Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or the Hobbit... I only own this story idea and Bilbla.
A/N: I must warn you, this is a strange story. I did it for a school project and hope to get a good grade, but oh well if I don't. I hope you like it, please review!
"One Strange Day at Bilbo and Bilbla's House"
Bilbo walked happily out on his front door step and picked up the morning paper. The headlines read: Dragon Baby: Confirmed!
"Hmph! Like I really believe there is another dragon flying around here!" Bilbo said to himself.
He walked back into his nice warm hobbit hole and his long lost sister, Bilbla, was cooking some breakfast. Bilbo sat down at the kitchen table and read the newspaper. There were many different headlines such as: How to Get Rid of Toe Fungus.
"Can you believe they have this in a Middle Earth newspaper?!" Bilbo asked his older sister.
"Have what?" she asked.
"This How to Get Rid of Toe Fungus." He said.
"Well... maybe some women want nice toes brother!" she said.
"....."
"Forget it! You wouldn't understand, you haven't even lived with a woman for two weeks yet!" she said.
Bilbo just ignored her and read some more of the paper. He wanted to see what they had to say about this 'dragon confirmed' article, so he read it.
Dragon Baby: Confirmed!
By: Gandalf Wizard
It seems to me, that a dragon has been flying around the Misty Mountains for some time now! I first noticed this on a daily walk from the mountains back to Hobbiton. The dragon was no bigger than five full-sized men, but could fly faster than Smaug, a dragon defeated by Bard of the Lake Men, not too long ago. The dragon was golden, just like Smaug, but was different. I think it may have been the strange markings he had around his eyes. That's right, he was close enough to me so I could see his eyes! His eyes were a reddish-gold color, that of a sorceress I would say, and they had an evil glow to them! I asked a few villagers around the area if they have seen the dragon:
From Mr. Villager:
"Oh yes, I have seen it! He burned a few trees down the other night! Or should I say she! I believe it is a female by those strange markings on its eyes!"
From Miss Saria:
"Wow! What a beauty it is! I am a dragon drawer, but haven't seen one since that Bard guy killed the beautiful one I was drawing every so often! I am a dragon supporter, so don't kill them around me!"
Well, that is all the villagers that would answer. The other ones would just look at me and go back to sleep. Maybe it's because I was asking these questions at 1:00 AM?
"Hmph! What a strange reporter! Asking people questions before dawn!" Bilbo said and looked at the reporter's name. "I hope this Gandalf Wizard never comes—GANDALF?!"
"What is it now, strange brother?" Bilbla asked and sighed.
"Gandalf wrote this report on—" But Bilbla cut him off.
"Let me guess, the toe fungus?" she asked sarcastically.
"No, this dragon..." he said.
Bilbla laughed. "I thought the dragon was slain?"
"He was, but maybe there are more?" he asked and made a stupid look on his face.
"Give me a break!" she yelled. "Now eat some breakfast!"
~*~*~
Selphie skipped along the halls of Balamb Garden as happy as can be.
"Roses and lilies, la la la la la!" she sang loudly and proudly at her new, made-up song.
"Selphie keep it down!" a yell from inside of a nearby door said.
"Squall, get up and be happy!" she said and opened the door.
He got up, still half asleep and looked at the alarm clock near his bed.
"Crap! It's late!" Squall said and hopped out of bed. "I'm supposed to meet Rinoa at the front gate to go to Timber!"
"Um, that's kinda why I'm here... to get you! You are a lazy bum! BUM, BUM!!" Selphie yelled and skipped back out of his dorm.
"I'm dead." He said.
Finally, after five minutes of a rush, Squall ran out to the front gate and Rinoa stood there, but with crossed arms.
"Uh... sorry I'm late." He said hoping she wouldn't kill him with her magic.
"You're only 10 minutes late!" She said and cracked up. "But you do have to learn to set your alarm clock!"
"Right." He said. "Now let's—"
"HEY! Wait for us!" Selphie and Zell yelled from behind.
"What? You're coming?" Squall asked with a look of bafflement on his face.
"You see, Squall, Selphie and Zell wanted to go see the play 'I'm a Bad Dude: The Story of a Galbadian Elite Soldier', but they canceled the show because the star had a nervous breakdown." Rinoa said, but paced up what she said next. "So I decided to let them come along with us, is that okay? Good!"
Squall looked at Selphie and then Zell, and then back to Rinoa. He wasn't quite sure what she just said, but he could make out the part about 'come along with us'.
