I'll wait For You
Summary: 1-shot. Set pre-Season 9. Sam's hurt in ways that can't be healed easily even by Death. Facing the risk of Sam remaining how he is, Dean struggles to heal his brother in the only way he knows how even if that means giving up his life as a hunter. *Hurt!Sam & worried/protective/caring!Dean* (Dean/Sam) Wincest. *Will have spoilers. See note for more*
Warnings: Language and the usual explicit warning that goes with anything Wincest.
Pairings: Dean/Sam
Spoilers: Yes, this may have some basic spoilers for up to season 9 since I included some things off the spoiler pics and the one video. Not too much since no one knows how it'll go but a few things so just be warned.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the imagination that comes up with this stuff.
Author Note: This one came up when I did a gen story based on the one spoiler pic of Sam in the hospital bed and the plot bunny just ran with it in a Wincest way.
For comments, questions, or just to chat look me up on Facebook under morganaDW and enjoy!
~SPN SPN SPN SPN~
"'You're trying to tell me that my brother's life is in God's hands?'"
That had been said two weeks ago and after incidents with demons, angels and Death himself it still caused Dean Winchester to roll his eyes. He'd given up whatever belief in God he had years ago when he learned that God had left the lunatics in charge of the asylum.
However since it was his little brother's survival on the line he'd once again been willing to lie, con, cheat, steal and bargain with whoever or whatever it took to pull Sam out of this one.
Not completing the final Trial to shut the gates of Hell had taken a serious bad turn for his little brother and Sam had been literally at death's door for days while Dean worked to try anything to save him.
He'd learned the hard way that both angels and demons still were looking for his and Sam's hides and even though he'd met a new Angel that didn't seem too bad and had been willing to help it turned out that not even the powers of angels or Death himself could fully heal Sam Winchester.
Sam had been dying slowly in a hospital when Dean made a last ditch effort to go into his brother's head to find him and hopefully cure him or at least save his life.
Dean had encountered a bit more than he'd been expecting while in Sam's head but when he and Sam met face to face with Death looking on he had fully meant what he'd said to his brother.
"'There ain't no me if there ain't no you.'"
He'd meant it then and he still meant it now two weeks later as he worked between caring for his still mostly unresponsive brother, coping with a freaked out Prophet, the former King of Hell that was locked down in their dungeon and a former Knight of Hell looking to become the first Queen of Hell.
Plus Dean was also coping with Angels from Heaven falling to Earth, most of which blamed the Winchesters and Castiel for that blunder and only one still seemed to want to help and since Cas was powerless and human Dean had stuck the new guy on Kevin to watch and vice versa.
If the hunter could do what he wanted he'd just forget it all and focus on getting Sam healed or at least healed to the point where his brother could do more than lay in bed and stare and those were his good days.
Dean hated the bad days when Sam's whole body, all 6'4" of weakening muscle, would seize or shake and would only stop if his brother finally held him still. Those were the days that Sam's eyes never opened and he didn't eat or respond even with a twitch of a finger.
The doctors had all told Dean it was just a matter of time before Sam's body shut down and he died but the Angel of Death had explained it in a better way…even if it didn't give the older Winchester much more hope.
"'Sam's body was changed dramatically from the Trials and even my power has a limit to what it can outright heal. As he took months to fall into this condition it may take months for him to heal but he will need what only you can give him, Dean. It'll be up to you in the end to heal your brother.'"
If it took Sam months to heal then that's what Dean would give him. Hell, he'd give Sam years to heal even if that meant hanging up the guns and sigils and leaving hunting behind.
Hunting had been Dean's life since before he truly understood what he was signing up for but there was only one other thing that he loved and that was his brother.
He'd gone to Hell for forty years, or four months depending on who you asked, for Sam. He'd been willing to give it all up before for his brother and if retiring, if letting the world fall into ruin, was what it took to spend the time with Sam that he needed to heal from this then that's what Dean would do.
Of course right then he was working on multi-tasking to keep sane because Cas could be annoying as an Angel but as an ex-Angel adjusting to being human he was more so and Dean figured he was lucky Kevin wasn't using that crossbow on someone by this point.
Death and the new Angel who'd come to the hospital just in time to bail Dean's ass out of the fire had done what they could and Sam no longer needed the machines to survive but the hunter couldn't help but wish something had allowed Sam to at least be aware of things when his eyes were open.
Not that Dean wasn't thrilled with that improvement because in the first few days after returning with Sam to the Men of Letters bunker all his brother had done was sleep and barely responded to any stimuli. It had been three days before Sam's eyes opened for the first time even though it took Dean only a short amount of time to understand that while his brother's eyes were open he didn't move them and just stared.
Now, two weeks later, it was hit and miss on the good days and bad days. The good days meant Sam's eyes were open and alert. It meant that while movement wasn't much more than eye blinks or a couple fingers it was still more than Dean got on those bad days that usually ended with Dean wanting to lock himself away someplace dark and scream and curse at whoever kept wanting to hurt his brother like this.
Right now if someone offered Dean the chance to wipe it all away and give Sam back his life as it had been before he left Stanford he'd snap at the chance. He was willing to give Sam up, to let him go, to never have what they almost did if it just meant his little brother would be alive, healthy and maybe even a little happy.
"He was happy, Dean."
The voice still sounded like Castiel but the more rumpled and confused expression on the ex-Angel's face these days always reminded the hunter that of all the angels expelled from Heaven it had been Cas who had been punished the most because his Grace had been taken, making him human.
"He never wanted to hunt, Cas," Dean sighed as he heated soup that he could only hope Sam would eat when fed since meals were also something that seemed to be hit or miss these days. "Sam wanted normal, he wanted happy, he wanted…"
"You," the former Angel finished, shrugging at the scowl that was shot his way as voices could be heard echoing throughout the bunker which meant Kevin was once again into some kind of bickering match with the new guy. "Sam was happy so long as he had you."
