Chapter 1: Tales of the red thread

This is going to be a crossover with another series. I'm not going to put it on the crossover section until I get some readers, because its not a very popular show. Assuming that none of you have watched this show before it might go a little slow at the begging due to the fact that I will be explaining some background. The show is called Touch, and I encourage you guys to check it out. I will begin the story by following the plot and storyline of the show "Touch". Before I forget there is one other thing. Since I want there to be some romance in this story I will change one of the characters in this story. I hope you enjoy. (most text copied too)

I don't own Touch or Kuroshitsuji because if I did this would be on the air.

Amelia's POV (in her head):

The ratio is always the same. 1 to 1.618 over and over and over again. The patterns—mathematical in design—are hidden in plain sight. You just have to know where to look. Things most people see as chaos actually follow subtle laws of behavior: galaxies, plants, seashells, these patterns never lie. Only some of us can see how the pieces fit together. 6,919,377,000 live on this tiny planet. This is the story of some of those people. There is an ancient Chinese myth about the red thread of fate. It says gods have tied a red thread around everyone of our ankles and attached it to all the people whose lives are destined to touch. Its all been predetermined by mathematical probability, and its my job to keep track of those numbers, to make the connections for those who need to find each other...the ones whose lives need to touch the thread may tangle or stretch but it will never break. I was born 3,786 days ago on October 26, 2000. I have been alive for 13 years, five months, 17 days, and 14 hours. And in all that time...I've never said a single word.

No ones POV:

A klaxon blares (if you don't know what it is look it up). There are people in an airport waiting for their luggage. A woman over the PA says "Welcome to Kennedy airport, this is a non-smoking facility. Nearby a man is waiting at a counter. He has had a long day at work and is ready to go home. Another man appears behind the counter and gives the man a box full of cellphones and says "another 25 or so, no charger probably dead" The other man thanks him. "What the heck do you do with these things anyway?" The other man responds "My daughter likes to take them apart." As he leaves his phone started ringing. He picks up the phone and answers "Hello... Again? You got to be kidding me. I pay your school good money to keep my daughter safe. Are you grasping the iron...Just tell them not to touch her. Do you understand? Do not touch her. I'll be there as fast as I can."

In a cellphone tower there was a 13 year old girl sitting on the edge writing something in a red notebook. There were police and firefighters trying to get her down. A car pulled up and the man that was at the airport stormed out of the car and said angrily "You just had to call the police right?" The girl's teacher said innocently "Its the third time this month." The man ignored the teacher and yelled at the officers "Hey, don't go near her! You can't touch her!" An officer responded saying "Sir, your daughter can't keep doing this" He ignored the officer and yelled at a man that was trying to bring her down. "I just told you, you cannot touch her." He turned to the officer and said "You have to let me bring her down" The officer responded "I cannot allow you to go up there" "I'm not going up there I'm scared of heights, but I have another idea. AMELIA!" the officer told the man that was trying to bring Amelia down to leave that the dad was going to take care of this. "HEY, HONEY, COME ON DOWN OKAY? I'VE GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU SEE?" he held out a phone from the box over his head hoping to lure her down. "AMELIA, ITS ALL RIGHT JUST COME DOWN." This caught the girls attention. A dark figure behind her said "Go ahead they are waiting for you" Amelia started climbing down the tower while the cop lectured her father on what could have happened if it was raining. "The thing would have lit up like a torch. Does the time 3:18 mean anything to her? She keeps activating the alarm at that time." "I don't know anything about that."Once Amelia reached the final step she took the box from her father's hands and started walking towards the car. The cop looked at the man sadly and said "You know I'm gonna have to report him to child services." The man looked down sadly and said "I know...I know...I'm sorry for your trouble."

The man started driving home with troubled thoughts in his head. He stopped by a gas station. He saw a bus with children in it and wondered what would be like if his child was like all the other children. He suddenly snapped out of his daydream when he saw his daughter walk up to the bus. He jumped out of the car and started running after his daughter. "Amelia!" By the time he caught up to her she was standing behind the bus writing something in her notebook. "Why don't we leave the bus alone, okay Amelia?" He knelt down in front of her to try and get her attention. "Hey I have a good idea. I bet the store has some orange soda. Would you like that? Of course you would." He was practically begging now to get the child away from the bus. Amelia then decided it was time to leave and her father couldn't help but notice the bus number, 318.

