Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters. These belong to Tite Kubo
A/N: This is a yaoi fic. If you don't like yaoi then click the back button now. Also, beware – first scene contains rape.
Italics is Kira POV
Bold is Shuuhei POV
Those long fingers trail down my chest. It takes all my effort not to shudder at their touch. I knew he would visit tonight. He visits every night. I look up at that face. That ridiculously wide grin, those snake-like eyes and all I can feel is fear and he knows it. My captain always knows it, he gets off on it. I risk looking away and immediately know I have made a mistake
SMACK
My cheek is stinging.
"Aint I told ya never to look away from me?" He says, grabbing my face roughly and making me look up at him.
"S...sincerest apologies Captain" I say, looking at those slits where his eyes should be.
"I don't reckon ya are sorry, Izuru. Ya aint nearly sorry enough yet" He says, punching me hard in the gut "Now turn over and get on your knee's"
His voice is chilling but I obey. Out of loyalty. Out of fear. Out of love. Yes, I love him. He is my Captain, it is my duty to love him. I gave my heart to him and he accepted it and now it feels like everyday he stamps on it. But he knows it belongs to him. I no longer have a choice in the matter.
I look over my shoulder at him, dread in my eyes and his grin gets impossibly wider as he stands up and undresses himself, tossing his clothing nonchalantly to the corner. He eyes my naked flesh hungrily, and not for the first time, I begin to wish he had never ordered me to sleep naked. He smirks and places himself behind me. I can feel his erection lightly pressing at my entrance as he leans forward and whispers into my ear
"Don't ya be forgettin' Izuru, ya aint permitted to make any sound"
The malevolence in his voice makes my skin crawl, but I nod in ascent as he rakes his nails down my back, creating some new wounds and re-opening some older ones. I clench my teeth together, but my eyes are still gazing into his, before suddenly, unexpectedly he thrusts fully into me. Pain blazes through my entire body like a wildfire, and I look away from him briefly, burying my head in my pillow to prevent any sound being heard.
SMACK
"Ya sure aint a fast learner are ya Izuru" he taunts, my head reeling from the second hit as I return my gaze to him, tears brimming in my eyes. This just encourages him, and before I have really had a chance to get used to him, he withdraws only to repeat, watching the pain flicker through my eyes. Again and again he does this until finally by body is used to the assault. He thrusts harder and faster and deeper, and although I hate myself for it, but my body reacts and he keeps hitting that special place within me, and I can feel my erection beginning to harden itself. Soon I beg him with my eyes to touch it, to help relieve me, but it is a lost cause. He cares only for his satisfaction. He couldn't care less about me. I am not permitted to touch myself either, even though my own throbbing member is starting to ache. His pace speeds up, I can feel he is close, and each movement drives me closer, each thrust grazes that sweetest of spots and suddenly I can take it no longer, I am thrown over the edge. I tighten around him, sending him past his limit.
He breathes heavily for a few minutes, allowing the pleasure to steal over him before returning his gaze to me, his face containing nothing but pure anger. He withdraws from me and goes over to my wardrobe and retrieves a stick from the back. It is kept there against my own wishes, for moments like this. He glares down at me.
"I don't recall tellin' ya that you could cum before me" he said, his voice venomous before he begins beating me with the stick. I remain silent –I know the punishment will be far worse if I make a sound. As always he only aims his blows at my body, and not on my arms or face. Only his fists are allowed to mar my face. Eventually he stops beating me and begins to get dressed.
Just as he was leaving the room, he turned to me and said "Don't be late for work tomorrow Vice-Captain. I expect to see ya in my office bright and early." He did not need to say more. But he did anyway.
"I love you Izuru"
It was always the same line. Every night. And I always returned it. And hearing it, even if it was over used, just hearing him say the words made everything all ok again.
Damn it, where is he!?! Why did that fool run off to the real world alone? This is so unlike Kira, he is usually the optimistic one of us all. He keeps our spirits up, and now he has disappeared without any hint of a trace. I furrow my brow, thinking back to that day, only a few weeks ago. Everyone reacted badly to the betrayal of Aizen, Ichimaru and Tousen but those that were hurt most were those of us closest to them – Hinamori, Captain Komamaru, myself and....and Kira. I don't think any of us expected him to just disappear like this. He seems to have taken it worse than any of us, even more than Hinamori. Does he think it's somehow his fault? That he aided them? Or is he feeling abandoned? Did he want to go with them? Nobody knows what he is thinking, he has barely spoken a word to anyone since it all happened, and now he has disappeared to the real word.
