Legal: I own nothing but the idea

Important things to know before reading:

*Most of this is in the chapter itself in Clare's monologue but I know some people skim the longer paragraphs so I'm putting it up here as well.

*Adam never died and he's still with Becky, therefor Drew and Becky never got together.

*Clare found out she was pregnant with Drew's baby but did not tell him she was pregnant.

*Drew got back together with Bianca.

*Clare and Eli got back together.

*Johnny transferred from NYU to Columbia last year.

*Clare no longer has contact with her father or Darcy.

*Clare's phone call is italicized because it's a flashback.

Okay enjoy the chapter.

Ch.1 Moving into a New Life

(CLARE)

"Well this is it," Eli says parking in the loading zone in front of the industrial apartment building. "Close to Columbia and a good neighborhood, you were lucky to find this place," Eli comments getting out of the rented moving truck.

"I was lucky that Johnny's roommate moved out leaving him with a vacancy and Alli heard about it through Facerange. Also lucky that Johnny remembered me and was willing to rent to me even after I told him I was pregnant," I respond getting out of the car and walking into the building with Eli.

It is Saturday the month of May is nearly over and this day has turned to evening. Back in Toronto DeGrassi senior prom is being held but I am not attending. I left yesterday as soon as my last exam was over, I already knew I would be graduating and nothing would prevent my admittance to Columbia this year. I didn't want to stick around for graduation or prom, I didn't want to celebrate in end of year festivities with my friends I just wanted to get out of there. My mom was more upset about it than I was, she wanted pictures of me in my cap and gown, she wanted to see me graduate and take pictures of me before prom. Well I'd already been to two proms one was a total disaster. the other was actually an incredible night for me and Eli but when I found out I had cancer, after a nose bleed and bump on my back discovered while getting into my prom dress, I had decided me and prom were a perfect storm for disaster. Actually me and school dances had never been a good match, there was Vegas Night, the dance where Eli intentionally crashed his car, even the hoe down where I had made love to Drew. It had been great, better than my dream I thought I was falling in love again and then everything fell apart.

To appease my mother I spoke to Simpson, he allowed me to get my cap and gown early. My mom had then hired a professional photographer and we got pictures of me in the cap and gown at the school last Saturday. Mom had tried to convince me to go to prom, she said it would be my last prom ever and last year I was elected prom queen but barely stayed at prom. I didn't tell her that I only won last year because Eli had rigged the vote but I did say I didn't need to go to another prom. Mom still didn't know I was pregnant, I was avoiding telling her for as long as possible, at least until I was safely in New York and she couldn't physically kill me.

Finding out I was pregnant was terrifying, I had been so elated upon my return from New York in January. My interview at Columbia had gone so well and Eli and I had rekindled in a way. I felt a spark with him I hadn't felt in months and all the pain from Drew sleeping with me and then deciding he was nothing but a rebound was washed away. The entire flight home all I thought about was attending Columbia next year and being with Eli, it didn't even bother me that Drew and Bianca had gotten back together, it seemed right just like me being back with Eli, even though we weren't just yet. And then I got that phone call and my world stopped. Pregnant! I couldn't be pregnant! I was only six weeks pregnant and the baby had to be Drew's because there had been no one else in that time. I couldn't tell Drew and I knew that and I couldn't abort, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to Adam or Alli, I didn't trust Jenna not to tell Alli and I didn't want to be the pregnant high school girl.

The very first phone call I made was to Columbia, I waited until I knew I was in. I was fifteen weeks by then and had successfully hidden it from everyone. I'd been to two prenatals alone and was fairly determined to just get through it all alone. I was civil with Drew but not exactly friendly, we could be around each other we just preferred not to. The fact that we'd slept together had remained a guarded secret known to only our closest friends. Bianca knew, she and I were even sort of friends now, at least I could stand to be around her more than Drew. The fact that I was pregnant remained a secret only I carried until I found out I got into Columbia. The baby was due in mid-September, I had to tell them, I had to know how feasible it would be for me to be nine months pregnant at the beginning of the year and possibly go into labor in class. Not to mention if I chose to keep the baby I'd have to be out for several weeks. They kept my place allowing me to take online classes for the first semester so long as I met the minimum amount of credits. I still didn't know if I was going to keep the baby or give it away, it was a decision that plagued me every moment of every day.

