Disclaimer- iCarly isn't mine.
A/N: I'm aware the time frame from this story and its predecessor is a bit off, but I hope you can all look past that minor error and read it anyway :)
And, if you are sensitive in any way to the topic of sexual abuse, I strongly suggest you go read something else.
...
Freddie POV
I was sitting in the back of the Groovy Smoothie, waiting for Sam, when I saw her. The past few years had changed her too, though not as drastically as those she once called friends. Her hair was longer and she had bangs cutting straight across her forehead. At first I didn't pay her much attention, but then I heard her voice when she went up to the counter. She sounded the same. Exactly the same, and that's when I knew for sure that it was Carly Shay- the one person I thought I would never see again. She ordered the same thing she used to and turned around. I quickly bent over hoping she wouldn't see me. Just think, if Sam had walked in, and saw me talking to another girl- especially that girl- she would never speak to me again.
Because I was slouched over, I didn't see Sam walk in and practically jumped out of my skin when she flicked my ear, making her presence known. I looked up and was greeted by her latest piercing- on the opposite side of the lip piercing that had debuted the week before our fire escape moment. She now had what she called snake bites, and had ditched the ring for a pair of black studs. Personally, I preferred these to the ring, as it had gotten in the way when I wanted to kiss her. Which was often. Ever since that night on the fire escape three months ago, we had been almost inseparable. Now more than ever, seeing as school was almost out, and we were antsy for freedom.
She sat down across from me and pushed her sunglasses down her nose, looking at me over the top. "'Sup, Freddork?" she asked, smirking.
I smiled internally. She still called me names, but I assumed they were her equivalent of pet names. At least, I hoped they were. "Hey, Sam." I responded coolly, I didn't want her to notice Carly. There's no telling what might happen.
She must have seen something in my eyes though, because I heard nothing to give me away in my voice. The second I finished speaking, her eyes narrowed and took on that look that makes you think she can see right through you. "What are you hiding?" she practically spat at me.
My eyes bulged. "Uh… Hiding? Me?" I all but squeaked, "N-nothing. What do I have to hide?" I ended with a nervous laugh. Great job, Fredward. Real smooth.
She slammed her sunglasses on the table and stood up, looking around the restaurant. I could tell when she saw what I was trying to hide, because her eyes got a little wide and she sat down hastily, covering her face with her hand. It took a moment, but she did eventually speak. "Was… Was that who I thought it was?" She looked up at me, and her eyes were shining with what I could only assume to be tears.
I was only able to nod, completely shocked by the way she reacted. She began to chew on her lip, something she only did when she was really upset. "Um," she cleared her throat before continuing quietly, "Do you think we could go somewhere else today?"
"Yeah, um, you wanna go ahead to the park? I'll stay behind and get the smoothies, if you want." I figured she would still want a smoothie, especially since she didn't have to pay for it.
She smiled a little and nodded, making her way out the door. I sighed and walked up to the counter. "Hey, T-bo. Can I get two Strawberry Splats?"
"Sure, Freddie. How 'bout a bagel with 'em? Fifty cents a piece." He replied, showing me his stick of bagels.
"No thanks."
"Pickle?" He pulled out a new stick from behind the counter, this time skewered with pickles.
I sighed. "Maybe next time."
"Fine. Be that way. Your smoothies will be ready in a few minutes." He turned around and started to bang things, trying to get the smoothie machine to work.
I rolled my eyes. Just as I was getting comfortable waiting, I heard a voice that immediately set me on edge. "Freddie? Is that really you?"
Seeing as I spent so much time with Sam these past few months, I picked a few things up from her. Like the ability to lie well. Except to Sam, of course. So, I decided to play dumb, as I turned around and saw Carly standing there, a questioning look on her face. I pulled my eyebrows together and tried to look confused as I asked her, "Um, do I know you?"
Her face lit up and she grinned as she threw her arms around my neck. "Oh, Freddie, I've missed you so much!" she gushed.
Prying her off me, I held her at arms length and looked at her with what I hoped was confusion and slight alarm. "Could you maybe not attack me?" I asked, and she nodded fervently, so I continued, "Again, do I know you?"