He was always good at masking his Reiatsu, but lately it has been dropping dangerously low. Captain Unohana thinks it's related to the shock that he feels. He is undergoing some inner turmoil, and loosing, and now he has run away.
Damn it Kira, where the hell are you????
Typical. It's started raining. But the rain will not stop me. I will find him, I have to. Nothing can stop me. I can't allow it.
The next morning I arrive for duty as normal. He seems in a good mood today and after finishing our paperwork in the morning, he allows me to have the rest of the day off. The days are mine to do with as I wish. It's only at night I belong to him.
I head to the sparring grounds. I had agreed to meet Renji and Shuuhei there today for some light sparring. I make sure to keep all of my injuries hidden. Well, most of them. He had hit me around the face last night after all and there was a bruise beginning to come up.
"Kira" Renji says, the first to approach me "What time do you call this? You were meant to be here half an hour ago!" He is clearly agitated and I just laughed lightly "Calm down Renji. I was just working – we had more to do than usual this morning". He raises and eyebrow at me and I stop laughing. "Ok, fine, I'm sorry I'm late Mr-high-and-mighty-Abarai"
This gets a chuckle from Shuuhei before a look of concern passes over his face "Kira, what happened to your face?" he asked, approaching me, stroking a light hand over the bruise
I feel bad for lying, but I have gotten good at this kind of lie. I have been doing it for years.
"Oh, Captain Ichimaru and I did some hand to hand combat yesterday. We haven't in a while and he didn't want me to get rusty" I rub my cheek, ignoring the pain "looks like he was right, I need to brush up"
Looking at them both, they accepted the lie and didn't question it. Like I said, I was good at it. I had to be, I didn't want to cause any problems for my captain. The three of us got into sparring positions and were about to start before hearing a voice behind us.
"Hey Renji, you're sparring and didn't invite us?" I look around and see two very familiar faces – Ikakku and Yumichika, members of the 11th squad and friends of the redhead. A booming laugh comes from behind and I look at Renji.
"Sorry guys, forgot to ask if it was ok to invite ya" he looked at the two of us. Shuuhei and myself weren't bothered either way. He took that as a good sign, though looking at the two members of Zaraki's squad, they planned on joining in regardless.
"So, how are we doing this then now that there are 5 of us?" I asked, and everyone pauses to think
"I'll take you all once!" Ikakku shouts, but nobody takes him seriously
"Um, I think you will find there are 6 of us" comes a quite little voice. My eyes widen and I turn around
"Hinamori!" I exclaim, "It's been a while" Renji and Shuuhei appear at my side
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that Kira, but I've just been spending so much time with Captain Aizen. In fact, there is some work I still need to do, but he said he had some business with Captain Ichimaru today, and that I should take some time off to come and see you guys."
Her eyes sparkle whenever she mentions Aizen's name. I find it quite adorable. I know there was a time like that when I was the same with my Captain.
I remember the day clearly. I understand why Kira is so devastated. He loved Ichimaru Gin. Loved him with every ounce of his soul. He had ever since Captains Ichimaru and Aizen had saved us all during the hollow training exercise. Absently I raise my hand to my face, running it over the scars I got that day. A reminder of those I lost, and of those I met. I became closer to those three than I have anyone else. Ever. People don't understand that. But I don't care, it's exactly the reason I have ignored a direct order to remain in Soul Society. I know that Renji would join me too, if he didn't have Captain Kuchiki as his captain. If he betrayed an order from his captain again then he might as well commit suicide. And he has to stay for Rukia. She needs someone with her now. And Hinamori is in no state to even leave her room. So that just leaves me. I have no captain to report to, not anymore. Yes, I have a duty to Soul Society, to protect it in its time of need, but I also have a duty to my friend, and right now he needs me more.
