A/N: This is kind of an AU, autobiographical fanfic. I am alot like Olivia; except, I'm not a product of rape, my mother wasn't really physically abusive, and I have not found my Elliot yet. This is what I remember from my childhood. I know this is not done often but I wanted to honor, the best man I have ever known, my grandfather. I'm a huge E/O shipper, so this has alot of E/O fluff.

Dedication: To my grandfather. He was the rock in my life and will never be forgotten.

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU. I wish I did though.

Olivia Benson was tough as nails. Her exterior told people to steer clear. When she encountered perps, they usually thought "this isn't someone I'd like to piss off" and it worked to her advantage. She had even earned the nickname "Bad-Ass Benson", for what she did to perps that didn't heed her silent warning. She never really got physical with them; she usually gave them her signature glare and a tongue lashing that made them want to ask for their mother. However, she was a walking contradiction. She was equally as sensitive and empathetic as she was bad-ass. Everyone at the 1-6 knew once the rough exterior was pulled back; she was very sweet, caring, and probably one of the nicest people you could ever meet.

There was one day out of the year; however, when she became detached and vulnerable and no one, not even Elliot, knew this about her. That day was July 5th; the day that her life changed forever.

Today was particularly hard for Olivia. She didn't have any new cases, but she had a ton of paperwork. Perhaps it was this lack of actual detective work, serving as a distraction, that allowed her to dwell on this day more than normal. The whole day she was kind of out-of-whack. She didn't speak unless she was spoken to. When Elliot or Cragen asked her a question, she had a one word response. When Munch or Fin tried to lighten the mood, she gave a half-hearted smirk. Then when lunch was ordered she said she wasn't hungry. She actually excused herself to the ladies room twice that day to let the tears fall. Then she freshened herself up and acted as if she had not been crying. It worked on everyone except for Elliot. He knew there was something going on with her. She felt that he saw through her little charade. So she asked him to finish her last DD5, told him she'd see him later, and left.

When she arrived home all of the emotions that she had been holding in all day poured out. She cried for an hour straight. Once she calmed herself down, her buzzer went off. She went over to the intercom and asked, "Who's there?". "It's me. El.", was the response. She buzzed him up.

Olivia and Elliot have been dating for a little over a year. Elliot's divorce was finalized a year and a half ago. Kathy married Eli's biological father and Elliot got custody Lizzie and Dickie. Maureen and Kathleen were over eighteen, so they got to decide who they wanted to be with. They chose Elliot. All of the kids were ecstatic when Olivia and Elliot officially started dating and they were happy that the kids were happy.

If Olivia and Elliot didn't get to hang out any other night of the week, they hung out on Friday nights. Fridays had become known as their date night. They usually went out or ordered in and watched a movie. Last Friday, they had went out for pizza with the kids then went to Elliot's and watched The Blind Side. Today was Monday and here he was with her sesame chicken and his beef and broccoli from their favorite Chinese restaurant that they would split. She was happy that he brought food with him because she hadn't eaten all day. After they finished eating in silence, Elliot sat down on the couch next to Olivia and put his arms around her and she laid her head on his chest. She sensed he was going to try to figure out what was wrong with her. She was right.

Elliot held her a little tighter and asked, "Liv, what was wrong with you today? You barely said a word. You didn't eat until just now and you probably wouldn't have if I hadn't brought food with me. You looked like you had been crying earlier and I can tell you have been crying recently because your eyes are still a little red and puffy."

Olivia sat and thought for a moment. She had let her walls down to Elliot a year ago when she told him she loved him for the first time. However, this was a part of her life that she kept hidden from everyone, even Elliot. How could she do that. She loved this man with all of her heart and he still didn't know everything about her. She decided right then and there, she had to tell him. "I wasn't always alone.", she started. "Of course my mother was there most of the time, but she was almost always drunk. God knows that didn't leave enough time for parenting." The hurt and resentment that she felt for her mother was too much, she had to pause.

Elliot kissed the crown of her head and said, "I know the relationship between you and your mother was strained, baby."