"Fine." He said. All three of them dropped their jaws. "Just don't act like lunatics."
"Oh we won't Commander Leonhart!" Zell said and saluted him.
"How many times have I told you people not to call me that?!" he yelled.
"Sorry!" Zell squeaked.
"Woo-hoo! Let's go!" Selphie yelled and jumped up.
They walked along the road from Garden to the Balamb Train Station and were getting quite tired.
"Um, we could have taken the Ragnarok..." Selphie finally said just as they were entering Balamb.
They all looked at her and their jaws dropped. Then they started yelling at the poor girl.
"Look! I'm sorry, but it just hit me we still had it after Ultimencia! I thought Sir Laguna took it back!" Selphie quickly yelled, even though it was made up.
"You know that he wouldn't take something back that we found!" Rinoa yelled.
"Sorry! The trains are down!" A man from inside the ticket booth yelled and closed the window.
"NOO!" Zell yelled. "I gave up the hotdogs to come here!"
"It's okay, Zell, we can get some in Timber." Selphie said sweetly.
"It's not the same!" He said dramatically.
"Zell, this isn't a hotdog soap opera." Squall said.
"Now let's walk back." Rinoa said in an irritated way.
"Hey, can't we rent a car here?" Zell suggested and felt smart for his suggestion.
"Good idea, Zell!" Selphie yelled. "Aww, we don't have any gil left from gambling."
"WHAT?!" Squall yelled. "I told you two you not to gamble with our gil! We aren't getting paid for another week! Anyway you are four years under age!"
"Aww, come on Squall! You know you wanted to too!" Zell yelled.
"......Well that's besides the point!" Rinoa yelled. "Now we have to walk!"
"Let's start walking." Squall said sighing.
~*~*~
Bilbla was washing some of the clothes that Bilbo had clumsily spilled tobacco on.
"I thought I told you to stop smoking your pipe!!" Bilbla yelled from the washing room.
Bilbo cowered deep into the couch like his favorite character in his favorite newspaper comic, Hobbitbob Rectangle Pants.
"And I thought I told you not to starch your underwear so they are rectangle like that ridiculous children's comic!" Bilbla yelled.
"Hey! That is not a child's comic, but a working hobbit's humor!" Bilbo yelled to his sister.
"Bilbo, you don't work." Bilbla said. "Maybe you should get a job."
"I'm, uh, too old! I could have retired if I was in a job!" Bilbo said.
"Bilbo, you are only 51, that is young for a hobbit! I am going to take those human fairy tales away from you!" Bilbla yelled.
"You're mean! They are yours anyway!" Bilbo yelled back.
"......That's besides the point!" she yelled.
~*~*~
Finally, Squall and his friends got back to the Garden, but weren't happy at Zell or Selphie for gambling. They went to get the Garden car, but someone else had already taken it out.
"Well, what's going to happen next? Are we going to fall into another world?" Zell asked stupidly.
"Don't say that!" Rinoa yelled as she cast 'Silence' on Zell, but he had already said it.
"What the....?!" Squall yelled as he felt the ground suck him in.
"Time Compression!?!!?!?!" Selphie yelled in agony. They all looked at each other.
~*~*~
Bilbo was off of the couch and helping Bilbla hang the clothes out on the clothesline. He would take a sad glance at his underwear, which weren't starched rectangular anymore, but quickly stopped when Bilbla gave him an evil glare. They continued to hang clothes and were finally finished, but then they heard screaming.
"What's that?!" Bilbo asked, but soon found out when a girl fell on top of him, and then a boy, and then another girl, and then a boy. There was muffled talking from the bottom of the pile.
"Squall?" Zell asked in a muffled voice.
"What?" he asked, not realizing he was on top of the pile.
"GET UP!!!" The three yelled in unison. Unfortunately, poor Bilbo was at the bottom of the pile and was knocked unconscious.
"You killed him!" Bilbla yelled at the four teens. They all looked at her and then laughed.
"What?!" she asked angrily.
"You have fury feet!" Selphie yelled.
"Better get out a Gillette!" Zell yelled. Rinoa and Selphie looked at him in a disgusted way. "What?" They shook their heads.
"That's rude, Zell!" Selphie yelled. "Anyway, what happened to the other thing?"
"That's not a thing, that's my brother!" Bilbla yelled. "And he's a hobbit, not an animal!"
"...."
"Right, that's what you want us to think! You are just a fury elf from the forests in Galbadia!" Selphie yelled. Bilbla gasped.
