Five Years Ago

by tuuli-p

She's a successful writer with lots of pressure on her shoulders now that her latest piece is set to be played on stage. It is a lot to handle, and that is not even to mention she's merely seventeen. But just like the stories she writes incessantly, there's always a good point. It might have something to do with the handsome actor playing her main character.

1. Broken Reverie

I don't quite remember exactly when the daydreams began, but I'm sure that I didn't do it much when I was a child. My childhood was busy, filled with amusement parks and Daisy chains with my loving family. Life was so good back then that there was no need to daydream.

While I couldn't recall the day my vivid daydreams began I knew that it must have been when I was around nine years old. I remembered a complex story I had forged for a princess and her beloved knight. When I look back upon that story I realize that it had a lot of flaws. The knight was too perfect, the princess underdeveloped in her character. But those daydreams were the start of something for me.

From what I understand about most people, their daydreams are often not connected in anyway from one session to the next. They'll sit through a presentation and probably daydream what it would be like to be boss of the company, but when they zone out watching television a few hours later they probably dream of what it would be like to be a part of whatever show they had been watching. I was a little bit different. My daydreams followed one story, and they were linear. I also daydreamed excessively, which was probably why I was horrible at school despite the fact I was good at grasping academic matters. It was also why I was undeniably socially impaired. My obsession with daydreams led to me not caring about my lacking in either area though.

There were a few years that I felt extreme guilt for my daydreams. When I was about twelve and realized no one else spent so much time in daydreams, let alone in such complex ones, I feel into sort of a depression. I was upset with myself for thinking the way that I did. Eventually all of my frustration led me to hate myself temporarily and a spat of failed attempts to "fix" myself. I tried talking to people all the time at first, but years of zoning out in place of socializing took its toll on my ability to speak to others. I would say strange things, and would blunder my pronunciation of words frequently. I gave up on that.

After that I tried to find a passion. I tried playing a few instruments at first. It was fun, and I still play them to this day, but they didn't strike the fire in my heart like my daydreams did. Not to mention that you couldn't exactly bring them everywhere like you could a daydream. I was used to being able to dream in the middle of my math class, and it wasn't exactly acceptable to bust a guitar out in the middle to distract yourself. After the instruments, I tried to become an artist, but I didn't have the patience for it. I tried playing soccer only to realize my asthma was way worse than originally thought and had to quit. My last attempt to find passion was with sewing, but after having a panic attack when I saw too much blood on my hands from repeated needle pricks I gave that up as well.

I was convinced that I was not able to be cured and that I would just daydream my life away and be useless. Back then I saw no good side to the daydreams plaguing my brain. To me, my life would be filled with a blank face and a wild mind. I was okay with it, but when the world screams of greater things you begin to doubt yourself quite a bit.

When I was fourteen, I began to write the book that would change my world.

Finding a passion was my final stand, my last-ditch effort against my damaging daydream patterns. Writing them down was my last-last-ditch effort. When I went into writing the story down, I thought it was going to be useless. I was convinced that writing it all down would just result in failure and I would just have proof of my strange habit on paper.

I ended up being quite wrong, and was quite fortunate for being so.

It began the day I was typing up one of the ending chapters of my latest storyline. The tension was thick and the action was on, the main character on the verge of a very unfair death. Because of my bad eyesight I had chosen to use a bold and somewhat large font. A bored student sitting next to me read my story in favor of listening to the lecture, and ironically enough reported my behavior to the teacher. It was known that I was failing her class, but she cut me some slack due to the fact that I "diligently took notes" in her class. I never took notes though. When I was typing, it was for that story.

When my teacher discovered the truth, she was furious. She demanded to see what I was writing instead of notes. Of course I was hesitant to show her. I had never shown anyone my stories before, not even my own blood. I was ashamed of them. They were the product of my daydreams, and those daydreams were never a source of pride for me. But I didn't have a choice. The principal was on the case, as well as my parents. This story that was so tightly locked up was let go for the eyes of another.