Turning so his friend couldn't see the pain on his face and also the loss, Dean stirred the clear broth until it was heated to a temperature that wouldn't be too hot but also not cold.
He understood what Castiel meant even though he didn't like thinking that the ex-Angel of the Lord had known about those other activities he and Sam had been up to for the past few years. "Do I need to lecture you on the whole personal space thing or popping in to spy on us at maybe a time you shouldn't have?" he asked darkly, placing the soup in a bowl before pouring Sam's favorite color of Gatorade into a cup with a lid so in case it was knocked over it wouldn't spill.
The last few days when Sam was alert he seemed to be getting more on edge and testy and only because Dean had spent Sam's whole life watching him allowed him to understand that being mute and pretty much helpless was taking a toll on Sam.
The first time it dawned on Dean that his brother's mind was functioning and that he understood the odds were good that he might never move more than a few fingers or blink his eyes, that he might never speak again or be able to stand to shower himself or do the things that others, including Sam, had taken for granted was one morning when he was shaving his brother and he saw the tears on Sam's cheeks even though he refused to look at Dean that whole day.
It was later that night that Sam's fingers finally moved enough to let his brother understand he was alert enough to sign a single word that had nearly broken Dean's heart. "'Sorry.'"
Since then Sam would only sign single words or try to communicate with his eyes but every day he woke up and was forced to allow Dean to bathe him, shave him or clean him if accidents happened or feed him it appeared as if Sam was losing hope and would either retreat into himself more or silently rail at anything or anyone.
Though Dean wasn't sure if it was being helpless that bothered his brother or the fear of becoming a burden on Dean that was doing it since Dean was the only person that Sam would allow near him.
Both Kevin and Cas had tried and even though Sam was unable to move or speak it was quickly apparent that having anyone else close to him freaked the younger man out to the point where he actually hyperventilated one day while Dean was out.
That was the last time Dean had left the bunker if Sam was asleep or unresponsive because it had scared the crap out of Dean when he got back to be told by Kevin what had happened and then it took him four hours to get Sam to even look at him so he could explain where he'd been.
Neither brother had yet to even attempt to broach the other side of their relationship…the side that Dean was only now finding out that Castiel knew about.
"It was never any secret in Heaven that you and Sam were having sex, Dean," the former Angel replied easily, a small frown forming as he held out a packet of small crackers. "It wasn't a popular choice considering you were the prime choice to be the vessel of the most powerful Archangel there was but…we gave up trying to influence your decision to…quoting Balthazar once… 'Fornicate and fondle your little brother'."
"I hated that guy so much," Dean muttered under his breath but then turned. "What the hell do you mean you guys gave up trying to 'influence my decision'?" he demanded, not liking the sound of that and especially not after what all he knew Heaven had done in their lives. "Just how exactly did your feathered pals try to influence me, Cas?"
Castiel had always had a hard time reading Dean and it was harder now but this time there was no mistaking the dark and angry tone the hunter got when learning that Heaven had once again been playing in their lives. "Just minor little things, Dean," he assured his friend and then added with a shrug. "Nothing as drastic as what Zachariah had wanted to do when he suggested we wipe your minds of any sexual inclination for one another."
"Wipe our…I am so glad I killed that fat bald bastard," Dean decided he needed away from this topic because it was too raw and he couldn't face Sam if he had those thoughts even close to the surface.
It had taken Dean a long time to accept that the feelings he had for Sam, the ones that crossed past the moral or ethical lines of just being big brother, weren't going away and had been knocked flat on his ass the night his drunk little brother had spilled his guts a little too much and revealed that he'd had similar feelings for Dean.
Of course with them sex was never simple or uncomplicated and more often than not was rough and demanding but now as he accepted that it was coming close to the time when he had to choose a path that was right for both of them Dean seemed to only remember the last night he and Sam had been together, the night before his brother had begun the final trial.
Sam had been so sick and weak leading up to that day that mostly all they'd been doing for the last month had been snuggling at night since his brother had always slept better if he could sleep with Dean but on that night, the last damn night Dean had spent with his brother when he was able to speak, move and communicate, Sam had chosen to try to do more.
It had been Dean's choice that they had stopping having sex because he'd seen how weak and frail Sam was becoming thanks to whatever the trials had done to him and feared that any strenuous activity would hurt him more but Sam's quiet plea to let them make love one more time had cracked all his resolve and while it hadn't turned out to be the hot and heavy sex they were used to but more slow and careful until Sam had fallen to sleep in his arms.
"Is he being punished because of what I did?" he asked the former Angel as he picked up the tray. "Is all of this because I love him too much?"
"No, Dean," Castiel responded, placing a hand on the elder Winchester's shoulder in support and wishing he still had the power to help his friends through this. "Sam's alive and he'll heal. He just needs the correct medicine."
Dean paused in the door to look back, green eyes dim with lack of sleep and a slowly weakening hope. "He's got all the medicine I know to give him, Cas. Sam's losing hope and he thinks I'm going to walk away because he's a burden or that I will stop loving him and if he loses hope and stops fighting…" he left the rest unsaid because they both knew that without Sam there would be nothing for Dean to keep going on for.
"Tell him that he'd wrong," Castiel spoke up. "Tell him what you'd always said and that it will never be too much and that you won't leave him."
"I have told him that," Dean sighed, having lost count of the times he'd said that to his brother recently but now it just appeared as if Sam wasn't listening or accepting it at face value because caring for him was what big brothers do. "I'm not sure how many more times I can tell him without him shutting me out."
Castiel watched his friend for several moments before shaking his head. "Then show him," he replied before going in search of the bickering Prophet and newly arrived other Angel.
"Show him?" Dean blinked with an eyeroll that was too close to how Sam would roll his own at him. "How the hell can I show him anything when he's barely alert or unable to…" he stopped as something hit him and he continued down to his room with a rush of thoughts all trying to make sense in his head.