"I am NOT an elf young human lady!" she said and attempted to reach Selphie's face, but was too short.
"Wow, someone shorter than Selphie." Squall said. Selphie looked at him and he kept quiet.
"Brother?!" Bilbla said and walked over to her unconscious brother.
"I think he is just unconscious." Zell said.
"No, he is dead!" Bilbla yelled. "I have just found him too!"
"Stop being a drama queen! He is just unconscious! He is still breathing!" Rinoa yelled.
"........"
"........" They heard a small groan and heard Bilbo speak.
"Hobbitbob..." he said. They all looked at him.
"Okay...." Selphie said.
"He reads this ridiculous comic about a boy with rectangular pants!" Bilbla yelled.
"Oh well, do you have any hot dogs?" Zell asked.
"No, but I think Bilbo made a few seed cakes earlier." Bilbla said, a little relieved that Bilbo wasn't dead.
"SeeD cakes?!" Zell asked frightened. "You cut up SeeDs and put them in cakes!? You cannibal!"
"...."
"Zell, stop being an idiot, she means that they put seeds in them not SeeDs." Squall said.
"...."
"Riiigggghtttt!" Rinoa said.
"Oh forget it!" Squall yelled.
"Oh my!" Bilbo yelled when he saw them. Then he saw Selphie. ::Dreamy music::
"Aww!" Selphie said. "See, he's alive furry girl!"
"I'm just like this because all hobbits are." She said and stuck her nose in the air.
"Well excuse me!" Selphie said. Bilbo just stared.
"Green eyes, auburn hair... ah..." Bilbo said. His sister slapped him in the face.
"We will talk later, Bilbo!" Bilbla said.
"So your name is Bilbo?" Zell asked.
"Yes, his name is Bilbo, but I think he might have gone crazy from that fall he had a week ago!" Bilbla said. "My name is Bilbla. I'm the long-lost older sister of Bilbo."
"Hello!" They all said in unison. Then they heard screaming from a distant village.
In a Distant Village:
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Back to the hobbit hole backyard:
"What was that?!" Bilbla asked, concerned.
"I bet it is that dragon that I read about in the paper this morning!" Bilbo said.
"Dragon? Like a Ruby Dragon?" Rinoa asked.
"Ruby Dragon?" Bilbo asked.
"Forget it." Squall said.
~*~*~
Back at Balamb Garden, Irvine and Quistis were looking everywhere for Squall and the rest. They heard that they never left, and that is why they were looking for them.
"Squall?!"
"Selphie!?"
"Zell?!"
"Rinoa?!"
"Hmm, no sign of them." Irvine said. "So like, why don't we go to your dorm for a little bit and get to know each other." Quistis punched him in the face.
"You know me Irvine! We aren't going to stop looking for them either!" Quistis said angrily.
"Okay." Irvine squeaked. "Don't have to be so violent, ya know?"
"Don't start talking like Raijin!" Quistis yelled.
"Sorry."
~*~*~
Meanwhile, Bilbo's backyard was getting tense because of the roaring and screaming they heard.
"Haha! Maybe I will prove my elder sister wrong!"
Bilbo thought triumphantly."What are you smiling about?!" Bilbla asked Bilbo when she noticed him smiling.
"Nothing." Bilbo said quickly. Then they saw the evil dragon coming towards the hobbit hole!
"Oh no!" Bilbo yelled. "We must defeat him or her! I will get Sting!"
Bilbo ran into the house and came back out with something that looked like a knife to the four teens. They burst out laughing.
"You can't defeat that dragon with that little knife!" Zell yelled. "You shouldn't call it Sting but instead Stink! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"ZELL! That is soo, soo mean! You big MEANY!" Selphie yelled and stomped away, getting her Strange Vision out at the same time.
"S-Selphie, I'm sorry! I'll apologize later!" Zell yelled after Selphie while getting his Ehrgeiz ready for an inevitable battle.
"...Oh well, better get our weapons ready." Squall said and unsheathed his Lionheart Gunblade. Bilbo looked at the aqua sword in amazement. It had a strange handle on it and also showed a mysterious aqua aura when he swung it around.
"Wow!" Bilbo and Bilbla said in unison. Then Rinoa took out her Shooting Star, which was pretty impressive also.
"Shall we go fight now?" Bilbo asked getting Stink, I mean, Sting ready.
