AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is purely for fun. I made it up as I typed and rushed it a bit towards the end. It's going to be a series of short stories.

SSB Melee High, class of God knows when.

Setting: A school just south of the Mushroom Kingdom, down I-56 if you're heading southwest from Hyrule. The Characters from SSB Melee are starting high school! Let's look at our first class:

P1: The art of fighting, taught by Prof. Mario

Students in this class:

Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong, Zelda, Luigi, Bowser, Ganondorf, and Ness

THE ART OF FIGHTING, DAY ONE

Mario stumbles into the classroom, almost stepping on Kirby's bulbous pink head. This is a sure sign that Mario was plastered the night before at the party that was being held in another castle. Peach wasn't present.

MARIO: I know I should say good morning like any normal professor, but last night was wild and I had these three sexy Toad girls in a room and I showed them my…

Everyone in the room has some sort of shocked expression at this point. Link is wide eyed, jaw dropped so low it hits the desk with a distinguished THUNK, crushing Navi into oblivion. Kirby, still petrified from the almost Mario-Foot-On-Squishy-Pink-Head fiasco, sits at his desk pretending to be reading even though there isn't a book in sight. Donkey Kong gags and then pretends to throw up about something else while Zelda is chasing little Kokiri tykes in her happy place. Luigi acts as if he's never seen Mario before and that they are totally unrelated. Bowser passes a note to Ganondorf. It reads: "You know all those times I resented Mario and was jealous that he was getting some of Peach's royal tail? This makes up for EVERYTHING. I'm done kidnapping that bitch for real now". Ganondorf laughs so manically that Ness is terrified into a coma, where he'll spend the rest of the class face down in a pool of his own slobber in the corner of the classroom.

MARIO: Welcome to the art of fighting! I'm happy to see your shining, ready-to-learn faces glistening in the early morning sun!

Everyone's expressions resemble that of a corpse's face. Donkey Kong sneezes so hard his desk shatters into pieces.

MARIO: Well we'll just have to clean that up later…. For our first day in session, I will teach you how to punch each other in the face. Who wants to be the first volunteer?

Nobody raises their hand except Ganondorf, who notices the absence of other raised hands. He slowly lowers his hand and looks down in shame. Someone throws a wad of paper at the back of his head.

MARIO: Oh-ho-ho! Not so fast Ganondorf! I saw that ugly green hand of yours come up. Get up here.

GANONDORF: Damnit.

Ganondorf proceeds to the front of the room, accompanied by various sniggers from the class.

MARIO: Alright tough guy, let's see what you got. Try punching me in the face.

GANONDORF: My pleasure.

Ganondorf winds up and socks Mario in the nose, sending him flying through the window. Everyone watches with interest as he soars across the parking lot and lands on the highway across the road. He is promptly run over by a 16-wheeler. Everyone claps.

BOWSER: Now what?

GANONDORF: Sleepover at my house. Everyone is invited except Link. See you there, Zelda?

ZELDA: Oh yeah, let me just forgive you for fucking up Hyrule for the last 6 generations. Not in this lifetime, buddy.

Ganondorf nods his head towards Ness.

GANONDORF: What about that guy?

BOWSER: He'll be okay.

Ness twitches.

Everyone exits the classroom.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2!

Thanks for reading!