After being assured that I hadn't lost my place at Colombia I had to call Eli. I couldn't be with him and hide the pregnancy, he had to know and I still remember every word of that conversation…

"Hey Edwards I saw you got in, congratulations I never doubted for a minute that you'd do it. So I guess you'll be with me in New York next year," Eli says and I can picture the happy smirk on his lips.

"Actually that's why I called," I tell him unable to hide the hesitation in my tone.

"Uh oh that sounds like you're having second thoughts about it us. It can't be Drew he's back with Bianca," Eli responds grumbling out Drew's name like it stuck in his throat.

"I'm not having second thoughts but you might, I'm pregnant Eli," I get straight to the point.

"You're…who…" Eli stumbles on the words and I can actually hear them as they lodge in his throat with hitched breaths.

"Drew, he was the last. I'm fifteen weeks but I haven't told anyone and I don't plan on telling Drew I don't think he should be involved. I don't even know if I'm going to keep the baby. I called Columbia and…"

"YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM!" Eli yells cutting me off. "HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM?!"

"It happened one time you showed up right after and then Drew decided I was worthless to him, believe me I've regretted it since. Look I already talked with Columbia admissions they know everything and I can do online classes next semester. I'm keeping the pregnancy a secret, possibly forever if I choose not to keep it, the only reason I'm telling you now is that if we do get back together I couldn't hide it from you," I tell him.

"How can you be pregnant with the child of that moronic womanizer, how could you have sex with him. I understand kissing him to get back at me but…"

"Eli stop," I cut him off, "you and I were broken up and my reasons and attraction to Drew were mine. I already regret it and I don't need you to censure me about it. I'm only telling you in case we g…"

"In case we what?" Eli snaps cutting me off again. "How can I ever touch you or even look at you again without thinking about the fact that you had sex with him and are pregnant with his kid," Eli hisses and hangs up.

I cried for an hour, was so stressed and depressed the following day I made myself sick and stayed home from school. When I did return to school I avoided Drew and when I was forced to be around him we fought, and then I passed out in the hall. Everyone attributed it to my cancer thinking it was back and I let them think so, I wasn't going to tell them the truth. And then I got home from school and found Eli in my room. We went to the abandoned church and talked for hours. He apologized for being angry saying it was the shock of it all. He said he still loved me and wanted to be with me, told me he would support me in whatever decision I made and I couldn't go through this alone. We got back together that night and told my mom when we got home, about us getting back together not about me being pregnant. Eli had been calling every other day and then it was every week and then every two but he did have finals.

He came out for my grad pictures at the school since no one else was there and when I made the decision to leave right after finals he came out to help me pack. Everyone at school, including Adam, Alli and even Drew, as well as my family thought I was just anxious to get to Columbia and start the next chapter of my life. It was the story I was going with to avoid the real reason, the extreme desire to hide this pregnancy from as many people as possible for as long as possibly, forever if necessary.

Alli still happens to be friends with Johnny on Facerange and she saw when he posted that his roommate was leaving and he'd have to find a new one soon but it was not easy to find a good roommate. She passed the info onto me and I called Johnny, he was more than surprised to hear from me and we talked for a couple of hours. Affording the rent was no problem I'd gotten a partial scholarship to Columbia and my grandparents had been saving for our college since the day Darcy and I were born. When Darcy went to Africa and said she was never going to college they moved the money to my account. I just have to use the money for things related to college but that does include living expenses.

Since Johnny already knew me, knew we both had a love of literature and writing, and I wouldn't have trouble making the rent he was more than happy to have me move in. Of course then I had to tell him I was pregnant, I didn't explain the whole situation only said Eli was not the father and I still didn't know if I wanted to keep the baby or not. Johnny was okay with it, he said the industrial apartments have concrete walls and are amazingly sound proof and the ground floor bedroom would have sufficient room for me and a baby plus I could take over the den if necessary. So now I had a place to live with someone I knew and trusted. Eli wasn't all that happy that I'd be living with another guy but I showed him a picture of Johnny when he was with Alli, gave him a history of his relationship with Alli and Eli had talked to Alli and then he was finally okay with it.

"Honestly I do feel safer with you living with another guy, especially pregnant. You can't move into the dorm with me and you didn't want to live in the dorms at Columbia," Eli comments when we get into the elevator.