Once she gained her composure, she continued, "There was one thing that I loved about my mother though. She loved her father. He was the one that convinced her to have me, because she was going to try to have an abortion."

"I had no idea.", Elliot said in shock.

"Van Benjamin Benson was the best man I had ever known.", she said with a small smile. "Both of his legs were amputated when I was seven. He just adjusted to the change and never complained. Sometimes he'd be in pain but you'd never know it. He was so strong. I spent my weekends at my grandfather's apartment, so my mother could party. He knew he couldn't stop her and he didn't want me left home alone. I started stopping by my grandfather's apartment after school so I wouldn't be by myself. Eventually, I just started staying there and not going home. My grandfather was my escape from the craziness of my mother and she didn't seem bothered by my absence."

Elliot sat quietly for a while. He was taking in the fact that she actually had someone in her life that had such a profound impact. "Now I know where you get your resilience. And why you act as if nothing affects you. I would have loved to meet him." Then he cautiously asked, "When did he pass away?"

Olivia simply said, "Several years ago on July 5th."

Finally the realization hit Elliot. Today was July 5th. She had been missing her grandfather. That's why she was so quiet and had been crying. "Liv, honey, why didn't you tell me sooner? You shouldn't have had to deal with this by yourself."

She shrugged and said, "I don't know, El. I guess it's just too hard for me to talk about. When he died, it was as if my world had ended. We were so close. He was my rock. He saved me from having to deal with my mother's drunkeness. Without him I don't think I would have survived, and I certainly wouldn't be the person that I am today. My life changed when he passed away. I knew I no longer had someone that would be there for me no matter what." She paused. "Up until I found you that is." Then she looked up at him for the first time since the conversation started and gave him a sweet kiss.

Elliot decided right then and there that he was going to try his best to make sure that she didn't feel like this another year. He had to find some sort of way to make July 5th a positive day in her life.

Before he could put his plan into action Olivia recalled a story from her childhood, "When I was nine years old, I was in chorus and we had a chorus concert. My grandfather wasn't feeling well, so he wasn't going to be able to make it. My mother said she would be there, but later called and said she couldn't make it because she had to wait on a furniture delivery. So I said goodbye to my grandfather and told him I would be back in about two hours. I walked to my school by myself, which was about a block away. I felt so dejected because I was the only one that didn't have any family in the audience. I didn't blame my grandfather because he had been sick for a couple of days. However, my mother called about an hour before the concert to say she wasn't coming. The whole concert, I was on stage singing while trying to fight back tears. After our last song, the lights in the auditorium were turned on and I saw my grandfather, in his wheelchair, sitting in the audience. I remember being so happy. He told me that right after I left for the concert, he got dressed and came to the school. He didn't miss a minute of it." Olivia teared up and continued, "My grandfather wasn't the most affectionate man. Saying 'I love you' and hugging didn't happen too often, but the sentiment behind his actions told me that he loved me."

Elliot was really touched by this story. "Liv. I know July 5th was very tragic for you, but you need it to be more of a positive day."

Olivia was confused, "How could July 5th be a positive day when I lost the most important person in my life?"

Elliot got up and said with a smirk, "Maybe I can help. The kids and I talked and decided it was time for us to take the next step." He pulled a black box out of his pocket and got down on one knee. Olivia gasped. "For eleven years I have loved you. I feel in love with you the moment I saw you. We have officially been together as a couple for 526 days now, and I have loved you every minute of every one of those days. Olivia Benson, will you marry me?"

Olivia couldn't believe that he counted the days they were together too. She was shocked. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. When they broke apart she answered, "Yes, Elliot Stabler. I will marry you."

Elliot slipped the ring on her finger and said with tears in his eyes, "When we have our first son together, I would be honored to name him Van Benjamin Stabler."

Olivia, who was now crying tears of joy, said through a cracking voice, " Thanks El. Now July 5th really is a day to remember."

A/N: Van Benjamin was my grandfather's first and middle name. I tried to stay true to Olivia's character. How did I do?