After it became plain that Sam couldn't be alone at night or that he wouldn't allow anyone but his brother to touch him, Dean had quickly just moved Sam into his room.
It was slightly bigger, had a bigger bed that could easily accommodate both of them, was closer to the bathroom and shower room and it didn't echo as much as Sam's room still did since his brother hadn't really taken the time to make the room his own when he began to get sicker.
Even with some of Sam's books, the laptop and a 32" TV that had been rigged up to at least allow Sam some noise and movement in the periods during the day when his brother couldn't be with him the room didn't feel crowded like Kevin had said it might.
Stepping into the room to close the door with his boot, Dean sat the tray on the bed before looking to see that Sam's eyes were closed but he knew just by the restless movement behind long lashes that his brother was either awake or would be soon.
Dean had tried to give Sam space to adjust or to just rest in the hopes that maybe if he slept or rested enough that he'd begin to heal the rest of the way but something Cas said made him think that his brother's best days, and the days that he had shown improvement were on days that Dean had been with him a lot or that he'd been touching him casually.
The first day Sam opened his eyes had been after Dean had worked up the nerve to wash the long dark hair free of sweat and dirt and he'd been drying it like he would when they were kids when he realized he was being watched from under long lashes.
The first time his brother had moved his fingers against his palm to offer sign Dean's name had come one afternoon after Dean had spent the morning working Sam's arms and hands like the staff at the hospital and Kevin's online research had advised to prevent for muscle shutdown.
Sam couldn't move or walk on his own yet but the last time they'd been in the shower room, just the other evening, Dean had slipped and let go of the grip he always kept on his brother to turn to grab the towel he'd left on the counter and when he turned back Sam was leaning heavily against the back wall and his legs were shaking but he'd managed to stay standing.
"Sonuvabitch," he whispered as it began to sink in what appeared to be happening and also what Castiel had meant by 'showing' Sam that things wouldn't change between them no matter how long it took for him to heal.
Dean spent some time adjusting the blankets and placing the soup bowl, crackers and cup on the stand by the bed before lightly squeezing Sam's hand that he noticed was curled into a fist, swallowing the lump that formed because that was the most his brother's hand had moved in weeks.
"You ready to eat some soup?" he asked casually, not surprised when he didn't get a response or even an eyeblink.
Sam had been unusually disagreeable today especially and it seemed like everything and anything was popping up today to distract Dean and keep him elsewhere in the bunker rather than be in here with Sam like he tried to be most afternoons.
In a lot of ways Sam's behavior lately was reminding Dean of when his brother had hit the moody teenager stage of life because it never failed to piss Sam off if Dean spent too much time with Caleb or if he hunted solo or with their Dad or when he was with a new girl and when Sam got pissed off he was prone to ignore his brother.
Right now a huge part of Sam thought and believed he was becoming nothing more than a burden on Dean; someone that his brother only stayed with or cared for out of standard duty and obligation.
There had been leftover strain from the months of tension and fighting after Dean returned from Purgatory, strains and doubts that Dean hadn't been fully able to take away from his brother before the Trials started and even though things had been getting better between them to the point where they'd been able to resume the other side of their relationship those little doubts had still been with Sam up until the last night in the church when he'd spoken what he confessed was his greatest sin.
Flicking the TV off in favor of the radio that could actually pick up a station that played a lot of songs from their childhood and teenage years, Dean sighed a little as he ran his fingers through his hair that had grown out enough that when he did this it left short spikes sticking up.
"Alright, so we'll eat later. Maybe it's best we have a talk or…I'll talk and you can listen since I know you can hear me, Sammy," he didn't miss the tiny flicker of movement behind Sam's eyelids or the muscle movement in his jaw but Dean also didn't comment on either just in case maybe his brother wasn't really aware of just how much he was healing or doing.
Dean took the hand that Sam had fisted in his to gently unfold the fingers and then laced them though his while using his other hand to begin to card steady fingers back through his brother's hair, making certain he let his fingertips touch Sam's scalp with each pass because he knew that had been something his little brother had enjoyed without even saying it.
"I can't say I understand what you're going through because I don't. I know it must be hell to be alert in your mind but be unable to move on your own enough to even scratch your nose or being unable to talk to me to tell me what you need or want. I know you well enough to get it that it also must be terrifying you to think that you might never be able to do those things again," he squeezed Sam's fingers gently. "I know it must be scaring you that we might never be able to touch or talk like we used to and that one day I might leave you or stop caring enough to take care of you like I have been or that you'll become a burden on me."
Sam's eyes remained closed but a single tear escaped from the corner of his eye because his brother was speaking every damn fear that he'd been brooding about for the last couple days as it settled on him that this might be as healed as he'd get.
When Death had told them that he couldn't heal him fully and that it would take time Sam hadn't considered that he'd be left unable to speak, move or even feed or care for himself in the most basic ways. He had never once considered that it would be up to Dean to once again feed him or bathe him, keep him clean and also help him with the smallest thing while Sam couldn't even reach out to touch the hand that he could feel touching him but not in the way he was aching to feel.
Hunting, saving the world, handling everything they were facing now was enough strain on his brother without Dean having to worry over him or take care of him like he had when Sam was a little kid and there were moments when Sam hated the world and wished he had died…except he didn't want to lose his brother and could only hope that Dean didn't think he was too big of a burden.
Sam had also noticed the little changes that seemed to be happening to him whenever Dean was close to him for longer periods. He'd been shocked in the shower the other night when he realized his brother was no longer holding him up and while he felt his legs shaking and knew he probably would've fallen he'd been able to hold himself up for that little bit.