The two lovers, er, teens, went over to the fighting couple, er, friends and broke up the petty fight about Bilbo's 'sword'. Bilbo and Bilbla came over, but Bilbla was unarmed.
"Uh, my sister is unarmed." Bilbo said.
"....."
"I think we have a few grenades..." Zell said.
"NO! I mean, no, we need those for another mission." Squall said quickly. He didn't want any one who didn't even know how to use a weapon to use a grenade. Zell opened his mouth, but Selphie elbowed his side, stopping him from saying whatever he was going to say.
~*~*~
Meanwhile at Garden, the two klutzes, I mean, Quistis and Irvine, were still looking for their comrades. It was getting quite late at Balamb, but Quistis insisted on looking until they were found.
"We aren't going to find them Quistis!" Irvine said out of breath from running from a Trexaur.
"Shut it Kinneas!" Quistis said also out of breath. "We are going to find them, even if it takes all night!"
"Why can't the others in Garden help look?" Irvine asked.
"Because, if Nida and Xu find out, they will go into panic because their commander is gone!" Quistis said. "They were worried about him even going out!"
"But doesn't he have missions?" Irvine asked.
"Yes..."
"Then why do they care?"
"Because, I uh, kinda hit them in the head with my Save the Queen when I was in the Training Center... But I'm so serious! It was an accident!" Quistis said.
"......"
~*~*~
Back in Hobbiton with the dragon, they were getting beat... BAD!
"Aura!" Rinoa yelled and cast 'Aura' on Squall.
"Renzonkuken!" Squall yelled and did his ultimately good limit break.
"Squall, do your 'Lionheart' limit break!" Zell yelled.
"Lionheart!" Squall yelled. His 'Lionheart' was the most powerful limit break there was in the entire world. The blow caused the dragon to transform into a human... Ultimencia! Dun-dun-dun!
"Ultimencia!" Rinoa yelled under her breath. Squall and the rest were stunned. "Why are you here?! I thought we defeated you!?"
"I am here bekause I kame here after my supposed death!" Ultimencia said. "I took the shape of the feared dragon and also made the dragon more powerful than anything on this wretched planet! I kouldn't have bekome a powerful queen bekause it is such a small, useless planet! But I was stuk here!"
"Why did I see you dissolve after you gave your powers to Edea?!" Squall said. "I saw you die! You aren't real!"
"I'm not? Will this remind you?" Ultimencia asked. "Griever, I kall upon thee!" Then the lion, which was on Squall's ring, was summoned on them, once again.
"W-what is that?!" Bilbla asked. Bilbo's face was white.
"It's Griever!" Selphie yelled. "Slot, The End!" She cast her most powerful Slot limit break, 'The End'. Griever was instantly killed and he didn't even have a chance to cast 'Shockwave Pulsar'.
"NOO! Griever! You shall all suffer my wrath again!" Ultimencia yelled. Then she cast 'Ultima' on them. Rinoa went KO and so did Zell.
"Crap! Phoenix Phinion!" Squall yelled. They disappeared, due to the summon spell. A beautiful bird of reds, oranges, and yellows screamed. The Phoenix brought back the KO characters and harmed Ultimencia.
Bilbo was watching from afar with his sister Bilbla close by.
"I told you there was a dragon!" he yelled to his sister under the Phoenix's loud cry.
"Don't you have your ring, Bilbo!?" Bilbla asked.
"Yes! Yes I do!" Bilbo yelled excitedly. "I shall wear this ring and defeat their enemy!"
"Good luck, Bilbo!" Bilbla yelled. Bilbo slipped on his ring and ran out of his hiding place. "Sting, you shall show that rude human that you are powerful!"
"Bilbo ran up to the scary form of Ultimencia and slashed her leg. She was about twelve-foot high, but felt the sharp pain in her leg. She screamed out in pain.
"Squall, cast your 'Lionheart'!" Bilbo said. The four teens looked at each other, but then noticed the small figure of Bilbo when he took off the ring.
"Lionheart!!" he yelled. His 'Lionheart' had done it, Ultimencia was once again defeated.
"No... not again. Reflekt on your... childhood... your... words..."
"We know! You don't have to say it again!" Selphie yelled.
"Fine! Now I shall choose my sukcessor!" Ultimencia yelled.
"You have barely any power left, Ultimencia. You shouldn't give Rinoa or Selphie the burden of becoming a sorceress!" Squall yelled. "I shall cast 'Lionheart' on you again if you do not stop!"
