Change
A/N: I know I haven't written in awhile. The way iCarly ended upset me as I'm sure it did a lot of you guys. I made this in honor of the iKiss Anniversary. I haven't stopped loving Seddie. I see the ship in a different light now, though. This is how I see things happening two years down the road.
Freddie's POV
I wake up to silence early in the morning and I sit up quickly, wondering why my alarm clock didn't wake me and panicked that I missed school when I realize that it's Saturday. Then my heart skips when I realize exactly what day it is.
Carly comes back today.
I stare at the walls of my nearly empty dorm. It's dark so I can't see much. Switching on the lamp I sit up and start to pull on a shirt, but then I pause, deciding that maybe it's best that I shower first. I mean, I'm seeing Carly again today. I have to be presentable.
She left two years ago. It was supposed to be one year only with her father in Italy, but she ended up wanting to stay longer. I was surprisingly relieved to hear the news at first. I don't think a year ago that I was prepared to see her again, but I know for sure now that I am.
My roommate is stirring so I switch out the light and head to the bathroom. Turning on the shower water, I examine my reflection in the mirror. Here I am, Freddie Benson. Barely twenty years old, messy hair, unshaven, desperately trying to get myself cleaned up for the same girl I've been obsessed with since sixth grade. I was pathetic and I knew it.
I still wasn't quite sure why exactly I was so eager to see Carly. It wasn't as if I was planning on rekindling our relationship or anything. I had dated other girls during my time here at Seattle University and had mostly gotten over the excitement of having a girlfriend. They were a lot of work when you had a 4.0 to maintain, multiple extracurricular activities, and a part-time job.
No, I didn't want to start seeing Carly again. Not like that. I wanted to see her. At one time she was my life. My everything. I spent most of my time at her apartment before she left, having nothing to do with my own life and worked on the web show.
Maybe I was just curious. Maybe I wanted to know, did my life still revolve around Carly Shay? Have I grown past that? Am I my own person now, finally after her being gone for so long? Can I finally put the past behind me and grow up?
I wasn't in any rush to get ready and took a very slow shower. I didn't have work until much later today and I had some school work that needed to be done, but it was early and Carly's flight would come in around two hours. I could eat and then go see Spencer. He had to be ecstatic that his little sister was finally coming home. I know he had been disappointed when he learned that Carly was spending another year in Italy. They had argued some over the phone about it. He had told her she would be postponing college for another year and that had made her think some.
In the end she stayed and their father, Mr. Shay, was fine with that. He had missed most of Carly's childhood. I didn't blame him for wanting her to stick around.
I decided to have breakfast at the Starbucks off campus. It was bigger than ours and it had more food choices. I took some of my books and my laptop with me so I could get some things done before heading over to Spencer's.
"Hey Cheryl," I greeted the girl at the counter. She had short, curly bleach blonde hair and several piercings in her right ear. She smiled at me under her hot pink eyeshadow and examined me critically over the counter.
"Meeting someone special?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You look so clean."
"Yeah an old friend."
"Mmm. What can I get you today?"
"Just a breakfast sandwich and a coffee."
I choose a seat in the corner. The shop was quiet. There were only a few customers and Cheryl worked like a bird, so noiseless that I forgot she was there until she came over and handed me my cup and sandwich in a brown bag.
I thanked her with a nod and smile and returned to my work, but I could sense that she hadn't walked away and was staring at me. I looked up and motioned for her to sit, which she did. Her eyes held a bunch of questions and I didn't know if I quite wanted to answer any of them.
"Won't you get caught not working?" I asked.
"Boss is out. Who are you meeting today?"
I wasn't sure why she wanted to know about matters that didn't concern her. Either way I told her, "Carly Shay. We went to the same high school."
She looked at me skeptically. "That's all you're going to say? You went to the same high school? I know you weren't just school buddies. You were best friends. You, her, and..." She paused and I looked away from her pointedly.
"Okay. So I take it you know about Carly already."
"Yeah."
"So?"
"So, what's with you and her? Were you dating or what?"
"Did Sam put you up to this?" I said irritably.
"What? No! God, no..." She frowned. "I just wanted to know the story behind what happened. Why the three of you aren't close anymore..."
"Well obviously that's between the three of us," I snapped.
Cheryl stood up then, apologizing, wiping her hands on her apron and heading back to the counter.
"I'm sorry," I said, loud enough for her to hear and she froze, turning back to me.
"What happened?" She whispered.
"Carly moved away. I got over her and every time I've contacted her since she's been with a different guy. We have different interests."
"And you and Sam?" She whispered.
