A/N: What is it about this show? I despise the script and the acting is kinda crappy but it's still so addictive! Is it just me or does Amy seem like a bad mother, all disinterested in John? This is just my attempt to make her seem more... emotional. Don't own TSLOTAT, just playing.
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Ricky Underwood knocked gingerly on Amy's front door. They had reached an unspoken understanding of each other since John's birth, but he wasn't about to push his limits by barging in unannounced. A moment later, when no one had answered, he hesitantly tried the door, and found it unlocked.
He was alarmed, to say the least. The usually pristine Juergens household was in a state of complete disarray. The kitchen was piled sky-high with dishes, John's toys were scattered everywhere and, various items of clothing scattered in obscure places.
Reaching Amy's room he was not prepared for the sight that greeted him. Amy was curled up in the corner, clutching the sleeping six-month-old to her tightly. Tears were running from her red eyes, and she was almost silent, if not for the quiet sobs wracking her body. She was not looking at him, but at John.
"Amy!" he rushed forward, kneeling down beside her. "Are you hurt? Is John ok?" He was trying very hard to keep the panic out of his voice. Amy looked up at him then, and he was relieved when the movement caused John to stir a little in his sleep.
"Ric-ky" she hiccupped. "Wha-What are you- " She was cut off as a new wave of sobs took over. He'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state before and Ricky knew this was not a regular occurrence.
"Just relax Amy, start from the beginning." He prompted, trying to understand her sudden hysteria. She took a deep shuddering breath, breathing in John's scent. The act seemed to calm her, and he put his arm around the two of them. She began in a small voice.
"I don't know how to be a good mother," the words flowed faster, and she looked up at him with panicked eyes. "Earlier, Ashley was talking to me about what John will be like when he's older and it hit me. What if I do something to mess this up? What if I hurt him? What if I leave him alone in the tub for a minute, and he drowns? Or worse, what if he hates me when he's older? What if, one day, I forget to pick him up from school or football practice? I don't want to mess this up...I can't." The tears had reappeared, and Ricky sat is shocked silence. Amy had never been this open with him, there was always guardedness behind her words.
"Amy...I-" He began before she cut him off.
"I know sometimes I complain that I'm missing out on stuff, and it sounds like I resent John... but I don't, I really don't. I love him, I love him so much, and my whole world revolves around him. I'd do anything for him. I don't want to mess this up! Please don't let me mess this up."
With her last words she grabbed his shirt desperately with one hand, the other still cradling John. Ricky sighed and placed his hand over hers. He did not meet her eyes, but stared at his son's sleeping face, and spoke.
"Amy," He took a deep breath, "do you think I haven't thought about every single one of those things too?" He felt her gaze on her face but continued on. "I worry everyday that something bad might happen to take him away from us; car accidents, natural disasters and God forbid other people." Ricky was venting every fear he'd had since he held his son for the first time, and he knew now she'd understand.
"But you know what?" He met her eyes for the first time and the trust he found there overwhelmed him. He smiled brightly at the two of them. "I think that between the two of us, we have a pretty good chance of making this work."
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Fin