To get the full effect, download "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit…it's like a guitar song…and I really really like it…

Alright, so this is a shocker to me as well…but my other fanfic just opened up whole new feelings toward this particular character (take a wild guess)… Go figure. Trust me, I never thought this would happen…

But read it. Maybe you'll see a whole new side to him…

I know I feel like I did…

Behind Blue Eyes

"No one knows what it's like,
To be the bad man,
To be the sad man,
Behind blue eyes…"

I watch the sun rise…alone, as always. I'm always alone. It seems to be my lot in life. First my sister was stolen from me…and then my father left on his endeavor…and then my mother died…and Marlene…my precious Marlene…

I bow my head with grief, feeling my long blonde hair cover my face. Everyone. Gone.

"And no one knows
What it's like to be hated…"

I had turned my back on my country. The one thing I had left of any worth. Now, I am but an empty shell of a man. My king has disowned me. My title, which I sacrificed my life to obtain and treasured it as I did my own existence, has been stripped away from me. My people have rejected me. I am alone.

"Allen, are you alright?"


"To be faded, to telling only lies…"

"Yes, I'm fine." I know it's a lie, just as I know that the day will be clear and the sun will shine brightly. I can feel it. But what else can I say?

I am alone.

"But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be…"

I turn to look at the one who has interrupted my solitude. A sweet girl with shining emerald eyes looks at me with her eternally concerned expression. I dream of her. Around her, I feel peace. I cannot explain it. All I know is that I wish I could experience this peace for the rest of my life. I wish that she could be by my side…always.

I know that many people suspect that I think of nothing but swords and women. But if they could see my dreams…they would know that there is so much more to me…

"What are you doing up here, Hitomi?"

"I was worried about you."

I know that this worry isn't anything I would like it to be. Hopelessly, I wish that she could love me the way I feel I love her. But I know it isn't meant to be.

For I have seen the way she looks at the young king.

"I have hours, only lonely…"

She is in the room, but yet I know her heart is not. She has come to check on me because of her fondness for me…not her love. Her heart has already been given to another.

And I am alone.

"No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you!"

I turn away from her, praying she doesn't see the look in my eyes. She already can read my emotions clear as crystal.

It wasn't her fault. It was mine. Mine for being so easily captured by her innocent charms. Mine for letting her into my heart the way I did. My entire fault.

I've never made such a mistake. I thought I had closed my heart to anything that might hurt it.

Apparently, my personally erected wall was not high enough for the little athletic seer.

"No one knows what it's like…
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes…"

"Well, I hope you feel better, Allen," Hitomi says awkwardly, obviously unconvinced by my attempt at nonchalance. I never expected that she would believe me, anyway.

"Thank you, Hitomi," I say gravely, hoping she does not see the loss behind my eyes.

I hear her walk out, and I feel my heart go with her. Does she even know that she has irrevocably changed me?

"No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated…"

I can still hear what they said. "He's a playboy."

I clench my fist, feeling my fingernails dig into my palm. How do they know? What do they know of me?

I never meant to be this way! I didn't intend to be like this!

It's not my fault!

My father…my father was never there for me! No one was there for me to show me what I should do, how I should act!

I feel the muscles in my hand loosen. With a sigh, I know it is useless to make excuses and I stop myself from being more foolish than I have already been. No matter what my father did, it doesn't matter.

I am truly the one who chose this life. Even if it was to protect my heart from being hurt again, I know…

It is my fault.

It is my fault that I am alone.


"To be defeated,
Behind blue eyes…"

My soul continues to plummet down. Will I ever feel hope again? I have lost the battle of love without even being given a chance. Fate, which I once thought was on my side, I have learned is on no one's side.

This is one battle in which all my skills with the sword have done me no good.

"No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry,
I'm not telling lies…"

I can't hide the truth anymore.

They don't know. They cannot feel what I have felt. They will never know what I know.

But I will not hold it against them.

My life is not ending quite yet.

I will be strong.

Raising my head towards the sun that has already reached a prominent position in the sky, I straighten my back determinedly.

They may not know…but that cannot stop me.

They may not believe…but that does not hinder me.

I may be alone…but that will not deter me.

For I am a Knight Caeli.

"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man,
To be the sad man,
Behind blue eyes…"

*^behind blue eyes^ limp bizkit*

-wink

ps. Tell me whether this is crap…I feel like it kinda is…but then kinda not…