As I stated before in my other Twilight Princess parody, this is not meant to offend anyone, I don't own any of the characters, and this is pure humour and stupidity. I wrote it childishly ON PURPOSE. I do not write like this on a normal basis, just when I want to have fun.
Like I also said before, I don't really hate Ilia, this is just for fun.
If you don't like it, don't read. I don't want or need to hear how much it "burns your eyes". Please, show some respect.
Thank you.
--
~Meeting with Oocoo~
Link and Midna are in the Forest Temple, and they find Ooocoo in a jar.
Ooccoo: Hi! Take me with you!
Link: Why?
Ooccoo: Because my son Ooccoo Jr. can warp you out for reasons no one can explain, and can bring you right back to the room you just left, where I'm standing! :D
Link: o_O Well, I gues we can-
Midna pops out of Link's shadow.
Midna: Link...a word with you?
They go to the other room.
Midna: Link! We can't take that chicken with us! She'll slow us down!
Link: Oh come on Midna, what am I supposed to do if I get hungry? I can't go through the entire Temple to the entrance!
Midna: TOO BAD! She's not coming with us!
Link: Whatever.
Midna: Good. Now let's go find the Fused Shadow!
She disappears back into his shadow, Link goes back into the room where Ooccoo is waiting.
Link: Okay, you come with us.
Midna: WHAT?!?!
Ooccoo: Happies!! :D
Link: xD
Midna: GRRRR!! LIIINNNKKKK!!!!
--
~Going to Kakariko~
Midna: Do you want me to lead you into the Twilight?
Link: No!
Midna: WHAT?!
Link: I don't wanna be a woooollff!!
Midna: TOO BAD!
She goes through the black wall, and pulls him in with her hand hair.
Link: Bark bark! (Dang it!)
Midna flops onto his back.
Midna: Onward!
Link: (No!)
Midna: I SAID MOVE IT!!!
Link: (I'm not going anywhere!)
Midna: I'll give you a steak.
Link: (LET'S GO!)
Midna: Works every time...
~Meeting with King Bulbin on the bridge~
King Bulbin: Let's have a jousting match! :D
Link: Why?
King Bulbin: So you can save this kid...?
Link: Then die!
Link charges at King Bulbin on Epona, and throws a cupcake over the bridge.
King Bulbin: MINE!
He jumps off the bridge into the chasm, and Link saves Colin, taking him back to Kakariko.
--
~Meeting Princess Agitha~
Agitha: Oh! Boy! A giant grasshopper!
Link: OMG! WHERE??! O.O
Agitha: -_- I meant you, boy.
Link: Ohhh, right.
Agitha: Get me the Golden Bugs for my ball and I'll pay you! :D
Link: ...How much?
Agitha: Fifty rupees per bug, and if you give me partners, I'll give you a hundred!
Link: Sweet! :D
Midna: Link? A word with you outside?
Link: No!
Midna: I SAID LET'S GO OUTSIDE!
Agitha: o_O What's that?
Link: Oh nothing...bye for now! ^^;
He runs outside.
Agitha: WAIT! YOU HAVE BUGS! GET BACK HERE!
--
~Saving Midna~
Link: Don't die, Midna! D:
Zelda: I thought you guys hated each other...
Midna: Aahh....ugh....aaahh....
Link: (NOOOO!!!! MIIIDDDNNAAAA!!!)
Zelda: SHUT UP WITH YOUR CRYING! GODDESSES, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A HERO!!!
Link: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! ...I mean, AWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! DX
Tired and fed up, Zelda revives Midna and sacrifices herself just to shut Link up.
Midna: I'm alive! :D
Link: (MIDNA MY LOVE!!!!)
He pounces on her and licks all over her face.
Midna: Liiiiiinnnkkk!! Not now!! Let's get the Master Sword and THEN we'll do it! ;P
Link: (OKAY!!! :D)
--
~Meeting Yeto~
Link goes up to the top of Snowpeak and sees Yeto.
Link: HOLY HYRULE!! WHAT ARE YOU?!
Yeto: Hahahaha! Little human not see yeti before! Come to house of Yeto!
Link: Why are you talking like that?
Yeto: Yeto don't know! It how game designers make me talk!
Link: Oh.
Yeto: My house far away, we sled! Do like Yeto!
He knocks a frozen leaf down, gets on it and slides down the hill.