"I couldn't Eli, I mean they can't discriminate against me and tell me I can't live in the dorms because I'm pregnant. None the less I didn't want to be pregnant in a dorm with some girl I'd never met and a bunch of rowdy college kids and if I do keep the baby I can't keep it in the dorms," I contend as the elevator dings on the 6th floor and we get out.

We wander the halls, turning a few corners and doubling back once before we find the right apartment and I knock on the door. It opens a moment later and I instantly recognize Johnny although he in no way resembles the ravine kid Alli dated in grade nine. He's cut his hair, he's got some muscle now and he even dresses better. Eli tenses just slightly when I smile and hug Johnny.

"You look so different," Johnny says.

"So do you, thanks for letting me move in," I smile.

"Are you kidding after my last roommate I was more than happy to rent to you," Johnny smiles back and then looks at Eli.

"Oh sorry Johnny DiMarco my boyfriend Eli Goldsworthy," I introduce the two and they shake hands.

"Nice to meet you, Clare told me about you when we talked well come on in let me show you around," Johnny says stepping aside so we can get in. The apartment has an open layout with a small kitchen and breakfast counter, there's a small dining table, a sofa and big screen TV of course. I see the den from here, it's a separate room but has no door, it also looks like a storage room since I see nothing but boxes and books in it. There are open stairs to the second level and a closed door which must be my room. "My room and washroom are on the second floor, there's a small washroom down here by the den and another in your room, both rooms are master suites," Johnny tells us walking toward the closed door and opening it.

The room is large, about twice the size of my room at home, even bigger than my parent's room. There's a decent sized washroom and a walk-in closet as well as a big window with a little bench which I can make into a reading corner.

"This will be perfect," I smile.

"Looks great, guess we better bring up your stuff," Eli comments.

"I'll help, here's your keys," Johnny says going into the kitchen and picking up a set of keys. "This is the front door, this is the mailbox and this is the laundry, this one is for the pool. The front entrance to the building is broken so there's no key to it but the building is secure and there's security. After we get your stuff in I'll take you on a tour of the building so you know where everything is," Johnny tells me.

"Yeah you might have to draw me a map to find the laundry and stuff we got a little lost just finding the apartment," I comment as we walk out to the hall and he laughs.

"You'll be able to navigate pretty quickly, it's a little like the city itself. You'll be totally lost for a few weeks and then it will all click," Johnny comments as we follow him to the elevator.

"He's right and knowing you it will only take a few days," Eli says. We take the elevator down and Eli opens the truck. "The only furniture is her bed and dresser, there's a dolly in the truck but it will probably be easier just for you and I to get the mattress and box spring," Eli says to Johnny as they look inside. Since the boys seem to be making a plan I reach for a box of books, I barely get my hands on the box when they both grab my arms pulling me back.

"Clare what are you doing?" Johnny questions.

"Getting a box so we can get all my stuff in," I respond pinching my eyebrows together.

"Fine but you can't lift a heavy box you're pregnant, take the light stuff," Eli tells me handing me two of my pillows.

I sigh and take the pillows holding the door for them to bring in the box spring. It takes a little over an hour to get all my stuff upstairs and then another half an hour for the guys to get my bed frame back together with the mattress and box spring in it. After a short break for dinner Johnny shows us around the building, then he follows us to the moving rental place so we can return the truck. When we return to the apartment we say goodnight to Johnny and Eli and I go into my room. Eli and I find my sheets and blankets and make my bed; he's sleeping over tonight but has to leave somewhat early in the morning to get to NYU. He has one last final to take and he has to study, anyway I need to unpack and get settled in here.

"You've been wonderful Eli, so understanding, I would have done everything possible to get through this all alone but I am extremely happy and grateful to have you. I love you," I smile curling into Eli when we're both lying in my bed.

"I love you too Clare," he says kissing the top of my head. "I don't like that you carry Drew's child and not mine but Drew will never know. Have you thought anymore about keeping the baby?"

"No I don't know what to do, I feel the baby growing inside me, feel it move and even kick. I don't know how to feel, a piece of me loves the child without knowing it and the rest of me is terrified," I confess.

"Terrified of what?" Eli asks.

"Everything. How can I be a full time student at Columbia and a good mother? How can I support a child? What if something goes wrong during child birth or something is wrong with the baby?"

"You'll be a wonderful mom Clare and you wouldn't be alone, I'll be with you. I'll be with you for everything I promise you with all my heart Clare I am with you," Eli vows.

"I know, I love you Eli," I grin kissing his chest and then yawn.

