Disclaimers: I don't own Hannah Montana or the song "Where You Are" as sung by Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. In case you couldn't figure it out, the title of this story comes from the song. This is my first attempt at writing a songfic, which is ironic because I don't really like them. Reviews would be greatly appreciated that way I can tell if I at least did a halfway decent job. I would really recommend listening to the song either before or after reading this as it'll put you in the mood that I'm trying to convey. To me, it doesn't have the same effect unless you listen to the song.
Since I've been feeling kind of down and dark lately, I was hit by sudden inspiration when I came across this song while browsing the Web. I decided to put it to good use and now here we are. I hope you enjoy this piece.
WHERE YOU ARE
Miley was sprawled out on her bed, lying on her stomach with her eyes closed and head resting on a pillow slightly damp with tears. It was 2 am, but she couldn't sleep at all. She didn't want to open her eyes for fear of seeing the very thing that had been reducing her to tears every night since it happened. However, she knew she couldn't keep them closed forever, especially with her current insomnia, and with some reluctance, she finally managed to pry them open slowly. New tears began to form as she caught sight of Lilly's empty bed and the various decorations and pictures placed about them.
There are times
I swear I know you're here
It had been two weeks since her girlfriend Lilly had been killed in a horrible car accident. The young 18-year-old had been driving back to the ranch house that she shared with Miley and her family, going home after a day's work at the Pier. She never saw the other vehicle coming. Maybe if she had, all of this grief and misery could have been prevented. But no. It seemed Fate had other plans for the blonde beauty.
Miley continued to lie there unmoving, softly crying as she pictured Lilly's form on her former bed, her face giving Miley a one-in-a-million smile. It was during moments like this that Miley could swear that she still felt Lilly's presence in the room with her.
When I forget about my fears
Feeling you my dear
Miley sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes as she sat up, not once glancing away from Lilly's bed. She got to her feet and walked over to it, bending over to run her fingers down the soft blankets with a feather-like touch. Still picturing Lilly on the bed, she began to cry a little harder, tears making their way down her cheeks. Without giving it a second thought, she laid down on the bed and tried to pretend that Lilly was still there with her. Miley closed her eyes and shivered as she thought about Lilly's gentle touch, which seemed all too real for her at that moment.
Watching over me
And my hope seeks
Losing Lilly had been the hardest thing that Miley had ever experienced since the death of her mom. Even now after Lilly's demise, she still wasn't the same person she was before it happened, and deep down she knew that she never would be again. Not wanting to process the thought of living without Lilly any longer, she just stayed there on the bed and continued to soak up the memories of her only true love, wondering if Lilly was somehow watching over her. There were certain times that Miley felt she truly was, and it gave her some hope as the thought of it helped her to get through the day.
What the future will bring
When you wrap me in your wings
Miley's depression ran deep. Although she hadn't tried to do anything outrageous yet, her dad and brother were still worried that she would one day snap. Miley herself wasn't sure if she could hold on anymore. First her mom and now Lilly? She loved her dad and brother dearly, but she felt like there was no point in going on. How could she possibly want to? Just when she thought her life couldn't get any better, the one thing that made her truly happy was taken away in the blink of an eye.
With a sigh and her crying now subsided, Miley pushed herself up from the bed and sat there for a minute, just thinking. She slid off and walked to the door, opening it and stepping outside into the coolness of the night.
And take me
Where you are
Where you and I will breathe together
Once again
Miley plopped down into the comfy lawn chair closest to her door. She leaned her head back, settling it on top of the chair's backrest, and gazed into the night sky. The moon was out and seemed to be the brightest that she could ever remember it being, with only a few stars dotting the sky. She wished more than anything in the world that she could be with Lilly again. Even if it meant taking her own life. Miley's eyes began to get watery as the sadness and depression she felt overtook her body.
We'll be dancing in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
And you'll be smiling back at me
As Miley continued to look out at the moon, its soft glow washing over her, she willed herself to think happier thoughts. More specifically, she thought of the time that she and Lilly had danced out here on a similar night. They had a soft tune going on in the background. With arms wrapped around each other, each one gazing into the other's eyes as they danced in the moonlight, Miley had felt on top of the world. Everything in her life was perfect and she couldn't imagine sharing it without her smiling angel by her side.