Though those moments only seemed to happen if and when Dean was close to him or touched him and a huge piece of Sam still desired those little touches that his older brother had been prone to giving without even being aware of it. Except with him stuck like this, virtually a prisoner in his own mind, he suspected that the big brother in Dean would keep him from giving in to the need or urge to touch Sam like they had been touching.
He knew his brother would never once consider sex or even touching Sam in that way so long as he thought Sam couldn't enjoy it or give his permission to let it happen and even though the younger man wasn't certain his body would respond he would have given anything right then to at least feel Dean's touch or his lips or…
"You're overthinking again in there, aren't you?" Dean had paused in what he was saying to wipe the tear off of Sam's face when he noticed the definite change in his brother's face and felt the tiny tremors going through his hand as he held it. "You're probably convincing yourself what a huge burden this is on me on top of falling pissed off angels, a freaked out Prophet, Cas as a human and everything else we've got on our plate.
"If I know you then you've probably convinced yourself by this point at it's too much on me or that I'm only doing this because I have to and that I don't care about you as my brother or my lover," he smiled a little more when he felt the way Sam's body seemed to actually tense at the last word because it wasn't one Dean used often and when he did it usually meant this would be a serious talk.
Dean shifted his hand down from Sam's face to settle against his chest, over his heart where he could feel it beating rapidly under his hand but still no other movement or sounds but now that he suspected what he needed to do Dean hoped that would soon be changing.
"Y'know that I meant what I said back at that church. There is nothing that I'd put in front of you and that includes my life," he lifted their joined hands to touch his heart while leaning closer, much closer than he'd allowed himself to get these past weeks. "I've told you before and I'll tell you now that it's you and me against all the craziness in the world. The main part of this are the words you and me because that's how it'll be, Sammy.
"No matter how long it takes for you to heal, or if this is the best that it'll be from now on or if I have to leave hunting to take care of you…I will be with you," Dean's lips were close enough to Sam's that he could feel the soft breaths as if Sam was trying not to breathe out of fear of this not being real. "I'll wait for you, baby boy," he added in a voice that dropped to the low husky tone only Sam ever got to hear a second before he placed a soft loving kiss against his brother's chapped lips. "Love you, Sammy."
Dean had just started to ease back when he felt the fingers in his suddenly jerk before closing around his weakly and he felt his heart do a quick jump when he also felt breath on his cheek along with the whisper soft feel of lips moving as if trying to speak.
"Hey, you coming back to me more?" he asked shakily upon seeing fluttering lashes opening slowly, letting Sam hold onto his hand with as much strength as he had right then and held his breath as he looked into clear hazel eyes that were filled with tears. "Sammy? What's wrong?"
To see tears in Sam's eyes like this worried Dean because normally his brother didn't like for him to see him cry if he could keep from it and avoid the teasing or possible no chick flick moment comment but right then the older Winchester didn't give a damn about any of that.
He could see Sam's lips moving silently and feel his fingers trying to grip Dean's hand tighter and it took all of Dean's strength not to shed a few tears himself as he watched his brother struggle for something. "What? Sam, sign it if you…wait…" he blinked when he finally made out the words being silently spoken when Sam's other hand suddenly moved up to lay over the one Dean still had on his chest.
"You're asking me why I'd wait for you? Is that what you need to know?" Dean felt something wet on his check but didn't brush it away as he held his brother's eyes. "I'd wait for you, I'll be here with you because you're my little brother," he moved one hand this time to catch Sam's chin on his hand. "I'll wait however it takes for you to heal or I'll stay with you regardless because we're brothers, we're best friends and…" he paused to place a series of light kisses along Sam's trembling jaw before finishing. "…lovers for as long as you want to be."
Sam figured his heart would beat out of his chest if it could right then. He could still feel the kiss on his lips and he wished he could return it or do something as his brother continued to offer little ones over his jaw until he reached his ear and then Sam wasn't certain who moaned when a tongue licked behind his ear.
"You're going to get better soon, Sammy," Dean assured him, wanting to go farther but hesitated because he didn't want to do too much right then or until Sam was able to respond in some way. "Now, how about trying to get some soup down then we can see what's on TV that isn't stupid, boring or lame."
Eating soup or watching TV was not what Sam would've chosen since he could almost feel another part of his body had started to also respond to his brother's attention but the concern in Dean's eyes told him that his brother would not do anything else right then.
Able to nod after a couple moments, Sam's fingers closed over Dean's wrist when he started to pull back to get the food and wished he could force actual words out yet but just happy that his lips were moving and prayed that meant that words would be coming soon.
Seeing that Sam was now trying to communicate by mouthing the words, Dean focused on lips he could still taste to smile and let his knuckles brush over his brother's face and allowed himself to feel real hope when Sam was able to turn his cheek into the touch.
"Yeah, I'll kiss you again, Sammy," he murmured and did just that but still kept the kiss light even though Dean could tell in some way his brother wanted deeper and more. "I want that too but not until you're stronger and can maybe get something out of it too."
If he could Sam knew he'd probably bang his head against the headboard but merely blinked when lips touched the edge of his brow and understood Dean was only protecting him because he loved him and with that knowledge and the relief that perhaps he would get over this Sam ate as much of the soup as he could before Dean settled on the bed beside him to watch TV until Sam fell to sleep with the sound of his brother's voice and heart in his ear.
That was how the next full week went for the Winchesters. Dean made certain Kevin and Cas, when he was there, had what was needed for the day but he spent the time with Sam either in the bedroom or in the library.
Each day Dean could see little changes in his brother that might not have seem like a lot to some but to him each change, each time Sam reached for his hand or was able to balance himself for even a couple seconds meant that he was getting better, getting stronger.
Sam still was uneasy with being around others but Dean suspected it might be because he didn't like Kevin or Cas seeing him this weak and the one time he'd seen the visiting new Angel he just gave him a serious look while squeezing Dean's hand.