"I love you too, get some sleep it's been a long day," Eli says stroking my back and I soon fall asleep.

(JOHNNY)

Clare and Eli go into her room for the night and I sit on the sofa to watch TV until I get tired. When Clare first called me and said she was attending Columbia and needed a place to live I was all too happy to have her move in. I knew her fairly well, well enough to know that she would not run out without paying rent or skimp out on paying the bills. I knew she was a great writer, even if most of what she wrote was vampire fiction. I knew that she loved to read and many of my favorite books were hers as well. I knew that she had cut her hair but I still pictured her as sweet and cute, not sexy or beautiful like Alli. When she told me she was pregnant I was entirely shocked, hearing that St. Clare was pregnant was like hearing that I had been elected Prime Minister, not all together impossible just highly unlikely.

When I opened the door and saw her this evening she was an entirely different person. I knew it was Clare by her bright blue eyes and innocent smile but she looked so different. She hadn't just grown and matured she'd bloomed, it's not just her pregnancy which makes her glow, more than that she looked like a woman, a classic beauty and sex symbol. I remembered this mousy skinny girl but she was anything but what I remembered and I was instantly attracted. Being attracted to your roommate is bad enough but being sexually attracted to your roommate who not only has a boyfriend but is carrying the child of another boy is a whole mess of problems.

I kept repeating to myself all night that Clare has a boyfriend and she's pregnant and my attraction to her is purely sexual. I'll get over this attraction after a while and until then I'll just keep myself busy and away from the house. Yeah that's it I don't need to be home very much, there's my job and I know lots of great places to hang out. When I do have to be home I'll just be in my room as much as possible. I'm sure Eli will be here a lot anyway.

I stay up late into the night thinking about Clare, her situation or what little I know of it anyway. I finally go to bed at 2am and fall right to sleep. I wake up after eleven the next morning, shower and pull on some jeans and boxers before going downstairs. Clare is in the kitchen, looks like she just woke up too, her short hair is slightly messed from sleep and she is still in her pajamas. What I'm assuming is her pajamas anyway as she wears a grey tank top and cut off grey shorts, I hardly noticed the bulge of her belly last night but I can see it now protruding from under her tank top. I would think that her pregnant belly would turn me off but it doesn't at all, in fact I want to feel it, run my hand over the bump and feel her skin.

"Morning," Clare smiles biting her lip as her eyes linger on my bare chest before she looks away from me again and back to the fridge.

"Could she be attracted to me too?" I wonder as I watch her search the fridge for food.

"Morning, there isn't much to eat, I need to go shopping, there's some cereal on top of the fridge help yourself. We can go shopping after if you'd like, you'll need food too," I comment.

"Yes I eat so much now I can't believe I'm not a whale by now although sometimes I feel like one," she tells me trying to reach the cereal from the top of the fridge but her short stature makes it so that her fingers barely graze the box.

"You look beautiful, nothing like a whale," I comment getting the box down for her. She smiles biting her lip and blushing from the compliment.

We eat cereal at the table mostly in silence except when I ask her when Eli left and she tells me he left at nine to go study but kissed her goodbye. After we eat we return to our rooms to dress and get ready, we leave the apartment together. There's a market only three blocks away and I point out places of interest to Clare along the way. My favorite deli, ice cream shop and the best bakery near our apartment, a small park with a walking trail and a fabulous used bookstore. I push the cart as we shop, getting food that we both like and we split the bill at checkout.

"You're welcome to any of my food," I tell her as we start walking back to the apartment. In my first month here I bought a couple of those metal rolling carts since walking around New York is faster than driving. I take them with me whenever I go shopping now and I pull both of them behind me. Clare is eating a strawberry popsicle which she's dipping into a jar of hot mustard, it has to be one of those crazy pregnancy cravings because no normal person could eat that.

"Yes you too, sharing food is good although I think I eat more than you do right now, Eli says I eat more than him," she says taking another bite of the popsicle.

"Yeah how can you eat that?" I question watching her dip the popsicle back in the mustard and then take a bite.

"It's good, it was the first pregnancy craving I got," she tells me after swallowing.

"It looks gross but my mom told me she ate almost nothing but donuts covered in ketchup when she was pregnant with me," I remark.

"Ooh that sounds good I'll have to try that one," she says and I laugh.

