Trust
Spoilers: Slaves of Las Vegas and TGTBATD.
In my story, 'All I need' I called Gil's dog 'Derby' and I use that name here, too.
Note: I didn't watch TGTBATD but I've seen a few videos. I wrote this to erase the notion that Grissom's an idiot SOB from my head. LOL. (Thank God for fanfics!)
The story starts right after TGTBATD
It was towards dawn that Grissom finally managed to get home.
The lights were off in the living room, except for a lamp in a corner. He smiled faintly. This lamp was Sara's sole concession in her strict efforts at saving energy. It was her way of saying she cared.
Right now, it was also her way of saying she wasn't completely angry at him –or so Gil hoped.
With a sigh of resignation, Grissom went to the kitchen and put a paper bag on the counter. Then, taking off his jacket as he walked, he went to the bedroom.
The door was ajar, light pouring from the lamp on Sara's side of the bed.
She was sitting up, reading. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt of his that made her look soft and younger than she was. Derby, their dog, was lying down by her side, his head resting on her bare thigh. He wagged his tail at Gil but didn't move.
She looked up.
"Hey," she said expressionlessly.
"Hey."
Grissom approached the bed with some caution. They had barely spoken these past two days, and for every word they said two were left unspoken.
She put her book on the bedside table.
"You ok?" she asked, her tone softening a little.
"I am," he said gently. "But I think I'm the one who should be asking you that question."
"I'm fine." She said, smiling a little to reassure him. She lay back on the pillows and gazed up at him.
She was waiting.
Gil cleared his throat.
"Sara…" he began, "She's a friend -"
"More than a friend, according to Catherine," Sara replied bluntly.
Gil winced.
"Catherine talked to you about Heather?" he frowned. "I never said anything to her -"
Sara smiled faintly.
"She's a trained observer, Gil. She must have noticed something -" she let the word trail off.
Grissom realized there was no use trying to side-step around the matter.
"I met her a while ago," he said. "She was -" he hesitated. "She is an extraordinary woman," he said truthfully. "Erudite -" And then he described his first meeting with Lady Heather.
Sara cocked her head.
"She sounds like a female version of you," she said thoughtfully.
Grissom found Sara's assessment interesting.
"Yes," he admitted. "We are both very similar. We've spent half our lives scrutinizing other people's lives in order to avoid looking into our own."
Sara was surprised at Gil's honesty but she didn't comment. Instead, she waited for him to continue.
Grissom sat on the edge of the bed. He looked down as he reminisced about Heather.
"She seized me up at a glance, and yet, I didn't feel threatened." He said, "On the contrary; it was comforting, somehow. She seemed to know all about me. She knew I was afraid of entering a relationship. It made no difference to her; she offered me a place where I could be myself and not be judged."
"I didn't immediately accept her offer," he added, "But I finally did, a couple of years later, and -" he seemed lost in thought for a moment, "It was the first time I didn't feel out of place."
Sara had been holding her breath while Gil spoke. She exhaled softly.
"Sounds wonderful," she said cautiously. "What about her? Didn't she expect anything from you?"
Grissom smiled faintly.
"She wanted a friend," he said. "An unconditional friend -one who was as blind to her faults as she was blind to mine." He looked up, "A part of me wanted to be it," he admitted, "But the criminalist in me balked."
"Still," he added, "There was a moment when I actually considered staying."
"But you didn't."
"No. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became how -" he struggled with the right word to say. "How pathetic it all was."
"Pathetic?"
Gil nodded.
"It was just a fantasy. Make-believe. The truth is, I wasn't being myself at all," he explained, "I was merely playing a part." He was silent for a moment. "This realization led to another," he continued, "I realized that, despite my short-comings, I wasn't alone; I had people who cared about me –people whom I could trust with my own life. But Heather… she didn't have anyone. All she had was this image she'd built around her." He sighed, "I felt sorry for her."
Sara winced.
"You… You didn't tell her, did you?" she asked slowly. When he grinned ruefully, she added, "That wasn't very flattering."
"I know that now," he glared. "She's never forgiven me for that," he admitted.
"Maybe she will, now," Sara said. She asked cautiously, "You wanted to keep this friendship going, didn't you?"
"At the time, yes. But I knew the price would always be too high."
"You did something nice for her," she said, "Do you think she'll take care of her grandchild?"
"That's all she wants," he said. But he knew what Sara meant. Heather still had some issues to deal with. Her guilt over her daughter's death would not abate any time soon., and it could taint her relationship with her grandkid. "She needs to trust herself," he said simply. He didn't want to talk about Heather anymore. He was putting all that behind him.
He sat a bit closer to Sara and then looked into her eyes.
"I'd like to apologize to you -"
She looked up questioningly.
"-for taking you granted," he finished. "I always take it for granted that you will forgive me, no matter what. I've kept silent over so many things. I've held secrets from you-"
"Oh, Gil -" she said softly.
"I shouldn't do it," he said, "But there it is. It's just -" He took a deep breath, "You're strong, and I've come to depend on that -"
Sara's eyebrows lifted.
"You think I'm strong?"
"You are. After all you've overcome in life, you're still optimistic. You stand up for your beliefs and you're compassionate -" He reached out and touched her face. "You're real."
She smiled at this. She reached for him and Gil willingly leant into her embrace. He buried his face into her neck and held on tightly for a long time.
He pulled back just enough to look at her.
"You doing ok?" he asked tenderly.
"Uh, huh," she nodded.
Grissom looked down and tentatively patted her belly.
"I'm not showing yet," she said unnecessarily. 'Two months' the doctor had said. That was a couple of weeks ago, and yet Gil kept patting, in search of some physical evidence. She found it endearing.
"I know," he said, looking up. "It's just…" he paused. He was on the verge of being overcome with emotion but managed to hold back. "Every time I think of this -"
"Yes?" she frowned.
"- I feel happy," he said. "But terrified, too."
She held his face between her hands.
"You'll be fine," she said, "I'll be fine, too. We just... We just need to trust each other." She was close to being overcome with emotion too, and to avoid it she ostensibly glanced around. "So," she said in a lighter tone, "Where are my flowers?"
Grissom frowned.
"Flowers?"
"Or my diamond bracelet." She paused. "Gifts, Gil." She added when she noticed that he had no idea what she was talking about. "You're supposed to give me something in exchange for my forgiveness," she said matter-of-factly.
The incredulous look on Gil's face was priceless, and Sara barely managed to keep a straight face.
Gil's confusion only lasted till he noticed the mischievous grin on her face.
He narrowed his eyes.
"If I'd brought you flowers, you would have thrown them in my face," he said with dignity. "And a diamond bracelet would have only gotten me an hour-long speech about modern-day slavery in the mines of South Africa."
She laughed openly now.
"You do know me," she said. "Although... I don't think I would have thrown the flowers. We have a compost tank in the backyard. I would have put them in there."
He smiled back at her.
"So, no flowers and no diamonds," he said. "But that doesn't mean I came empty-handed," and he deliberately paused. It was Sara's turn to look surprised. He smiled. "There's a new box of your favorite chai tea in the kitchen."
"Chai tea," she repeated, her eyes closing in pleasure, "Ooooh, baby," she sighed sensuously, "You do know how to keep me happy -"
THE END
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