Sailing in a Sea of Stars
There's a loneliness in space.
My father spoke of it as he reflected on how he looked down on Earth with only two astronauts for company – a pittance compared to the 5 billion human beings he was cut off from. I felt it when I was in space myself, in orbit around Earth. And over the last for years, on the run from sebaceans, scarrans, and more, aboard a living ship, that feeling of loneliness has remained. Even if it's hidden. Even among those I call friends. And some of them enemies.
And now, as I stare out into the void from Moya's bridge, I feel that loneliness return. I remember a long lost world called Earth, its very existence unknown to practically the entirety of the galaxy. The place that I once called home. Cut off from me forever, fated to fade away like a dream. I remember Earth and the people on it – my parents. My sisters. Bobby. DK. Kim, Caroline, Alex…the list goes on and on. Some I'll remember more than others. While I know that John Crichton, hero of the Farscape Project, humanity's ambassador, will be remembered forever. And to that I say… "farko."
I remember those no longer with us. Zotoh Zhaan, in her wisdom, the first to depart, and the pain of that loss no less raw. Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis, better known as "Jool" or "Princess" – what was it like for her in her last moments, I ask? To be consumed in orbital fire? At the least, all I can do is remember her as well. And Ka'Dargo, in his strength, defiant to the end – the memory of him is strong, and will never fade. These two shall no longer return. I have seen much out here. More than I ever thought possible. The universe is vast, and there is no shortage of surprises it can throw at you. But I have never seen anything that would lead me to believe that they could return.
Others have departed, their return a possibility, but unlikely. Stark, with his insight – crazy, but the same can be said for much of the life out here. Chiana, with her spirit – maybe a polite way of putting it, but at the end of all things, politeness is something that she's earned. Rygel, with his cunning, he…well, no doubt I'll find something else good to say about that slug eventually. Noranti Pratalong, with her insight – not someone I will miss. But one I shall remember. All of them, I will remember.
Others, I know I will not see again. Others, I think of, even though I would not call them friends. Bialar Crais…never a friend, but an ally, and one I shall remember, for good and ill, how he walked the line between the two up until the last. Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu, a friend turned betrayer. Betrayal I can't forget, but even now, I owe it to her to remember the good as well. And Scorpius? No. I shall never forgive. I shall never forget. And his face, I hope to never see again.
Yet his words come back to me. Words spoken in the heat of fire, as an entire ship collapsed around us. Words that said, "Commander John Crichton. Generations will know that name." Words I doubt shall ring true. Many will speak of what came before the war between the Scarran Empire and the Peacekeepers. Many will speak of what come afterwards, if peace is strong enough to endure the whims of the universe. But they shall forget us. Forget the names of all those I have mentioned. Forget the names of Pilot, Moya, John Crichton, and Aeryn Sun. Forget us as we, the last members of a band that formed what feels like a lifetime ago, find ourselves in a new life, alone, among the stars.
I hope that all this is true. That the powers that be do forget us. For as much as I miss, as much as space surrounds me, I know that I am not quite alone. I hope that this is true, as I hold my son in my arms. His mother needs rest, and so do I for that matter. But I do not begrudge the presence of D'Argo Sun Crichton. For I promised him that he would never walk alone. And while I carry him in my arms as I stare out into a sea of stars, as he sleeps the sleep of silent night, I reflect on being alone.
But I am not alone. As much as I may miss those who were once here.
I am not alone.
And the stars themselves can see it.