But that day was the start of a new beginning for Kira. He was already one of the top students, and got on well with everyone, and he seemed to catch Ichimaru's interest, just as Ichimaru had captured his. Honestly, I don't knows who's infatuation was worse at the time – Kira's or Hinamori's. I think probably Kira's, because to object of his desire also wanted him, and it wasn't too long until the two of them got together. Soon we began to hear stories of all the things they did together, and we watched as Kira's power grew, and he also became happier. Happier than any of us had seen him before. He told us once, that he had finally said the words to Ichimaru, finally told him that he loved him, and his idol had said them right back. I don't think I have seen anyone glow brighter than he did that day. The best days of his life followed. He had been transferred from the 5th squad, was in the fourth squad, but it wasn't long until Ichimaru had him transferred to a seated position in his own squad, and he quickly rose up through the ranks there and became Vice Captain. I was already Vice Captain in the 9th squad, and Hinamori was a seated officer in Aizen's squad, and there were rumours going around that he was pushing for her to be his Vice Captain. He hadn't taken on a Vice Captain since Ichimaru had been promoted. So Aizen pretty much got his desire, and Hinamori was getting closer to hers.
But it was also around that time that something changed in Kira. I noticed it, but I don't think the others did. Hinamori was too wrapped up in Aizen, and Renji spent an unhealthy amount of time fantasizing over surpassing Captain Kuchiki. Personally I think he wants to do more to Kuchiki Byakuya than to surpass him, but that's his business. But Kira....something was definitely off. He became subdued for a while, and when I questioned him about it, he became positively skittish. A few weeks later though, he seemed back to normal. I put it down to just all the stress he was under with becoming a Vice Captain. Now...now I know better.
The rain is getting heavier. I send out my Reiatsu to find him, but still nothing. I decide now is a good time to keep my Reiatsu searching and not to reign it in. It must find him soon enough. But failing that, at the very least I would get the attention of Kurosaki Ichigo, or locate the Uruhara shop. My suddenly departure from Soul Society ended with me being in an area of Karakura Town I have never been to before.
I feel a presence heading towards me and quickly draw in my Reiatsu, as my eyes open wide, realising who had come. It wasn't Kurosaki, but it was one of his friends.
We paired off. Renji demands that he gets to spar with Ikakku, and Hinamori wants to fight with someone she has never fought before, so she lands Yumichika. That leaves Shuuhei with me. This is going to be good. I haven't had a one-on-one fight with him in a very long time, and we both know that our powers have grown. We make an agreement to only use the katana forms of our Zanpaktou – I know how he loathes the Shikai form of his. And this way we get a real work out and get to practice just basic swordplay. Looking at the other pairs, Renji and Ikakku are going at it full force. Both already have their Shikai and looked about ready to kill each other. I suppose that's to be expected from two members of the 11th. Hinamori and Yumichika seem to be weighing each other up.
"Want to go somewhere a bit more discreet?" Shuuhei asks, pointing towards a forested area.
"Well, I thought you would never ask" I said, teasingly before we shunpo to the first few tree's.
We draw out swords and soon we are dancing around each other, parrying and thrusting. Our blades ring when they hit together and judging by the look on his face, he is enjoying this as much as I am. Neither of us are taking this seriously at all. We know we should, but there seems to be some unsaid agreement amongst us to just enjoy spending this time together. That is, until he gets is a lucky strike. He slices part of my uniform and I see his eyes widen. I look down and groan. There is no way that he hasn't seen the dark bruising and cuts there.
"Kira..." He says, looking into my eyes for an explanation and my eyes betray nothing, but damn him, Shuuhei is persistent. "What happened?" He asks outright, and I find myself averting my gaze
"Nothing. Don't worry about it Shuu"
"Don't worry about it? How could I not"
"Look, it doesn't matter. Just drop it. Please." A look back up at him, and his expression is pretty much what I except, and I try my best to try and cover the markings.
"Those look fresh. Did Captain Ichimaru do this to you?"
My gaze is cold now as I glare at him "It is none of your concern" I hiss and his eyes narrow, the disbelief quickly turning into anger. Anger directed at me.
"Idiot!" he cries, charging at me, intent on hurting me this time. "Of course it's my concern! Your health will always be my concern. Everything about you is my concern" He brings his blade down, and I just about manage to parry it.
"Not this time" I say my guard up "this is my business and has nothing to do with you." I am too angered by his onslaught I don't really take time to consider his words.
