Scott Summers for President by Batman100
Author's Note: This is strictly for humor only. Same zaniness, slapstick humor, outrageous situations, etc, etc, humor only. No drama whatsoever. Please R&R I would greatly appreciate it! Enjoy!
"Ah, a beautiful morning, everything so peaceful and quiet. There's absolutely *nothing* that could ruin it." Jean sighed in amusement, taking a sip of tea before spewing it out as a loud orchestral recording of Hail to the Chief blared over the intercom.
"WHO'S MAKING THE DAMN NOISE?!" Rogue grouched, stumbling outside half-naked, a towel draped over her chest as she saw Pyro, Peter, Hank, Lance and Warren on a large float which looked like a bizarre parody of the Lincoln statue… only with Scott's visor for eyes.
"Oh that's lovely. Just what I need, the resident idiots of this mansion building a new monument to stupidity." Rogue sarcastically smirked as Scott himself launched out of the float, wearing full Uncle Sam garb and sporting a fake beard
"Four score and several years ago, blah blah blah… epic speech, drivel drivel… and God bless all mutants every one!" Scott proclaimed crazily, turning to Warren for approval "Whaddya think?"
"I think you should see a psychiatrist. Or better yet, a freaking loony bin!" Warren growled, shaking his head "How the hell did you get me into this scheme? You don't even know *ANYTHING* about being the President!"
"I do know one thing: I get free power and all the money and fame!" Scott cheered, with a deranged grin "Oh we are so screwed." Warren moaned, heading over to Jean "Hey, guess who's the idiot responsible for blaring all that stupid political crap?"
"Oh god, I should've known." Jean moaned before marching up toward her crazed husband "Ok Scott, what crazy shenanigan are you and your fellow morons planning this time? Selling fake cherry pies? Planting gas bomb balloons in the teachers' lounge? Taping a bury me alive sign to Principal Kelly's rear end?" Jean sarcastically asked
"Hehe, the bury me alive sign was funny." Pyro giggled, Scott giving him a thumbs up. "For your information, smart-ass, it was absolutely *NOT* funny. It almost caused us to be sued on grounds for abuse of property! Do you have *any* common sense in that brain of yours?!" Jean snapped
"Uh… *no.*" Scott replied flatly, bursting into insane giggles. "Hahaha! You're a natural, mate!" Pyro praised, giving Scott a playful punch on the shoulder. Jean rolled her eyes, shocked that the crazed pyromaniac has corrupted her husband with his insanity and senseless merriment
"But anyway, since I am running for president, I must have a campaign manager and I know just the one to decide!" Scott proclaimed as the X-Guys shifted back in fear. "And lemme guess… you want *me* to pick some stupid shmuck for the job?" Jean smirked apathetically
"No. We have decided who." Scott grinned, his campaign supporters giggling in delight. "Who?" Jean hissed impatiently. Scott simply narrowed his eyes at Jean and simply uttered "you". At that instant, the fuse in Jean's box simply exploded.
"Uh… Jean?" Scott asked worriedly as his wife began eye-twitching and muttering incoherent gibberish. "M-mam, hhrr-ghubba, -ggggg, eek eek, rat-rat, eek…" Jean uttered, before her eyes rolled into her head and collapsed on the ground
THUD!
"I'll take that as a yes." Scott cheerfully responded, as Hank and Peter escorted Jean to the medical ward on a stretcher before he faced the rest of the X-Crew
"Scott… I'm going to say this only once…" Logan calmly stated, before grabbing Scott's throat and throttling him, screaming "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN BRAINS?!"
"I still have my intelligence, absolute charm, abs, memory, excellent goodwill, so yes I do have my brains." Scott goofily responded, giggling weirdly. Logan simply dropped him and sauntered in disgust
"Scott… as president? The horror… the horror…" Bobby whimpered, huddling in a fetal position. Rogue walked up to him and thrashed him with a shovel
"Ow! I was kidding Rogue! Geez!" Bobby moaned, rubbing his sore head "We've got to do something! You know what stupid ideas Scott can be capable of. It'll become a political DISASTER! We may be considered the most controversial people in New York!" Kitty hollered, banging her fist
"Sorry to bother, but Kitty, Scott says if you help fund his campaign, you get free driving lessons." Warren piped up from the window sill
"Kitty NO!" Rogue squealed, but too late as Kitty was now wearing a pin that says 'WE LIKE SCOTT'. "What is happening?! We are losing our senses thanks to that optic maniac!" Logan wailed
"Ah, get a grip will you? I actually like the idea of Scott for president. Has a nice ring to it, eh?" Victor asked in appreciation
"Don't tell me you too fell for his ideas!" Rogue groaned as Victor and Bobby, along with Evan, Tabitha, Fred, Todd and Pietro hanging up voting posters
"This is great. I suppose things couldn't get any worse…" Rogue groaned, banging her head against the wall
"Uh, speaking of that…" Logan stammered. Rogue turned and was immediately mesmerized by the alluring white dress Jean was wearing, spreading vast hypno-inducing vapors around the anti-Scott people.
"Now, now my babies… isn't it better to just surrender than to rebel?" Jean purred seductively, as Rogue laid out rose petals on the carpet as Jean embraced her soon-to-be President husband
"So… what do you say?" Scott asked. "Call me your First Lady, honey bun." Jean seductively crooned, as the two passionately kissed as America, the Beautiful echoed o'er the background