Only then will I be free
When I can be
Where you are
For just a moment, Miley forgot everything that was happening in reality as she closed her eyes and went into that blissful dimension where it was just her and Lilly.
And I can see your face
Your kiss I still can taste
Not a memory erased
Miley imagined Lilly giving her a radiant smile that could light up the entire world and then some. She practically shivered as she focused on the image of Lilly in her mind. She had always been amazed that Lilly could make her feel this way by just thinking about her blonde companion. She continued on with her thoughts as she moved closer to this dream Lilly, moving her right hand up to gently hold Lilly's left cheek before leaning forward and capturing her luscious lips in a passionate kiss. After many seconds, Miley finally pulled back and looked into Lilly's soft blue eyes, licking her lips as she tasted the remnants of their loving kiss and remembering every single moment that she had spent in this wonderful girl's company.
Oh, I see your star
Shining down on me
As Miley slowly came back from her heavenly state, she opened her eyes and remembered the harsh reality of no longer having Lilly in her life. More tears began to spill forth from her eyes as she cried once again. She stood up from the chair and looked back up into the sky, her vision slightly blurred. Her eyes settled on a single star, one that held true meaning, which was twinkling more brightly than the others. This specific star belonged to Lilly. As cliché as it might sound, Miley had gone out of her way to officially have that star named after Lilly. It had been a present for her eighteenth birthday, one that Miley knew Lilly would never forget.
And I'd do anything
If I could just
Be right there
Where you are
For a long while, Miley just continued looking up at Lilly's star, her eyes still wet with tears. Her depression kicked in for the second time that night, as she wanted nothing more than to be by Lilly's side and was willing to go to extremes to get what she wanted.
Where you and I will breathe together
Once again
We'll be dancing in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
And you'll be smiling back at me
Miley was torn. On one hand, her suicidal thoughts scared her sometimes and she wondered if she would ever actually be able to go through with them. On the other, if she ever did do it, she would finally be reunited with Lilly again, the source of her happiness in the world. She wanted to be able to hold her, kiss her, dance with her, do everything with her that they used to do. Miley didn't just lose her soul mate: she lost the best friend she ever had in the entire world too. And it was killing her inside.
Only then will I be free
Then I will be free
So take me where you are
Miley finally tore her eyes away from the special star. She was no longer shedding tears but the depression was still there. The thought of suicide was starting to become more appealing to her by the second. She couldn't help but wonder that when it happened and she reached the end, would she feel like she was dreaming? Or would it be an actual physical reality?
Now baby there were times when selfishly
I'm wishing that you are here with me
So I can wipe the tears from your eyes
And make you see
That every night while you are dreaming
I'm here to guard you from afar
Miley snapped back to her rational side at the thought of dreaming, mostly because of what her real dreams consisted of. She had dreamt of Lilly just about every night. It felt like Lilly really was there with her. They would hold conversations and act like nothing had happened, just goofing off and being themselves around each other. Miley did remember that Lilly would sometimes tell her that she wished she could stay with her, that way they both wouldn't be sad when it was time for Miley to wake up. Lilly would reassure her by saying that she would always be near, like her own personal guardian angel. Whenever Miley woke up the next morning, she felt the sadness in her heart as she realized it was all just a dream. She wanted to believe everything that Lilly would say in her dreams, but she couldn't help but feel that it was only a dream and nothing more.
And anytime I feel alone
I close my eyes and dream of
Where you are
Miley sighed heavily, feeling extremely lonely and sad as she looked at her surroundings. She was still standing and right now, the only thing she wanted was for someone to take her pain away. That someone being a person she would no longer see in this lifetime. She glanced at her bedroom door and then to the backdoor that led into the interior of the house itself. She kept silent and no thoughts ran through her head as she felt herself moving towards the door of the house, almost like she was someone's puppet.
