Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I do not own, or manage, these chracters. Warning: Adult situations, mild sexual content.
Human Encounter
My breathing hitches, and for once I'm glad no one notices my hasty retreat. For how could I tell them what had just occured in that moment? How could I explain that every fiber in my being was set to implode; combusting with a surge of unfamiliarity. The ground stumbled beneath my trembling legs, as I crept further into the surrounding forest. Even now, safe within the darkness, I can still see his face. I can still feel the icy touch of his hand, warming to the temperature of my own skin. And his eyes, his deep golden eyes, burning into mine as if he were trying to convey a silent message. My dull human eyes, staring back at him, searching for their own conclusions. The damp floor beneath me gives way, spiraling up to meet my bewildered face. I crash into it willingly, and without hesitation. Anything to relieve my mind of the feelings I so desperatley need to purge. I cannot go back there again, not after tonight. Not after everything that I now feel, and everything I know can never be. But could I force myself to do that? Would anyone notice the subtle changes in my routine if I returned? And more importantly would he notice? The thrumming of my heart would give me away the moment I was in his presence. I had no doubts about that. But would he register the reasoning?
I can barely make out the swing which carried our bodies not more than a few minutes earlier. The encounter scraping deep against my chest like a jagged knife. An aching pain that I cannot describe. Yet I cannot find the strength to make myself run deeper into the void that now envelopes me. Keeping that small flicker of connection to him, his home, his life, is something I cannot truly disentanlge myself from. Why is that he effects me so? The twisting, clenching feeling that snakes its way through me, forcing me to fight against the very foundation of reason. The very pinnacle of truth. The moral realization that i cannot be separated from him, no matter what the cause. It is utterly selfish of me to expect reciprocation, and my heart could not bear close proximity. But perhaps I can find the courage to enter through his domain, keep my distance, and find a balance between the chaos I don't understand.
I tense my muscles, readying myself to stand, yet the cool breeze that sweeps through my hair brings with it the foggy delusions I cannot bring myself to face. A grand impossibility that I will never be able to free myself from. There is no escape for me now. No matter how far I run, or the distance I place between us, his presence is permenantly etched into my mind. I refuse to allow its progression any further than that. For if I were to open my heart, it would surely break into a million pieces.
My reaction is slow, and unsteady, as I gather my wits. Home is where I need to be, away from here, away from him. And so I run. Run in vain. Run to a place that brings me as much torment as this forbidden garden. Fighting against the lesser of two evils, the door closes behind me. I am safe, and so shall he be. My heart slows, as I drift into my nightmare, my agony. And I welcome it with open arms.
Morning breaks through the muted clouds of our shared dimension, pushing the haze from my eyes. Why should I be afraid to see him again? What use would it do to continue fleeing from his presence? My momentary lapse of humanity pushes me closer, and closer, towards him. My heart has become the driving force without permission. It aches for his calming touch, his majestic sonnets, and most of all for his compassion. I cannot understand these feelings, their strength, their pull. And yet here I find myself on his doorstep again, hoping against hope that Carlisle will somehow find me.