"Ultimencia, I already have your dreadful power. You turned most of the world against me with it because they thought I was evil like you!" Rinoa said.
"We will not play your games, Ultimencia! You do not deserve to die in peace!" Zell yelled. "'My Final Heaven' isn't a weak limit break, and I'm not afraid to use it on you!"
"Our world finally got true peace with out you to destroy it! We will not allow you to destroy another world or time!" Selphie yelled.
"I must say, you are dreadful looking!" Bilbla said. Bilbo reappeared from the magic of his ring.
"Tell me about it sister!" Bilbo yelled. "She looks like an old, old elf that is on the verge of death!"
"Kurse all of you!" Ultimencia yelled and then disintegrated into the soil of Middle Earth.
"Is she... is she dead?" Bilbla asked.
"No, but she is dead from this planet." Squall said. "She will move onto another universe or time... hopefully not back at ours."
"I thank you all for saving this planet." A strange voice came from behind.
"Gandalf?!" Bilbo and Bilbla yelled in unison.
"Yes, it is I, Gandalf." He said. "I thank you all for saving Hobbiton. I knew this event was going to occur, so I wrote it in the newspaper. I also knocked Bilbo in the head a week ago so he would keep liking adventures, because it was starting to wear off of him. But, unfortunately, he came out weirder than I expected. When he read the article in the newspaper, it was only in his newspaper, along with the toe fungus article."
"....Excuse me?" Rinoa asked, baffled at the comment she had just heard about the toe fungus.
"Forget it." Bilbla said. "Believe me, it's just stupid." Rinoa understood.
"Do you all want to go back now?" Gandalf asked softly.
"You did this?!" Squall asked angrily. "I can't believe it! We were going to have a perfectly great day and you blew it!"
"Oh well, good bye!" Gandalf said. And with that, they disappeared in a poof of smoke.
~*~*~
They had finally made it back to their time and they were quite tired. Selphie saw Irvine sleeping and then Quistis kicking him in the shin, like Fujin does to Raijin.
"What?! I have not had sexual relations with that woman!" Irvine yelled after waking up.
"...."
"Uh, Irvine, what are you talking about?" Zell asked, quite confused.
"Nothing, I was a little stirred when Quistis here woke me up like she did." Irvine said. "Oh, crap! There you are! Okay Quisty, we can go to sleep now, good night! Oyasumi nasai!"
"....What?" Rinoa asked.
"Never mind, he has been like this all day..." Quistis said, but before her and Irvine could walk away, they disappeared in a puff of smoke!
~*~*~
"Oops..." Gandalf said.
"What is it?" Bilbla asked.
"I, uh, think I just cast a spell again on someone different..." Gandalf said.
"Are you sure you didn't hit yourself in the head also last week?!" Bilbla asked, irritated.
"Come to think of it..." Gandalf started, but was cut off by Bilbla.
"Oh, brother!" she yelled and stomped off.
~*~*~
Meanwhile, Quistis and Irvine were on another planet. A blonde haired girl walked up to them.
"Who are you? Are you here to tell me something about Miguel and me?!" the girl asked.
"Like Ohmygod! We are on the Passions planet!!" Quistis squealed like a teenage girl seeing her favorite music band.
"NOOOOO!!" Irvine yelled.
~*~*~
Bilbo sat on his nice couch in front of the warm fire next to Gandalf. They read the 'Middle Earth Times' in silence, because Bilbla was still upset about them acting the way they did.
"Hey, look, it's that scary Ultimencia lady!" Bilbo yelled and showed Gandalf the picture.
"Uuuugggglllllyy!" Bilbla said. Gandalf and Bilbo looked at each other and snickered.
"Looks like that whack in the head did it!" Bilbo whispered loudly.
"This was such a day!" Gandalf said. "I'm going to sleep!" Gandalf left the Baggins' house and headed home. He got to his house and took off his wizard hat and then his costume!
"HAHA! I knew I could ruin Squall's day!" Seifer said. "MAN! I didn't, he still got Rinoa! Oh well..."
"You untie me at once and give me my wizard's staff back!" The real Gandalf said. "You put Quistis and Irvine back on their regular planet and Bilbo and Bilbla back to the way they are supposed to be!"
"Oh yeah, sorry old man." Seifer said and gave him everything back and then left the house. "Uh, could you put me back in Fisherman's Horizon?"
"Yeah! Get off of my planet Almasy!" Gandalf yelled and sent Seifer back.
"I wonder what that boy did to Middle Earth?"
THE END