They were now in line at the store to pay for the girls drink. There was a man in front of her that was buying a lottery ticket they waited patiently as the man gave the numbers he was trying to use. "Give me 87, 1, 9, 20, 31, 11." Amelia payed close attention to this man. The cashier put the ticket on the counter and as the man was paying Amelia took the man's ticket and ran straight to her car. She locked the door and the man was already pounding on the window. Her father realizing what had happened ran up to her and tried to get her to return the ticket to the man. Amelia ignored them and wrote the lottery number down in her notebook that was nearly filled with numbers. She then rolled down the window and gave the man his ticket. The man already in a bad mood told the girl's father "You better keep that kid in a cage" Her father having a protective instinct in his little girl tried to defend her which in turned earned him a punch in the stomach.

Later that day (somewhere else)

The man from the gas station put his lottery ticket up in a wall filled with thousands of other tickets with the exact same numbers.

Back with Amelia

Amelia's father walked into her room to put her to bed only to find her in the floor arranging the phones in a spiral shape with her notebook in the middle. Once she was in bed all the phones started ringing at the same time and all the phones had the exact same number in them: 87, 1, 9, 20, 31, 11 he looked down at the notebook to find the exact same numbers. Her father looked at her in amazement and said" Amelia, how did you do that?" Amelia didn't respond, but had a knowing look on her face.

The next day

There was a knock at the door and Amelia's father opened the door to see a woman with light chocolate brown skin. "Martin Bohm?" When he nodded she introduced herself. "Clea Hopkins, Child and family services. I'm here to make an assess..." She couldn't finish her sentence before he slammed the door in her face. He thought of his actions and decided that for now the best thing to do was to let this woman in. She walked in and was surprised to see the quality of a house for someone who has worked as a doorman, taxi driver, construction worker, and baggage handler. "Mr. Bohm, I'm sure you know why I'm here." "I can explain the cell tower its the third time in three weeks" "Its a symptom, five schools in seven years, no mother in the home, no job in the past few years? It doesn't add up to a very promising picture." Martin tried to argue "We've had our struggles, but we have pulled through" Clea tried to reason "Unfortunately, these things come down to resources, commitment, personal involvement..." "You do not get to talk to me about personal commitment!" "I'm just pointing out the obvious here. When your daughter was born, you were a highly paid reporter at the Herald. You are now working 50 hours a week at a job that cannot adequately provide the care..." "I've provided for her for the last 10 years" "With less and less success, apparently. The financial challenges will only increase as your daughter gets older. I want to offer solutions. At the risk of being presumptuous, this is a three-bedroom loft. In the meat packing district?" "For conversations sake it was my wife's. She was a stockbroker. She worked in the north tower of the World Trade Center. It should all be there in your file. My wife's family had money I made her put everything in Amelia's name, in a trust, because I didn't want them to think I wanted..." He looked down not needing to finish the sentence Clea decided to lead the conversation another direction. "Why don't I just...take a few minutes to meet Amelia?" "Knock yourself out she's right behind you" She turned around and saw said girl playing with popcorn kernels. She walked up to the mute girl. "Wow you're a quite one aren't you? Hello Amelia I'm Clea Hopkins" She extended her hand to try and shake the girl's. "I wouldn't do that if I were you" her father warned "Not unless you want to spend the next couple of hours peeling her off the ceiling. She doesn't let anybody touch her, not even me" he picked up the paper and saw the winning lottery numbers: 87, 1, 9, 20, 31, 11. He quickly went into his daughters room and looked at her notebook just to see the exact same numbers facing him. Clea followed him and when he noticed he looked at her and said "Last night all of these phones (they were still on the floor) went off at the same time and they all had the exact same number, these numbers" He showed her the notebook "They are the same as the winning lottery numbers. How would she know?"

