Disclaimer: Zelda is not mine because in order for me to have come up with it, I would have to be a genius, which I am sadly not.
AN: This little blurb got into my head while I was doing math of all things. I thought how much it must suck for those healing fairies that Link always captures in those bottles of his and this was born…
Those Goddess-damned heroes… If I had to breathe I would be good and dead right about now, which I must admit sounds appealing compared to this infernal cage.
I glowered ineffectively at my green-clad tormentor through the transparent wall. If only I knew some offensive magic! But noooo… Nayru only saw it fit to endow us "lesser" fairies with healing magic. Yippee for us. And that slobbering, desperate she-devil of a fairy queen isn't any better. May she rot in the deepest pits of hell with only the Redead for company! Just because the first mortal man you meet in a millennia smiles and acts politely doesn't mean you should decide you like him and set down a law for your subjects to heal him whenever they meet the pointy-eared bastard. It doesn't matter if you're cooped up in crystal for Farore knows how long. It doesn't matter if your wings get cramped and achy. And it certainly doesn't matter that one lucky swing from a Moblin or Stalfos could smash you into bits along with your blasted prison.
My glow became steadily brighter while my rage simmered even higher. With no visible outlet to vent my feelings, I hovered up and down in a frenzy while insulting the sword-wielding Hylian with every epithet I could think of in my admittedly vulgar vocabulary.
"You slimy mud-sucking son of a Like-like," was just one of my milder comments. For the sake of the children and sprites out there I won't describe the rest of my rant, but you get the idea. The fact that my cage made all of the insults stillborn did not sweeten my mood.
Great. I glanced at my surroundings while noting the substantial increase in pointy objects, traps and enemies. An enormous door with an elaborate lock stood at the opposite end of the room. Really, could those idiotic castle-builders be any more obvious? Even my grunting, speech-disabled captor could understand that. You would think this was a game or something…
Ouch! That was my wing you blundering imbecile! Don't you know how to fight those nitwits by now?? You could be more wary of your captive's health you know! I thought that shiny sword was supposed to be almighty and the "evil's bane!" Hmph. I suppose even that sword couldn't help you that much.
---20 minutes of caustic remarks and bloody gore later---
Thank Din you finally made it to the pig-man! Now maybe you can die, I can give you a quick sprinkle of fairy dust (don't ask how I made it) and I'll be freed from this horrible container!
By the Triforce! Stop monologuing you green-faced ogre! I don't care that you can play a bloody organ and kidnap magical princesses! Just get on with it!
---10 minutes of dramatic gestures, gasping, showing-off of sparkling tattoos and unintelligible fairy cursing later---
Finally! Wait, where did that boy get those light arrows from?! Oh no! Get up pig-man! Nononononono! Kill him you red-haired freak so I can leave! No, don't you dare die! DAMN IT!
Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while…