When we get back to the apartment we put the groceries away, then I get some water from the fridge for both of us and we sit on the sofa. We are silent for a few minutes, watching a flock of pigeons fly back and forth over the building next door. I can't help but watching her, my eyes drawn to her heaving breast as she sips her water, this is bad I can't be attracted to her and I must fill the silence to get my mind off of it.

"You and Eli are a cute couple how long have you been together?" I ask her.

"On and off since I was in grade ten, he was different then, we both were. You know K.C. left me for Jenna," she comments and I nod. "That was my first real relationship and when it ended I was hurt but I spent the summer in London with my aunt, cut my hair and enjoyed the city. I came home refreshed and seeing Jenna and K.C. together no longer bothered me. I got laser surgery for my eyes and lost my glasses, then Eli came. Black hair, mesmerizing green eyes, dark clothing and driving an antique hearse, I found him endlessly intriguing. Like a noir hero from a dark romance novel. We shared a love of writing and literature, art and classic films."

All of these are things I love as well, everything she sees in Eli is something I love and I can't decide if it's good or bad that we're so alike.

"Eli was intense in a way I had never seen before and we danced around our attraction for a long time. When we finally kissed I thought we'd taken that next step but then he avoided me. After some fighting with him I found out his girlfriend, a girl that was practically living at his house, had been hit by a car and died after a fight. Eli blamed himself and was afraid to get close to anyone else, he was also hoarding but I didn't know that at the time. I agreed to take things slow; we began spending time together as friends and somewhat more. Just before break we had a dance, A Night in Vegas. Fitz had been fighting with Eli and our best friend Adam all semester; Fitz blackmailed me into going to the dance with him to keep him from beating up Eli or Adam. Eli got jealous and poisoned Fitz with ipecac at the dance so Fitz threatened Eli with a knife and went to juvie."

"Shit that's why he went to juvie? I heard about that but I didn't realize you were involved," I comment.

"Eli and I became official after break when my parents divorced and then I found out he was hoarding. Things were good for a while but Eli became possessive and suspicious, jealous over everything. When Fitz got out of juvie he had found God and came to apologize, I forgave him but Eli wouldn't hear it. Fitz backed off after coming to my house during a storm but Eli continued to get worse. I felt like he was suffocating me and when I tried to break up with him he intentionally crashed his car so I would come see him."

She goes on to tell me about Jake, her rebound and then her stepbrother. About the difficulty of transitioning from a relationship to stepsiblings, finding out El was bipolar. How she and Eli got back together after winter break when the Ice Hounds came to the school. About her co-op with Asher Shostak and how he assaulted her but didn't pay for it which I find sickening. She tells me about the young hockey player committing suicide and Eli finding the body sending him into a breakdown and yet another breakup for the two of them. How she ran for student council president against Drew her best friend Adam's older brother. He won but asked her to be his vice president. That she got back together with Eli at prom and then found out she had cancer keeping her from going to Paris. She talks about Eli coming home to nurse her through cancer; she went into remission just before school and began running student council with Drew.

"Eli became too busy with school to so much as return my calls, even Adam was busy. Drew and I spent a lot of time together running student council; he was there for me when no one else was. At Thanksgiving he broke up with Bianca and I found out Eli had cheated on me, I kissed Drew in a moment of upset weakness. I got back together with Eli and denied any attraction to Drew to the both of us. Only there was an attraction, a great one and it became harder and harder to deny and then I broke up with Eli and had sex with Drew in the prop room at school during a dance. Eli showed up angry that we had broken up and I told him we were through, I thought Drew and I were going to be together but he decided that he was a rebound and wanted nothing to do with me."

"The baby, it's Drew's isn't it?" I ask before she can continue.

"Yes but he doesn't even know I'm pregnant, no one does aside from you, Eli, my doctor and the admissions office at Columbia," she says.

She told me the pregnancy was a secret when we talked on the phone about the apartment. I had agreed to keep the secret from everyone but I figured the father knew and just didn't want to be a part of it, it happens all too often.

"So you just plan on never telling him? Your best friends with his brother you don't think Drew will eventually find out?" I inquire and Clare looks at me biting her lip and her eyes glistening with guilt.

Update Tuesday December 9th continuing from here as the roommates grow closer and the sexual tension builds. Can Clare really keep the secret from Drew? If you're wondering why a short story will be updated on a Tuesday next month go to the DeGrassi saviors website to view my entire holiday schedule.