Link: Awesome! Snowboarding! :D
Midna: Link! We don't have time for this! We have to find the Mirror Shard!
Link: But he said he had a house!
Midna: So?!
Link: There might be a nice comfy bed....
Midna: O.O WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! I'M HORNY NOW!! LET'S MOVE IT!
Link: Okay!
--
~Restoring Ilia's Memory~
Ilia: Oh my God...you're....LINKY-POO!!!! :D
Link: Oh no...DX
Ilia: Oh Linky-poo!! I was so scared!! I never thought we'd make it to Kakariko with Ralis and...oops.
Link: ...WHAT?! You mean you were FAKING losing your memory!?
Ilia: N-no! No! I...what was I saying?!
Midna: How dare you!!! You wasted our precious time getting the last mirror shard! DIE!
Midna kills Ilia by strangling her with her hand hair.
Link: OMG! You killed Ilia!
Renado: O.O
Midna: So?
Link: ...Oh Midna!
Midna: Oh Link!
They start making love right there next to Ilia's corpse, and with Renado still there.
Renado: Couldn't you have waited until AFTER I left?! o_O
Telma: We should follow their example! ;)
Renado: O.O How did you get in here?
Telma: The front door. Now let's have sex!
Renado: Okay.
--
~Metting with random Twilight Messengers~
Twilight Messengers: Hi!
Link: Why are you all here?
Twilight Messenger 1: ...To kill you?
Link: Why?
Twilight Messenger 3: Because we're under orders to do so?
Midna: By Zant?
TM2: Yeeaah.
Link: Wouldn't you rather be free?
TM1: Hmm?
Link: Free to do what you want, go anywhere you want...you know, not be a slave?
TM's: Hmmm...
TM1: Well I WAS tired of all our little paychecks.
TM2: And no food!
TM3: And seeing the same thing over and over!
TM1: LET'S BE FREE!!! :D
TM2 and 3: YES!!!
They run off, leaving a portal.
Midna: Um....okay.
Link: Hey! They dropped a rupee! Happies! :D
--
~Midna's True form~
Link: Midna...
Midna: Yes?
Link:....OMG!! MARRY ME!!!
Midna: O.O Serious?!
Link: YES! I LOVE YOU! AND YOUR TRUE FORM IS SO BEAUTIFUL! OMG!! MARRY ME PLEASE!!!!
Midna: .......YES!!! :D
Link: HAPPIES!!! :D
Ilia: Ohhhh Linkyyyy!!!
Midna: How the heck did she get here?!?!
Ilia: LINKY! Come home! We have to get-...who's this slut?!
Midna: What did you just call me?!
Link: She's my fiancée. :D
Midna: Yep! :D
Ilia: WHAT?!!? D: But LINKY! You're supposed to marry ME!! You're under a contract!
Link: Huh?! What?!
(Flashback, before Link leaves)
Bo: Link, I want you to marry my daughter.
Link: Why?
Bo: Because I said so. Here's a contract.
Link: Okay.
Link signs in and gives it back to the Mayor.
Bo: Good then! When you get back from delivering the gift, you guys can get married!
Link: Okay! :D
(End of flashback)
Link: Oh, poopie.
Midna: Can I see that contract for a second?
Ilia: YES!
Ilia gives it to Midna, who reads it, and then rips it up.
Ilia: D: YOU BITCH!!!
Midna: Let's go get married, Link!
Link: Yes! :D
Ilia: LINKYYYYYY!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
PT (Me): YES!! GO LINK! GO MARRY MIDNA!
Twilight Commando (Author): Want me to take care of the dumbass?
PT: Sure. :D
TC: Ok! Just let me get my Kill-Ilia-Into-Oblivion-Bazooka!
--
~After the game is over~
Midna: Link! Now that we're married, I'll live in Ordon with you! :D
Link: HAPPIES! :D
Midna: We'll have lots of babies!
Link: Yes! And we'll go on lots of adventures!
Midna: Yes! And we'll eat a lot of good food!
Link: Yes! And we'll go on walks on the beach!
Midna: Yes! And we'll hug and kiss and have sex everyday!
Link: Yes! And we'll be so in love for all time!
Midna: Yes!
Link: Yes!
Midna: Oh Goddesses, take me already!
Link: You got it! :D
--
And that's the end for now. Stay tuned for more parodies! :D If you have a suggestion, feel free to tell me! :P