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Of course you do, silly. It's me, Carly." She stated, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.
I just kind of stared with a blank expression, unsure of what emotion to show her. Thankfully, T-bo cleared his throat and I turned back to the counter to see him with the smoothies I had ordered.
"That'll be eight seventy two." he said hotly. I guess he was still miffed about my refusal to buy something he stuck on a stick.
I threw him a ten, telling him to keep the change, and grabbed the drinks. As I turned back to Carly, I noticed she had a slightly rejected expression on her face, but quickly switched to cheery when she saw that I was facing her again.
"So, you wanna hang out and catch up?" She asked, expectantly.
I cleared my throat. "Uh, I actually have somewhere to be." Call me crazy, but I kind of felt bad for telling her no, especially when I saw the look of sheer disappointment cross her face.
"Oh, well, I'm staying with Spencer again and, um, if you still live across the hall, maybe we could get together and talk or something." She said all of this very quietly, staring at the ground the entire time.
Why must I have a conscience? "Yeah, maybe." And I left, before I was guilted into anything else.
...
I reached the park and immediately noticed Sam. She was flying high on the swings, something I knew she loved to do ever since she was a little girl. I smiled as I watched her go back and forth, looking more content than I've seen her in a while.
In a weak attempt to get her back for scaring me at the Groovy Smoothie, I tried to sneak up on her. But of course, it didn't work. I was about two feet from her and was about to yell her name when she said, "I know you're there, Fredwad. You should know by now that trying to scare me is useless."
I gave a dramatic sigh and dropped onto the swing next to her. She noticed the smoothie in my hand and immediately dug her feet into the ground, stopping the swing in a millisecond. Once she had the beverage though, she did not continue swinging as I expected her to. Instead, she took a sip and leaned her head against the chain with a distant look on her face.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, even though I knew I would never get a straight-forward answer.
She took a long sip and then turned toward me. "I think you know." I did.
"So…"I started, "do you, um, want to talk about it?"
She looked thoughtful for a minute and then said, "After I left, did she… did she see you?" By the time she was finished speaking she was looking at her shoelaces.
Deciding that blunt honesty would be the best policy, I quietly said, "Well, she did a bit more than see me. She, um, invited me over to Spencer's so that we could catch up."
She looked very surprised, but pulled it together quickly. "Oh. D'you think I could come with you?"
"Yeah, of course you could. I wasn't really planning on taking her up on the offer, but if you want to go, we could drop by whenever."
She raised an eyebrow. "How about right now?"
...
"Still sure you wanna do this?" I asked, as we stood outside apartment 8C.
Though she still stood almost completely behind me, as if hiding, she nodded. I knocked.
We waited a minute, and Spencer opened the door. He stared for a moment, as if to make sure he was really seeing us. "Hey Spence. Is, uh, Carly here?"
He nodded and stepped out of the way, so that we could go into the living room. In the three years that I hadn't been here, not much had changed. Except, maybe it was cleaner. "Uh... CARLAY! You have people here!" Spencer called, and ran out of the room.
A door slammed, and not long after thumps could be heard as Carly made her way down the stairs. She looked confused for a moment when she saw that I wasn't alone, but pulled it together quickly. "Hey Freddie! Who's this?" Well, I couldn't exactly blame her for not recognizing Sam right off the bat, but it still irritated me. Best friends for years and she doesn't even remember Sam's face.
But then Sam looked up with a frenzied fire dancing in her eyes, and I saw Carly go blank. Sam took a deep breath and said, "I only have one thing to ask you." Carly nodded, so she continued, "Why?"
Carly looked dumbstruck for a moment, her eyes rapidly glazing with tears. "Sam… I-I don't know why. But it was a huge mistake, and I've regretted it ever since I made it."
"Liar." Sam spat, and Carly gasped. "If you had truly regretted it, you would have found a way. There are payphones. My address has been the same since I was born, and I know you haven't forgotten it. If you truly regretted your actions, I would have heard from you before now. The minute you're thrust back into the life you obviously thought you were too good for, the one you abandoned three years ago, you just think everything can go right back to normal?" Carly shook her head frantically, tears falling freely, but Sam ignored her, "Well, Shay, you have another thing coming. I don't want anything to do with you or your excuses. I'm leaving now. Freddie, don't follow me, I'll see you tomorrow."
