The Blair Demon Project
Sebastian could think of nothing he had done that would have been so terrible as to get him into this situation. It was unfathomable that any evil action could merit a punishement so cruel and unsusual! Sure, he was a demon and therefore practically the embodiment of evil, but to be here with that...it just wasn't fair! Wandering through the woods with Grell Sutcliff was worse than punishment. It was torture. Not to mention he was dangerously close to running out of time to make dinner for the Young Master.
"This really is eerie, isn't it, Sebas-chan! It's still daylight out and yet hardly any of the light reaches us through the trees!" Grell said for the fifth time. And also for the fifth time, he grabbed onto Sebastian's arm which was promptly ripped away.
"Perhaps you could make yourself useful and help find a way out of here as opposed to clinging onto me like an idiot," said Sebastian. Use your death scythe to knock down some of the trees."
"I can't. It's broken." Of course. The one time Grell could have been useful to him, the idiotic shinigami had to go and break his indestructable death scythe. Sebastian had to keep reminding himself not to kill the creature.
"Then you can help by getting yourself lost somewhere far, far away from me."
"But don't you see, Sebas-chan? The bond of our love keeps us together in times like these! We must never be separated lest the glorious red string of fate be broken!" Grell had stopped walking to deliver his monolague while Sebastian kept going.
"Please stop saying such repulsive things. There is no red string connecting us." Grell ran to catch up with Sebastian and pulled out a strand of his own hair.
"Sure there is!" he said. Sebastian looked down and realized that the shinigami had managed to tie a loop of his hair arounf Sebastian's little finger as well as his own. "See? We are connected! It's fate! It's destiny! It's love! It's-" Sebastian broke the hair.
"It's disgusting. Please keep your hair on your head where it belongs.."
"Meanie!" Great. Now the death god was throwing a tantrum. "Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!" Sebastian sighed and tried his best to ignore the obnoxious creature behind him. There had to be another way out of these woods... He looked at his pocket watch. It was nearly five o'clock. Dinner needed to be served by six. Sebastian really did not have time for this. He needed to get out of these woods and start making food!
"Ah!" The shout came from behind Sebastian. "Sebas-chan! Help me!" Sebastian grudgingly turned around to find that the shinigami had somehow managed to entangle himself in a huge spider web. "It's in my hair!" The demon scoweled. Of all the shinigami that could be obsessed with him, it had to be the most repulsive, annoying, clumsy, idiotic shinigami the universe had to offer. It really didn't do much for a demon's self-esteem.
"It's only a spider web. Deal with it." said Sebastian. He turned to walk away again but stopped when he noticed the surroundings had changed. Odd. Neither of them had been moving. This certainly was a strange forest indeed. Perhaps the rumors about it were true...
-XXX-
"Sebastian, I want you to investigate this," The young earl lazily held out a letter. Sebastian took it and read it carefully. "The villagers claim that the forest is bewitched and that none of the people who go into the forest ever come out of it. I can think of no one better to deal with a supernatural issue like this, so I'll let you take care of this one."
"The Young Master wishes me to find out what is causing the disturbamces in the woods?" the demon inquired.
"Yes. And put a stop to it. That's an order."
"Yes, my lord."
-XXX-
It was mere coincidence that Grell had ended up accompanying Sebastian on his mission. The demon hadn't objected to him tagging along at first because he had assumed that it would only take him an hour tops to navigate his way through the forest. Instead he had, quite embarrasingly, become lost himself. It was extremely fristrating to say the least.
"How can I deal with it when it's in my beautiful hair! And why don't you have any cobwebs in your hair! I've been walking behind you this whole time!" Grell pouted and stomped his foot on the ground. Sebastian had to admit, Grell had a point. It didn't make sense that the shinigami, who had been following Sebastian, would be the first to run into a spider web. The forest was changing as they walked. That was the only explanation.
"I think it's safe to assume that the culprit behind this is not human..." Sebastian mused, going on his way.
"Don't ignore me, Sebas-chan!"
"And I doubt it's a shinigami. Only Grell would be stupid enough to break regulations and mess with humans unnecessarily," he continued. He was walking quickly.
