She came to Special Victims just about the same time as I did. We were both being silently tested for loyalty and skill. I saw how tense everyone got the moment we all met, standing awkwardly in Cragen's office. Cabot entered the room after everyone else, and the room changed gears immediately. I remained friendly, shaking her hand, but these detectives who'd been working with her for maybe three weeks then seemed to be colder to her on a more personal level than they'd just been to me. I suppose it inspired me to keep a watch on the dynamic between them and her. As far as I was concerned, she was alright. Professional, well-spoken, and not without compassion. I know a good guy when I see one, I'm a detective.

I might not have given a lot of thought to how everyone specifically interacted with the new ADA had my ex-wife not planted the idea in my head. A week or two later, we exchanged pleasantries while I dropped my kid off. It was actually nice, we rarely get to talking much. I told her about how the transfer to SVU was coming along and happened to mention the boss was new, too.

"She's a woman?"

"Yeah. Harvard Law type."

"She's gonna have a hard time dealing with cops every day, huh?"

"Ha ha. She seems tough enough."

"You're all getting along?"

I think my pause said enough.

"Of course."

"Me, I've got no problem with her. The others seemed, um, wary. With these guys, you've got to really earn respect."

"It's all men?"

"No, one woman, Benson. "

"I can't imagine girl lawyers and cops creating a harmonious work environment."

"Why's that?"

"Lawyers and cops are at odds to begin with, but women in the workplace, women in general, are completely competitive."

I noted that, but also noticed the tone in her voice. "A little competition going on at work?"

"Ha, yeah. But it's not to worry, my resume can run circles around hers."

We smiled as we said goodbye. I hugged my son goodnight and he wormed out of my arms embarrassed, like teenagers tend to do. I left their building thinking about my ex-wife and how short our time together was. Two years and one kid into the marriage, we looked at each other and said we weren't in love any longer. Neither of us had the capacity to love each other, really, but damn did we love that kid. That's why I can stand her.

Two days later, Alex Cabot strode into the squad room in an immaculate, tan pantsuit, holding the strap of her briefcase and heading to see Cragen. Standing by the coffee machine, I got a good window into the moment. Cabot's eyes seemed to falter a little, her step took a momentary hesitation, before she spoke to Benson and Stabler. "Good morning, Detectives."

Stabler answered her, and they had maybe a 30-second chat about the open case. Benson didn't talk but did nod and smile, only looking at her eyes. Almost like she was afraid to look anywhere else. The fact that they didn't talk before Cabot headed off to Cragen set off a bell in my head, and suddenly I was back in my ex's doorway talking about women and competition. I put myself on alert to see the fires before they had to be put out, you know what I'm saying? I'd actually not worked with too many women on the force or ever, and they are both intimidating women. In the following weeks, my ex's theory turned out to be true. The two of them didn't seem to connect, in fact a lot of us weren't -- but it's a high stress job and there's always a lot at stake. It takes some time to get to know people who see what we do day in and day out, we don't exactly talk about our feelings a lot. Anyway, it took a considerable amount of time for everyone to trust Alex and to learn anything about her. I knew she was money and all that from the get-go, but I did learn through the stress of our cases that the woman's got a heart, and integrity. Not a lot of people have that, integrity. If you ask me, everyone silently came to that conclusion months after she started prosecuting for us.

Be that as it may, no one on the squad really saw Alex outside of work and the very occasional after-work drink, as far as I know. At least, I knew she and Olivia didn't, and weren't exactly close friends, but like I said we all came to respect each other. As it came to be close to the anniversary of mine and Alex's time at SVU, I noticed Olivia and Alex warming to each other, being able to be a good team. I witnessed them interrogate this prisoner like seasoned detective partners at Rikers one day. I smiled to myself, thinking it only took a year for the two women to work together well, that my ex was really right about women. I guess she should be.

And I can't believe it took my dumb ass to buy that theory for that long. I should have seen it sooner. Maybe I never would have, but for this one happenstance.

I happened to be in the office not an hour before Cabot came by to tell us the verdict on a case when Cragen told Olivia to take tomorrow off and she obeyed. She said she was so tired she was going to straight to bed. She definitely looked exhausted.

Munch was being cute with Cabot again after she announced the verdict. He does that. Elliot and Olivia were packing up to head out, as I was going to after this last piece of paperwork.

"And you? I assume a woman of your caliber has a suitor lined up every night of the week."

"There's hardly a queue forming, Detective."

"Just teasing." Munch called out, "You guys heading out for the night?"

I assume they nodded, I had my eyes on the file in front of me.

"Hot date, Olivia?" Munch said.

That I glanced upwards for towards the scene in front of me. Munch was sitting, peeking past Alex's stoic posture over at Olivia, who was wrapping a long scarf around her neck. Elliot had taken off. Something seemed off right off the bat to me when I noticed Alex seemed to be looking off into the distance, emotionless, when I knew she was just chatting casually with John. It became clear to me she was waiting to hear, not see Olivia give, her answer.

"Something like that. Good night."

Something like that? That girl hadn't slept in 48 hours. She shouldn't even have been driving home. No way there was a date. And upon hearing Olivia speak, as if waking from a trance, Cabot came to life and looked for Olivia's eyes, but she was already turned to leave.

"Good night." She turns to Munch and then myself, says goodbyes to us as well, and strides off. I must've had a funny look on my face still thinking about what just happened.

"Snap out of it."

"Sorry."

"You should get some sleep."