Sam made her way to the door and flung it open. "Sam! Wait!" But, for Sam, that's all she needed to hear before slamming the door behind her.
Carly crumpled onto the floor, openly sobbing. "Ohh... You probably hate me too, don't you?" she wailed, looking up at me.
"Well, honestly, you're definitely not my favorite person. But I think hate is a bit strong." I said, uncomfortable.
She gave me a watery smile and sat down on the couch, gesturing for me to do the same. I hesitated for a split second before caving and plopping down next to her. "I feel terrible."
"You should. Even though I may not agree with Sam's methods, she still made a good point. If you truly regretted it, why didn't you contact one of us?" I said, trying not to sound judgmental, but failing miserably.
"I was ashamed of myself."
"Ashamed? Really, Carly, did you think that we wouldn't forgive you if you had come to us earlier? We would have, you know. But three years is a long time. I'm willing to give you a chance, but I doubt Sam is."
She was shaking her head. "No, I knew you would have forgiven me for leaving. That isn't what I'm ashamed of." I gave her a questioning look and she took a deep breath. "I don't know whether I'm ready to tell you all of it, but I need you to understand so maybe things with Sam can be fixed. And if you're totally disgusted and never want to see me again, I'll understand. I just wish I could've told Sam all of this a few minutes ago, but she was there, and I didn't expect it, and I just… choked."
She looked me in the eye, and I saw, with surprise, that she was afraid. I wondered what it was that she could be so ashamed of. I gave her a hesitant nod, and she began talking. "Do you remember that last girl's choice dance before I left? I think you went with Malika. And then that ridiculous contest that Sam set up? Well, the boy I chose, Austin, wasn't just annoying. He was seriously deranged. When I went back to the Groovy Smoothie to get my purse, remember how I forgot it?" Yeah, I remembered. We were half way home when she'd realized that she had left it behind. I'd told her that I'd go with her, it was late, but she'd refused me, so I'd just gone home.
"He was waiting for me when I came back." The tears were falling again, and she had a distant look in her eye. "I tried to fight him off, I swear. I never… but, what was done was done. I tried to move on at first, just forget it, no big deal. The physical pain died after a day or so. I thought everything was back to normal, but then I was late. Really late, and I was scared." She was looking at me, silently begging me to understand. I was horrified. All that time I just thought she was tired of us. But… Oh God. Her gaze shifted beak to her hands, and she continued. "By then, I knew I had to tell someone. I couldn't go to you or Sam; I thought that you would be just as disgusted with me as I was with myself. So I told Spencer. He took it hard. Blamed himself, and sent me to live with Granddad. But, I couldn't go without a goodbye. So I wrote you two notes, and hoped you would forgive me." She looked up at me then, and she looked so broken.
"Carly, I… don't know what to say. That's just…" my eyes were burning. "I'm glad you told me. And I want you to know that there isn't anything for me to forgive. None of that is your fault." I didn't know what else to tell her, too shocked to say anything else.
"Thanks, Freddie. I'm better now, though. Maybe not perfect, but Granddad had me going to therapy, and that helped. Oh, and Hope did too, even though I couldn't keep her, I still get to see her. At first, I didn't think I'd ever want to know her, but… well, she's my whole world now." Carly was smiling, now. I was still shocked. How could she possibly be so happy about the product of something that ruined her life? "Do you want to see her? I have a picture here somewhere…" She was rummaging through her purse and pulled out a small envelope. "It's new. They just sent it the other day. Isn't she just amazing?"
She held out the photo to me and I took it, hesitant. I gazed down at the little girl. She was beautiful. She looked just like Carly. Long, dark hair and large brown eyes full of happiness. I hadn't even met her and I felt as though I had raised her myself. "She's perfect." I said. And I meant it. "I just have one more question, if you don't mind." When she nodded her assent, I continued, "The way you make it sound, you were doing really good with your Granddad. Why'd you come back at all?"
