I was ever so gently resting my head on his soft muscular shoulder. Heck, I barely put any weight on it because I was worried he might move it. He was sitting ever so sophisticatedly with a book in his lap and beautiful ruby eyes glued to page 34. He had been reading the story for about ten minutes now, without any real intention of speaking to me. However, I was more than used to this. We rarely conversed since he was such a quiet and even shy Mobian. But his presence was enough for me to feel fully satisfied at the moment.
My eyes drifted to my quaint little living room. Nothing too stunning but enough to make me feel comfortable. Finally, my eyes met with a small window to the outside world. The forecasters had said it was cold enough tonight for it to maybe snow. A beautiful night for another beautiful moment with someone I cared very deeply about.
I glanced down at his gloved hands with power rings tightly wrapped around his wrists and dark silky ebony fur going down the rest of his body as he gently pressed his fingertips against the page and turned without making even the smallest of sounds. It made me chuckle inside a little. For such an incredibly powerful and eccentric person, he really did not like disturbing anyone in the area. His silky black fur always put me in some kind of a trance. No matter what the situation, my mind would be at complete ease when in his company.
He had finally become comfortable with my presence after months of slight but careful physical contact. I'm not exactly sure why the urge started even after months of being rivals, but it came on very fast, and I would even say violently. In the beginning, I probably looked like a crazy stalker. Every moment, I would be eyeing him, desiring way more than I could ever hope to be given. Daydreaming of all the wonderful things we could be doing together and sometimes it would come off in my face and confuse Shadow. I took it as slow as I could handle while keeping my sanity intact. Now I could lie my head on his shoulder, and he wouldn't shake it off. I would certainly call it an accomplishment. However, I had a long way to go. I don't really know when my infatuation started or even really how, but there was something about him. His gentle and elegant movements were completely under his control, and I couldn't help but admire. However, the fact that he didn't really want to get to know me or necessarily love me did kind of bother me. I never got any kind of confession out of him. Even after the multiple times I confessed to him. He did smile, though, and that was something that only I got. A smile and even a chuckle were enough to make me feel like his special one.
Our relationship would be considered very unusual. We're not really dating and yet we are probably not just friends. We never really had any kind of major conflict that would test our feelings, so it was hard to know if we were even together or just very close companions. Nonetheless, I didn't really mind it a whole lot. His warmth, scent, and energy were all I really needed, and I could live with the impending feeling of insecurity. Suddenly, his hands pushed together as he closed his book and his beautiful eyes flickered up to meet with mine.
They looked very concerned with his brow fraying down showing his rather serious expression and I carefully placed my hand on his cheek before tilting my head slightly.
"Did I disturb you?" I queried softly as not to disturb or hurt his sensitive ears... He always hated loud noises, especially voices.
He shook his head slightly as his eyes continued to flicker with sadness.
"No... I need to talk to you about something, Sonic." He replied with his typical unaffected and quiet tone.
"Oh really? Well, don't I get special treatment today!" I exclaimed cutely before giving him a little thumbs up and following it with a chuckle.
"If you wanted to talk, you could have asked. I didn't force you to be silent." He annoyedly countered while rolling his gorgeous crimson irises and folding his arms.
"I want you to be comfortable. Sometimes you don't like to talk. Anyway, whassup? You look upset." I winked at him playfully as I watched his cheeks flush slightly.
Shadow may not show intentional emotion, but darn is it cute when his body shows it for me.
"I... Well... G.U.N. wants to relocate me to Konfrontere. You know, a few countries up from here. They want me to protect their people in civil disarray right now. They need a professional spy on constant alert who needs very little sleep." His eyes glimmered with sadness, and he glanced down at his book.
It was the first real time I ever saw Shadow rattled by any kind of event. I softly placed my hand on the top of his head and smiled faintly. I tried not to assume anything as he had left for many trips before and he always was a little frustrated when he had to leave even for a short period of time.
"Well, that does certainly sound like the perfect job for you. How long will you be there? A month or two?" I asked calmly as I sneakily twirled one of his quills with my ungloved fingers.
Thankfully, he was too distracted by the conversation to notice. His lip quivered a little as he seemed to be at a slight loss for words. That's when I started to get concerned. Shadow would never let himself be emotionally vulnerable unless it was serious. I gulped slightly as I could feel a soft, warm hand touch my own and gently pull down to my side.