Someplace else

The newscast reporter was announcing the winning number for the lottery. The man from the gas station looked astonished that he had actually won. He got on the phone and decided to make a call. "Hello" the man then answered "Hi its me" The person on the other line was silent for a while. "Randy?" "I really want to come home now"

Back with Amelia and company

"Strange coincidences happen around us all the time. And autistic children often have a heightened..." "Heightened ability with numbers. You think I don't know that?" The efforts Clea was making to convince the man of the 'coincidence' was clearly not working. "Its not uncommon for a guardian in your position to feel a lack of human connection." "Unless that's exactly what she's trying to do connect" "The truth is...the state is going to mandate a two-week evaluation to determine if Amelia should be institutionalized." "What if she's trying to communicate. Sit down, sit" They both sat down. "Look Amelia climbed that tower three times. Every time the security caught her at 3:18. For the past two weeks she has reset every clock in this house to that exact time. And then there's this" He showed her the notebook that was filled with the numbers 318. "She's been trying to say something I-I just didn't realize it. "What you're talking about is just wish fulfillment" "You're saying I'm making this up?" "I'm saying that human connection is a powerful need. It can drive us to see meaning where there isn't any" The man looked offended "Yeah. Because you know everything right?" He glared at her and she just kept her cool "I know enough to recognize someone who's lost too much, career, wife. Your life is now dominated by a child you can't control" Mr. Bohm angrily stood up with Clea following "Have you ever communicated with her? Does she even know who you are?" At this the angrily kicks the table. What if it was true? What if Amelia didn't know that he was her father? These thoughts troubled him. "There is a board and care facility 15 blocks from here. The best in the city." Clea said hoping to encourage the man. "After her two-week evaluation there you can make a case on how you are going to provide a safe environment for Amelia going forward. In the end, it may be determined that you can't. I know that sounds harsh now, but..once she is out of the house, you may see that you are both better off with this arrangement." He turned around to see his little girl playing with the popcorn kernels and felt like his whole world was falling apart. He already lost an important woman in his life he didn't want to loose the only thing he had left.

The next day

Amelia and her father were waiting for the last minute arrangements for Amelia's transfer to the board and care facility were arranged. Behind the reception desk a tall man with black hair and what looked like red eyes was staring at them. Amelia's father was too worried at the moment to notice. Amelia, however, recognized him as the man who followed her to the cell tower. Her father started talking to her "Its only going to be for two weeks, then you'll come home. I'm gonna see you every day. I promise" Amelia just kept the straight face she always has and stared off into space. Clea walked in with a smile on her face "Okay, we're all set" she then noticed the strange man behind the desk. "Who are you?" The man smiled and replied in a smooth voice "My name is Sebastian Michalis, I'm the new receptionist" Realizing he wasn't a threat she introduced herself and went back with her previous goal in mind. She walked up to Amelia "We have tons of fun things for you to do here Amelia" She tried to encourage her making the facility look like a daycare rather than a temporary prison. The girl's father gave Clea a box full of cellphones. "These will keep her busy for a while. If she gets agitated try orange soda. Usually calms her down. Popcorn too. She'll want to count the kernels before she eats them" Clea suddenly felt bad about all of this. She didn't expect he would know his daughter so well. He then turned to his daughter and put a brave face on. "Its gonna be alright"He said that mostly to himself though "give us 24 hours before you can visit" He didn't notice but she was inviting him to do so, so his daughter wouldn't be apart from him for so long. He turned to Amelia and put his brave face back on "You hear that, Amelia? I'm gonna see you tomorrow" He stared at his precious little girl who looked so much like her mother. He reached out and tried to touch her, but she just moved away before he could lay a finger on her. He was suddenly afraid of what might happen to her. "I love you" he almost had tears in his eyes, but he had to stay brave in front of her. Even though she couldn't talk he knew that she knew what was going on. The moment was ruined when they suddenly heard someones stomach growl. They turned to the receptionist who simply smiled and said "Excuse me but I believe its time for my lunch break." He left his post to 'eat' some lunch. Clea decided that this was probably a good time to take Amelia off of her father's hands. "Come on Amelia. I'll show you the rec room." Her father saw her leave and started to think of what he is suppose to do now. No one noticed but the new so called 'receptionist' followed Clea and Amelia and once Clea left he got close enough to where Amelia could hear him. "Have you given my offer any thought miss?" Amelia was on her own little world writing the number 318 in her notebook. Sebastian's stomach growled with hunger and eyed the girl hungrily. "Form a contract with me. Your father doesn't understand the messages you try to send him, but I do because I'm a demon" Amelia was still unfazed by this bit of information. "I will be your tool all you have to do is form a contract. Me and my master will serve you and when your job is done we will collect your soul." Amelia was still unresponsive. Sebastian was willing to push it but he then heard footsteps coming their way. "Please, miss Bohm, think of my offer" Clea poked her head in the room. "Amelia were you talking to anyone?" The girl didn't answer, but seeing as there wasn't anyone else in the room she concluded it was her imagination and left.