Where you and I can breathe together
(and we will breathe together baby)
Once again
Miley silently turned the doorknob, not acknowledging the fact that it was unlocked. She quietly stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She wound her way through the kitchen and up the stairs, stopping in front of Jackson's room.
We'll be dancing in the moonlight
(oh, we'll be dancing in the moonlight)
Just like we used to do
And you'll be smiling back at me
Miley slowly opened the door and peeked inside. She was too wracked up with her emotions to care about the state and stench of Jackson's room. She slipped inside and walked over to her brother's bed, where she could see his snoring form. She stopped right beside it and looked down at him. She bent over slightly as she reached out a hand and lightly placed it on one of his arms. The corners of her mouth gave way to a small smile as she gently squeezed his arm and muttered the words, "I love you, Jerkson." She then let go of him and turned around, heading for the door.
Only then will I be free
Then I will be free
She slipped back out of Jackson's room and closed the door as quietly as she could before she started making her way to her next destination: her dad's room. She finally reached it and hesitated for a second, her hand hovering over the doorknob.
Baby I still believe
Oh I've got to believe
Miley finally settled her hand on the doorknob and opened the door, tentatively sticking her head inside as her eyes laid upon her dad's sleeping form. She silently made her way inside the room, walking over to her dad's bed. She stared down at him a little bit longer than she had with Jackson. She reached out a hand and placed it on her dad's head, lowering the front half of her body to place a small kiss upon his forehead. Pulling away, she looked at his face before whispering, "I love you, Daddy."
I will touch you that sweet day
That you take me there
Where you are
Miley exited her dad's room, closing the door and heading in the direction of the place she was intending to go when she had walked inside the ranch house. Her heart started to pound furiously, but once again, it was like someone else was controlling her as she made her way into the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out what she needed, closing its small door and heading back out into the hallway.
I still believe
Oh I've got to believe
Almost like a robot, Miley went back down the stairs and through the kitchen, opening the back door and stepping outside. Her heart was still pounding, but for another reason now. She made it to the door of her bedroom before she stopped and looked up at the sky. Seeing her friend's star again, silent tears escaped from her eyes as she whispered the words, "I love you." And with that final thought, she stepped into her bedroom.
Miley grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from her desk, writing out a small note. Still clutching the thing she got from the bathroom and the freshly scribbled note, she climbed onto Lilly's bed, setting the note down beside her. She grabbed one of Lilly's pillows and held onto it tightly as she proceeded with her plan, her thoughts only consisting of her precious girlfriend.
I will touch you that sweet day
That you take me there
Where you are
Oh where you are
The next morning was something that Robbie Ray had dreaded ever since he had to sit Miley down and tell her the fateful news about Lilly. He was in a state of shock as he watched his son trying to desperately shake the pale girl on Lilly's bed, an empty bottle of pills lying next to her lifeless hand. In Robbie Ray's hand was a note that he had found next to his baby girl. He forgot all about it as it slowly drifted from his hand and onto the floor.
I still believe
I've got to believe
The note simply read: "I'm sorry."
Author's Note: Okay, I know that this was a bit dark, but it just wouldn't go away. I originally intended for Miley to live, but it obviously didn't work out that way. Before you yell at me, just know that I had already mentioned that I was feeling a bit down and in a dark mood so this story kind of went in that direction. Also, I know that the lyrics don't really match to the text at the end, but seeing as how they were just repeated lines, I figured that the story should just go on.
All that aside, please let me know what you thought of it. I didn't proofread this for mistakes or to polish it up a bit, so if there are any, I'm really sorry. Even though it's my own, I don't like reading songfics. Pretty weird, huh? I always appreciate feedback since I feel it helps me to become a better writer. So, onwards with the reviewing! If not, I hope you at least enjoyed the read. Do remember that this is my first attempt at a songfic.
Update: I decided to do a little editing and re-upload this. Nothing major. Just a couple of paragraph separations and a few extra sentences either thrown in or re-worded. I'm now a little more satisfied with this piece. It had been bothering me for a while.