Infallible
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Written for Rhysenn Bakura. Happy Birthday! =^^=
WARNING: May have some slight hints of shounen-ai; Yami no Bakura/Ryou. Sarcastic and Cynical!Yami no Bakura, ahoy~~ D
DISCLAIMER: Doot dee doot~ Hmmm? Am I supposed to write something here? XD
* * *
"We twist and turn where angels burnLike fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death...
The death of you."
—'tears of pearls' - Savage Garden
* * *
"Yami? Why is it that we search eternally, always looking, yet never finding that which we hope to find?"
He looks so earnest as he stares up at me, chocolate brown eyes contemplative and serious—ah, yes; the infallibility of youth. He's so anxious, waiting with fidgeting hands and feet as I think his question over. The question and open expression on his face helps remind me that I am millennia older than he is. My eagerness was destroyed years ago, beaten out of me by a harsh reality that took more than what it gave back. Cynical, aren't I?
"People search for things that they know that they can never find. Always searching, always looking, always hoping beyond hope—they continue on with their quest for answers because it's better than facing the truth. They don't want to face the truth. They are afraid to."
"…but… Isn't there something deep within us that pulls, tugging us along until we find what we're searching for? What happens if that thing is different for each of us? And how will we know when we've found it? How?"
I am not a philosopher; how can he expect me to answer these questions? I don't know how to respond and I don't understand what it is he's asking me. There is a tone that underlies his words, twisting this way and that. He's not exactly lying to me… but that doesn't mean that he isn't hiding something from me.
Pharaoh thinks that there is a no difference between omitting something and lying. Obviously, the Pharaoh still retains his high expectations of others, though his kingdom is dead and gone. There is a difference between lying and omitting something from a conversation. With lying, you're telling an outright untruth. With omitting… Well, as the saying goes, 'What you don't know can't hurt you.' (Generally speaking, of course.)
The thing is, yadonushi isn't lying to me. He's omitting things from the conversation—which, personally, I think is worse. There's something that I know that he wants to ask me, but is too wary to do so.
And, for that, I am glad.
~ ~ ~
I've never claimed to be a good man. I've never claimed to be heroic, going on quests to save innocent people from their destined fates. I've always thought that there was a fine line between heroism and stupidity. Running full tilt towards a dragon's gullet just seems to scream, "EAT ME!!" to me. And personally? Being eaten by a fire breathing lizard just doesn't really seem like a great way to die. (I'd rather die at the ripe old age of 32, surrounded by all the treasure that I've stolen over the years.)
I'm harsh and cold; the world has taught me its cruelest lessons and I've become an apt pupil. I've stolen, killed, done all that I was capable of doing to achieve my goals. I let nothing stand in my way and if there's an obstacle… may Anubis and Osiris have mercy on their souls. I certainly won't.
My worldview has been narrowed down until only one thing has remained important: Survive, steal to make a profit, enact revenge when necessary, show no weakness, and live to see another day. Friendship and family don't matter because, in the end, friends betray you and families die.
…
This is why I don't understand why yadonushi comes to me, asking me all of these philosophical questions. I'm not a philosopher. I'm not a scholar. And I don't claim to be either of these things. I was a man, once. Now I'm just a spirit of the Sennen Ring. I'm now a phantom of who I once was; weaker now, but somehow also stronger than ever. There is nothing inside me that allows for kindness or the need to go on a quest to find the answers that (don't) lie within.
What's the point of doing so, anyway? I am who I am and no one can ever possibly change that. Change to fit evolution and survival is necessary in order to continue living. And yet… spiritual change, moral change, worldview change? Why? Why let someone change you? You are who you are. It's pointless to let someone else change you before you are ready to do so.
…
The quest that people continuously go on is pointless because the true quest, pilgrimage, whatever you want to call it, lies within you. How can you find answers to all of your questions if you can't even answer who you are? People who already know who they are—as distasteful, harsh, cold, and cruel as they may be—don't bother with the quest to find the answers that they seek because they've already found them within themselves. That one question that you're all searching for, questing for, yearning to have answered? That question is very simple, easy enough to discover on your own with a little bit of thought and contemplation. (Or boredom, if the case happens to include a millennia old Sennen spirit who has nothing better to do than contemplate life, the universe, and the meaning of 42… and how to acquire a certain Sennen Puzzle.) That question that you're all searching answers for?
Who am I?
See? I told you that it was an easy enough question to discover. And yet, here I am, still amazed at the stupidity of mortals and their never-ending yearning to discover Life's meaning. Of course, when they discover that that question is too mind-bobbling to fully comprehend, let alone answer, they scale it down to a more personal level: Who am I?
My point? I could have told you who you are without you having to go out and blow about ten thousand dollars on a 'quest' to Bermuda or the Bahamas, hoping to discover a revelation of self. (Worse case scenario would include you going on a hitchhiking tour through Tibet and the Himalayas, hoping to commune with nature and your inner self… thus freezing to death and letting the Yeti snack on a man-made Popsicle---literally.)
Who are you?
You, my 'friend,' are a stupid mortal. Awe-inspiring, isn't it?
~ ~ ~
"Yami? But… why do we search for answers? Why do we quest for something that even we cannot define exactly?"
"Yadonushi."
"…yes?"
"Does it even really matter?"
"…it does."
"Why? You'll never discover the answer to your question. And, long after you're dead, humanity will continue their search for answers to questions that they can't even fully explain. Year after year, they'll search, always questioning, wanting and needing answers that they'll never find. Eventually, they'll give up on their quest, die, and then the generations that come after will pick on their quest, searching for their own answers. There is no point in searching."
"But I have to keep on searching, Yami. I have to."
…
"Hn. I guess, in that way, humanity will always remain infallible, ne, yadonushi?"
~ ~ ~
And that's why I pity you all.
~Owari~
::End::