Later

Amelia's father is walking down a cemetery with some flowers in his hands when he stops a tombstone with the words 'Sarah Bohm April 3,1970-September 11,2001'. He knelt down and started talking. "Hey sweetheart. They say God never gives you more that you can't handle. But I think he has this time. I swear to you I've tried to make it work. I've tried to connect. I..." He looked down trying hard not to break down in tears. He started blinking tears back his lips started to quiver. "I-I just can't seem to reach her. And I've failed you both. I hope you can forgive me Sarah, because I can't forgive myself" He touched the tombstone as if she would answer somehow. As he was wiping a tear away something caught his eye. At the corner of the tombstone there was a badge with the numbers 318 on them.

Later

Amelia's father was in Google looking up 'Mutism+Cell Phones' and found this institute called the Teller Institute. He clicked on the link where a screen popped up, and in big letters it said 'You have questions we have answers' He got the address.

At the Teller Institute (is it just me or has it been an unusual long day?)

He walked up to a regular looking house in a regular looking neighborhood. He was a little confused at first. He was sure he followed the directions correctly. He still found himself walking up to the house and ringing the doorbell. An old man with dark skin opened to door and asked "Can I help you" "Yes, I'm looking for the Teller Institution. Sorry I must have the wrong place." He turned around and started to leave when the man said "Let me guess. Your kid keeps climbing the cell tower" This made him stop in his tracks and turn around. "You coming or not?"

Inside

"The whole cosmic wheel of humanity comes down to just electromagnetic energy and connections. There are more among us—mostly kids—whose sole purpose is act as traffic controllers for that interconnectivity" The man set down an orange soda for Martin and one for himself. They both sat down. "My daughter doesn't even talk" "Unnecessary, outdated. An evolutionary speed bump. Like your pinky toe." He said as if to say 'as a matter of fact' "Has she had any formal math training" He handed him a notebook "No. Why?" "Mr. Bohm, your daughter is one of those kids. She discovered to Fibonacci sequence on her own" "The what?" He handed him another book "A mathematical sequence discovered by a 12th-century mathematician named Fibonacci. The patterns found in nature, over and over again" Martin started looking through the books. He flipped through the pages and saw the picture of a shell. "The curve of a wave, the spiral of a shell, the segments of a pineapple, the universe is made of precise ratios and patterns all around and I, we don't see them. But if we could, life would be magical beyond our wildest dreams. A quantum entanglement of cause and effect where everything and everyone reflects on each other. Every action, every breath, every conscious thought connected. Imagine the unspeakable beauty of the universe she sees. No wonder she doesn't talk." "My daughter sees all that?" "Mr. Bohm, your daughter sees everything. The past, the present, the future. She sees how its all connected." The man stared at Teller in disbelief "You're telling me my daughter can predict the future?" "No, I'm telling you, its a road map...and your job now, your purpose, is to follow it for her. Its your fate, Mr. Bohm. Its your destiny.

In the board and care facility

Amelia turned to bowl of popcorn upside down causing the popcorn to fall on the ground. With her forearm she pushed it to the side. She started arranging the popcorn in rows. Clea watched her with curiosity. "I see you're arranging them in little rows there. Can I count them with you? There's two in that one and one in that one, two, three, one, two...six, nine, two, two" She finished counting and thought for a moment '212-920-6922.' She looked at her in amazement. "That's my mother's phone number. Haven't thought of that number for years." Her phone started ringing. She pulled out her phone and saw the number 212-920-6922. She looked at Amelia with curiosity. Amelia simply stood up and walked to the giant, colorful calendar in the wall. Clea answered and put the device on top of her ear. "Mom?" No answer "Mom, you there?" No answer just static. She looked at Amelia to see that she wasn't doing anything dangerous. Amelia circled the number 18 in the calendar. Clea looked up at the month. March. '3/18' she thought. Her eyes widened in realization.

