"I Do Not Bluff"
By: icefallstears
Standard Disclaimer Apply
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Jean/Ominae
Summary: Jean reflects upon a critical moment.
Jean's POV
"I don't bluff, Mon ami."
I have said these words before, and have meant them every time. The last time I said them, just a few days ago, I wished that I didn't have to.
I still relive that moment in my mind, as I watch you sleep in this hospital room. I know that soon I will have to go to my next posting, whilst you return to your home. You look so innocent when you sleep.
I don't believe that you will ever know just how much it cost me to pull the trigger. To watch as that rocket headed towards you and I prayed that you would not be hurt. I still don't know how you escaped; you were hurt very badly. I didn't know that as the night went on, you would receive injuries that would make those you had already suffered look minor in comparison.
That black faced, cybernetic, freak was holding you hostage, betting that I wouldn't put your life in danger just to kill him. He did not know that as a Spriggan I had to. He didn't understand that once the attack began all the enemy had to be destroyed, no matter what other casualties could have occurred along the way. He didn't know that I had put faith in your training, faith in you. I think it would have destroyed me had I been wrong.
I know that you are an incredible fighter, even better than I am. I also know that I hurt you that night, not with the rocket launcher, but with my words. I was so happy to see that you had survived the blast it scared me. What scared me even more was the concern for me I heard in your voice as I climbed back up the side of that mountain that I had just nearly fallen off of.
It scared me, the depth of the feelings I heard. I lashed out at you for not following that psycho child; when I knew that I would have behaved precisely as you did, had the situations been reversed. I saw the pain on your face, and knew that it wasn't your injuries that had put it there.
I spent years being both rival and mentor. So many years, I cannot begin to pinpoint when things, when I, began to change. My feelings shall have to remain hidden, for to act on them could get us both killed. I hide behind the training, and the friendship, even as my heart aches for more.
I don't bluff, Mon ami.
I do worry aboutyou.
Owari
A/N I edited and reworded this piece after watching the movie again. I still dislike the ending though. Maybe one day I'll come up with something better. I plan on doing a kind of sequel to this from Yu's POV. Let's just hope that my muses will cooperate.
I would love constructive criticism.