Author's Note: This is a challenge from the awesome Runs_with_Werewolfs. And I owe my friend Dalton for telling me about this amazing site. Basically it's to stop homophobia, because it's just plain wrong and yeah. Anyway, I don't want to bore you with the details because I'm sure you want to read some BTR.
Carlos' Secret
Carlos POV
The story I am about to tell you happened almost 5 years ago, back when Logan and I were apart of Big Time Rush. And I am sorry to say that this lead to the band breaking up.
I couldn't tell my friends. They would probably kill me if they knew my deep, dark secret. To get it out in the open, I am gay. Now to most people that shouldn't seem like a big deal but when your three closest friends say really homophobic and hurtful words it is a big deal. They don't physically hurt people who are gay but they fuck with their minds and it is a hard thing to watch.
Let me explain one thing before you jump to the wrong conclusion. Kendall and James are really homophobic; those two always rip on people at the Palmwood and from our old high school. Logan on the other hand, doesn't really let his feelings show towards people who are like me. If I had to, I would say he didn't care whether someone chose to like the same gender. He doesn't care when I get overly emotional and hug him, unlike Kendall and James.
So I lived a lie. I hid who I really was from my friends and they had no idea that I was dating another guy. I hate to say it but I really didn't like the guy I was dating because I had a crush on Logan but I didn't want to have James or Kendall find out. I have seen how he uses his ninja mind fucking skills to mess with people. And after he does, most of the time the person falls into a state of severe depression.
Luckily I had the most wonderful boyfriend, even though I didn't really love him. To me he was an amazing friend, just not a wonderful boyfriend. I did love him before I realized that he was just filling a void because I couldn't have who I really wanted. I knew that he had an idea how I really felt but he never said anything about it. But I saw it whenever he looked at me.
I heard knocking on my window and I knew that only one person would enter through my window, David. I opened the window and David climbed in through it. David had short spiky black hair with lime green tips that matched his green eyes perfectly. He was a few years older than I was and I didn't care because I thought that age was just a number.
"Hey babe. I missed you." David said planting dozens of kisses on my cheek. I blushed, not because of the kisses, but because he still called me babe no matter how many times I told him I found pet names embarrassing.
"Hey David. Missed you too." All right so I lied. I didn't want to break his heart after all the times he put up with me cancelling our plans because Kendall had asked a girl out for me or when James asked me to double date with him. He understood because I had an image to uphold with the guys and he knew how mean they could be. Oh, David wasn't a celebrity. He was a normal person, going to a normal school and dealing with normal problems, a complete opposite of me and my life. I was in a rising boy band, going to a school for actors and musicians, and dealing with problems that weren't normal in any stretch of the mind.
Instead of pointless conversation David immediately went for what he wanted and came here for. I didn't have sex with him yet because I believed that sex should happen with the one person you love completely. But we did spend a lot of time making out and grinding on each other. Somehow we managed to not get caught by the others because I locked my door whenever he called and said he was coming over. I should have known that the one time I forgot to lock my door would be the one time I get caught, and today I forgot to lock it.
"Carlos, Gustavo called and sai- WHAT THE FUCK!" Kendall yelled once he noticed David and I on the floor, half naked. 'Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!' I said over and over again in my mind. David practically jumped out of the room and ran off, leaving me alone with a steamed Kendall.
"Kendall… I can explain. Just calm down." If my life were a cartoon show then Kendall would have steam coming out of his ears and his face would be red. Except this was reality but Kendall's face was red but there wasn't any steam.
"Are you a fag Carlos? Are you?" I shook my head 'no' hoping that Kendall wouldn't get violent. I haven't seen him physically hurt someone but I wasn't just anyone, I was his friend.
"DON'T LIE TO ME FAG! I KNOW YOU ENJOYED KISSING THAT FAIRY!" Of course Kendall was yelling so James and Logan decided to find out what happened. And of course James had to agree with Kendall while Logan just stood by my side. I hoped that Logan would be on my side but I couldn't be sure.
"What if I did? What would you do to me? Kick my ass? Call me names? Well go ahead! At least I am not hiding anymore!" Kendall and James lunged at me but I could always out maneuver them so once I got away I ran away from them. I kept on running, headed to the one place that I knew they wouldn't find me at.
