Disclaimer: As much as I'd like Artemis Fowl around my place, I don't own the books, rights, characters, etc. After the Lost Colony, I got way too excited, so here's a fic about my new favorite pubescent Artemis… mwahaha! Oneshot.

Artemis was in especially testy mood that day. After school, which he arrived home from remarkably fast, he had talked very little. Now, in his study, he rubbed his forehead while waiting for the internet passwords to copy to his hard drive. There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Artemis called, although he was in no mood to possibly receive news. Butler stepped inside the study.

"Ah, Butler. What is it?" Artemis spun around in the swivel chair to face the manservant.

"Am I disrupting you?" Butler asked politely.

"Not in the least,"

"Well I've noticed you've been unusually temperamental today,"

"So I have. Thank God the twins and my mother are out today. I've just been feeling awful all week."

"How so?" Butler already had a faint idea.

"All my joints ache, although I've done nothing to cumber them; I'm repeatedly clumsy, however I was adequately coordinated a few months ago; I'm always exhausted, because when I sleep, time dreaming feels equivalent to time awake; my focus has been dwindling… I just feel terrible."

Butler thought it over for a moment before replying, "Sounds like puberty to me. You'll survive,"

"Not you too, Butler. That's what they all say to anyone who-" He was interrupted by the house phone ringing. "I'm tempted not to pick up," Artemis mumbled, studying the caller ID.

"Who is it?"

"Minerva. And she's calling to the house phone," He said the last two words with the disgust that one might speak of an obsolete object.

Butler nodded and slipped out of the room. From the hall he could hear Artemis:

"What are you calling the main line for? I apologize, but are salutations really essential? Minerva, these lines are ridiculously insecure…" Artemis paused. "Yes, I'm quite sure. Really, it's remarkable. Minerva, if I may interject, can we transfer this conversation to more secure means of communication- what do you mean this was more convenient? Okay, okay, don't take it personally. No. Well actually…"

Butler shook his head, smiling, continued down the hall.

One hour later

Butler once more came by to check on Artemis. Inside the study, Artemis was pouring over a book that was ridiculously thick titled Psychology. He looked tired was leaning back in his chair. "How about a little light reading for once?" Butler asked.

"This is light for the most part. Some of the research is really quite intriguing."

"Is there anything you want?"

"Actually, my throat has been-" Artemis stopped and took a breath, muttering something that sounded like 'ironic' before continuing, "Somewhat… ah, how to put it…" His brow furrowed in concentration.

"Perhaps just your voice?" Butler suggested.

"Precisely. Anyway, I'd like some water please,"

"Of course." Before he left, Butler asked, "How is Minerva doing?'

"Charming as always," His charge murmured.

Five minutes later

Butler returned with a glass of water, but there was not reply to his knock. Letting himself in quietly, Butler found that Artemis had drifted off to sleep. His head rested on the table over his crossed arms, and his hair fell in his face. Butler decided he needed the extra sleep, so he left the water on the table. Artemis's eyes flickered and he mumbled, "Thank you, Butler," before drifting back off to sleep.

Butler smiled and slipped out of the room once more.

And that's all! Please review!