When Sam's appetite improved past soup to simple grilled ham and cheese sandwiches Dean was thrilled and then spent the night reassuring Sam that his stomach probably would still throw some back up until it got used to solid foods again.
It was that night that Dean woke up to feeling his brother curled against him and he'd laid still to allow Sam's body to move itself until he was comfortable with his head in the curve between Dean's neck and shoulder and his one arm slung across Dean's chest.
That was also the morning that Castiel decided to get his ex-Angel ass in over his head in something and Dean had to leave Sam to go help him…something that did not please either brother but especially Sam.
"I won't be gone long," Dean had tried to say but his little brother had chosen to pretend to be asleep rather than watch him walk out of the room. "Sammy, you know I wouldn't go if I didn't have to but other than find Garth or actually teach Kevin how to shoot I'm all there is right now," his fingers smoothed Sam's hair back and tried to ignore the tear tracks before Sam buried his face into the pillow and motioned with a strengthening hand to just go. "Love you."
The words still weren't spoken regularly though Dean was saying them a lot more than he ever had and even as he heard the door to his brother's bedroom close Sam wished he could speak them back.
"I will not speak to you again if you ever get me into something like that again," Dean was snarling three days later on the way back to the bunker.
He was bruised and battered with an even stronger hatred for both angels and demons and he was also very unhappy with the former Angel sitting beside him in the seat that still felt wrong without Sam there. "The next time you decide to go try a stunt, take the Angel that still has some mojo left with you and you damn well better hope this didn't kick Sam's progress back or I will…what?"
The question growled into his cellphone was toward the Prophet that was babbling on the other end and instantly Dean's pain and exhaustion was forgotten as his concern for Sam skyrocketed. "Kevin…Kevin, slow down and try talking to me in something I can understand," he was still glaring at the apologetic ex-Angel.
"You need to get your ass back here!" Kevin Tran had stopped being the quiet reserved kid he had been when the mantle and hassles of being a Prophet was dropped on him. He'd picked up some interesting speech habits from the Winchesters as well even though he usually didn't curse at Dean he did this time. "Sam…he…"
"What the hell is wrong with Sam?" Dean demanded harshly, vowing to never leave the bunker again if this absence had hurt his brother worse. "Kevin? What happened with…"
"… De'n."
Tires screamed and brakes smoked as the Impala went skidding off the road before Dean wrecked in his haste to focus on the phone that was now gripped so tight his knuckles were white. "Sam?"
The voice was tired, whisper soft and hoarse from nearly a month of not speaking but Dean still knew his little brother's voice and was nearly brought to tears when it struggled to speak next.
"…love…you."
Dean's whole mind was a blank blur of emotion and thoughts as he pushed his car to the limit to cover the sixty miles that separated him and Sam in under thirty. He could feel his hands shaking as he got inside the bunker, meeting Kevin at the first door. "Where is…?"
Looking down from the first landing into the main floor all of Dean's words and questions dried up at the second he locked onto deep, wide but clear and anxious hazel eyes. "Kevin?"
"The place is locked down and secure, the new guy is hanging around somewhere outside he said and I'm dragging Cas for pizza," Kevin paused while digging for the keys to his car to look back at Dean with serious eyes but a small grin. "Figure that'll give you guys a couple hours alone."
"Why are we going for pizza? Castiel was asking in confusion. "Perhaps Dean and Sam will need…"
"Dude, what Dean and Sam need don't require us being here for," Kevin was saying as he pulled the door shut after him with an eye roll of exasperation. "Plus I do not need the images of that."
The bunker was silent for several moments as they merely stared at one another but the moment Sam pushed himself up and away from the table in the middle of the floor Dean was down the steps quickly, his duffel and jacket dropping in his sudden need to get to his brother; to feel and hopefully hear Sam.
Dean could tell even from this distance the moment Sam's eyes caught the dried blood on his shirts and the knees of his jeans because the flash of concern was the same as it always had been. "I'm alright," he assured him tightly, hoping his voice was steadier than his hands when he realized they were shaking even when he hadn't even touched Sam yet. "Are you?" he asked tightly, worry clear. "C'mon, Sammy, talk to me or give me something to show that I wasn't imagining the phone or…"
He'd barely cleared the last step to blink before shaking hands were on his face to pull him in for a heated kiss that Dean returned fully while allowing himself to give in to the need to feel Sam against him as his brother's hands moved to begin to tug at Dean's flannel overshirt. "Whoa, wait a second, tiger," he finally broke the kiss with a shaky laugh while trying to slow things down a bit until he could gauge how his brother was. "Slow down or talk to me or…"
"Don't wanna slow down," Sam muttered, his voice still a little hoarse from so long not using it and his lips were still dry and cracked but he'd spent so long wishing, praying and hoping for another chance to kiss Dean that he wasn't going to waste more time taking things slow. "Wanna feel you," his mouth was in constant motion along his brother's rugged jawline to kiss, lick and when he began down the side of his neck he felt stronger fingers grip onto his biceps but relaxed when he wasn't pushed back. "Wanna taste you, want…you, Dean."
"God," Dean groaned at both the need and lust reflected in Sam's voice and at how badly he wanted to give in to that need but the big brother side was surfacing and he needed to be sure how Sam was physically first. "I…I want that too…shit, that is so not fair, Sammy," he tightened his fingers enough to edge Sam back enough to see his eyes, recognizing the burning lust that was making Sam's hazel eyes nearly all pupil and finally had to capture his brother's hands in his when they dove under his shirts to touch skin. "Answer three things and then we'll see where this goes."
Sam groaned and wanted to argue that it had been long enough but could see the muscle setting in Dean's jaw that meant his brother wouldn't give in to anything except his best puppy dog look and right then Sam's blood was too heated to work that look up.
Nodding, he allowed himself to be sat on the edge of the table in the library which didn't have the little lights lit up like that map table of the main room still did. "Hurt?" he asked while eyeing the bruises on his brother's neck, the dried blood on his t-shirt and the shadows of exhaustion he could easily read under his brother's eyes.
