Anything's Possible.
Notes: All characters are owned by Joss Whedon and the lyrics are from Bright Lights written by Rob Thomas for Matchbox 20. I don't want to give much away, so I'll just say that this is set during Season 1, after the episode entitled Hero. Someone has a lot of thinking to do …
"So which do you think then?"
"Mmm-hmm …"
"See! I knew you weren't listening – honestly! Sometimes I don't know why I bother …"
That at least drew the attention it was supposed to and twinkling blue eyes finally tore themselves away from the sports pages of the newspaper long enough to cast a bemused look her way.
"Neither do I, Princess – it ain't like yer gonna listen ta me anyway!" came the response, the lilting accent followed by a chuckle he couldn't quite suppress in time.
"Do you have any idea how important this is?!" she huffed in exasperation.
"None whatsoever." he replied with cheerful honesty.
"Doyle!"
"Cordy!" he mimicked.
"Why do I put up with you?"
"I ask meself the same question every day …"
She froze in the middle of the room where she had been talking animatedly for the past twenty minutes, apparently to herself for all the attention anyone had been paying, and regarded him thoughtfully as he stared back with that cheekily innocent look of his.
"… I mean, I ain't gotten this lucky since that time I landed some major coinage on a Vikings game … Speaking o' which …" he grabbed the paper again, "Wonder how that horse did?"
"I swear, you have the attention span of a goldfish!" she sighed, but that gaze had softened and she sat down beside him on the couch and he could tell she was worried about something.
"What's up?"
"I … It's just …"
"C'mon, Cordy, spill."
"You do know I don't mean it, right? When I … when I say things … about you – like about putting up with you? 'Cos I don't – put up with you, I mean. I mean, I do. I mean … you know what I mean …"
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he put his paper down again, taking her hands in his. "Ya don't hafta worry, Princess – I wouldn't change ya fer anythin'."
"You mean it?" she asked, a hesitant smile spreading across her face.
"Course." he nodded, flashing her that irrepressible grin of his as he was rewarded with a little kiss. "Now, what was so important that ya needed me ta hear?"
"Okay …" she stood up again and turned to him earnestly, "Which sounds better for an Oscar winning Hollywood actress – Cordelia Chase-Doyle or Cordelia Doyle-Chase? Of course, I could always keep my own name, but hello, hyphenate … I'm leaning towards Chase-Doyle … What?!"
He looked like he'd stopped breathing and she laughed at the stunned look on his face before laughing and teasing him a little more before reassuring him.
"Don't tell me you think I'd settle for all that modern just living together crap – not when we could have the wedding pictures on the front of every magazine! But don't have a stroke on me or anything, there's just no harm in thinking about the future – somehow I don't think Hollywood will be calling me just yet so that's all probably a bit …"
"Of a coincidence?" he interrupted, appearing to recover from his initial surprise.
Now it was her turn to be startled. "Huh?"
"Yer thinking about getting married and …" he fished in the pocket of his leather jacket where it hung over the back of the couch and produced a small black box, handing it to her with a soft smile. "… I'm thinkin' of askin' ya …"
"Oh. My. God. Oh, Doyle!"
"Cordy …"
"Yes, Doyle …"
"Cordy …"
"Go on …"
"Cordy!"
"WHAT?!"
There's some things in this world you just can't change/Some things you can't see until it gets too late …
Cordelia started as she looked up to see Angel hovering over her, looking both concerned and slightly hurt by the way she had just yelled at him.
"Angel? Oh …"
Her daydream, yet another one of many, was already fading away into the shadows and she felt a little foolish for having gotten so caught up in it.
"Sorry, I was miles away …" she said quietly.
"So I see … I thought we'd agreed I was the brooder of the team?" Angel said, trying to crack a joke – anything to get through the fog she seemed to live in these days. She'd been like this ever since … Since Doyle had been gone – nearly a month now.
"I just got thinking … about something Giles once said."
"Oh yes?" he said cautiously, not really sure where she was going with this.
"Did you ever hear his theory about alternate dimensions?"
"Which one?" came the wry answer as he remembered the Watcher's fondness for research and information – a trait which evidently ran through all Watchers, if Wesley was anything to go by.
"He said something one time about – and I have to admit, I fazed out in the middle somewhere – about there being the possibility of an infinite number of alternate realities where they could differ from our reality by the slightest degree or by being completely different." The brunette paused, suddenly turning hopeful eyes on the vampire she had come to treat as family. "Do you think that could be true?"
"Ummm … well, we know there are different dimensions so anything's possible, I guess … Why do you ask?"
For a moment, she looked stuck for a reply and shook her head slightly as if dismissing her own notions. "I know it's silly, but … the thought that somewhere there might be a reality where … this was different …"
"Where Doyle didn't …" but he couldn't quite bring himself to finish that sentence. He still couldn't seem to get his own head around it – he might not show his emotions quite so much as Cordy, but Doyle was the closest thing to a best friend he'd ever had and he missed him like hell.
She nodded, averting her gaze again to hide the tears that welled up. "Or even just somewhere where he knew I didn't … Where he knew how much I liked having him around, even when I didn't show it. Especially when I didn't show it."
"Cordy …"
"Don't, Angel." she said quickly, "Don't try glossing over it – we both know what I'm like and how badly I treated Doyle. I didn't give him a chance just because I'm too shallow and self-absorbed … And now he's gone. The last thing he ever said to me was that it was a shame we'd never know if I could have learned to love him – he died thinking I wouldn't or couldn't love him! What kind of person does that make me?"
"Cordelia …" Angel struggled to find the right words and suddenly it came to him. "We know that Doyle loved you – so much that his visions were able to pass to you, even though they weren't supposed to …"
"Gee, remind me of the blinding headaches – that'll really cheer me up! Thanks, Angel." she retorted dryly.
"What I mean is that Doyle loved you for who you are – you asked what kind of person you are and I'm saying you're the sort of person Doyle felt he could give his heart to …" Angel explained.
"That does mean a lot …" she said quietly, tears welling up in her eyes. "I just can't believe he's gone – I wish I hadn't taken him for granted so much. I wound him up about a lot of things, but I never told him how much I loved his little jokes or the way we would sit out on the stairs and eat donuts or the way he called me Princess … We're gonna miss out on so much now he's gone and I just want to know that he knows how missed he is."
"He'll never be completely gone while we remember him." Angel assured her gently, "And I'd bet he knows – if I know Doyle, he's probably watching over us from somewhere and wondering how we'll manage without him to drag us out to all the Irish pubs in L.A.! And you never know, maybe Giles was right with that theory of his – it wouldn't be the first time …"
Cordelia managed a little laugh and nodded, wiping tears from beneath her eyes and smiling to think that maybe somewhere Cordelia Chase-Doyle was giving her Oscar acceptance speech and remembering to thank her new husband as he sat watching, looking only a little uncomfortable in his tuxedo but with pride in those piercing blue eyes … After all, stranger things had happened and anything was possible …
END