"Raise your head, Wabisuke" I cry, running a hand along my blade, turning my Zanpaktou to its Shikai form and catching a parry off his blade. I hit his sword a few more times and stand back and watch as it is suddenly far too heavy for him to hold. He looks up at me, and I glare back at him. "No longer am I your concern Hisagi Shuuhei. You will stay away from me. As of this moment, you are no longer my friend, and if you attempt to approach me on anything other than official shinigami business, then I shall treat you as an enemy and act accordingly. " My voice is cold, I know, and I keep my face stoic as I look down at him. I see pain and disbelief staring up at me, and it makes me regret being so harsh, but it is the only way. I turn and shunpo all the way back to my barracks, ignoring all the fighting going on around me. If there is one thing I know about Shuuhei, is that my words will cut him sharper than any knife could, and that he will see it as an attack on him personally. He will tell no other about what happened here.
"Quincy" I say, looking into the shadows as Ishida Uryuu stepped forward
"Shinigami" he said, looking at me, surveying me "Why are you here? We were last told that every last shinigami is to protect Seireitei and stay in Soul Society."
"I am not here as a shinigami" I reply, "I am here as a friend. Someone dear to me has left Soul Society and I must find him before he dies. His Reiatsu was dangerously low before he left, and now I can't even trace it here in the real word." I know that desperation has entered my voice, but I don't care, I'm far too worried. I look at the Quincy, he looks thoughtful and I raise an eyebrow. He seems to have a plan.
He uses a technique that I have seen before, but not often, and never in the real world where it is so weak. Surrounding him are spirit threads, and I notice that there are 3 that are red. I identify my own and separate it from the others. He seems to be glaring at one of the two remaining and I hear him mutter "Kurosaki" under his breath before he dismisses it. That leaves 1 thread. That has to be Kira. He looks at me a nods, confirming what I already knew.
"Can you follow it?" I ask him and he answers with a scathing look that plainly says that he can. Its then that I notice a few empty vials on the ground. He had to use some of the spirit energy he took from Soul Society to do that. He still hasn't regained his Quincy powers.
"I am deeply in your gratitude" I say to him, bowing my head
"It was nothing praise-worthy" he states before pointing off east "Your friend is that way, I shall not be accompanying you. Shinigami are my enemy, and regardless of why you are here, you are still a shinigami." I nod.
"Thank you Ishida Uryuu" I say and he seems slightly taken aback that I remember his name. He nods before turning and walking off.
I begin to run in the direction he had indicated, knowing now that I am on the right path.
"No longer am I your concern Hisagi Shuuhei. You will stay away from me. As of this moment, you are no longer my friend, and if you attempt to approach me on anything other than official shinigami business, then I shall treat you as an enemy and act accordingly."
Those words run through my head. The last thing he ever said to me. Will he still see me as a threat now? I shake my head. If his condition is as bad as Captain Unohana says, then how he sees me doesn't matter. I must save him. Those words are probably the worst I have ever heard. And he knew it, that's why he said them. The image of his chest all bruised and cut swims into my vision, and my anger rises. Kira was tortured, that much I know, and his tormentor was that bastard Ichimaru Gin, of that I am certain.
Captain Aizen's body is pinned up on a building, blood gushing from it. It's unbelievable. Who could do such a thing? I look at Hinamori, knowing she must be devastated just as she begins to hurl abuse at my captain and draws her sword. I warn her to put it away otherwise I will have to draw mine too, but she doesn't listen. She attempts to attack Ichimaru Gin, and rage fills my head. How dare she raise her blade to my Captain? My Lover? My world? I draw my sword and jump to his defence. I could easily kill her, but I don't want her dead. I cast my glance back at my captain. Sure, he has his faults, but so does everyone. Nobody is perfect. My Captains only fault is that he likes to torment me, and I gladly let him do it. I would be willing to die for him, and I think he understands that. I bring my blade down on Hinamori again and my eyes widen slightly, I can sense it – he is about to use Shikai. Wait, no he isn't. I'm just thinking too much about him that I don't notice Captain Hitsugaya arrive. My senses must have gotten confused. There is no way my captain would have used Shinso in a place like this, let alone on Hinamori.
Captain Hitsugaya and Vice Captain Matsumoto manage to stop Hinamori and for that I am grateful to them, and I accept that I must spend some time in the cells for drawing my sword in Seireitei. My captain is safe, that is all that matters.
