Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Voyager or the characters used in this story. I just like to borrow them for my own amusement and diabolical uses.
Author's Note: This is the third story in a series based off of stillboldlygoing's tumblr post about Kathryn's birthdays through the years and the changing relationship between the command team. This one was hard for me to write thanks to feels and not being sure about the present involved, but here it is. It's unedited and unbeta'd, so all mistakes are (forever) mine.
He's not sure if he should go to her quarters. It's been a rough year in the Delta Quadrant; granting asylum for a suicidal Q, fighting the Vidiians with a duplicate Voyager, dealing with the fallout from the Tuvix ordeal, Seska's betrayal and the loss of a child that's not really his, watching from that hellish planet as the Kazon took Voyager, nearly losing both Kes and the Captain to the ancient rituals of the Nichani, and fighting a battle with Braxton on 21st century Earth have all been extremely taxing but Voyager's championed through it all. It seems like every alien in this damn quadrant is hellbent on destroying the little starship and her chances of getting home but no one's succeeded yet. There've been a few close calls but Voyager just keeps heading for a planet a lifetime away.
His relationship with the captain is in tatters though. She's been distant and while he knows the reason behind the rift in their friendship, it still hurts that she refuses to really talk to him after work. They meet once a week for dinner but it's always very formal; they're in uniform and the topic is strictly business He's had eight months to get used to it but he's not sure he can keep going with this chasm between them. He's come to realize that she's one of the closest friends he's ever had and even though she won't admit it, he's pretty sure she feels the same about him. He knows that she's had a hard time getting over New Earth and what happened there, but this distance that's formed is slowly driving him insane. He misses his friend terribly but doesn't know how to fix the problem.
He's slightly surprised that he gets the nerve to visit her but he's even more surprised when the doors slide open almost right away. The scene in her quarters is sadly familiar; she's behind her desk with a cup of coffee in one hand, a padd in her other, and her eyes focused on her open console. The sight brings up memories of each time he's found her like this and he's so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't hear her at first. After a few seconds he blinks, shaking his head to bring himself back to the present. She's staring at him with an eyebrow raised and it makes him chuckle.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said. My mind is wandering, as usual," he says as he sets down what he's carrying and slips into the chair in front of her desk, an apologetic smile on his face. She stares at him for a moment longer and then her face relaxes.
"It's okay, I've been pretty out of it myself," she replies and he sees a half-smile form. "Between reading reports, making sure everything's settled with Kes after her stint as a warlord, working on the never ending repairs to my ship, and fighting with my replicator, I'm honestly running on autopilot."
He knows she doesn't sleep well (living in such close quarters provided him with a lot of interesting facts about her) but she looks more exhausted than usual. This is also the longest they've talked off-duty since they returned to Voyager from their paradise.
"You know, your first officer really should be handling those reports and repairs for you. You should think about having a word with him concerning his appalling failure to let his captain relax," he teases, his heart lifting at the sight of a full smile from her. He's suddenly keenly aware of just how much he's missed it. He watches as she sets her coffee down and leans over the desk, a serious look on her face.
"Perhaps my first officer has a captain who's concerned about letting him relax. He does do a lot for his ship, you know." She leans back again and taps the desktop idly, her eyes steadily meeting his. "I know I've been a horrible friend this past months and I'm sorry about that. I've been terribly unfair to you, something you really don't deserve. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my coldness and I promise that I'll do better."
She catches him off-guard and he flounders for an entire minute before he can respond. He swears sometimes that she's a mind reader; hadn't he just been thinking about their damaged friendship? Shaking his head in amusement as he smiles over at her, he acts without thinking and reaches across her desk to touch her arm.
"Kathryn, you really have nothing to apologize for. I will admit that the last eight months have been difficult but it's because you're the closest friend I've had since I was a boy and I've missed you." He doesn't mean to ramble but it happens anyway and he's happy to see that she's not retreating from the conversation.
"I have plenty to apologize for, Chakotay. I've been horrid but you've persisted in trying to bridge the gap and I'm grateful for that. Anyone else would have given up a long time ago but you're still here," she says softly and he feels his heart lift at her quiet words. He knows how hard this is for her to say and he appreciates it more than he'll ever admit, so for now he slides his hand down her arm and links her fingers with his in that gesture that's special to them now. He watches as her body stiffens and her eyes widen as she looks up at him but he just smiles.
"You're the best friend I've ever had, Kathryn, and no matter what happens that'll always be true." She relaxes and that makes him smile; he knows that despite what she may say, she's still on edge about New Earth even now. He won't push her but he needs her to know where he stands, even after eight months. He focuses on their hands and watches as his thumb strokes hers lightly.
"I meant every word of the Angry Warrior legend, Kathryn; you truly are my warrior woman. The peace I get from having you in my life is unlike anything I've ever felt before and your needs will always come first. I know where we stand back on Voyager but I need you to know that I get it." He looks up at her and sees the tears forming just like they did that night on their planet. "I understand why our relationship can't evolve here; I was involved with someone under my command and we all know how that turned out. All I'm asking is that you don't pull away from me again. Because as much as I want a relationship with you, I need my best friend more."
He can't believe he actually said all of that but it's out there and she's still just staring at him with wide eyes. Just when he's certain he'll be spending his life in the brig, she smiles and huffs a quiet laugh.
"I truly don't know what I did to deserve you but I'll thank whichever deity I owe," she says, squeezing his hand gently. "I've been miserable thinking that I ruined our friendship and I promise I won't pull away again. Your friendship is the closest I've ever had and I need it to stay sane out here."
"Keeping the captain sane is a big responsibility but I'm up for it," he replies with a laugh, happy that they're finally having this conversation; it's eight months overdue. "Since we've cleared the air and outlined what my duty is from here on out, I've got something for you."
He pulls his hand from hers with a smile at the disappointed look on her face and moves to the door. The box he brought isn't terribly large and he sets it in front of her, watching as she does a visual inspection.
"Nothing's going to jump out at me, is it?" she asks and he guffaws, shaking his head.
"No, nothing's going to jump at you."
She opens this present without the hesitation of last year and he's happy to see her smile when she realizes what she's looking at. Her eyes turn up to his, delight turning their blue a little brighter.
"Did you make this?" The surprise is clear in her voice and he nods, leaning over to point out the different colors.
"The blue is for the river, the green is for the trees, and that random splotch of brown was supposed to be for the monkey but Tuvok called me and made me jump so the sand sort of went everywhere. I left it because they both had a knack for interrupting at bad times," he explains and she laughs. He's been unsure about how she'll receive the sand painting but she really does look happy about it.
"Oh Chakotay, this is wonderful!" He watches her smile brighten the room and on impulse he leans down and kisses her on the cheek.
"I'm glad you like it," he says softly, pulling back to watch the blush creep up her neck. Nodding and clasping his hands behind his back, he smiles. "I have a meeting with my captain before shift in the morning and she's a terrible tyrant when I'm late so I should be going. Happy birthday, Kathryn."
He spends the rest of the night dreaming of bathtubs and monkeys.