"Sebas-chan! Wait for me!" Grell was struggling to keep up as he pulled webs from his clothing. "You're moving too fast, my love!"
"Perhaps another demon...?"
"Sebas-"
"Stop moving!" Grell practically froze in mid-air. "Just stand still for a few seconds." Surprisingly, Grell actually did so. As the pair stood, the forest changed before their eyes.
"Interesting'" said Sebastian.
"What was that!" And of course Grell had resumed talking. "The trees morphed! Did you see that, Sebas-chan?" The death god flung himself at Sebastian but his advance was cut short by a punch in the gut. He fell to the ground in a heap.
"We'll just have to keep walking until we find the culprit. They're most likely controlling this from the center of the woods." Sebastian reasoned. Grell got up and started following him again.
"You're so smart, Sebas-chan!" Sebastian ignored him. He looked at his pocket watch again and stopped moving in surprise. It was already after seven o'clock! He had not yet made dinner for the Young Master! This was unforgivable! It hadn't felt like two hours since he had last checked his watch, and yet there it was, plain as day. The demon decided to brush it off for the time being and focus on finding a way out of the woods.
He paid no mind to the creepy whicker dolls that were lining the trees beside him. He paid no mind to the strange noises that echoed around him and he paid no mind to the useless shinigami who was hanging off of his arm. He could see a small hut in the distance. Perhaps that would give him some clue as to who or what was responsible for delaying his cooking and screwing up the schedule he had so carefully planned out. Sebastian made a bee-line for it.
When he reached the small haouse, he carefully opened the door and glanced inside. Nothing in the entryway. He took a few steps in.
"Sebastian Michaelis," said a voice. Sebastian whipped around to find who had spoken and came face-to-face with none other than the formidable Ash. "I knew it was only a matter of time before I had you in here."
"So you're the one behind this trick. I'll bet you manipulated the time as well, didn't you." Sebastian said, his voice thick with irritation.
"Yes. It was me. I set this entire trick up just to get you-"
"You can't have Sebas-chan! He's mine!" Grell suddenly shouted. Sebastian had forgotten about him. "We're tied together by the red string of fate and nothing can come between us!"
"Stay out of this, shinigami!" said the angel.
"You're not sexy enough for Sebas-chan!" Grell argued. "You're hideous in comparison to me! You don't deserve him!"
Silence. The three just stood there, nobody sayng anything at all. Then, suddenly, the angel started crying.
"All I wanted was some time alone with Sebastian!" he sobbed. "But then you come along and call me ugly and ruin everything!"
At this, Sebastian was tempted to do a face-palm. Why, oh why, did these obnoxious, gender-confused idiots have to keep being obsessed with him! But nevermind that. This angel had messed up his schedule. He had to pay. While Ash was sobbing on the floor, Sebastian kicked him.
"Why do you hate me, Sebastian!" Ash cried. "I was only trying to free you from that boy!"
"Stop acting like such a girl. Get over it and fix the forest."
"I am a girl!" Ash screamed. The angel morphed into a female. "And I'll have you know that it's that time of the month so I'm very emotional!" She stood up and wiped her face clean of tears. "Heaven hath no fury like a hermaphrodite scorned! If I can't have you, then I will end you, Sebastian Michaelis!"
"Well that's not very mature," Sebastian sighed. "Or original. I would expect more from an angel than that. Besides, doesn't killing me mean you'll never have a chance with me? We're both immortal. Anything could happen in that time. How do you know I wasn't waiting for relationships between angels and demons not to be taboo? You'll accomplish nothing by killing me, so I advise you to stop trying to do that and fix the forest instead."Angela was speechless. She just stood there and stared up at Sebastian.
"You can't be serious, Sebas-chan! You and I have to be the ones who end up together forever!" Grell exploded.
Ignoring Grell, Sebastian leaned down and whispered into the angel's ear. "If you llove me, let me go." The angel nodded and returned the forest and time to normal.
"I'll be waiting..." she said. Then she disappeared.
"Finally." said Sebastian. "I can get back to the mansion and have se- I mean, make dinner for the Young Master." The demon stood up, walked back to the Phantomhive manor, and made dinner. And maybe did a few other things as well.
THE END