Logan POV
"Let's get him!" I heard Kendall call out. I knew that I had to do something so I did the only thing I could. I slapped them both on the face. They stood there giving me a blank stare.
"What the fuck Logan! What was that for?" James asked rubbing his face. Kendall gave me a death glare before staring at me.
"Don't you guys realize that this is Carlos we are talking about? Carlos, out best friend?" I explained hoping that reason would finally seep into their brains.
"Don't you dare call that fag our friend." Kendall sneered. I felt the urge to slap them again but I managed to control my emotions. James nodded his head vigorously.
"Love is blind. Should it really matter who people fall in love with? How does it affect your life?" Kendall and James stood there motionless and silent so I decided to continue. "Does it matter that Carlos fell in love with another boy? He is OUR FRIEND DAMNIT!"
"Homos don't deserve friendship or love. They are sick and evil and shouldn't be happy." James said. I never knew how evil or cruel my 'friends' could be. Although I don't think that I could be friends with these two because I felt the same way as Carlos. I am gay.
"Oh. So you are saying that I don't deserve happiness because I am gay?" An audible gasp could be heard from Kendall and James when I came out to them. "Me, Carlos, my father, Carlos' brother and thousands of other people don't deserve happiness?" They shook their heads 'no'.
"Just in case you're wondering. Our kind of love is real because I don't think you ever felt what real love is! By the way, don't ever try to hurt Carlos again because if you do I will personally kick both your asses. And trust me, the silent, intelligent one should NEVER be messed with!" I stormed out of our apartment. I needed to know that Carlos would be okay.
Carlos POV
I got a text message from David saying that he was sorry but he had to break it off with me. He couldn't deal with anyone finding out about him especially after what happened earlier. He said that he knew that I didn't really love him but that it was okay because he didn't mind. The last thing he said to me was 'Logan feels the same way.' I couldn't figure out how he knew but when I heard Logan's voice I knew he was right.
"Carlos! Where are you buddy? I'm not going to do anything." I heard him call out. There was a small opening between two buildings that opened up into a small patio like area. Nobody knew about it because it looked deserted. I shot my hand out of the small opening and called for Logan.
"Wow, I never knew that this place existed. How did you find it?" Logan asked once he entered the medium sized patio. I told him that I used to take David here but that I stopped after a while because of Kendall and James.
"Don't worry about them. I told them off. And why didn't you tell me Carlos? I could have been there for you." Logan said giving me a concerned look.
"Because I didn't know if I could trust you. You saw how Kendall and James acted." I mumbled while I played with the hem of my shirt.
"You should have known that I didn't agree with them Carlos. I love you too much to agree with anything they said." I thought that I heard Logan wrong because I thought he just said he loved me.
"Logan, did you?" He nodded and pulled me into a hug. And I began to cry, not because of what James and Kendall said but because I knew that I wasn't alone in this city. David would be there, as a friend but I needed Logan and no one else.
"They don't believe our love is real because they don't know how real love feels. Baby it's fact that our love is true and that's a matter of fact. You love me too and it's as simple as that. They said some awful thing but there is no point in listening." Logan said to me while he hugged me. I couldn't care what anyone else said because I had Logan by my side. Kendall, James, Gustavo, hell the whole world could tell me that I shouldn't love Logan because he was a guy but I wouldn't listen because our love was true and that's a matter of fact.
For those of you who were wondering, Kendall and James didn't change their opinions about homosexuals so Logan and I left the band. We cut off all communication with them because they would never change. Logan is studying to become a doctor and I am currently undeclared but I am leaning toward becoming a psychiatrist because I want to be able to counsel teens that went through what I went through all those years ago. I still talk to David and I am happy to tell you that he found someone else, someone better and more loving than I ever was.
A/N: I am sorry to anyone who likes James and Kendall (Dalton) but this is what I had to write. I do not agree with anything said by Kendall or James because I believe that love is blind and doesn't care what gender you are. 'Love loves it all but love has to see it.' If that doesn't make any sense I am sorry but I think it works here. Also big thanks to Dalton, hopefully you won't want to not post this on the site but I gave it my best!
Have an excellent week everyone!
~Ray