I never wanted anyone else to read my stories. I wrote them as a way to get them out of my head. My logic was that if I wrote them down, I would have no need to daydream about them. So when my teacher approached me a week later about the story, I was of course mortified.

It began with her asking me to stay after school. Fear struck me. I expected the words. My grades had not gone up despite the fact my laptop was confiscated during school hours to avoid distractions. It was useless, so long as I had a brain I would daydream in place of observing reality. My case was a lost one, a long-lost one at that.

But seeing as how I wasn't a rebel, I agreed to stay in her class after school. The day was spent with me preparing for potentially harsh reprimand. While I was normally focused on my daydream world, being scolded brought out my petrified social side. I was nervous the entire day.

My hands were shaking when I showed up in her room that fateful evening. But I was met with a smile, not loud and harsh words as expected.

"Hello, Claudia. I read your book." I remember her casting a side glance to the laptop, a grin spread on her face. She must have just finished it.

I shuffled around, not making eye contact with her. My eyes rested on the piles of paper in front of her. I just nodded.

The young instructor closed her laptop to focus on me, making the pressure worse. "It was quite amazing. I would have never expected such depth from a fourteen year old girl. Did you write this all on your own, or did you have help?"

"I did it on my own." I muttered, hardly loud enough to be heard.

Her bright eyes widened, "Is that so? How long did it take you to write it?"

I only shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe two months." Back then, I didn't realize just how much writing I was doing. The book was four hundred and seventy pages when it went to publication. It didn't seem like a big accomplishment to me to write so much in that short of a time back then. I was a desperate person trying to let out their story though, so I suppose it was only natural it ended up so long and imposing.

"That's amazing, Claudia. While I am not permitted to condone the fact that you spent class time writing this novel, I will say that you are advanced enough in your writing to have no need for this class. I don't know how you could be failing with a masterpiece like this..." She cooed, eyes falling back upon the laptop. "Only fourteen and writing words that rival that of known bestsellers. Have you ever been published?"

I jerked my head up to meet her face for once. I could nearly feel my heart race. While deep down I knew my writing was good, maybe even good enough to deserve publication, I had never considered actually doing so. My mouth gaped a few seconds before I could make words come out of it. "No, I uh... I don't really talk about my writing to anyone. You're actually the first person to ever read anything I've ever written."

"Why did you never share it with anyone? It is very good." I am sure she had good intentions when she asked that. Most people who write that much have that dream to get published. But publishing that would be like publishing a confession that my brain was wired wrong. Even though the book never stated such a thing, the book represented that for me.

Again, I just shrugged. "I dunno. I don't think that anyone would like it very much." Since I had it in my head that my book was a confession of abnormality, it made sense to me that no one would enjoy it at all. Never before had I even considered someone else wanting to read it, and now that I did, it bewildered me that someone actually enjoyed it.

She had the most comforting smile, but even that didn't ease my nerves very much. "Well I enjoyed it, and since I'm your only reader that means you have a 100% approval rating by your audience. Is that not impressive?"

"No, not really. Only one person read it." What a rude thing to say! I regretted it as soon as it escaped my lips. Damn me and my inability to respond properly, I had to make amends-

But she only laughed. "Ah, that's the critical spirit of the author rising within you. You've got the makings of a great writer you know."

I managed to smile, but blundered upon every word I spoke. "U-uh, thanks."

Her enthused look became crestfallen. "You know, this is kind of a serious topic but I think we need to speak about this...," She folded her hands, looking me right in the eye. I looked away, not comfortable with her gaze at all. My nervousness returned in full capacity. "It is clear you have no interest in academics whatsoever. I've spoken to your other teachers and you act the way you do in my class with all of them. So unless you change your attitude, you have no chance of a conventional life."

I gulped. I felt frozen in time. I had no idea how to respond to that. Deep down, I knew what she was saying was absolutely true, and that was why I was so shameful about my dreaming. It kept me away from living in the real world. Such a simple inaction could leave me on the streets when I was out of school. And it was a vicious cycle, because anytime I tried to address the issue I would panic, shut down, and cope by daydreaming even more. It was horrible.