"Up to three years and if they like me, I might be permanently relocated." He finally admitted as his voice continued with its unaffected tone, but I could tell he was upset by the robust sigh that followed.
My heart immediately sank to the bottoms of my feet. I could feel tears forming in my eyes as I tried with all of my might to hold them back. This was certainly not part of the plan... After all this work... All this emotional bonding. Something might actually try to tear us apart for good, and there was no possible way I could move with him because of Eggman's shenanigans. I would just have to wait until or if he would come back.
"Well... Congratulations. It sounds like a great opportunity!" I forced a smile as I nodded with triumph.
I didn't want to make this hard for him. I really didn't. I wanted him to come to a conclusion without me whining or complaining. I was twenty-five, after all. It was time I acted like one.
"Sonic... You don't need to pretend to be happy. I'm no less frustrated than you... I was planning on arguing with them until they agreed to have someone else go." He tilted his head slightly as his face formed an intentional emotion for the first time probably ever... Empathy.
"Aww... Shadz. I appreciate it, but this is your job. It's wayyy more important than me, and I'm okay with it. Sure, I will absolutely miss you but..."
My mouth was immediately sealed shut as soft reddish lips pressed against me own. The warmth and comfort made me lose some of my inner strength as my emotions finally started to get the best of me. A few tears trickled down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around his silky back and slowly kissed him back, enjoying every moment, every beautiful moment. We rarely kissed so... This felt incredibly special and Shadow was never the one to instigate the interaction. He gently grabbed one of my warm and bendy ears while gently gliding his finger up its velvety exterior. He moved closer to me until he was pretty much swaddling himself into my lap. He repeatedly pushed his lips against mine over and over again until he finally broke for a breath.
"Don't lie to me, hedgehog. That's something that really annoys me, and you know that. Please don't act like I don't care about how you feel. Just because I don't show emotions in a way that is obvious doesn't mean they don't exist. You're the one who said you loved me, remember? So tell me the truth." He commanded sternly yet slightly comfortingly as he sweetly brushed the tears from my cheeks before pushing his forehead against mine.
This was a Shadow I was not used to in the slightest. He cared... He really cared. I never felt so happy and yet so upset at the same time... I had earned his affection... His heart was finally mine, and yet I might lose it just as quickly... But I knew this move was good for Shadow... Konfrontere was a country he had always wanted live in. It was much more sophisticated and clean then our little country, and I knew he would certainly find lots to love even possibly another person... Not that I ever wanted to admit it.
"Shadow... Of course, I'm sad but. You will have so much opportunity there. You love Konfrontere. I have heard you talk about it before. I'm sure you will be very happy there." I smiled sweetly as I could faintly hear a growl of disappointment.
My lips were instantly locked again as his mouth had once again met with mine. He quickly grabbed my head, forcing me to kiss back while pressing harder as his actions started to become more desperate. But now I was starting to get irritated... He wasn't really listening to me. With every kiss, I grew more upset... Of course, now he decided to show affection. When it was already too late. I finally had enough courage to push his body away even though he tried desperately to keep himself in his spot.
"Quit it, will ya? I'm trying to talk to you, and you keep interrupting me. Why won't you just listen to what I have to say?! It is incredibly hard for me to let you go and you're making me feel worse by shoving all this affection at my face all at once. I'M BEING HONEST. I'm not lying to make myself look good or to give the most appealing answer. I am saying what I believe is the right thing to do." I complained irritably as I quickly wiped the spit from the sides of my mouth.
His eyes were glittering... Light bouncing off his tear-filled irises. The rest of his face showed no emotion, but I could tell... His eyes never lied.
"You really don't understand." He murmured softly as his ears fell flat across his head.
"Apparently not. Sorry for raising my voice but... The lovey dovey crap will only make me feel worse right now." I sighed slightly as my mind couldn't help but take back those words as soon as they were uttered but it was too late.
"Lovey... Dovey... Crap...? What are you talking about?! I'm kissing you because I know it might be one of our last! Not because I want to spite you. Do you even care?! Hell. I bet you have plenty of fans to run to and fulfill your romantic and sexual desires but I do not. You're all I have besides Rouge, and I thought I was someone special to you and not just some stupid idiot who fell for your charismatic trap." I could see his mouth visibly form a scowl as his aggressive tone made me regret my prior statement.
