" I ask. Sanji's still one of our strongest after all, and I shudder about being the recipient of one of his kicks.

"No, after all, he did the same thing I'm about to do to you," Nami replies, her hands taking off her blouse. I'm not an idiot during serious situations, even if I was under the influence of alcohol.

"Nami!" She pays me no heed, and removes her clogs, sending them flying away, landing with a thump on the carpeted floor. Her bare feet extend the sofa we were sitting on. It turns out that it was actually a sofa bed. "You're not serious."

If I was the Usopp of yesterday I would have pounced on her without any thought. But this was the new Usopp, the great warrior who thought things through. I feel my control slipping slowly away though.

"I'm kind of sad. You look like you've already had your first kiss. Was it with that girl?"

"Yes. I'm 17, Nami. Kaya looked like she needed cheering up, so I kissed her."

Nami removes her jeans, leaving her clad in only underwear. "You've changed. You didn't lie just now." I roll my eyes, figuratively of course, since I'm too drunk to do it.

"I also love Kaya, Nami." She should also know that I'm saving myself for her.

She puts her hands on her hips, sitting bowlegged on the sofa bed. "Look, until now I'm still conflicted between two guys. One of them took my virginity, a thing I've been protecting for 18 years from horny pirates and hungry fishmen.

"If I fall in love with Luffy, would he get angry that I lost mine before he got to taste me? If I did with Sanji-kun, would our previous friendly tryst be our relationship's undoing?"

I was stunned. I never knew any of these things. As I give her the look-over, one thing bothers me more than her previous statements. "What about me, Nami? If we continue, wouldn't there be some kind of karma?"

Nami sniffs, a sign she was getting cold because of the night air. "That is why we're going to keep it a secret, dumbo. This is me trying to get your mood up, to distract you enough from your troubles to get you to be happy again. I'm doing this for you, for our crew." She reaches for a hidden cabinet and gets out the oil and lotion. It doesn't escape my eye, and it immediately comes to mind that this observation room might have a double purpose. I shelved that thought for later use to ask Franky about.

"You just told me about Sanji, so I can't fully take your word on it being a secret," I reply, feeling negative after the inital high. "I also think I'm beyond depending on primal urges for distraction."

"Oh, come off it," Nami huffed, patting the bed with her right hand. "Even the most purest of maidens will succumb to wanting a man at some point in their lives, it's nothing to be ashamed about. Being a gentleman is nothing to me right now, Usopp. Your boner is clearly showing you're interested. Don't lose that control though, you'll make a great husband because of that."

I was still skeptical, but my hands were slowly acting on their own, taking off the straps of my brown overalls. "I'd be invalidating that control and voiding the whole husband thing if I gave in now. And what about Sanji?"

"Sanji-kun won't know about this," Nami imperiously sniffs. "I told you about him because I'm confident you won't tell anyone. Same with him, maybe he told someone about it, but I'm sure he trusts that someone not to tell me about it. It's a trust thing."

At this point, I was removing my shoes and socks, neatly depositing them at the foot of the bed. "The whole husband thing? You haven't told me anything about that yet." Nami facepalms, but she still answers.

"I don't really care if you tell Kaya," Nami shrugs, smoothing out the creases of the makeshift bed. "This is different. I'm doing this so that you can get out of your funk; it's to improve you and the crew as a whole. I owe my life to everyone on this ship. I think offering my body is the least I can do on this ship of trusted people."

I laugh a bit, taking off my shirt and neatly folding it. "No offense, but you sound like a loose whore." Nami playfully slaps my shoulder again.

"You'll make a great husband with that self-control of yours, Usopp. Make her happy."

With that, her hands grasped my cheek and pulled me to her. Her tongue invaded my tonsils, and my hands roved around her chest as a response.

I took a deep breath. Some time after it was over, I mulled over things. Maybe it was that feeling, but I felt refreshed and clear-headed. Nami was right, my mood was improved. Now that I didn't have that dark cloud hanging over me, I could think clearly, and I readily accept that Luffy has indeed forgiven me, even if it was kind of irrational. Then again, when was Luffy a rational person? He only ever was if it concerned food or nakama.

"Mmmmm~" Nami purrs happily, her naked body still sending sparks under the covers. She took it upon herself to hug my arm, and as a result my hand was still locked between her thighs.

"Usopp, don't fall for me, alright?"

"Wh-who the hell will, you witch?" I weakly protest. That feeling was still there, and I suspect she had it too, as she let that statement go without incident. Usually, by this time I had about 2 or 3 bumps on the head as a consequence.

"You should be thankful I prepared this place," Nami mumbles. I let her continue, too elated to offer anything more. "I had to ask Franky for specifics, and Robin for guarding."

My surprise goes through the roof with that! "You told them about us?!"

"Relax, idiot. I only told them I wanted a night with you. They asked no more questions. I told Robin to stand guard at the ladder entrance as discreetly as she could until everyone went to sleep, while Franky, well, Robin told me about this room. He's the shipwright, so it kinda flowed from there."

"What did they say?" I ask, genuinely curious. "Did they say anything?"

"Like I said, nothing," waved Nami, clearly exasperated from my prodding. "Look, I wanted it to be a nice first time for you, as Sanji did me on my bed on a whim. If there's anything I regret from that night, it's the fact that he should have done me any time except after laundry day." She shakes her head, smiling ruefully to herself. "I had to sleep on a bed with my blood on it for 2 days straight, waiting for the sheets to dry.

"Can you imagine that, sleeping on a bed that reminded you of your first experience, with visual evidence to boot? Oh, the humiliation," says Nami, grimacing. "We won't be having this again any time soon, Usopp. If you're feeling horny whenever you look at me, then do what everyone does at the bath."

I swallowed in understanding. "Will do, Nami. I'm not lacking enough in manners to desire another night from you." She apparently took it the wrong way, for she squeezed my hand between her thighs harder.

"Oi. You telling me I'm not attractive?"

I was about to retort when a belly laugh rang throughout the room. "Idiot, I'm only joking. Of course I know what you mean." Some seeds of doubt started to grow and bloom in the back of my mind, but Nami sheared them off quite easily.

"Before I forget, no feeling guilty, Usopp. This is between friends and nothing more. And before you ask, I'm on my safe day, so don't lose sleep over this."

I smile in comfort, but my morbid, self-deprecating side takes over for a moment, and I ask: "Nami, is this pity sex? Also, maybe... I know you're sexy and all that, but am I...?"

Nami got up and threw me a bath robe. "No it's not. It's not casual either, because I wasn't looking just for pleasure." She collected her clothes and put it into a brown bag that I hadn't noticed before when she came into the room. "Usopp, you may not be my type as I'm sure I'm not yours, but you pack something quite large there. Your hands are also magical, if it counts for anything."

"You're really a best friend, Nami."

As I pick up my clothes, she smiles at me. "Just a bath, no funny business Usopp." I smile in return, and before I set one foot into the hatch she calls to me, "I demand some payment for this, don't think you're getting away."

What? "I thought this was off the books?"

Her barely audible response was so quiet I had to strain my ears to hear her. "No dummy. If I haven't fallen in love by then, be my shoulder to cry on when the time comes."

I descend the ladder as I tell her, "Done."

In a separate life, she might have been my twin or something. But enough about the past, more about the present. All that mattered right now was that in this time, she was the bestest girl bestfriend a man could ever have.

A/N: I wanted to put rape here but that seemed too squicky for my taste. Anyway, read and review my adult take on Usopp's (unaddressed) anguish when he gets readmitted back to the crew. I know it needs more editing, so tell me which parts need improving! This is also set like a few days after EL.