"The What If Machine"

A/N

Dude, it totally just occurred to me that I've been forgetting to do a disclaimer.

DISCLAIMERRRRRRRR. I don't own Bleach... or Futurama for that matter.

KAYS. Explanation is in order. Basically, I keep thinking of random drabble-worthy... things, that have nowhere to go ;-; And then it popped into my head (About 5 minutes ago). THE WHAT IF MACHINE! There's an episode of Futurama where The What If Machine is invented, and I was like... AMAGAD, PERFECT! I'll explain it more when I'm done. (done with this chapter, not with the story, or Bleach, OR LIFE. We cool.)

"HEY KIDDIES! YOUR FAVOURITE MENTOR HAS RETURNED FROM HIS LABORATORY WITH A NEW INVENTION!"

"Kiddies?"

"Mentor?"

"Now, now! Settle down, please!" The blonde (and slightly insane) man surveyed the group...er, couple? He inwardly laughed at the idea of the two men before him being a couple, then mentally added it to his 'what to ask' list. He had, to his great disappointment, only managed to gather these two people for the grand unveiling of his latest masterpiece. "Kurosaki, care to try it out?" Ichigo was one of the unfortunates, unable to shut his window before the pie announcing his 'immediately required presence lest his future be abruptly cut short by a certain crimson princess' whistled through the sky and splattered all over his room.

"I would, if I knew what the fuck it was."

"Your lack of intelligence and horribly crude language wounds me." Ichigo's patent scowl brought a mocking mimic to the elder man's face. "Well, I'll explain it in terms you can understand. This," He said, pointing to what appeared to be a green and white, sparkly, buttonless television, "is the 'What If Machine'!" (insert dramatic pause here)

"How very anticlimactic," muttered Ishida, the second of Urahara's victims, having been hit in the face with his pie on the way back from (yet another) midnight stroll to Sunflower Seams, wondering if it was his intention to hit him in the face as he was able to read the message in the mirror. "So what does this have to do with us?" Disregarding Ishida's interjection altogether he continued,

"Just pose it a question and watch the magical wonders unfold before your very eyes!"

"Is it a touch screen?" Ichigo asked, as thoroughly unimpressed as Ishida.

"Yes! One of my more ingenious touches!" As Ishida cringed at what one could only loosely call a pun, Ichigo poked the word 'history' on the screen.

"Holy shit... you really are a pervert..." Ishida joined Ichigo by gawking at the images that appeared before their eyes.

"Unohana-taichō? Really?" Ishida tried to hide his sudden uncharacteristic gigglefit by shoving his glasses into the bridge of his nose while Kisuke mumbled something incoherent about Shunsui and his Dai-Senpai.

"Hey Ishida, look at this one! 'What would have happened if I had taken it slower with Ryūken ...?'"

"WHAT?!"

"Kidding... it says, 'What would happen if Ryūken took the stick out of his ass?'"

"Oh." Ishida applied his 'bored now' face and turned away from the screen. "So can we go sleep now, please?" Ichigo agreed with a longing look to Urahara. Ishida misinterpreted this and mentally added it to his 'what to ask' list.

"But the fun's just beginning!"

"Tough shit, need sleep." Ichigo stated bluntly with sleep-deprived eloquence, interrupting Ishida's now dirty, and highly illegal, thoughts, and turned to leave.

"You may want to see this..." Urahara said in a deliberately cryptic and badly-veiled attempt to impress the men, using the question to which he got the most interesting reply, as he turned to the machine and asked, "What would happen if Aizen used the hōgyoku on Ichigo?" Ichigo returned to his position in front of the screen and nodded his consent to Ishida who joined him. Ishida wondered vaguely if this kind of speculation was healthy for him but then decided he didn't care because Ichigo could take care of himself.

A/N

Hope that cleared things up. So yeah, this is almost definitely gonna be a drabble-fic:

P.S. This chapter hatez me. Seriously, it's all like 'I IZ IN J00R HED, KILLIN' J00R BRANE' (I figure since the chapter's written on the computer, it speaks in 1337. -- (How ironic that it can't spell when it IS the spell check...)

P.P.S. MY EXAMS WENT AWESOME. I GOT CONCENTRATED BOILING ACID SHOT AT ME. HCl is my greatest foe. I (unintentionally) snorted it once as a gas. HI, WORLDS OF PAIN.

BYEZ. X x Robocracy!