I was once proud. Now, I'm just the useless, locked away. My own son thought I was a monster. Now that I look over my years ruling the Fire Nation, I, too, think that I was a monster.
But I wasn't always like that. It's true that I was hungry for power in my younger years. I had always wanted to be treated like my brother. Fire Lord Azulon thought I was just a backup, and treated me like a peasant compared to the way he treated my brother.
All my hatred was bundled up and about to explode, when I met an angel. She was beautiful, kind, and caring. She cared for who I was, which was much more than my family cared for me. She chose me over Iroh; she wasn't one of those fangirls chasing after my brother.
It was perfect, just the two of us. I was so joyful when I heard the news of our first child. And later on, our second child. I was never mad or disliked Zuko. I was pleased with his firebending. He was a late bloomer, like myself. Though I never shown or gave any sign of it, I favored Zuko in my heart. Azula was a big show off, much too like my brother.
When Lu Ten passed, I was heartbroken, but still reminded of my evil younger years. I had kindly asked Father if I could be up placed to the throne, since Iroh had no heirs, but I was punished into killing my first born, Zuko.
I could never do it. Though people now often say that I was greedy enough to, I couldn't. Ursa knew too. So she devised a plan; a plan so genius that it involved getting me to the throne, yet not killing my Zuko. But it did include killing herself, because she didn't want to be questioned or accused of treason. I talked her out of it, but it left the last choice, banishment.
All these past years since her banishment, I had gone crazed. It was always she who would calm my temper, and keep me sane. But she was gone. I did vicious and wrong things to Zuko, and made so many mistakes, my heart now regrets badly what I did to him. But secretly, I am so very, very proud of him reaching out and standing up for himself. He is now the Fire Lord and I can't be more proud, but I can sure hide it.
The day he asked for Ursa, was the day all these faults came crashing back in my face. I sit here, in my lonely cell, wishing one day Ursa would come back to me. But I now know that I am here to pay for my mistakes, and I would do anything for one more glimpse of my Ursa, my angel, once again.