She let out a big gust of air. "Well, Granddad isn't as young as he used to be, and he doesn't really realize it. He has Alzheimer's, and it's gotten to the point where he'd be safer in a nursing home, and I obviously couldn't stay in an empty house by myself, so I just came back to live with Spencer." I did remember her telling Sam and me once that her Granddad had Alzheimer's, but now that it's come down to it, I was surprised that a man like him would actually have it. He always had total control, and I couldn't even imagine him allowing it to progress. He'd stop it with sheer willpower. But I guess no one can escape old age and the body's refusal to fight.
"Wow. That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear it. And everything else, too. But I should probably go now. Talk to Sam. Maybe I can get her to come back here, and you can tell her what you told me. I'm sure she would forgive you if she knew." I smiled, and gave Carly a hug before leaving and heading to Sam's. I had no idea how I was going to get her over here, all I knew was that she needed to know.
...
"No."
"Come on, Sam, just listen to what she has to say."
"Why are you pushing this, Freddie? Has she brain-washed you this quickly? Or have you decided of your own free will? Yeah, that's it. You probably took one look at her and fell madly in love with her all over again." She was glaring at me, eyes ablaze, and the urge just to forget this whole thing with Carly was getting more tempting every minute. But I didn't have a real choice. Carly and Sam were like sisters and if there's a chance, however small, of reviving that friendship, it's worth it.
So, I took a deep breath and started again. "No, you know that's not true! We've been together for months and I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I don't know how many times I've told you that. It's just that when you left, Carly told me why she did what she did, and it makes sense, Sam. It really does, and if you knew, I doubt you could blame her for it either." She gave a skeptical look, but didn't respond, so I continued, "And I don't even believe that you could say that about me being in love with Carly. Sure, I still love her like a sister, but it's completely platonic. Not like it's with you, Sam. You know how I feel about you, and I know how you feel about me. So, why can't you trust me?"
"If it's that important, why can't you just tell me yourself? Why do I have to hear it from her?"
"It's not my' story to tell, Sam. And even if I did feel comfortable with sharing it, I don't think I'd be able to repeat it."
She turned around, facing the wall opposite me, and was silent for a minute. She then took a deep breath that shook with emotion. "Can I sleep on it? We can go tomorrow if you think it's that important."
"Okay, Sam, that's fair." She turned back to me and gave me a weak smile, which I returned. I pulled her into a hug and gave her a brief kiss. With our foreheads still touching, I looked her into the eye and whispered, "You're amazing."
She kissed me and grinned. "I know."
...
I woke around 8 the next day. Wondering why I was even up that early, I absently checked my phone, I had a text from Sam from around 1 in the morning.
hey. i decided 2 visit Carly l8r 2day. u can join me if u like.
I sighed at her improper grammar and spelling. She knew how much that bugged me. Deciding not to chew her out for it, I quickly replied.
Sure, I'll come. Ten sound good?
She surprised me when she responded shortly. I'd expected her to be asleep. Her message was short though, a simple 'k', leaving much to be desired. Not wanting to catch Carly off-guard this time, I shot her a quick warning text, saying that we'd be coming over later. Not even a minute later, my screen lit up with her reply.
K, but can I ask you a favor?
Intrigued, I was all too happy promising her that I'd do what she asked. But when I got her request, I was I little stunned.
Both you and Sam are gonna be here, and you've already heard me out, so I was wondering if you might like to sit in my room and babysit while I talk to Sam?
I quickly agreed, and she told me to come over, so that she could introduce me. So, I got dressed and walked across the hall, where the door was already open, Carly standing outside. "Hey, Freddie. Thanks for coming over so early." She said with a smile. "Hope's upstairs, coloring. You wanna go up and meet her?"
I gave a nervous smile, "That's what I'm here for." I followed Carly upstairs, to her bedroom. It looked exactly the same as it did three years ago, except for the little girl sitting on the bed with a coloring book and some crayons.
Carly stopped in the doorway and turned to me. "There's something that I wanted to ask you before you meet her."
