New one-shot I randomly came up with. Read it, tell me if you liked it or not. Simple stuff people xD
DISCLAMIER-I do not own iCarly...This should be pretty much known
Well hello there, you must be interested in these two teenagers that go by Sam and Freddie. Well, you're in luck. I know everything you need to know about them. Call me Santa Clause. Get it? Cause I know when they're awake and I know when they're sleeping. Oh I joke, I'm not that fat guy in a red suit. I don't even believe in him, heck I'm Jewish so I don't even celebrate the holiday he represents.
You don't need to know who I am. No, I'm not God. No I'm not some secret spirit that haunts these two. I know everything about everyone. I even know you. Don't believe me? Fine, then you're not at your computer reading this fanfiction written by Xx'Hate'xYeahxRIGHTxX, you're also not believing me when I say I know everything about anyone.
Your loss, I suppose.
Now, enough about me or who I am. Let's get to these characters named Sam and Freddie. Since you're reading this you're either one of two things; extremely confused because you have no idea who Sam and Freddie are. Or two, you know, and might even love, these two. If you belong in group one, I highly recommend you press that 'X' at the right of your screen.
I'll give you a second...
Ok. Now I'm going to believe only group two is here, correct? Good. Now we all know the basic story of Sam and Freddie. They're on a hit web show called iCarly, they have an...odd friendship. Now I don't believe I have to expand on that any further, unless you are in group one; but I do believe we've already gone over this.
Well, since you have stayed this long I suppose I can explain a little further for you. Sam and Freddie have known each other since sixth grade. Hence began their bickering and arguments. No one, no not even their mutual best friend Carly, could understand why this hatred erupted from these two for no good reason.
Sam Puckett never had a father-figure around. Her mother went from boyfriend to boyfriend, and half of them never spoke English.
Freddie Benson was always coddled. He was basically put in an invisible bubble by his over-bearing mother since the day he was born. The idea of never being protected, having his feelings hurt, never occurred to the eleven year old.
Perhaps the mixing of these two backgrounds caused the explosive reaction between these pre-teens.
Sam was afraid to ever let a man in her life; because every man who she ever came to enjoy in her life was quickly chased out by a terrible break-up between him and her mother.
Freddie was afraid of leaving the sheltered life he was raised in.
Two afraid children.
So they started to fight, bicker, argue. Whatever you wish to call it. Sam was afraid to let this small brunette boy into her life so she tried to chase him out with insults. Freddie was afraid of Sam in general; she was the first person to insult him, so he returned the fire. The two kept playing this game for years, because they were both afraid to know what would happen if they stopped.
Let me bring you to the story I wish to tell you. This story is complete fact, I was there after all. It all began when Carly and Spencer went with Socko to Olympia, the capital of Washington, to a sock convention. Sam and Freddie were to come along as well, but certain things stopped them from riding along in Socko's car.
Carly was able to sit comfortably with her body frame in the backseat of Socko's car, but if she was jammed in the backseat with her two friends, she would have a panic attack. Freddie's car was always ridiculously filled with wires and cables making Carly, with her claustrophobia, unable to ride in. Which meant Freddie had to drive his car there as well with one other person. Spencer had his license as well, but what would the purpose of having a road trip with your best friend if you were in separate cars? Carly was in the car with Spencer because she was the only one who knew of all his medical history, a lengthy list that most doctors wouldn't even be able to follow.
All signs pointed to a road trip for the bickering duo. Sam literally kicked and screamed in protest, but in the end she reluctantly accepted.
Socko had to go three days before the whole convention started because he was one of the head managers of the convention. As was Spencer. Sam and Freddie would have to arrive the day before the start of the convention; three days after Carly was already settled in her hotel room.
The day when Sam and Freddie had to leave started off normally, well as normally as a day could start of if you were these two.
"Sam, open up." Freddie said as he pounded on Sam's front door. He anxiously checked his PearPhone; 8:17 AM. "We're nearly twenty minutes late."
He heard a groan from the other side of the door that resembled a bear's roar. He rolled his eyes and knocked again.
"Sam, I know you're up. Carly's expecting us at eleven. If you don't come out in five minutes, I swear I-" He was quickly cut off from the front door swinging open to reveal a fully dressed Sam standing triumphantly in front of him.
"You'll do what? Beep your horn?" Sam remarked sarcastically, causing an eye-roll from her male companion. "You're not scary, Benson."
"Whatever. Are you ready?" Freddie asked as he turned around and began to walk towards his gray car.
"As I'll ever be," Sam said as she took strides towards the car. "Shot gun!" She called out as she ran towards the passenger door. She began to try and open to door but to no success. "You seriously locked it? The car wasn't even out of your sight and you locked it."
"Don't judge me, I just wanted to be safe." Freddie remarked as he pressed a button on his key ring that caused the headlights of the car to quickly flash. Sam pulled on the door handle and opened the door with ease this time. She got in the car and shut the door.
"Don't slam it! Be careful, car doors are extremely sensitive." Freddie said as he walked towards the drivers seat. Sam gave him a look and opened and slammed her door shut five times just to annoy him.