"Lesson learned to avoid a pissed off Knight of Hell when she's trying to become the first Queen of Hell," Dean shrugged, disposing of his flannel and not missing the way Sam's fingers curled around the edge of the table. "I'm banged up some but nothing that a shower, some food, some sleep and…you won't fix," he smiled behind his hand at the way Sam's teeth began to gnaw on his bottom lip like he did when fighting to not move. "When'd this happen?"
"The other night," Sam guessed his brother wanted to know when he began to speak. "I woke up screaming for you because I just knew you were in pain and trouble," his gaze kept moving to Dean's chest where he knew the anti-possession tattoo was but the dried blood on the t-shirt was making him edgy. "I was in Kevin's face before either of us could process that I walked or that I was demanding to know where you were."
Dean had to admit that it was amazing that the Prophet was still around considering the abuse he sometimes had to put up with from them but since he knew how Sam could be when upset and demanding he thought that Kevin had gotten off easy with just some yelling.
"When you didn't answer your phone, I wanted to go find you but Kevin and…who the hell's the new Angel?" Sam wanted to know but then got back on track, a sign that told Dean his brother was still tired. "They said to wait because I was still too weak but…I was scared you wouldn't come back."
That admission was nearly whispered as Sam dropped his chin to his chest until fingers gently lifted it back up. "Someone would have to kill me stone cold dead and burn the body to keep me from coming back to you, little brother," Dean replied huskily, curving his fingers around Sam's neck while letting his other hand take one of Sam's hands away from the table to place it over Dean's heart. "This would have to stop beating and be ripped out of my chest before I wouldn't come back to you."
"Now who's not playing fair?" nothing could turn Sam on more than when his no emotion showing brother actually showed them or spoke in that tone. "That was one question, ask me the rest."
"How do you feel?" Dean asked seriously, lifting an eyebrow to warn Sam not to think of lying to him. "Have you noticed any side effects or relapses? Have you eaten? And all this goes with that question too," he tossed in to avoid his smart mouth little brother trying to avoid the final question.
It was a little hard to focus on answering as Dean nudged his knees apart until he could stand between them while gently rubbing his hands over Sam's shoulders. "Ummm, okay," he managed, blowing out a breath at his brother's smirk. "I'm still a little weak and can't stand too long yet but I managed to take a shower without falling and I've been picking at stuff but I haven't been too hungry…yet."
That didn't surprise Dean since he understood that if Sam was upset or nervous or just getting over being sick then he didn't eat a lot and he wouldn't have ate a lot if he was scared that something bad was happening to Dean so he filed that away for later and focused on his final question while staring into his brother's eyes.
"One more question, Sammy," he murmured but leaned in so their chests bumped and he could feel the heat of Sam's eyes on him while he lightly run a finger down the center of his brother's chest to allow his hand to rest over the button of his jeans. "Do you feel strong enough…" Dean paused while lowering his lips to Sam's ear to lick the shell teasingly while fighting back his body's need at the soft moan he heard. "…to let me…" another pause so he could just bite carefully at the earlobe, knowing it was just one of many spots that could make Sam shudder. "…make love to you?"
Both of Sam's hands were fisted in Dean's t-shirt by this point. "Yes," he was already on fire at just the buildup to the question and then groaned against his brother's mouth the second Dean's lips claimed him in a hot, desperate kiss that wasn't gentle or slow but hard and fast; something both brothers were looking for then.
There would be time for slow and easy later but all Sam wanted now to feel his brother's touch on him and then to feel Dean inside him.
"Bed…" Dean gasped in between kisses, a part of his brain wanting a bed but the other part went with Sam's choice when his little brother paused long enough to scoot back more on the table to pull his t-shirt over his head and laid back. "Damn," he let out a slow breath while giving himself the time to let his now heated green eyes move over Sam's bare chest, down his stomach to see the way tight muscles still rippled even after being so sick. "Y'know I don't tell you this enough…hell, I don't think I've told anyone this, but you are goddamn beautiful, baby boy."
The husky words said with more depth and emotion than Dean hardly ever used caused Sam's blood to boil and also caused the hard-on he'd had since seeing his brother again to increase ten-fold. "Dean…" he wasn't sure what he wanted to say but in the end, like always, Sam knew he didn't have to say anything. His brother always seemed to know.
"Taking you on the table in the library isn't quite how I wanted to do it this first time," Dean could still see the shadows in Sam's eyes from being so sick for so long and had wanted a soft bed and slow lovemaking but he also understood that neither of them would be satisfied with that yet.
Especially Sam, whose hips were practically vibrating as the erection could now be clearly seen pressing against his jeans and that just made Dean's own cock twitch and demand action.
"Floor, wall, kitchen, shower," Sam shrugged, eyes heavy with lust as he bit back a low oath of want when Dean's t-shirt was pulled off to reveal a hard and lean body that very few people actually knew his brother possessed. "I don't care where we're at right now so long as you get your dick in my ass soon."
"Now who's bossy?" Dean teased, leaning over the table to place hot wet kisses up Sam's stomach before coming to rest over an already hard nipple to suck it into his mouth, rolling it with his tongue until his brother was moaning and twisting restlessly. "Like that, Sammy?"
Dean gave a tug on long legs to pull Sam back toward the edge so his legs were hanging off as his fingers went to work opening the button and then each button on the fly that soon had the elder Winchester vowing to find and kill the creator of the damn button fly jeans that he swore Sam only wore when he wanted to torture him.
"We are burning these jeans after I get 'em off you," he muttered but smiled at the low laugh he heard, now with Sam closer he could actually reach his mouth to kiss him while working on the jeans; groaning when he felt his brother's mouth open for his tongue to explore and claim. "Gonna take my time opening that ass up, baby boy and then we'll see who's laughing when you're begging for my cock."