What had just happened? If I'm not mistaken, Olivia had just made up a romantic life, and I know it wasn't for mine or Munch's jealousy; it had to be Alex. And what about Alex? The usually calm and collected attorney looked like a deer caught in headlights trying desperately not to look like a deer caught in headlights, you know what I'm saying? Very suspicious behavior. And besides, two women, two beautiful, smart women, together? Let's just say it's an idea I wanted to run with.

It snowballed from there. Whenever they were in the room together, I turned Detective on my colleagues and found clues that I never saw but must have been there before. They couldn't hold each other's eyes usually, but they always seemed eager to be confrontational. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, two grown women acting like teenagers, and almost fooling everyone. They were fools themselves, carrying on the game they were obviously playing. I wondered if they even knew it themselves. I wondered if there was a delicate way to broach the subject to either of them. I wondered if I was making the whole thing up.

I've spent my whole life studying, investigating human behavior, though. I knew I wasn't wrong.

And then one day, Cabot went apeshit. She went off on Cragen in front of us, furious that Roy Barnett was going to walk, and that poor kid was going to be in a coma the rest of his life. It was all clearly getting to her, and she got in a whole mess of trouble in the process, obtaining evidence illegally to nail the guy to the wall. I wouldn't have done it, but hey, I can't say she was altogether wrong, either. When all was said and done on the case, the woman got a one-month suspension.

I should have known that Alex Cabot wasn't going to waste any time or hang her head low upon returning to work once the month was out. In fact, she seemed more relaxed. Her demeanor was a little more welcoming. She smiled, often. She'd been gone just long enough for me to forget the soap opera I invented in my head. So when I saw Cabot flash that searching look at Olivia like I'd seen before, all of us standing or leaning around in Cragen's office, I thought little of it. I guess I'd seen it so often, I didn't notice what was off with the picture. Walking out with the rest, minutes later, I figured it out. Olivia was speaking at the time, to Elliot, then to her, all the while, Alex smiled, like we weren't talking shop about child abuse and open rape cases. It was like that the rest of the day. It was like that the rest of the week, then the next. Olivia seemed confident and untouchable, and Alex was actually glowing and amiable. They were such subtle changes, though, if you weren't looking, I don't think you'd have seen it.

If anyone else ever did in fact, see it, I'll never know. I watched their relationship evolve and devolve and evolve again through workplace interaction alone. It's clear they were passionate about one another; I can't imagine either of them not bringing intensity into a relationship. If Olivia ever told Elliot or anyone else, I won't ever know either. I've never witnessed a more covert operation, their relationship.

When she died, I wanted to ask Olivia about it all, tell her I knew, that she wasn't alone, she could tell me. Any time we mentioned her name, though, she just wouldn't go there. She couldn't get too far into the topic, and I didn't know what to say anyway. I trusted Elliot to take care of her. She seemed to be coping.

When she wasn't actually dead, I think my heart actually broke. The soap opera just got impossibly juicier. Alex wasn't dead, and Olivia knew that. Now I knew the truth was a much more horrible one -- alive, but parted by threat of death. This was some Greek shit.

That night before Cabot went to trial, the Captain put the squad on bodyguard watch for Alex. He wanted to send me and Elliot. I couldn't make up an excuse, but I did suggest Olivia be the one to babysit, being that they only have one night to catch up and all. As friends, as far as the Captain knew.

That was over two years ago, and I still have never hinted at anything to Olivia, asked her if she likes the fairer sex or straight out asked her if she and Alex had a thing. In the end, I know it's never been any of my business. I guess I got to thinking about it all again today, what with the case we just closed. Young girl is raped by three generations of men in her family for years, she turns to drugs and the father supports her habit to keep her mouth shut. She's 14 and she'll be taken care of by the system now. It's cases like these that drive me to buy the occasional cigarette in my hand right now. All I want to do is think of something lighter, think of heroes and acts of love instead of acts of abuse, which I suppose can lead me back to the musings I once entertained myself with, the story of Alex and Olivia.

"Don't you know those things give you cancer?"

I don't have to look behind me to know Olivia's voice. I'm sitting on the front steps of the courthouse, still smoking that cigarette.

"So do your ovaries."

"Clever." I see her sit down next to me and looks over at my hand. "May I?"

I hand it to her, she puffs, and hands it back. I've never known Olivia to smoke a whole cigarette by herself, this might be the third time in my life I've witnessed a drag being taken. The sun settling down and the easiness of the moment is calling for carpe diem. I don't believe in coincidences, that the subject of my long-term investigation would appear like so tonight, this random evening.

"Did you have a thing for Cabot?"

Olivia's eyes were searching off in the distance somewhere, and I see them retreat back to the courthouse steps.

"'Have a thing'?"

"Were you in love?"

She pauses. She is unreadable, but she looks me in the eye. I can't tell what's in her head. And just then, something magical happens.

"Hi."

It's clear from the volume of that greeting, and the fact that the courthouse steps are deserted, that it was addressed to the two of us. I watch Olivia's reaction as she turns back before I look to see for myself. She seems oddly zen.

I think I'm making her up, but I can't be dreaming. Alex Cabot is standing a number of steps higher, in the flesh. Alive again and in New York.

"Yes."

Olivia surprises me, and I turn my head to her to realize that she has just answered my question. She jerks her head back to look at Alex like she can't stand one more second looking at anything else. She scrambles to her feet, and Alex is rooted to the spot. I can't even move.

Olivia breaks the silence and breathes, "Are you home?"

Alex releases a held breath. "I'm home."