So, this is spin-off of sorts of Road Trip to Mordor, which has not been abandoned. Honest. I've been having issues with the document it's saved on, and am almost resorting to just typing the whole damn thing out again from the handwritten copy, but that will probably take some time, so in the meantime, here is what the characters think of the whole mess.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, or anything else referenced/quoted/alluded to in here.
Darkness. The deep velvet black of space. Slowly, pinpoints of light appear. Each one is a different world, brought into existence by various writers. Yes, this is the LOTR-verse. Here you will find worlds which follow The Canon almost exactly, world which mangle It beyond recognition, worlds which turn It on Its head and frolic merrily through the resulting chaos. Contained within this 'verse are thousands of OCs, hundreds of Mary-Sues, a million different interpretations of The Canon. Each world is fuelled by the imaginings of a writer, or maybe more than one; the characters within are dependent on their writer to further their plotlines and personalities. Of course, that doesn't mean they have to like it.
Here. This world. It is stationary, unlike the others which rotate happily, orbiting an unseen sun. But this world has been abandoned, and the characters within are trapped. At first they kept their poses, staying still, waiting for the author to return. But days turned to weeks, weeks became months, and now they are restless. But more than that is happening.
Characters' personalities are starting to splinter, their speech patterns change. Look! With a faint thump, the fourth wall topples over, and the Narrator and Director step through to join the chaos. At least it should make for a good story...
"I'm hungry."
'I know, Sam. So am I." The two hobbits surveyed the interior of the car hopefully. In the course of the last few months, they had eaten most of the elven trail mix, and finished off the last of the junk food from the back of the car.
"There's always the rat sandwiches," Sam suggested. Frodo made a disgusted face.
"I'm not that hungry yet."
"We are! Yes, we are famished. Famished we are," Gollum wailed, poking his head through the window and causing both hobbits to jump. "But the wraiths have gone, my precious, my love. Yes, yes, gone they have! Flew away, flap flap flap!" Gollum cackled and jumped around in a circle while Frodo and Sam exchanged glances.
"I think he's lost it, Mister Frodo."
"Oh, Sam. As if any of us were sane to begin with." Frodo sighed and stared out the window of the car. "I just wish something would happen again. Not that I miss being pursued by evil wraiths intent on kidnapping me, but..."
"At least it was a way of passing the time," Sam finished. Frodo nodded. There was silence for a moment, and then Sam spoke up again. "I'm still hungry."
"You could always eat the rat sandwiches. Or Gollum,' Frodo suggested. Gollum shrieked and jumped out of the window. Sam looked at Frodo's neck with a calculating expression. "What about the Oreo?"
"Gandalf said not to eat it."
"Gandalf's not here, Mister Frodo," Sam said gently. Frodo nodded sadly, then took the Oreo off the chain around his neck and turned it over in his hands. "It is pretty big for a cookie," he said. Sam nodded earnestly.
"If we split it, it might last us another day."
"It could also kill us, being infected with Sauron's darkness as it is."
"Only one way to find out," Sam said, reaching for it.
"I'm hungry."
"Say that one more time and swear on Nienna's handkerchief I will shave off that nice hair of yours."
Merry looked up at ...Tim with an accusing expression. "Hey, what happened to the suspicious-of-us-but-not-actually-violent ...Tim we came to know and love?"
"Three months trapped here with you two," the fashion designer growled.
"Fair enough," Pippin said. There was silence. "But I'm still hungry."
"If you even think about eating those waistcoats again I swear on my pretty floral bonnet I will end you," ...Tim warned. Pippin sighed. "Honestly, you eat a pair of bejewelled leggings one time and no-one lets you forget it."
"Please, Aragorn?"
"No."
"Please?"
"Why don't you ask Gimli?"
"It wouldn't be the same."
"Anyway, I cannot give you what you seek."
"Arwen says differently. Please?"
"No! Why do even want that kind of thing anyway?"
"Just because I'm an elf doesn't mean I don't have needs!"
Aragorn sighed. "Legolas, I am not letting you borrow my hairbrush."
"Ha! Aragorn owns a hairbrush?" Gimli hooted.
"No," Aragorn muttered, at the same time as Legolas said, "Yes. He's just embarrassed."
"Strange," Gandalf said, peering at the ranger. "I don't remember ever seeing you brush your hair." Aragorn mumbled something incoherent. "What was that?"
"mumblemumbleArwenlikesitmumble."
"Yes, Ar-wen likes it,' Legolas said in a sing-song voice.
"Look, why don't you go ask one of the mannequins for a hairbrush?" Aragorn suggested.
"They were mean to me last time,"Legolas pouted. The mannequins themselves had given up any pretence of being remotely scary, and were instead huddled in groups at the other end of the room. Some of them were texting.
"Fine," Aragorn sighed, pulling something out of his pack and tossing it to Legolas. "Baby."
"Thank you!" Legolas trilled, catching the hairbrush easily. Gimli snorted when he saw it. The brush appeared to be mithril-backed, with intricate designs all over it. Most of them featured butterflies. "Nice hairbrush, laddie. Do you have a matching comb and mirror?"
Aragorn didn't dignify this with an answer and instead began to have a quiet discussion with Gandalf. "Have you made any progress?"
Gandalf shot him an irritated look. "You can't rush this kind of thing, you know! But as a matter of fact, I have discovered something."
"Well?"
"Nothing is happening."
"Oh, well done. I never could have figured that out on my own. Truly, you have been blessed with the wisdom of Eru himself."
"I meant, nothing is happening anywhere. Everything's just...stopped."
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh, indeed."
Sooo yeah. Love it? Hate it? Want me to continue? Think it never should have been spawned from my twisted mind? Any opinions can be given through reviews. Or telepathy, if you're that kind of person.