"Cheryl!" A voice called from the front of the shop and my heart spend up tenfold. "Hit me up with a green tea frap!"
"Sam?" Cheryl replied cautiously.
Sam's heels clicked as she came closer. I was frozen in my seat.
"What the hell are you doing back here? Shouldn't you be at the counter or do I have to report your sorry ass to the manager?" She joked. Cheryl walked towards her and they shared a hug.
I hadn't seen Sam for weeks and haven't talked to her for longer. She hadn't gotten any taller and had resorted to wearing heels all the time. Otherwise she wore ratty, ripped up, clingy low-rise jeans and a tight sports jersey which was so small on her that it revealed the lower half of her abdomen. She was small and fit. I wondered if she worked out at the gym. It didn't look as if she were wearing makeup or like she had combed her hair this morning.
I had never seen Sam at this Starbucks despite the fact that her best friend worked here. She was always busy with one thing or another. Ever since Carly left she had indulged herself in so many activities that I never saw her much. I wouldn't call us friends anymore. More like acquaintances. She had completely pushed me away from the moment Carly got on that plane.
I avoided eye contact, but soon enough I could feel her gaze on me. I could see her frozen body from the corner of my eye slowly she sat across from me.
"That green tea frap, Cheryl?" She nodded to her friend who looked between us worriedly before hurrying away.
Slowly I looked up at her. She was even more intimidating than I remembered. Everything from her beauty, her hard new abs, and her empty stare.
"You know what today is don't you?" She asked quietly.
I slowly nodded. "I'm going to see Spencer after this."
She nodded, taking a bite of my sandwich and I let her, watching her mouth as she chewed.
Her presence still scared me even as an adult. It was basically pounded into me from a young age, be afraid of Sam Puckett.
She didn't look particularly scary right now, even with the belly button piercing. She just stared at me blankly and something like disappointed flashed inside her eyes.
"Come with me," I blurted before I could stop myself.
"I don't wanna see her."
"Sam."
"I don't. That part of my life is over."
"She's our best friend."
"I know. And I love her. But I'm done with her."
I scoffed. "You aren't making any sense right now."
She bit her lip and I saw something else flash in her eyes, along with a fresh wave of tears. "Please. I'm not ready to see her again."
"But I am. And I need you with me."
She shuddered and gave me a quick, teary smile which disappeared as fast as it came.
She nodded so slightly that I almost missed it.
She had kept her dark hair long, to my surprise. She looked pretty much the same, also to my surprise. She wore a short, light pink dress with leggings and boots. She smelled like strawberries when she hugged me. Her lips were glittery pink and glossy. Despite spending two years in Italy, she didn't even have a hint of a tan.
She looked fifteen years old. Like the only one out of the three of us who hadn't matured in all the time she'd been away.
Sam hugged her tentatively and the hug lasted much longer than mine did. Carly looked over her best friend almost hungrily.
"I'm surprised you came," She told Sam. "You haven't contacted me lately. We haven't talked for months."
"Freddie talked me into coming," She played with a string hanging off of her jersey and looked in the opposite direction.
She sent me a grateful look before pulling us into a three-way hug.
"I have news for you guys."
-
Spencer had gone off to work and it was just the three of us in the apartment like old times.
"I got into Seattle U. We'll all be going to school together."
She was obviously expecting a reaction different from the one that she got. Sam shrugged and kicked her shoes off, sitting on the couch and playing with a long strand of hair, practically ignoring Carly.
I sat next to her and she shifted away from me. Suddenly I was angry. Why had she come if she wasn't going to try and make things right? It certainly wasn't helping things along being cold.
"I have more news, guys."
Carly sat on the table across from us, looking nervous.
Sam sat up then, eyes wide. "You aren't pregnant, cause I swear to god-"
"I'm not pregnant, God, Sam," She breathed. "I'm engaged. I'm getting married, you guys!"
We were both shocked, I could tell. Sam stared at Carly for the longest time before giving her a hug and an empty "congratulations."
Carly started to show me the ring and I tried to be more enthusiastic and ask her about the guy and how they met and that sort of thing. Sam excused herself outside and Carly and I sat together in silence.
"Are you guys together again?" She asked. She didn't look mad. She looked mostly curious, but also as if she might be upset that I hadn't mentioned it before.
"We aren't. In fact we hadn't spoken in a while before today."
She sat back, registering what I had just said and rubbing at her eyes tiredly.
"Wow." Suddenly, she gave a little laugh. "I can't believe I honestly expected to come back here and for nothing to have changed."
"You think I've changed?"
She examined me closely before nodding. "You've changed the most."