Aware I wouldn't respond, her lecture continued. "I do not know what is going on in your life so I cannot encourage you to change your ways. If you would like to tell me, you are very much allowed to and I will help you as I can. But...," She paused, as if for a dramatic effect. She wanted me to think on what she was saying next. "The girl I shared my dorm with at University ended up being quite a successful publisher. I know what she likes, and I know she would love this book. If you would consent to it, I could show it to her and you could get this published. You could make good money, I know it. You clearly have the talent at such a young age and you are only going to get better. Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but you are already good enough you might not have to worry about being extremely good in school if you become an author. What do you say?"

One of the more annoying things about social ineptness is that you have a habit of saying yes to everything just to get the conversation done. Even when it came down to life-changing decisions, my nature carried on. "Yes." I nodded quickly, body shaking.

So yes. I changed my life on a whim. But it ended being a good thing so I suppose I won't do much complaining about it.

My teacher, Ms. Ryu, was right about her friend. While it took Ms. Ryu a week to read my work it took Choi a mere two days of nearly nonstop reading to finish it. Apparently, she more than liked it, she loved it. After finishing she demanded to meet me in person. I, as always, was not very exciting to talk to. It didn't much matter because Choi was extremely talkative and just rambled about how much she loved my work. She also talked about the future, saying that great things were to come for me. Not once did she specifically say that she was willing to publish me, but apparently it was implied with her enthusiasm because she slammed down some legal documents for me to sign in the middle of her nearly one-sided conversation with me. I signed them without reading them and without any questions, pretending to listen to her ramble as I did so. It was quite overbearing for me, but it was nothing compared for what was stored in the months to come.

After the initial publication, it was quiet. I didn't expect much from it anyways. But about two weeks after some sort of celebrity got a hold of a copy and posted about it online, citing it as the best book she had ever read. After that Twitter post, my career exploded. The email that Choi had me make for business inquires was flooded, and I hardly had time to answer them all.

I thought when the media realized I was only fourteen that they would take me a little less seriously and divert their attention somewhere else. But after telling one of the emailers this, my fame only expanded. Headlines of Internet articles screamed with grandiose titles, "14-YEAR OLD GIRL BECOMES MODERN DAY SHAKESPEARE OVERNIGHT", which confused me because I thought Shakespeare kind of sucked and to my knowledge, he only wrote plays and poetry. If he ever wrote a full length novel, I was certainly not aware of it. The point was suddenly everyone loved me and wanted to have interviews with me, the whole nine yards.

With an interview, you couldn't exactly have a bumbling fourteen year old go up on her own and expect good things. Aware at my lack social finesse, Choi hired a few people to help me out. After all, we had quite a bit of money to waste on such things. I didn't see the point of it all but apparently I had signed to agree to whatever interviews the publisher's wanted me to be involved with so I had no choice. No arguments escaped me and I allowed them to teach me.

I had new two people helping me out now. Some sort of social trainer named Min-Jun showed up to help me talk to people and gave me ways to respond to tough questions, and oddly enough a beauty expert was hired. Apparently my appearance was a small issue.

"Now, you are very capable of being pretty. I mean, look at those blue eyes!" She cooed, quite fascinated by them. "Your facial structure isn't very feminine, but it's feminine enough and it can be improved with some face exercises. You aren't very chubby either, so that is good... The top priority right now is to get rid of that horrendous acne!"

With their help, my public appearances were quite grand. I could now fake social grace and I had a pretty face. My style was improved dramatically. After I did will with the interviews and published another ground-breaking book, I moved into my own apartment at the age of sixteen and got a private tutor so I didn't have to go to actual school anymore. Most of the time I just sat in the living room or in my bedroom and wrote, since that was my claim to fame.

For the most part, I was happy. There was one thing that bothered me though. I always assumed that I daydreamed because I lived a boring life, but even now, when my life was filled with excitement and publicity... I daydreamed all the time still. But it was okay now. It made me money if I wrote it down.