"Car doors have gotten five ton trucks rammed at them at one hundred-seventy-five miles an hour and they remained closed. I highly doubt I could cause any damage to your door by just slamming it. I could do damage to your precious door in much more creative ways if you want." A malicious grin overcame the blonde's face as she put her feet on the headboard. Freddie pushed her sneakers off his headboard.
"Don't put your feet up." Freddie said as he closed his door and started the engine. Sam returned her feet to their original position and once again Freddie knocked them down. "I'm serious. You're lucky I'm even driving you."
"You're lucky I'm even in the same area as you. The only reason why I'm going to this thing is because of the free food." Sam said as she reclined her seat back.
"Shocker." Freddie mumbled under his breath only to have Sam smack him with the back of her hand.
"Just drive, Nub." Sam mumbled as she closed her eyes.
Freddie managed to drive in silence for the first hour and a half because of Sam's ability to sleep soundly through anything. It was when he was gleefully singing along to his favorite song horribly off-pitched when Sam decided to wake up.
"Could you be anymore of a horrible singer?" Sam said in her impersonation of Chandler from Friends. Freddie jumped as his eyes darted to Sam and back to the road.
"Jesus Christ, Sam. Are you trying to give me heart attack?" Freddie snapped as he put one hand over his heart. "Not today, because then I'd have to drive. Any other day it'd be a yes." Sam said as she readjusted herself in order to pull out her red flip-phone. "Ugh, it's only ten? One more hour of torture."
"You're telling me. I've had to deal with your snoring."
"I don't snore." Sam argued.
"Do too! I had to put on the music to a deafening volume just to block it out." Freddie retorted.
"More like you just wanted to block out the sound of your own horrible singing." Sam fought back. The argument lasted for fifteen minutes or so, I would go into detail but it would just take too much time.
"Whatever Sam, just do what you do best and sleep." Freddie grumbled to her as he focused all his attention to the stretch of highway ahead of him.
"I would, but I'm too afraid that if I fall asleep you'd completely butcher another Cuttlefish song." Sam said getting in the last word of their most recent argument.
"You're just so funny Sam. You know that?" Freddie said with sarcasm dripping off his lips.
"Oh, I know. Just ask our million viewers who agree with you." Sam said as she leaned her head against the cold passenger window. "Chizz Fredwad, turn up the heat or something. Its freezing."
"I can't, it'll risk my car overheating."
"Seriously?" Sam said as she quickly flipped on the heat and held her finger against the button making it impossible for Freddie to turn it off.
"Sam! Stop!" Freddie said as he managed to swat her hand away and shut the heat off. "I brought blankets because I knew you would complain about either being too cold or too hot."
"Yes, I would definitely claim I was too hot in the middle of January." Sam sarcastically shot back at Freddie as she grabbed the blankets from him.
"Knowing you, I wouldn't count it out. I'm pretty sure you are cold-blooded after all."
"Shove it." Sam argued as she went through the glove compartment, ripping out the once neatly-paper-clipped papers onto the car's carpet.
"Sam! What are you doing?" Freddie snapped at the teenage girl next to him who was still digging through his personal papers.
"None of your beeswax, Fredwardo."
"My car. My stuff." Freddie argued as he quickly used his right hand to close the glove compartment shut, making sure his left hand was securely on the wheel.
"You act like you have stuff in here that I don't know about," Sam said nonchalantly and remained silent for a second before perking back up again. "You do have something in here you don't want me to find."
"No I don't. I just don't want you messing up my stuff like you always do, it took my weeks to get all my papers in order." Freddie grimaced as he let out an exasperated sigh.
"I don't believe you. In this car; which smells of lilacs and honeysuckle, very masculine by the way Fredalupe, you have some dark hidden secret. Something no one knows about." Sam excitedly stated as she ripped open the glove compartment. She began to read aloud the name of the papers she ripped out, if they bored her, which they all did, she'd throw it over her shoulder to the backseat. She managed to tear through the whole glove compartment. That is when she unbuckled her seat belt and started to climb towards the backseat, which consisted of nothing but wires and cables in a mission to find whatever Freddie was trying to hide
"Sam! Get back in the front seat this instant!" Freddie ordered as Sam's bottom half was the only thing present in the drivers part of the car. The upper part of her body was in the backseat and was desperately trying to get her bottom half to join her.
"No!" A mumbled voice boomed through the car.
"Sam, if you don't come back up here by the time I count to three I'm pulling this car over." Freddie warned looking at his backseat with a look between anger and anxiety.
"I'd like to see you try and do that on an interstate highway Cheese-For-Brains."
"One..."
"I'm not moving." Sam said as she kicked her legs which was another desperate attempt to get her bottom half in the backseat as well.
"Two..."
"I will kick you." Sam threatened as she tried to aim a kick at Freddie's face, but missed since she couldn't see where exactly Freddie's face was.
"Three." Freddie said as he jerked the car to the side of the road, which caused Sam's head to bang against the random computer monitor he had in his backseat. Freddie quickly opened his car door and ran around to the other side of the vehicle.