Whilst sitting alone in my cell, I can't help but wonder why everyone likes to blame things on my Captain. There was the...issue with Shuuhei last week. I want to see him, to apologise, but I can't. He will try and corner me, and get answers from me. Answers that have nothing to do with him and that I am not ready to give. Hinamori though, she attacked my captain out of anger and desperation, i understand that. But it was MY captain she attacked. MINE.
How long have I been here now? 2 days? 3? More? I don't know, but I know that remorse is beginning to creep up on me. I raised my sword against Hinamori. I deeply regret that, but I will still never forgive her. I'm not sure I can. She dared to attack the person most dear to my heart and by doing that she attacked me. No, I cannot..will not forgive her. But, can I forgive myself for the way I treated Shuuhei? I am so lost in thought that it isn't until my captain it standing right outside my cell that I notice him. And the bodies of the guards on the floor. I look at him and he reassures me that they are merely unconscious and places a barrier around the whole building. Nobody can enter. He places an additional barrier on our floor. The moon is shining through the high window and is falling onto his perfect form. He is so beautiful.
He unlocks the cell and enters. He walks over to me and forces his lips on mine. The kiss is deep, passionate. I can feel his desire for me as his tongue ravishes my mouth. Then he suddenly stops. He rests his forehead on my own and opens his eyes properly. I stare into the beautiful depths.
"Izuru" He says quietly "I'm sorry. Sorry for everythin'. I have mistreated and abused ya. It took ya being locked up for me to understand that, and it aint right. An' ya aint left me. Why?"
"C....Captain" I stammered, closing my eyes, a bit startled "I live for you. I love you. Anything you ask of me I will gladly do. I want to be by your side forever. I will follow wherever you go, I will risk my life to protect you. If inflicting pain on me makes you happy, then I would gladly endure all the pain in the world" I opened my eyes again and realised that tears had started to run down my cheeks. I look at him, his expression unreadable. But then his eyes close again and he takes my lips as his own, but this time he is gentle. I kiss back, my burning passion for him passing between our lips, and I can't help myself. My hands start wondering. They are about to go up his top when I freeze. This kind of action usually earns me a punishment. I search his face, seeking permission.
"It's ok Izuru. I've been too harsh, too violent with ya recently. Right here, right now, I'm yours to do what ya want with"
My eyes opened wide in shock. I expressed my gratitude with another kiss, and he kisses me back. Slowly I start pushing him towards a wall. He says nothing and lets me do it. I shove him hard against the wall, taking his lips once more as my own. My hands quickly begin undoing his clothes, throwing them behind us as I rain kisses over his neck and jaw, occasionally adding a little nip here and there.
"I love you Gin" I breathed, flicking my tongue over his earlobe. It had been such a long time since I had been permitted to call him that. I had been instructed to call him Captain at all times, as a reminder of who was in charge. But at this moment, right now, it was me.
He was fully naked now. And I took in the full beauty of the man stood in front of me, the moon highlighting his entire body, causing slight shadows in all the right places. A hunger was in my eyes, and I think he saw it as his grin, that masterpiece of a smile, got even bigger. I pulled him gently over to the cell's bed and laid him down. I then stripped naked myself and lay on the bed with him. I allowed our erections to rub together and I got a small moan from him. It has been years since I have properly made him moan. I start afresh my assault on his neck, licking it, my tongue flicking across his porcelain skin nipping and sucking.
My hand travels up his chest, tracing patterns until my lucky hand found his nipple, and pinching it ever so lightly, I got a loud moan from him. I can tell he wants me right now, just as much as I want him. But I have to be patient. I need to explore his entire body with my tongue. I dive into his collarbone, biting lightly and getting moan after moan from those exquisite lips. My tongue starts tracing the same pattern across his chest before suddenly taking his other nipple in my mouth, flicking it, biting it, nuzzling it. He is breathing heavily now and I can see the drops of pre-cum dripping down his long, hard cock.
"Izuru....Izuru please" Ichimaru begged, and having my name said like that sends my heart soaring.
I moved down slowly. His eyes were open again, burning with passion. This was the Gin I first fell in love with. It is the way he is looking at me now that tells me that I really would do anything and everything for him.