Some place else

Recording: "Hi, I'm Julie, your automated Amtrak reservation assistant. Please say the name of the destination." "Lynchburg, Virginia" Replied Randy (If non of you remember he's the guy from the gas station) "Now, please say the location of your departure" "New York City" "Please hold while I check for departure times"

Mr. Bohm flipped through one of his daughter's notebooks trying to find something that might give him some clue as to what his daughter is trying to tell him. He got to one page where Amelia retraced some numbers to make them pop out. The numbers were in a spiral shape. She circled some numbers and drew arrows pointing to the numbers connecting them together. In the middle of the spiral were the numbers 318. He followed the circled numbers and copied them down in a notepad. He then realized it was a phone number. He dialed the number, and as he was waiting for an answer he looked up a reverse phone look up that would give him the address the phone was located in. He got no answer, but he got an address. Grand Central Station. There was a knock at the door and he opened it to see Clea "3-18, its today's date" "March 18. I told you, she's trying to tell us about something" "But...what? Why?" "I don't know. To stop it from happening. To make it happen. I don't know. But, the time, the date—somehow its all connected. And whatever it is it's suppose to happen today. At 3:18. At Grand Central Station. In..." he looked at his watch and saw that it was already 2:56 "22 minutes. C'mon lets go."

At the Station

They quickly ran inside and Clea started to wonder "If we find the phone then what?" "I don't know. Wait for a call maybe?" "There's gotta be 50 phones in this building businesses, offices..." They looked around as if they were lost. "You go that way, I'll go this way." They split up and started looking around. Mr. Bohm took out his phone and dialed the number. He looked around the multitude of people and finally found a phone that was ringing. He was about five-feet from the phone. He started to walk closer. However another man beat him to the phone. He ran up to the man "Sorry, I'm really sorry, but I have to use that phone." He looked at the clock and 3:17 changed to 3:18 in less than a second. "Sir, I'm really sorry, but I really have to use that phone." The other man just waved him off "I don't think you understand I have to use that phone! Its an emergency" He shoved the man off and saw that it was the man from the gas station. He glared at the man that insulted his daughter "You, you son of a..." Randy didn't have time to finish his sentence before he got punched. "That's for the gas station" Randy jumped at him and they got in a fight when the police came to separate them. The cops shoved them to the floor while Martin tried to explain the situation. "I told him I was waiting for a phone call; its an emergency." Randy tried to defend himself "He started it. Look, I gotta get to Penn Station. I gotta catch a train." Martin looked up at the clock to see that it was already 3:19. He put his head down wanting to cry. He had failed his daughter again.

At his house

When Martin got home he noticed that he had voice mail. The T.V. Was on the news channel. He pressed the play button to hear the message. "Mr. Bohm, my name is Randall Meade I was a fireman with ladder company 318 (If none of you recognized it by now the badge that was by Sarah's grave belonged to Randy) On September 11, 2001, I was on the 87th floor of the north tower at the World Trade Center. I found a woman alive, barely conscious. She was bleeding pretty bad. It was your wife, Sarah. I carried her down 31 flights of stairs. I-I just couldn't carry her any farther. I set her down, checked her pulse, and I told myself she was already dead. I've been thinking about her for ten years, and...I've played the same Lotto numbers every week for ten years, 9/11, 2001, 87th floor. 31 flights of stairs. I was just trying to make the numbers come out right. I have some money now, and its because of her. I guess she'd wanted me to give it all away so this is what I'm gonna do." Suddenly the man is interrupted by Martin and he suddenly recognized him as the man from the gas station and the station. A wave of different emotions went through him. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the reporter on T.V. "...Owe their lives to this man. A retired New York fireman, Randall Meade, pulled the children from a burning bus that had rolled into a ravine off the Jersey Turnpike." A woman that was interviewing Randy appeared on the screen behind them the remains of the burning bus, paramedics taking care of the children, and firemen putting out the last of the fire. "As you can see behind me, these are the smoldering remains of the school bus that, earlier today, held 25 children. Mr. Meade, please tell us in your own words what happened." "Uh. I was on my way back to my apartment I-I guess I was just...in the right place at the right time. I saw the bus. I started pulling the kids out one by one..." He then looked very pensive "Mr. Meade?" "He made me miss my train" "Uh...I'm sorry?" The reporter now looked confused." "I was just saying if I hadn't missed my train I wouldn't have been here. Its amazing how things work out." Martin turned off the T.V. And started walking to the board and care facility

