"Monty promised me we'd be happy again. And I'm trying. Really I am. Just when I think I have released the pain of the past I feel myself being pushed back in. It's so hard not run to a bottle. Drown out the memories. Secretly hope the abuse kills me. Because I don't think I deserve to live.
But like I said I am trying. I am fighting this. And some days there is so much more light and vivid colors that allow myself to see. I can almost believe Monty. Do you know what the biggest reason I keep pushing through? Why I don't pick up that bottle?' She shakes her head too fearful of her emotions to speak out loud.
'Because of you Raven. You make my heart smile. You don't try. You don't force me to be whom you assume I should be. Who I was before Maya. You give me space to get there on my own. With you I can be myself. Even if you wanna strangle me; you're still there.
Plus Raven? You are smart and beautiful. If I don't say that enough or if at all I don't know. But you are. And it's for you I dream of those promised happy days more than the sad ones. Because maybe just maybe when I reach them you'll want to be with me."