I lick my tongue up his shaft, sending judders through his body and I became painfully aware of my own erection. But that can wait. This needs my full attention and I focus on it. I flick my tongue delicately over the slit at the end, whilst my fingers move delicately over his shaft. One of them follows the vein that runs up its length as i finally begin to take him into my mouth, sucking gently to begin with, bobbing my head with each suck. It isn't long before i start sucking harder, moving my head faster, eliciting more moans from the perfect mouth of his. I begin to slow down before stopping completely and pulling away slightly before continuing my ministrations with my tongue, it following the same patterns my fingers had laid out.
I am also prepping myself. One hand is resting on his hip, but the other is at my entrance, teasing myself open gently, stretching so that I am able to take his manhood in me. When i deem myself ready, i straddle him and lean forward to kiss him, brushing some of the silver hair from his delicate face, delighting myself that my captain is hot and flustered. I place three of my fingers in his mouth and he sucks on them, and this time its me that releases a moan. I slowly pull the fingers from his mouth, regretting losing the feeling of his tongue roaming over them. A trail of saliva come with them, and I apply my fingers back to my entrance, lubricating this time. I know I am ready and I adjust myself to that the tip of his cock is pressing against me, aching to go in.
Slowly I begin to impale myself, pausing for a moment to allow the pain to subside as I study his face. I can tell that he is trying hard to not just thrust upwards as hard as he can. Even in moment like this, he desire to cause me pain is so strong. But he wants to hurt me and I am only too glad to oblige. I suddenly thrust my own hips backward to meet his own, taking his full length inside of me. His eyes open momentarily is surprise before he lets out a small, almost inaudible chuckle, most likely at the look of pain currently on my face. But i endure it and lift a little before impaling myself over and over, forcing myself past the pain threshold and into the realms of pleasure. I start to move my body faster and he moves his hips in time with mine. Each of his thrusts move against the special spot inside of me and I know i am moaning loudly each time it connects, but i don't care. This right here is perfection, and i never want it to end, though i know it must. My eyes are closed and my head is thrown back as i am riding him. I know he hates when i don't look at him during sex, but i cant help it. This feeling is too good, and it only intensifies when he reaches his own hand up and strokes my throbbing erection. That in itself nearly causes me to completely lose control. It has been many years since he pleasured me and i had forgotten how gentle his hands could be. I force myself not to cum, but its hard and i think he knows it, as he begins to pump me faster, applying a touch more pleasure
"Oh fuck! G..Gin" I manage to say through laboured breathes. It is clear that I am at breaking limit. He know my body well enough to know when I am going to climax, and one fine thrust inside me is all it takes. I spill my seed all over his chest and within moments i feel him unload deep within me, my contracting muscles milking him completely. It takes all my willpower not to collapse on top of him, and I gradually pull off until he is in me no longer. I slip to one side and rest my head on his shoulder, both of us breathing fast together.
"Izuru" He says at last, running his slender finger through my hair "Ya truely are amazin' ya know" and I can barely do more than grunt in agreement. "I love ya Izuru"
This time i force myself to reply, drawing every last ounce of strength i posses "And I love you too, Ichimaru Gin"
I hear him say something else, but his words sound fuzzy to me. I try to pay attention, but I'm falling asleep and am unable to prevent it. The last thing I remember his him planting a loving kiss on my forehead as i pass into the dominion of sleep.
He was probably the one questioned the most after the three captains defected. And it's understandable why – it seems that he helped them. He distracted Captain Hitsugaya for long enough, and Rangiku too. To all casual observers it must looked like he had a large part in this, but I just can't believe Kira would do such a thing. But the interrogation process was tough on those of us that were closest to our captains, and I expect it was worse on him. But I have been told he refused to answer anything. He won't talk to anyone. What is he hiding? Is he still trying to protect Ichimaru, or does he really know nothing? Is the shock really taking such a toll on his system? I just don't understand.
The rain is coming down harder now. I hope he has found somewhere dry to rest, he is not well as it is, and the last thing we need is the rain making him even more sick.
What would his parents think? I know he would often visit them and talk to them and how proud he was when he got into the 13 protection squads. Maybe that is what drives him now – dishonour? Or the thought of betraying those he loves the most? Kira used to be an open book to me. I was always the one he would come to with his problems, especially whenever he was going through a rough time with Ichimaru. I knew back then just how special Kira Izuru is, and I still know it. The way he would blush sometimes when talking about his former captain was more thanadorable.