All of this leads us to the current time though. I'm seventeen right now, and I just finished something new for me. A play. I guess I'm living up to that Shakespeare title. Choi, as always, loved my work.

"We'll hold try outs a week from now, since the script has already been dealt out to everyone wanting to try for it. A famous actor is even trying for the main character!" Choi gleamed, taking a sip of some fancy wine I kept in my apartment for her visits. I wasn't much of a wine person myself, but Choi had done so much for me I made sure to keep some around.

I nodded. "That's cool."

"We should pick him for sure, it would be good publicity. He goes by the name Joker because he used to be involved in a lot of comedy, and he soooo fits the main part!" Ogled the bright woman, nearly spilling wine all over her shirt in her ranting. "He's got this beautiful brown hair, these striking yellow eyes... He gives me the chills, in a good way of course."

"We'll see. It's my choice, right?" I raised an eyebrow, not like she could see it. My stylist told me I looked good with blunt cut bangs, and quite honesty I agreed. It made my face look rounder and cute.

Choi nodded. "Yeah, it is. But I just know you'll love him, it'll be no contest!" Her expression turned mischievous, coupled with a grin that spelled out potential destruction. "You know, he's only nineteen, and you're seventeen so I could see some romance sparking up if you cast him. Maybe it would be some good inspiration for your next book!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her. "I said we'll see. I want to give everyone an equal chance, not just the well-established folks." Part of me also wanted to mention that being in love would never inspire anything from me. All of my works were inspired by outlandish daydreams. None of it touched reality of my life whatsoever. I doubted my life could ever be interesting enough to even inspire a book based on it...

Choi puffed out her cheeks. Despite being quite older than me, she acted a fair bit more childish. I didn't mind though. Despite all my training, it was still hard for me to talk to people. Choi's casual nature made it much easier for me to speak. "Okay, but don't pass up a beautiful man like that if you get the chance. If I was your age, I would totally go for it. I'm just giving you advice as your senior, I know best!"

"Sure you do. Do I need to remind you of your last boyfriend?" I chuckled, taking a seat on the couch opposite to her.

Choi's normally unbreakable gaze was shattered. Flustered, she started at the table in front of me. "Okay, whatever. That was low, Claudia."

"I suppose it was."

The next week was filled with preparation. Choi and I had many a conversation just like that in my apartment. I started work on my third book, a storyline about a girl falling in love with a dragon somehow. But don't worry, it isn't weird like that, the dragon has a phone and he's totally catfishing her by acting like a really cute guy and- well, I can't tell you anymore. You can read the book when it hits the shelves.

It was also filled with a lot of preparation due to Choi's sudden urge to have me get a boyfriend, insisting that if I dated Joker it would launch my career like a rocket. I kept telling her I didn't need it though. I was a successful enough seventeen year old author with a whole life ahead and dating for publicity wasn't really necessary for me. I failed to mention that the real reason I was cautious was because I wasn't entirely sure if I liked people at all. I was so enthralled by daydreams I doubted that any real human could keep up. Of course, even Choi didn't know of my daydreaming addiction. No one knew.

I did give into one of Choi's requests though, and that was one of me dressing especially fashionable the day of the try out. While normally I did wear a fair amount of makeup, I went for a classier edge this time. Bright red lipstick and thick eyeliner to make my bright blue eyes pop despite my glasses. I looked quite professional. Choi personally curled my shoulder length brown hair too.

What made the look was the outfit though. It was a red and black cocktail dress, one that clung to the parts of my body that looked good. A few years ago I would never dare dress so extravagant in public, but this fame had brought me some confidence even though it never totally fixed my social problems and certainly did nothing for my incessant daydreaming.

The car ride over to the studio was quiet, as always. Choi and my driver were seated in the front having a conversation, while I stared alone in the solitary of the back seat. I told Choi long ago that I was quiet on car rides because I got slightly car sick, but the reality was that a car ride was the best place for daydreaming. You could just zone out the window and think up a situation for your characters, and no one would bother you at all for doing so. The glassy look my eyes got when daydreaming could also be dismissed as a side effect of the supposed car sickness. It was truly an ideal situation.