In the board and care facility

"I need to see my daughter Amelia Bohm." Sebastian calmly stated "Visiting hours are from 9:00 to 5:00" Martin ignored him and walked in himself. Sebastian was about to go and stop him himself when Clea walked up to Martin. He just decided to see how things would play out. Martin started talking excitedly "They were right—the numbers—they were right." Clea tried to interrupt. "I just tried to call you..." "She predicted everything—the bus, the kids, 318, the lottery, everything." "She's gone." "What?" "I went to check on her before I left, and she's gone. I thought maybe she tried to go back home." "She's not going home" "What? How do you know?" "I just do" nobody noticed, but Sebastian was secretly following.

At the cell tower

Amelia was sitting at the top of the tower in the middle of the rain. Once Martin and Clea were there they both got nervous "What is she doing up there?" Martin tried to yell to get her down. "COME ON DOWN AMELIA." He pulled out his phone to try and lure her down. "LOOK I HAVE A PHONE. AMELIA PLEASE COME DOWN." Realizing that this wasn't working he started climbing the tower

The ratio is always the same, 1 to 1.618, over and over and over again. The patterns mathematical in design, are hidden in plain sight. You just have to know where to look. 6,919,377,000 of us live in this tiny planet,and only a few of us can see the connections. Today we'll send over 300 billion e-mails...19 billion text messages. Yet we'll still feel alone. The average person will say 2,250 words to 7.4 other individuals. Will these words be used to hurt or to heal? There's an ancient Chinese myth about the Red Thread of Fate. Martin held on tightly to ladder muttering to himself to not look down. He is clearly terrified. It says that the gods have tied a red thread around every one of our ankles and attached it to all of the people whose lives are destined to touch. In the Station, Randy is boarding a train to Virginia (The train that he missed). This tread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break. I'd like to believe that's true. Martin finally made it to the top. Once he set foot on the platform at the top he quickly grabbed on to something for dear life. Amelia was kneeling by the edge with the hood of her jacket up so she wouldn't get wet. Clea was right behind Martin and was watching the scene in front of her. "Amelia, listen to me. I did what you wanted—I followed the numbers. The kids on that bus—they were saved because of you. Amelia" He crawled a little bit closer to her. "I don't know if you understand a single word I'm saying. I don't even know if you can hear me, but I can hear you, Amelia. Do you understand that? I can hear you now." Amelia slowly turned her head towards her father. She crawled up to him and looked at him for a little bit. Then she did something no one ever saw coming. She threw herself at her father and hugged him. Martin was pleasantly surprised. For a moment he didn't know how to react. He then slowly hugged her back. Amelia quickly grabbed the phone that was in her dad's back pocket and pulled away from the hug. She dialed a number and gave her father the phone. Her father looked at the number '718-673-5296'. Clea was confused at everything that was going on. "I don't understand. What is it?" Martin turned to her with a smile and said "A road map." He placed the phone against his ear. No one could see it but Amelia was inwardly leaping in joy. Finally someone that could hear her. She obviously knew this was going to happen from the beginning, but she was still happy her father cared. If everything was in reverse she would've had to sell her soul to that demon. A man in the other line answered the phone. "Hello?" "Hello, my name is Martin Bohm. Look I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I think we're suppose to find each other." In the distance Sebastian had a frown on his face. He had no choice but to report to his young master.

At their home.

"Well Sebastian, did she accept?" "No, young master. I'm afraid things have gotten complicated." A young boy that looked to be around 13 years old with bluish hair and an eye patch in his right eye (am I right?) "What is the problem?" He asked calmly as he took a bite out of a piece of cake (In my version demons can eat if they feel like it but it will only dissolve into nothing by the time it reaches the stomach). "She is communicating with her father." This got the young boy furious "WHAT?" He threw his cake to the floor in frustration. He quickly calmed down and started thinking. "Well we're gonna have to figure out another way to get to that girl's soul. Her soul will be mine."

Chapter ends here I took out a lot of parts of the story, because it doesn't move the plot. However I recommend you to still watch 'Touch'. Originally I was going to just write out the whole story and then start posting it, but I wanted to see the opinion of everyone who is reading this, so I will post as I write. However if I do this updates will be much slower, but I'm having too much fun writing this so I'll update as fast as my fingers permit me.