I never did well with aggressive people. I was quite a prideful and dominant Mobian. I mean I am the fastest thing alive and one of the most important fighting forces against enemies like Ivo. So, when someone raises their voice, I always yell back louder even if I know they're right. This always ends up being a recipe for disaster and this situation was no different.
"Why are you yelling all the sudden?! I'm trying to do what's best for you! I'm trying not to be that selfish brat you always wish I wasn't. You constantly complain about my immaturity, so I am trying to do what I believe is right! Sure. If I had it my way I would lock you up in my house for the rest of your life and you would stay with me forever. However, that is not a mature, ethical or realistic desire. Now is it, mister ultimate lifeform?!" I exclaimed forcefully as I grabbed one of his ears and tugged it to make sure he knew I was serious.
"If I hated that side of you, why would I keep dealing with it?! There aren't parts of you I hate. Just some that get slightlyirritating. A great example would be this aggressive, pushy and competitive persona you're randomly throwing at me." He yelled back as his eyes flickered up to meet with my own.
How dare he yell at me for trying to be an adult? He always complained about my attitude and now he's telling me that he rather have that Sonic than this. What the hell is he even talking about?
"So would you like me to be a selfish little shit?! Cuz I can do that, but I honestly want you to be happy, and I don't think you will be happy if you stay here." I grabbed his shoulders violently and shook them slightly.
"Who said I'm not happy?! I am incredibly happy. More happy than I have ever been." He admitted while sitting up in my lap and pushing his face closer to mine.
Usually, I would absolutely adore being close to Shadow, but now it almost felt like him trying to look bigger than me. I'm better than this... I shouldn't give into petty competition especially with someone I love, but his attitude was enough to make my emotions spiral out of control.
"Showing a little would help. I can't read your mind, y'know? I just do my absolute best to watch your movements and reactions." I spat out with spite and sarcasm as if I was almost disgusted with him being this close to me... I wasn't, but I don't think that's the message he got.
Tears started flooding out my eyes when I saw his own tears fall down his cheeks. I really hurt him this time... I knew I had to be careful with Shadow from the very beginning. He goes from being completely unaffected to heartbroken really quickly and I think I might have just pushed the boundary.
"Please... Just, stop yelling. I'm sorry that I don't just give into my emotions easily but yelling at me isn't going to help." His shaky voice trailed off as he rested his face onto my peach chest fur, rubbing his tears gently into it as sniffles from both of us started invading the room.
"Shadow..." I couldn't help but file my fingers through his quills and softly peck the top of his head.
I love him... I have to love him. How could I not love him? Sure, there are parts of him that annoy me... There are times where I just want him to admit his feelings and let me comfort his heart. But, it's nice to know that we feel the same. There aren't parts I hate just parts that make things more complicated. If everything were perfect and wonderful all the time, we wouldn't appreciate those moments when things did work. A little arguing isn't bad... It's just a sign that we're comfortable with testing our feelings.
Nonetheless, you aren't a toy, Shadow... More like a beautiful porcelain doll that I want to protect and worship. A furry ebony princess I can swaddle and hold for all of eternity. However, throughout our wonderful time together, you have taught me the value of making the right decision, even if it destroys my own heart. That is something that I will never forget.
"If you're willing just to give me up because it's "the right thing to do", then obviously I fell in love with the wrong man." He tilted his head up to meet his own eyes with mine before giving me a slight but gentle kiss on the cheek.
It felt... Different and not in a good way. It almost felt like a goodbye kiss like the kind you would give to someone on your last date before you broke up with them. I didn't like it in the slightest but... I decided not to fight him. Shadow needed to make his own decisions. And I regretted that decision immediately as he quickly hopped off my lap and started taking staggered steps towards the front door. I could see his beautiful face turn slightly as my mind went completely blank. I couldn't believe what I had just done...
"And Sonic." He clenched his fists as he tiringly shuffled his feet into his specially made rocket shoes.
"What?" My voice could barely come out with any sound as I reached out to him with my arm.
"That was my confession. Have a good rest of your night." He quickly turned towards the door and forced it open quickly before walking through.
The door was slammed shut as my breath started to escalate and my heart shatter. I had lost him... That was it. He probably wouldn't even tell me when he would leave. I might not ever see him again.
I curled up into a tiny little ball as I saw snowflakes start to fall onto my porch. The window grew slightly foggy as my eyes started to close. Hopefully, if I fall asleep...
I won't wake up.