Sam's hips lifted once he felt the jeans come open to help his brother's fingers pull them and the briefs down with one steady pull, groaning as his hard and dripping cock was freed. "Want to feel you now," he gasped as calloused fingers lightly stroked over his length, spreading his legs more to allow access for when he felt them slip between his legs to play with balls that were already heavy. "Dean!"
"Shhh, I'll take care of you, Sammy," Dean's voice was deep and tight from maintaining control when his body really wanted to flip his brother over on the table and just pound into him but he wouldn't risk hurting Sam. "Relax and…bitch face is not gonna make this go any faster."
He could've argued that but was soon too busy with a torrent of words, half of which might have been a dead language, the second Dean's mouth and teeth began a series of attacks on his mouth, jaw, neck and ear to serve as a distraction for when the first touch of a finger, carefully lubed, against the puckered rim that Dean's finger could find unerringly by now.
"Where'd…God, I love it when you do that, where'd you get the lube?" Sam managed to ask between moans and pleas to suck that one spot on his neck that had been his weakest spot since the first night they'd done this.
"My pocket," Dean returned, giving Sam what he wanted when he sucked harder onto his neck while working a single finger into the hole that his cock was already hard to be in. "It's kind of like American Express. I never leave home without it," he groaned against his brother's neck as tight heat surrounded his finger but he frowned just a little as something hit him. "Sammy?"
Focusing on anything but Dean's mouth and the probing finger was difficult for Sam but when that curious digit slipped up to touch his prostate and he jerked with a startled cry, sure he'd come from just that he made himself open his eyes, reading the unasked question with a faint blush working its way up his neck to his checks.
"I…I was bored this morning," he murmured, letting his eyes drop to watch Dean's other hand rubbing light circles across his lower stomach before dipping lower to feather his fingers against all too sensitive skin that soon had him wanting to writhe on the table that he would never look at the same again. "Dreamed of you…of us and woke up hard so I…mmhm…"
His words cuts off with a searing hard kiss while Dean's tongue plunged deep to meet his while a second lubed finger was added and it was all Sam could do not to try to move back on them when he felt Dean scissor them carefully.
"I want you," Dean whispered against his ear, teeth biting a little harder now as Sam's fingers rubbed up his brother's chest but paused over the anti-possession tattoo that now was marred by a deep blistering burn. "I'll get it fixed once that heals but I have the medallion and I'm safe for you," he reassured his brother the second he felt Sam tense.
"Abbadon did that?" Sam was still a little unsure how the Knight of Hell was even still alive since he'd burned her meatsuit but as Dean's fingers touched his face to bring their foreheads together and gentle kisses were placed over his face he decided that mystery could wait…so long as the redheaded bitch kept her hands off his brother.
"She got a little hands-on but I told her only my little brother had the right to touch me," Dean smiled to try to relax Sam again and returned the kiss that Sam offered, allowing his brother to touch the new wounds even though some of them still hurt like hell. "I'm fine, Sam."
Sam had his doubts but would let it go for the moment because his cock was fully hard and leaking steadily now as he realized that sometime during this Dean had inserted a third finger and he wasn't sure who was groaning more, him or his brother.
"Need to feel you inside me…now," he groaned, biting his lip as his hands began to work on getting Dean's belt off to undo the snap and zipper even as he heard his brother laugh at his haste. "I wasn't sure if we'd ever be able to do this again. I thought I'd either be dead or…"
This time the kiss that cut his words off was gentle, the heat slow to build up as Dean's tongue licked lightly at Sam's lips while shedding his remaining clothes without breaking contact with his brother until he had to.
"I know," he murmured against Sam's mouth, squeezing lube onto his hand to make sure his hard and ready cock was covered with more than just precome before moving Sam's hips closer off the edge of the table to line his cock up with the hole he'd just opened. "This one scared me too."
Sam's eyes opened to watch Dean, a little shocked at that admission but soon was too lost in the feel of his brother's large and thick cock sliding into him to even remember his own name much less what he was talking about.
"Fuck!" he hissed, legs at the perfect angle to wrap around Dean's waist to bring him in closer even as he was trying to take the time to enter Sam slowly. "Dean!" the tone was ragged and close to a whine as Sam would admit but he was also beyond frustrated. "Please. I need to come and want to feel you inside me when you come."
He'd wanted to take more time to give Sam the pleasure that he'd missed the last time they'd been together but Dean understood that his brother was still tired and hurt more than he was letting on and so putting his hands on Sam's hips he eased out until just the head remained enclosed without his little brother's ass.
"Look at me," he ordered tightly, body on edge and shaking from desire kept in check but Dean waited until fully blown eyes met his and he clasped Sam's hands with both of his to move them above his brother's head to hold them there. "Love you, Sammy," he whispered, lips claiming Sam's as his hips thrust forward in one smooth firm move that put him in fully.
Tight heat closed around his cock and it took all of Dean's willpower to not come right then as Sam's body was moving on the table under him when his prostate was hit with each thrust and he just let him move, enjoying the feel of Sam's hips when he figured out that with each thrust up it pleased them both.
Dean enjoyed watching the array of emotions cross Sam's face as he rolled his hips against him while biting his lip when Sam's legs tightened more around his waist, their fingers meshing on the table.
It was rare for him to be facing his brother during sex but as he watched the emotions, the pure pleasure cross a face that suddenly seemed so young and innocent again he made a silent vow to do it this way more often.
"M…more," Sam groaned, hips thrusting more as his cock leaked precome over his stomach. "De'n, need to…need to come now," he gasped, sure he'd explode soon. "Please, let me…Dean!"
Moving one hand down to grip the long and impressive length in his hand, Dean's stroke from base to tip was firm and smooth; years together had given him an innate knowledge of what Sam enjoyed and how best to jerk him off.