"Ask away." I said with a grin.
She smiled back and continued, "Well, I was wondering if you, maybe, would be her godfather?"
My eyes widened in astonishment. "Me? Wh-what about-"
"Spencer? Yeah. Well, I did ask him first, but he said that being an uncle at 29 was more than enough for him. I don't think that's the whole truth, though. I think that it has more to do with how she came to exist than anything else. I know he loves her, but he just can't get past the fact that I'm an 18 year old mother. So will you?" She looked at me hopefully.
Still stunned, I answered, "Yeah, of course, I will. What about her adoptive parents, though? Isn't this kind of thing their job?"
She smiled. "Well, it usually is, but Sue and George are really great. They said that I could be as involved or as uninvolved in her life as I wanted, and when I said that I wanted to be a big part of it, we worked this whole thing out. They drop her off with me every other Friday night, and I get her until the following Sunday afternoons. They also said that I could pick her name, and godparents. So, after Spencer, my pick for godfather is you. As for godmother, I would really like Sam, but I don't know if she'll agree to it."
I rolled my eyes. "You're being ridiculous. After she hears you out, she'll probably beg you to be godmother."
Carly laughed. The little girl's head snapped up at the sound, and she had a huge smile on her face. "Hi Mommy!" She exclaimed. "Who's dat?"
Carly walked into the room and sat down next to Hope. "That's Freddie. A little later, I'm gonna go downstairs and he's gonna keep you company."
"Otay. Hi Fweddie," she said, and then returned to her coloring. Carly gestured for me to come and sit down too, so I sat on Hope's other side. Hope looked up at me when I sat down, and she smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Hi, Hope." I said.
Her eyes widened, and she gave a little squeal. "You're cute!" she said, giggling. "D'you wanna color wif me?" She held out a blue crayon and a second coloring book.
"Sure, I'd love to color with you, but it'll have to wait for when I come back later to keep you company." I grinned and leaned in conspiratorially, "And, you're pretty cute yourself." I finished with a wink.
Carly laughed when Hope gasped and blushed furiously at my statement. The little girl then looked up at me questioningly when I stood. "You're leaving?"
I gave a bit of a sigh, "Yeah, but it won't be for too long, and then, I'll be back and we can color or do whatever you want."
She mulled it over for a second and then nodded in approval, quickly ducking back to her book. I checked my watch, and was surprised to find that it was a little past nine. "Oh, wow," I looked at Carly apologetically, "I should probably get going, Sam is expecting me to pick her up, and it'll probably take a little reinforcement to get her over here."
Carly gave a soft smile. "Okay. We'll be here. See you soon. Say bye, Hope."
Hope looked up. "Bye, Fweddie. See you soon."
"See you two later." I said on my way out.
...
I got into my old Chevy truck and slammed the door. Music blasted when I started the engine, and I peeled out of the parking lot, nervous. I wasn't sure how solid Sam's resolve was, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to fighting her again if her mind had changed, though I would if it came down to it. Once I got onto the main road, I pulled out my phone and text Sam, letting her know I was on my way, but by the time I got to the house I still hadn't received a reply and I was a little worried.
I hopped out of the car and made my way toward the door, which was already wide open, like usual. At first, I was surprised that Sam's mom would even leave her door unlocked, let alone wide open in a neighborhood like this. But I soon realized that no thug/burglar/criminal was willing to take the chance of meeting Sam once they passed through the doorway.
I walked inside, and made my way to her bedroom. Immediately, I found out why there was no response to my texts. She was sprawled on the bed, asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, I tried to navigate quietly to the bean bag in the corner, but halfway through her pigsty I hit a rather loud floorboard. My head snapped in her direction just as she screamed and jumped up, eyes frantic. Finally, she noticed me and relaxed visibly. "Hey, is it already time to go?" she asked, walking towards me. She stopped about a foot away and quirked and eyebrow.
"You still wanna go through with this?" I needed to make sure that she wasn't wavering. I could beat her easily in a physical fight, but she was damn fast. I'd never be able to catch her if she decided to run. She nodded, and I smiled. "Then yeah, we should probably get going."