I'm lost in thoughts of Kira, and I know it. But I need to reflect on the good things, because that's all Kira is really. He is the purest form of good in this or any other world and that's why I have to know what happened, it why I have to find him, and its why I have to kill Ichimaru Gin for doing this to him.
I'm still running in the direction the Quincy directed, and still there is no trace of Kira. The sky is starting to get lighter as well. Dawn is arriving and bringing with it a whole new day.
I'm sat on my knees staring up at my captain in pure disbelief. He had told me the plan before springing me from my cell. Well, he had told me part of it, that Captain Aizen was alive and that he would be leaving soon. I begged him to take me with him, and he had said yes, that he wouldn't have told me anything if he didn't want me by his side. I followed his orders to the letter. I even raised my blade to others, so why is he leaving me here? Did I not promise to do everything for him?
Why is he looking at Rangiku and not me? What is he saying to her? I feel like my world is shattering into a million pieces and I can do nothing to stop it. This yellow field that is surrounding him, taking him away from me..No, I cannot allow this. I start to run towards it, I will follow my captain, I must! I'm nearly there when I feel a strong hand on my shoulder, holding me back and I know who it is. Without even thinking I spin around and hit Hisagi, knocking him to the ground. He wasn't expecting it otherwise he would have been easily able to stop my fist, I know this. I turn back to my captain and he looks down at me. Both of his eyes are wide open and there is pity reflected in them. Pity for using me? Or for leaving me? I just want him to come back, and take me with him, but I know he wont and its when he smirks at me that i realise completely. He is pitying me for being so weak, for letting him treat me like he did, pitying me for not being able to stand on my own, knowing full well that without him I am nothing.
That's the last I remember of that day. I have been told that Shuuhei took me make to the 4th squad barrack and tended to me until a Captain Unohana was free to treat me. They say that my Reiatsu has dropped so low is non-existent, but I don't care. All I can think about is my captains' betrayal to me, it feels like I am being stabbed over and over and I am powerless to stop it.
I have been interrogated by the second squad so often now that my brain wants to bleed, but I don't answer any of their questions, it just makes me think of him, and reminds me how completely stupid and useless I am. I was even prepared to betray soul society for him and I was just his puppet. I have to leave. Soul Society needs to be rid of vermin like me. I know that there are orders to stay in Seireitei that apply for everyone, but I must go against these. Though I cannot deny how useful these orders are. It means that none will follow me. I can slip away to the real world and remain there, forgotten until it is too late. I wonder if the Kasumi-Ooji family will allow me to use their gate? Its highly unlikely, but I remember my parents speaking highly of them when I was younger, so it's possible that they may have some sympathy for me slipping away, even if they do not know the reasons. Yes, this is the course of action I must take. I gather a few things together and head to the mansion, hoping that I can slip away without being noticed.
I have to be close now. I risk releasing my Reiatsu again; searching for him and this time I know I am close to the mark. I can sense him now, I know I am going in the right direction although now I am worried more than ever. I have never known his Reiatsu to be so low. It's almost completely gone, as if Kira himself is slipping away. I pick up my pace and I finally find him. He is in a park, near a fountain. If it wasn't for the faint traces of Reiatsu I would not have recognised him at all, I may not have even been aware that someone was there. All I can see as I approach is a muddled heap on the floor. Within a few moments I am by his side, but he is unconscious and his breathing is shallow.
"Izuru!" I cry, one of the very few times I have used his first name and cradling his head in my hands "Wake up, c'mon" I place my hands on his head, he is burning up with a fever which I think has a lot to do with this cursed rain. To me it seems that he is in the fits of a nightmare, and I catch two words from his lips "Why Captain?"
Is he dreaming of the day he was abandoned, or is it more of the abuse he suffered at that monsters hands? It doesn't matter. I have to get him somewhere dry and take care of him. I stand up, heaving him over one shoulder and then my blood freezes and I am incapable of moving as I hear two words coming out of the darkness;
"Getsuga Tensho"
A/N : So, thats Chapter 1. Very Angsty I know. I feel so sorry for Kira, but i figured he would be completely crushed after Gin left and wanted to explore this more. Dont worry, i promise that this is eventually leading to ShuuKira
Reviews are most welcome