His hips thrusting a bit faster now to as he felt himself getting closer to climax, Dean leaned down to lick a stripe up Sam's neck, tasting salt, sweat and what could only be described as Sam. "You gonna come for me now, baby boy?" he asked in a voice that was pure sex and honey. "You want to come with my hand on your cock and me in your ass or…that's my boy."
Dean could tell Sam was tiring despite his best efforts to the contrary and also knew it wouldn't take much more for either of them. So he resorted to the tried and true method of bringing Sam off the fastest, dirty talk in the sex tone of voice he'd spent years perfecting.
Sam's body tightened a second before his orgasm took hold, his cock shooting white stripes of come over Dean's tightening hand and his own chest and stomach as his hips continued to move in time with Dean who felt Sam's inner muscles tighten only a second before they clamped around his own cock and he felt himself come deep within Sam.
Whether it was the activities of recent days or of working to make sure Sam got as much pleasure from this climax as he did, Dean wasn't sure but he was certain his eyes were seeing white spots as he gasped, Sam's name just repeating itself until he felt his brother's body still as the strength of his orgasm wiped him out.
"Sam? Sammy?" Dean called, a little worried as he gently brushed his fingers against Sam's face, feeling wetness and nearly panicking until he heard a soft murmur. "Sammy?" he leaned closer while easing out and pulling Sam up until he was clean against his chest, eyes closed.
"Thank you," Sam whispered; body beyond blissed out and suddenly willing to sleep even if it was on the library table. "Sleepy."
Chuckling, Dean grabbed his t-shirt to wipe Sam's chest and stomach with before latching on to his brother before he became dead weight. "Oh, no. You are not sleeping in here. I do not need Cas and Kevin coming back to finding us using the library table for a bed," he shifted to slide an arm around Sam as he worked to get him to the bedroom. "You're going to crash on the bed while I come back for the clothes and…you are so out of it now, little brother."
Sam was walking but only out of habit and listening to Dean's deep voice in his ear, letting out a soft whimper when he was lowered to Dean's bed; a blanket covering him while steady fingers carded hair back out of his eyes.
"Be right back," Dean whispered, placing a soft kiss to his brother's hair before grabbing clean boxer-briefs, a pair of sleep pants and just doing a quick shower to wipe the left over dirt from saving Castiel's ass and figuring he'd do a better job once Sam was awake and he talked him into the shower.
By the time Dean showered, dressed the few wounds that needed it, changed and cleaned the library up of any signs of their activities…he did not need to explain that to an all too curious former Angel, and got back to his room Sam's eyes were blinking sleepily as if trying to stay awake.
"I thought you'd stay asleep," Dean knew his brother never liked waking up alone after they'd had sex, especially if he was still on the edge of being hurt or sick. "Sorry, we made a slightly bigger mess than I'd thought," he sat down on the edge of the bed, closest to the door but noticed how uneasy Sam seemed. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Sam shook his head but was biting his lower lip like he did when nervous. "I…woke up alone and for a second I was afraid I'd dreamed that we'd…or that…" he blinked when the blanket was pulled up.
"You wake up naked very often if we haven't made out, little brother?" Dean countered easily though he suspected he understand another part of Sam's fears. "You scared that you might wake up one morning and be hurt again, Sam?" he asked, seeing the answer even before Sam nodded and nudged his brother until he was laying on his back while stretching out beside him.
"Listen to me. You worked damn hard to come back from this and while I won't say there might not be some days you have setbacks, I will repeat what I said before," Dean's fingers stroked down Sam's arm until he found his hand again, smiling when his brother's fingers meshed with his tightly. "No matter what happens from this day forth, the issues, the fights or setbacks I will be with you and I will always wait for you," he shifted until he was close enough to offer a kiss.
This time the kiss was slow and soft without heat or need, just the rare showing of love and emotion that both men enjoyed and that Dean knew his little brother needed sometimes.
"Love you," he murmured against Sam's lips, feeling Sam leaned up into the kiss more and slipped an arm around his brother so that when Dean moved to lay back he drew the younger man with him; allowing Sam to find that one certain spot he almost always did when falling to sleep after they'd made love.
"Love you too, Dean," Sam yawned, fingers tracing around the bandage that now covered the burn before closing his hand over the medallion. "Will I be able to hunt again?" he asked, the unspoken worry of leaving his brother to hunt alone huge in his heart.
Dean had feared this too and was prepared to step back from the only life he's known if Sam couldn't hunt because he wouldn't do this without his brother. "Once you get some more strength back, sure," he kept the blanket over Sam as he watched him slowly begin to relax. "Of course I'm also sticking it on you to explain certain things to Cas."
"No, you are not leaving it up to me to explain sex to him," Sam knew where that was leading but then briefly recalled his brother's attempt to give him 'The Talk' at thirteen and changed his mind. "I'll do it. You'll either scar or terrify him…plus the last time you took him to a brothel he nearly got you both arrested."
"Shut up," Dean muttered but smiled at the soft kiss placed against his jaw with a whisper that he only heard because he was waiting for it. "Yes, the first day you manage to stay awake the whole day and keep down more than soup or a grilled cheese sandwich we can go out for burgers if that's what you want."
It was rare for his health conscious little brother to ask for burgers but it, like Lucky Charms or canned spaghetti-o's, were comfort food for Sam and Dean would give him what he wanted if only to make him smile.
Keeping his hand moving carefully back through Sam's hair while he slept, it wasn't until Dean heard Kevin's voice that he allowed himself to fall to sleep.
He hadn't slept fully since the night before the church because he was always watching Sam but now as he took in the relaxed face as Sam slept and didn't feel the tension, Dean closed his eyes to sleep and would decide what Kevin and the new guy were bickering about whenever he woke up…after he got Sam into the shower.
The End
A/NII: Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Look for more new Wincest fun coming soon.