A/N: Pulled this out from somewhere. It's interesting, and it's KN. What more can I ask for? Haha read and enjoy, and... dont forget... review! Thankee :)
Which is worse, Neal wonders, to love someone who could never love you, or to love someone who should not love you?
Because his life is the story of both.
From the day he met Keladry of Mindelan, his life had never been the same. Inexorably she had changed his life; things became so much more interesting, so much more vivid to him after she arrived. But, at the same time, she had changed him, so deeply and completely that now, only a scant few years later, he wondered whether he would ever feel complete without her.
He loved her with all his heart and soul; somehow, he had not yet understood it at the age of fifteen, though the origins of his emotions were rooted there, in that first day they had met. But Kel could not love him; he had made sure of that, concocting false crushes and purposely ignoring the emotion he saw in her eyes; she had needed a friend, a brother, and so, in order to be closer to her, he had shaped himself to her every need, pushing his own emotions to the very farthest corners of his heart. Because, he thinks, when you truly love someone, all you want is for them to be happy, even if it means plunging your own self into a never-ending spiral of misery.
And maybe Kel loves him; but she should not. He should be a brother and friend and protector to her, and no more, because accepting her love would only cause her pain, and he could hurt himself a thousand times more readily than he could injure her. He could not make her happy; he was not what she needed the most. He was bookish, romantic, idealistic, and most of all, despite their differences, they were too alike. They both threw themselves into battle to protect the ones they loved. But there was one difference, he had realized some years ago; he could never be the warrior that she was. It was inevitable that he would die before her, but he accepted that willingly. This was the life he had chosen; he had no regrets, and he could not change it now, but he could prevent her from hurting any more. It would kill her to lose a friend; he could not imagine the consequences of her losing a lover or a husband.
He loves her and she loves him; but he dooms them both to be nothing more than friends. Never, he whispers as he seals his heart into an icy iron box for the last time. Because, he hopes and prays, somehow it will work out better. Less painfully in the end, if not for him, then for her. Because the one thing he cannot stand to see is Kel in pain.