Out of the Cold
Loki clenched his fists around the Casket of Ancient Winters as he stood in front of the palace of the Frost Giants in Jotunheim. The sharp, cold winds blew harshly against Loki's face and a silence lingered in the air. He looked down at his hands. His skin had turned blue and hardened, like that of the Frost Giants. This was who he truly was.
No wonder, Loki thought to himself bitterly. He had never felt like he belonged where he was. He didn't fit it with his family; he didn't fit in with his friends.
"Your father kept the truth from you so you would never feel different," his mother had told him.
But Loki had always felt different, and he spent his whole life wondering why. Why did he look different? Most Asgardians were fair-haired with tan skin, while Loki was dark-haired and pale. Why couldn't he be bigger and stronger? Brawn was what Asgardians valued, and Loki had never lived up to those expectations. He preferred reading and exercising his magical skills. He had felt different for as long as he could remember, and Odin hadn't had the decency to give him the reason.
As Loki looked around at the icy landscape, with large mountains of ice blocking the horizon, he reminded himself what he was here for.
To offer the Casket back to the Frost Giants in exchange for their army.
Of course, that's what he would say. Loki's true plan was to take over Jotunheim and take his rightful place as king. He had already carried out his brother's banishment and assumed the throne of Asgard, killing his biological father in the process. Loki had no love for him; it was he who had abandoned Loki and left him to die long ago. Now Loki was taking his throne and his true birthright. He would have the armies of Asgard and Jotunheim, and with them he would create an empire no one could defeat.
"The ruler of all nations," Loki whispered to himself. He looked up at the palace and began slowly walking up the icy stairs. He began to wonder if anyone was even inside; the land was so desolate and the only sound that could be heard was the wind and the clouds' occasional rumbling.
But as Loki came through the entryway of the throne room, he was surprised to see someone sitting on the grand throne of ice. It was a woman. She was more beautiful than any other female Frost Giant Loki had ever seen.
She was very tall, and her skin was a dark cerulean that appeared soft to the touch, unlike the rough texture of the other Frost Giants' skin. She had sharp but fair features, and her eyes were as red as the blood that flowed through Loki's veins. Her hair was a pale blue, and it cascaded in long waves from her shoulders to her waist. She wore a headdress of ice that resembled a large crown, with white gems sparkling from the middle of it. In her hand she held a scepter that was clear as the day in Asgard, and it sparkled in the subtle light from Jotunheim's dim sun. Around her was a robe of silk that matched the color of her skin.
She stood up when she saw him, and Loki stopped in his tracks. Her eyes seemed to widen as she slowly approached him. He looked her in the eyes, careful not to appear weak. He couldn't help but notice that the shape of her face and the sharpness of her features bore a strong resemblance to him. He knew then who she was. She was Farbauti, Queen of Jotunheim.
Loki's mother.
He took a deep breath, holding her eye contact. Her expression was not threatening, in fact, she looked upon him softly. She recognized him. She was a great deal bigger than Loki when she stood in front of him, and she extended her hand toward him.
"Could it be?" she said; her deep, booming voice echoing through the icy halls of the palace. "My son?" Loki swallowed.
"I am Loki," he replied. "I come from Asgard."
"Yes," Farbauti answered. "The adopted son of Odin. Do you know who I am?"
"Yes. You are Farbauti, queen of Jotunheim. And my—"
"—Your mother," the queen interjected. Loki tried to hide the flood of emotions he felt flowing into his heart. This was his mother, the woman who had given birth to him. He had her blood coursing through his veins at this very moment. But then Loki's heart grew cold. This was also the woman that had abandoned him. The woman that left him to die in the cold. Loki looked at her with hatred.
"Yes," he said sharply. "And my killer had I not been picked up by the Asgardian king laying waste to your planet." Farbauti's face filled with sadness at Loki's words.
"You know not of a mother's sorrow when she must give up her child," she said. Loki said nothing, pondering what she meant. "It was wartime; many soldiers were slain and ruin fell all around Jotunheim. Laufey was out fighting Odin of Asgard and fire was being set to the ice. I was sitting in the bedchamber caring for you when I saw a fleet of Asgardian soldiers charging at the palace. They had weapons of fire and destruction. I knew I would likely die; I expected Odin and his army to win the war." The Frost Giant queen began pacing around the room; her eyes filled with reminiscent sorrow. She looked at him. "I would have no one to take care of you after I had gone," she said, continuing. "So I took you and I left the palace. I took you to the outskirts of the battlefield, knowing that was the only place I knew someone would see you and pick you up. So I set you down and…" Her eyes welled up with tears as she stopped pacing and looked intently into Loki's eyes. "And I kissed your head, and I…I left you there. You cried for me when I left, and my heart broke as I had to listen to the cries of my own child and do nothing about them. I hid behind a block of ice and when the battle had been won by the Asgardians, the Allfather Odin stopped by your place and looked at you. I grew afraid because then I wanted to go back for you since I had survived, but…he took you before I could. …Laufey never forgave me for surrendering his child to the enemy and I never forgave myself for leaving you. And now, after all these years, here you are." She smiled at him, tears streaming down her face. Loki felt a pain in his chest and he looked down as sadness filled his heart.
He suddenly felt her arms around him and she pressed him to her chest. Loki fought the tears welling up in his eyes and he violently pushed her away.
"No," he said. "No! I spent my entire life feeling lesser than everyone else, and it is because of you! You abandoned me! Left me to die on a rock! Don't give me some bullshit story about how much you loved me! I have brought this Casket with me today because I intended to trade it for the throne of this planet and my birthright as king. But I am taking it back with me now; I have decided I do not want your army of monsters. And you know what; I have killed your beloved husband, my so-called father!"
Farbauti's eyes widened at Loki's words and she cried out, dropping to her knees. Loki felt hot tears streaming down his cold face as he looked at his mother feeling both love and hatred.
"That cannot be true!" she exclaimed. Loki simply held his stern gaze. "What has my son become?"
She had loved him; Loki realized. Her sorrow was true. But Loki didn't care. She had doomed him to the path he was treading now. Loki turned around and began walking out of the palace, away from the cries of his mother. Abandoning her on a frozen rock.
"A monster," he said to himself, answering her question. "A monster like the one I was born to be."