"And Sam?"
"No matter what it looks like, she's changed a lot less than it seems. She resents me," She mused. "She thought I was coming home after that first year. She didn't think it'd be this long."
"Yeah, neither did I."
She looked at me pleadingly. "You don't hate me for it." It was a statement, not a question.
I shrugged and she swallowed. "Understandable I guess."
"I don't hate you for it. I wasn't ready to see you a year ago. But I am now."
"Are you happy with what you see?"
"Do you want me to be honest right now?"
And from the look on her face I could tell that she did.
"I think you're immature. I think you've always wanted more than you needed and didn't appreciate what you already had. You put yourself before others, you've grown to act on impulse over the years and you're definitely not ready to be married."
"Oh," She whispered.
"But you're my best friend. You'll learn later on about the real challenges of life."
"Look at you, acting as if I'm any younger than you are," She laughed half-heartedly. "College has changed you guys. You seem older somehow."
"I feel older."
I decided that the heavy chat was over, and gave her another hug. She squeezed me tighter and longer this time.
She didn't ask me if I had feelings for her this time. We both knew the answer was no. She didn't bring up my relationship with Sam again, but she did ask about Sam's life at Seattle U.
"She's on a lot of women's sports teams and she's a cheerleader. She's president of a few clubs and I imagine her grades have to be decent. She has a few close friends. I don't know if she has a boyfriend, I haven't seen her with anyone."
Carly nodded, playing with the giant diamond on her finger and I had a scary feeling that that ring would be the first of many wedding rings on those little fingers.
I invited Sam to come over to my dorm that evening after I had finished my shift, and to my surprise, she accepted.
She wore tight clothes and heavy makeup and I when I raised my eyebrows at her appearance she answered, "I was at a party."
"Why'd you leave?"
"It was boring."
"Ah."
She sat down at my bed and looked at my roommates side of the room before laughing suddenly.
"Your roommate has so much cooler taste than you do."
I smiled because some things never changed.
I handed her a soda and clicked on the TV. It was turned on low and neither of us were watching it.
"You know earlier today when I asked you what day it was?"
"Mmhm."
"I thought you were gonna say something else."
"What did you think I'd say?" I frowned in thought.
"Six years ago today," She answered with a sip of her drink.
And then it dawned on me. I looked at her apologetically and she laughed.
"Oh, forget it man. I didn't remember either until I saw your stupid face in the shop."
We were quiet for at least five minutes before I turned the TV off.
"That was a special day for me."
"Me too, I guess. Can you believe Carly's getting married? She looked ridiculous today, acting as if she were going to prom with the cutest boy in school or like she just got her first boyfriend or something. This is marriage. She isn't ready to be a wife. When's the last time you saw her stick with one guy for more than a few weeks?"
"Are you saying she's a slut?" I asked, prepared to defend her, but Sam just snorted.
"God, no. She's never cheated and I know she's only had sex with a handful of the guys she dates. She just needs excitement and can't stay in one place for too long."
"What about Italy? Two years seems pretty long to me."
"That's nothing. The moment she has a fight with her husband she'll be off somewhere else. She'll live in Venice for five years then move back for a few months and then to Milan and back and on and off and she'll be away so much we'll have forgotten her name by the time we're thirty."
I liked how she said "we." Like she wanted to still know me by the time we were thirty.
"So we'll be friends in ten years then?" And suddenly the conversation had turned serious.
"I'm sure of it," She said casually. "You've always been irritating, but you've never changed on me. Do you have beer?"
I stood to get her a beer, but paused before I could make it to the fridge, straddling her waist before planting a kiss on her lips. It took her around five seconds to kiss back and after a while things were getting heated. I pulled away before things went too far and she seemed grateful for it.
"Why'd you kiss me?"
"Why'd you push me away when Carly left?" I demanded, twisting my fingers into her hair. I wanted to kiss her again, but I couldn't until I had answers.
"I thought you'd change and end up like her. I was wrong. Why'd you kiss me?" She repeated.
"Because you haven't changed either."
I kissed her mouth lightly before getting up to get her beer.
A/N: I feel like Carly wouldn't have matured much over the time period of being with her father for some reason. I'm not sure why it's that way for me. I guess because of how she hasn't been hurt enough the way Sam and Freddie have over past relationships to really understand much about boys besides the fact that they have lips. It might take me a while to continue to write Seddie fics. I still haven't quite cooled down about how the show ended and I'm very angry at Dan. You'll have to forgive me if I go months without writing Seddie again, but today I felt obligated to honor their relationship. Seddie forever, always.