"Just a fleeting memory" A Gin x Izuru angst fic

I had the idea for this fic after reading chapter 320 of the manga where Gin sees Izuru and says "I'm just glad he's doing well." Contains slight strong language, and suggestive yaoi themes.

Izuru is sat having tea with with a man, who is just making conversation.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any bleach related chars, the enquirer is a character I made solely for this fic.

"Izuru you're a different person when Gin's around." Izuru froze then turned round to look at his enquirer.

"What do you mean?"

"You're just more confident when he's not here. You pamper to his every whim when he's around. You're like a frightened little mouse in his presence."

"I didn't realise I change so much," Izuru sat down. "It's just that I long for his touch."

"I didn't know he did."

"Yes, frequently when we're alone, and when we're not he just teases me. That's why I seem nervous all the time. I'm wondering what he'll do next."

"Have you always been like this around him?"

"More or less, even when we first met."

"When was that?"

"I was still in the training academy, we'd been sent on a training mission and some huge hollows turned up. I can remember that I'd never been so scared. I thought it was all over for us. Then a Captain and his lieutenant turned up. Gin was that lieutenant back then. I watched him watch me, and then later after all the commotion had died down he visited me. I was overcome with emotion but he said nothing, he just held me in his arms, after a few hours of that, and nothing else he got up to leave. I asked him not to go. He stopped and turned round looking towards, me he returned grabbing my face roughly he pulled me closer to him. At that moment I was scared. 'Do you want something Izuru?' he asked me. I just looked up at him in wonderment, as he suddenly forcefully planted his lips on mine. Then he pulled away. I grabbed onto his clothes. 'I asked if you wanted something, Izuru?' he repeated his question. I built up courage to speak, and responded 'yes, you' He smiled at me. 'We'll meet again, be sure of it, I'll be watching your progress.' He left for the second time, and I collapsed on the floor. Again he returned to me, sweeping me up in his arms, he carried me to my bed, and gently laid me down. He kissed my forehead. I made to grab him to pull him down to me 'Not yet, but I will return for you.' This time when he left, he never returned. He left me wanting more, and with a raging hardon that I spent ages getting rid of."

"So when did he return?"

"It seemed like months later when I next saw him. It was during exams. I'd been trying not to think of him, and concentrating on my training. But when he turned up, I turned to jelly. After speaking to my teachers, he approached me. 'Very impressive test scores, you have the makings of a very good lieutenant, I may be looking for one at some point myself'. he smiled. Again that evening he visited me, this time we talked."

"You spoke properly to him?"

"Yes, I was very much enamoured by him, so I was very nervous. He's a dominant character."

"So, what did he say?"

"He told me he wanted me. He needed a lieutenant his last one had disappeared without a trace. But there was more to the post than being a simple deputy. He wanted ME."

"Is that all he said?"

"Yes, and then he held me for hours on end. Again I wanted more than just hugs, and again he refused."

"So, did you accept the post there and then?"

"It had been such a busy day, everything had happened at once. The post wasn't even dependant on my exam results. He wanted me for me. I just stared at him forever."

"But did you accept him?"

"Oh yes, and not just for the job, for the extra responsibilities that came with it too. He spent the night with me, but again he teased me by refusing more than hugs and kisses. He was giving me confusing signals. I didn't know what to think and whether what I'd agreed to was a good idea."

Izuru got up to leave.

"Going so soon?" the enquirer looked at him

"Orders have come through, we have to travel to Hueco Mundo to find the traitors." his voice trailed off...

"Oh, you mean Aizen, Tousen and Gin?"

"Yes" Izuru's voice was very weak and distant.

"Are your orders to kill them?"

Izuru looked paler than usual.

"Can you do it? Can you kill Gin?"

He looked away, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Or would you join him there? Maybe even try and talk him into returning? Would you rather stay with him there than live your life alone?"

"He's a bastard and a traitor. How dare he play with my feelings like this. I thought I was worth more to him!" Izuru slumped down on the chair, his outburst shocked even himself.

"Did you see him when he left?"

"Yes, but only from a distance."

"So he didn't speak directly to you?"

"No. I heard he said he wished Rangiku had stayed closer a little longer."

"Rangiku? Did he like her too?"

"He only liked as a friend, he told me. However, she wished it was something more."

"So, what did he mean by the 'closer' comment?"

"I can only assume as she was next to him when the light vortexes appeared. If she had stayed in that vicinity a little longer, she would have been crushed."

"If you were in that situation, would you have moved?"

"No. i would've held on to him. Sometimes its better to be dead than live without him."

"Is that how you feel right now?"

"I just want to meet him again to tell him how I feel."

"You never answered my question."

"I know. It's hard without him."

"But will you tell him or will you just turn to jelly again?"

"I'll tell him for certain."

"Back to my previous question. Can you kill him?"

"I hope I don't have to."

"Then if someone else does?"

"I'll have to..." his voice trailed off again.

"Yes?"

Izuru looked lost, like a small child missing his mother. "I have no answer for you. I don't know what I will do. If I ever meet you again, if and when I return, then I will tell you. But then again, this may be our only meeting. What was your name again?"

"I'm no one." said the enquirer, "You can call me a friend, or a shoulder to cry on. I can be everybody, or I can be nobody. We will meet again. Farewell Izuru." The enquirer got up and walked away.

In the minutes following, Izuru had the vague recollection that he'd spoken to someone, he just wasn't sure what about. In the next hour, the memories of the conversation had drifted away in the breeze. By this time Izuru was well on his way with other members of the 13 divisions, into Hueco Mundo. His thoughts were focussed on the mission rather than on Gin.

The End