She took a deep breath, and stepped back. "Okay. I'm ready for this. I can do this." She rambled. I could tell that she was trying to convince herself more then she was trying to reassure me. And it was pretty obvious that she was barely succeeding in either respect.
"Hey, do you need a little time? We could just hang out for a while so you can do what you need to do to prepare yourself. I think that you could really use that."
She looked up at me, intense worry evident on her face. "Is it really that bad?" she asked at a whisper.
I stepped forward and pulled her into me, knowing that she was talking about Carly's story. "Yeah. It is." I mumbled into her hair as she held onto me for dear life.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. It felt like forever, but eventually we had to go. We had run out of time, and we needed to go get this over with.
...
We were sitting in the parking lot outside of Bushwell Plaza, gathering our bearings. Sam was trying to calm down. She was still freaking out, but had assured me that it wasn't major enough to put this off for. "Ready?" I asked.
Once more, she took a deep breath and nodded. I got out of the car, and went around to open the passenger side door. I took her hand in mine and led her up to the eighth floor.
We finally reached apartment 8C and I knocked.
Carly opened the door quickly. She looked nervous. I glanced at Sam and saw the emotion was mirrored in her own eyes. "Hi Sam. Come on in. You too, Freddie."
Sam took a few hesitant steps ahead of me and walked into the apartment. I followed suit, and soon all three of us were sitting on the couch. "Freddie?" Carly asked.
"Yeah?" I already knew what was coming.
"Do you mind heading upstairs and taking care of that thing we talked about?"
I looked to Sam, who was staring wide-eyed at me, silently beseeching me not to go. "Yeah. Just a minute Carly. I gotta talk to Sam for a sec."
Carly nodded and went into the kitchen to fix a few drinks. "Please. Don't leave me alone." She begged me. Sam never begs for anything.
But I couldn't give her what she wanted this time. As much as it hurt me to do so, I took her in my arms and held her tightly for a minute before letting go and replying, "It'll be okay. Don't worry. I'll just be upstairs if you need anything at all."
She gave me one, last withering look before nodding her assent.
When I got up the stairs, I saw Hope sitting on Carly's bed with her coloring books. But once she looked up and noticed me standing in the doorway, the books were abandoned. She hopped down off the bed and ran full speed at my knees, hitting me with a satisfying whack. She wrapped her small arms around my legs, and for a little girl, let me tell you, she was strong. She grinned up at me and stated, "We're gonna have lots of fun!"
I laughed. "Are we?"
"Mhm." She nodded vigorously.
I pried her off of my legs and asked her, "So, what do you want to do?"
Her eyes lit up and she squealed, "We're gonna play dress up!"
Thirty minutes later, Hope had managed to get me into a pink tutu and about three pounds of costume jewelry including a plastic tiara, though I had put my foot down when she had pulled out the face makeup. She herself was wearing a Cinderella costume, blue fairy wings, and a tiara that was about six times larger than my own.
She had just begun painting my fingernails a very manly bluish color, when we heard giggles coming from the doorway. "Gee, Freddie. I always knew you were in touch with your feminine side, but this is a little shocking."
I turned to the doorway and saw both Carly and Sam standing in the frame. Sam's eyes were red and puffy, but she seemed to be past the tears that had obviously fallen.
I smirked. "Well, you know. Someone's gotta compensate for the lack of femininity in this relationship, and it obviously isn't going to be you."
She stuck her tongue out at me, but otherwise ignored my jab.
Hope, no longer concentrated on my fingers, had looked up and seen Sam in the doorway. "Who are you?" She asked.
Carly stepped in to introduce the two of them. "Hope, this is Sam. She's your Godmother." Now turning to Sam, "Sam, this is Hope. My daughter."
Sam beamed. "She's beautiful."
This pleased Hope immensely, and she squealed in delight at making a new friend.
...
What the future may bring for the four of us is vague, and our friendship will never be the same. But one thing is certain- whatever life throws at us, we'll always have hope.
FIN.
A/N: What'd you think? I've been working on this for months, and I just couldn't hold on to it anymore.
Review!
Until next time,
The Ninja