A/N: Just a scene that popped into my head the other day – this takes place around "Funk" – that is, if New Directions had gone down another path with a different song.
Don't own anything. Sadly. Except for the slightly altered lyrics. : )
The members of New Directions gathered in the choir room. Rachel stood by the piano with her arms crossed in frustration over the events unfolding around her – Jesse – her mother – Vocal Adrenaline's funkfication of the team – everything! But especially Jesse.
Approaching the diva, Puck stroked his chin in thought. "We need to retaliate – a song that will psych them out." He paused. "Something they will never see coming."
From the corner, a devish grin wrote itself across Kurt's face. He eyed the group with growing smugness. A finger flicked the air. "I have just the song!"
The entire team eyed him in curiosity. As Kurt unfolded his plan, smirks grew on the faces of the members of the glee club. ..
Jealous that Kurt had taken the spotlight from her, Rachel was dubious the plan would work – but what else did she have? Maybe Kurt had a point with that song – after all, who would use a Rodgers and Hammerstein song to funk out the idiots from Vocal Adrenaline – a team well weaned on Queen and elaborate dance routines. "But it's a Rodgers and Hammerstein song!"
Kurt nodded. "Exactly. When would they even do one?" Seeing Rachel biting her lip, he added "Trust me."
XXX
Jesse St. James paced by his car in the parking lot of McKinley High School. His cell phone held in hand, he gazed at the building that kept him prisoner until freed by the "Run Joey Run" debacle. He had received a text message from Rachel, asking him to meet in their auditorium – and to bring the team too. What did they have in hand for them? He wondered.
As the last member of Vocal Adrenaline showed up, Jesse led the pack into the auditorium. A single figure stood on the stage in the bright lights – Rachel. Jesse sized her up – somehow her shortness couldn't be noted as she stood with a defiant look on her face. Alone. Where were the others – surely they would not let her alone after the egging debacle?
Shaking his head, he led his team to the front and stood directly in front of Rachel.
With a nod of acknowledgment, Rachel started to speak. Even though she was addressing the whole team, she kept her eyes trained on Jesse and nobody else. "Thank you for sharing your performance of "Another One Bites the Dust" – it surely enlightened us – to the point where we decided to treat you to a performance. Fair's fair. And now – New Directions!" Rachel gestured to the empty stage around her. Andrea and a few VA members tittered at the obvious irony.
Rachel let the laughter slide off her as she got into position. From the right wing, Artie wheeled himself out and extracted a microphone from his jacket. "Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, New Directions is pleased to present a number from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, 'The Sound of Music'."
The stunned looks of the members of Vocal Adrenaline met with confusion as they eyed and jibed each other. 'Seriously?' 'We got dragged over here for this?' 'The Sound of Music – horribly saccharine!' 'Jesse?' 'The Sound of Music?'
Artie smirked. "You heard me right – and here we go!" He wheeled himself to the center of the stage.
With that, the disembodied sound of a piano struck up the music. From opposite ends of the auditorium, Kurt and Mercedes strode onstage in full confidence. Meeting at the middle, they did an about-face and marched to the end of the stage while pushing Artie's chair so they were looking down at Jesse and his team. In unison, the two clasped their hands behind their back a la the von Trapp children in the film version. Artie did the classic choir hand clasp across his chest. Out of their mouths came the slightly altered lyrics to suit the reverse funkification in process.
"There's a sad sort of clanging from the bells in the hall
And the whistles in the air too,
And down in the auditorium, our glee club
Is popping out to say…"
While Artie, Kurt and Mercedes sang the last note, heads popped up from behind various seats in the audience. With members of New Directions surrounding the startled members of Vocal Adrenaline, the underdogs moved closer to their enemy with each "Boo-hoo~"
"Boo-hoo!"
"Boo-hoo!"
Smirking, Rachel joined the trio on the stage as they sang the next verse. While they did so, the rest of New Directions strode to the stage with the occasional "Boo-hoo!" thrown at Vocal Adrenaline.
"Regretfully they tell us (Boo-hoo!)
But firmly they compel us (Boo-hoo!)
To say goodbye… to you!" (To you!)
The members of New Directions assembled themselves in a straight line with Artie wheeling himself to the middle of the line. They reenacted the dance steps of the children from the film. A hand wave. A hand sliding in an arc. Bows and curtsies. A step. A nod.
"So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, good night!"
Tina and Santana stepped up.
"We hate you all and get outta our sight!"
Santana flipped them off as she followed Tina offstage into the wing. The rest of the team slid one spot up.
"So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, adieu!"
Matt and Finn stepped into the open.
"Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yeiu."
Leaving the stage, Finn sent a backwards scowl at Jesse.
"So long, farewell, au revoir, auf weidersehen."
Puck and Quinn grabbed hands and danced up front before breaking apart to reveal their hands holding plastic flutes.
"We raise our glass to share a round of champagne!"
Raising their flutes towards Vocal Adrenaline, Puck and Quinn cheered each other as they took a sip while waltzing offstage.
"So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye!"
Single-handely, Kurt took the front as he claimed his old role he had played as a child. (He would not share it with anyone, having given Rachel a solo as well.)
"We leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye…. "
As he slid sideways off, he fluttered his fingers with a high-pitched "Not!" before turning the hand-wave into flipping the bird at Jesse. It took two of VA to restrain their lead from jumping on the stage to have a one-two at Kurt.
Shaking their head in disguist, Mercedes pushed Artie front as they sang "We share a laugh as we watch you all die…" Artie pumped his fist into the air "At Regionals!"
The dancing duo stepped up while Rachel remained behind to wait for the grand finale. As Brittany and Mike performed a series of spins forward and around, they sang "You flit, you float, you all fleetly flee…you fly…outta here!" With that, they both pointed towards the exits as if suggesting that the rivals might make their exit.
As the duo flitted offstage, Rachel smirked as she took defiant steps towards Jesse and his cronies. "The game is done and over and so am I."
The rest of New Directions strode back onstage and surrounded Rachel. Their hands hid something behind their backs as they formed a line facing Vocal Adrenaline. Brittany passed something into Rachel's hands behind their backs. "So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye….."
As the last goodbye trailed off, the twelve members of New Directions with Rachel at the center retrieved their hands from behind their backs. In every hand was a jumbo-sized cup of….
SPLAT
SPLATTER
Slushies of every color and flavor rained on the members of Vocal Adrenaline as the hands containing the cups jerked forward in a graceful arc to empty the contents on their rivals.
Stunned with slush dripping down their faces, the twenty-six members of Vocal Adrenaline could only stand there and shiver in shock as they watched their McKinley rivals laugh as they made their way off the stage and into the wings.
Like? I just felt it was about time that Vocal Adrenaline experience the icy shower of a slushie, don'cha agree?
One-shot – or if ideas are shared, I could continue this!
K