What he saw was so hilarious I can't even put it into words; to sum it up Sam's head was on the floor of the car, making it so you couldn't see her shoulders up from outside of the car. The rest of her body was twisted into an awkward position. The fact that Sam couldn't move made it even richer for Freddie. He quickly pulled out his PearPhone and began to take pictures.
"Fredwad! Get me out!" Sam's muffled voice was heard from inside the car. By this point Freddie was leaning against the car holding onto his ribs as a result of the amount of laughing he's done. "This isn't funny!"
"Yes..." Freddie began to say before he erupted in another round of gut-busting laughter. "Yes it is." He quickly said before his laughter took control once again.
"I swear to God I'm going to kill you." Sam screamed from the backseat. Freddie's laughter had subsided but when he looked through the window to see Sam stuck in the exact same position as before, but this time threatening him, caused a hysterical laugh occur. It was one of those laughs that you're laughing so hard that nothing comes out. You're laughing so hard you can't even breath.
After a minute or so he regained his composure and opened the side door of his car and helped Sam out of the car. Once she brushed herself off and stretched, she glared at the brunette boy who was trying his hardest not to break down in a fit of giggles.
"You're a dead man, Benson." She breathed out quietly, but it was loud enough for Freddie to hear. His brown eyes grew large and after an awkward silence of the two of them standing across from each other, the chase began. Sam was running after Freddie and Freddie was running for his life. Smart boy.
"Leave me alone Sam!" Freddie screamed as he ran towards his SUV.
"You left me there for ten minutes! I'm going to rip out your intestines and strangle you with them." Sam screamed as she ran after Freddie.
She eventually caught up with him and grabbed him by his hair and slammed him down against the hood of the car.
"Sam, please. Don't." Freddie begged trying to catch his breath, his heart hammering like a hummingbird's. After a minute Sam let him go.
"I can't kill you today. I made a promise to Carly that I wouldn't ever drive without my license ever again. And since I have no license, and I need to get to Olympia, I have to let you live" Sam said as she crawled back into the passenger seat.
"What do you mean 'ever again'?" Freddie questioned, but quickly dropped it after he saw Sam's expression of anger aimed towards him. He got in the drivers seat and turned on the ignition in fifteen seconds flat.
"What were you even looking for when you tore through my glove compartment?" Freddie asked, breaking the awkward silence that consumed the atmosphere in the car for a good eight minutes.
"Food." Sam answered back simply as she wrapped the blanket around her torso.
"I'm not allowed to keep food in my car, my mom says Hobo's can smell food from ten miles away and they'll break into my car to eat it."
"And that's a problem? Hobos are awesome." Sam scoffed as she leaned her head against the window.
"You're the only person I've ever met that has ever thought Hobos were cool." Freddie remarked as he shook his head in amusement.
"And never forget it, Fredwipe." Sam said smiling besides herself before she noticed the surroundings. "Where are we going?"
"Inside-Out Burger. You wanted food, so I'm getting you food." Freddie said as he pulled into the drive-thru.
"Well in that case, I want a-"
"Number one with a number three and two large fries with a large Wahoo Punch." Freddie said, interrupting Sam, as he spoke into the drive-thru box.
"How did you know that, Fredsauce?" Sam asked, intrigued by his sudden knowledge of what her order was.
"Sam, I've known you since we were like, twelve. I know you like the back of my hand." Freddie said, smiling at Sam. She reluctantly gave him a smile back as she reached across his lap to grab the bag of food from the worker. Freddie carefully gave her the money, telling her to keep the change, and drove off.
"You're welcome." Freddie said while Sam crammed fistful of deep-fried, artery-clogging food down her esophagus.
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks Fredward." Sam spoke spraying a wave of half-eaten food all over the car's interior and the driver.
"You're disgusting." Freddie said point-blank as he gave her a disgusted look.
"And you're unattractive. I suppose we all have our faults."
"Sam, can you go one minute without insulting me?"
"I could, we've already figured that out a few years ago when we made that bet. I just choose not too." Sam said as she threw a fry in the air and caught it in her mouth.
"We're almost there." Freddie said aloud as he looked down at the directions he printed out from MapAdventure.
"Good. Carly owes me. This was the worst trip of my life. I'm going to have to take a five-hour shower to wash off Nub-Germs." Sam said as she handed Freddie one of her fries.
They did eventually arrive at the hotel. And when Carly asked them about the trip, they both groaned and told her that they are never going on another trip with each other alone ever again. No. They didn't fall in love on this road trip. They didn't go to a 1950 style diner, were a waitress with blonde hair in a beehive style in her mid-fifties made a comment about how they're so cute together or accidentally thought they were a couple.
This is real life. Not a storybook with happily-ever-afters. I'm so sorry to disappoint. I could tell you if Sam and Freddie ever did end up together, if they ever got married, if they ever had a few kids. I know if they did or not. I told you, I know everything about everyone. But, I choose not too.
No, I'm not trying to torture you by refusing to give you this information.
Life's no fun without mystery.