In the middle of the scene playing in my mind, the car stopped. "Time to go meet Joker! Let me get a good look at you." Claudia turned around in her seat, prompting me to leave dreamland and confront a much more boring reality.

I let out a hefty sigh and faced her, pretending to care about whatever it was she had to say. Choi couldn't help it. She didn't know that disrupting my daydreams was such a felony in my head. Hell, she didn't even know I indulged in so much daydreaming. Fortunately Choi couldn't detect the magnitude of the situation and dismissed my moodiness as a side effect of being car sick.

"For someone who probably felt nauseous the entire way here, you look so elegant. This is going to be so fun!" She chimed, winking at me before exiting the car.

I nodded, still attached to what was on my mind. My main character, an outgoing volleyball player named Sadie, had just finished up a meet with the college that could revolutionize her career... But it was so far away from her her online lover. She had a lot of things to ponder and quite frankly I wanted to ponder them with her more than I wanted to meet these potential actors for my play.

Without a word, I stepped out of the car and stood beside Choi. We were immediately greeted by our security. It still felt quite weird to me, having security guards surrounding me like this. Despite my success I still was unable to grasp that people adored me. In my head I owed it all to the characters dancing around up there, not me. They practically wrote their own stories by existing in my mind. I merely translated it into words. Being a daydreamer like this detached me from emotions like that I guess.

"Welcome, Ms. Kim and Ms. Windsor." Ms. Windsor? What a strange way to address me. Even most of my fans just called me Claudia. It wasn't strange for people to call Choi by Ms. Kim though, I was probably the only person who called her by her first name and that was simply because she adored me enough to allow it.

We both gave a gentle nod of the head to show our respect, but I was nervous around these people. All my classes in socializing never took away the fact I was scared of communicating with new people, it just allowed me to have a calmer facade. Even then I failed quite frequently. At least my fans thought my blunders were cute.

The larger of the guards nodded in return. "I am honored to be guarding you two. My daughter is a big fan of your's, Ms. Windsor. She hopes to be as good of a writer one day... She writes all the time because of you being her inspiration." He smiled big at me, obviously proud of his daughter, "Thank you so much for that. She's doing very well with it and I feel like I owe it in part to you."

I cast my own awkward smile in return. I hated to tell him that the key to my success in writing was an abnormal thought process I hoped that no one else would adapt... Daydreaming instead of being concerned with reality damaged me quite a bit after all. But I had never told anyone of this, let alone a random security guard. I was good at playing a part so I just nodded. "Well, with lots of practice, she'll become an excellent author one day. I'm sure of it. Just tell her to read lots of books to expand her vocabulary and she will be just fine."

"I will!" He beamed. I hardly heard him though, because I was impressed that I was able to string such a complicated strand of lies without a single stutter. That was rare coming from me. Huh, good job Claudia!

Without another word from them, we were led into the theatre. I gazed up at the large, old-style building. It was quite beautiful to look at, with a level of expertise that wasn't always common in buildings of today. It was stunning. While I was not whatsoever interested in going into architecture, I was very much interested in admiring it. I was a lover of anything beautiful.

Ahem, speaking of that.

"Hey, Claudia. That's Joker!~" My pale-skinned publisher pointed him out after violently tapping me on the shoulder. And I had to admit, she was not exaggerating his graceful looks at all in the many explanations she had given me the week previous.

My eyes widened a little bit at the sight. Since he was more big budget than the rest of the applicants, he really stood out among them. While everyone else was simply pacing the hall, going over lines again, Joker sat down in your typical directors chair sipping from a hipster-looking bottle of coconut water. He looked so chilled, like he was made of stone and felt no fear. It was admirable for one, but it was also beautiful to admire. I swallowed hard. That jawline was of the Gods, and his hair reminded me of expensive and rich chocolate. You know, the kind that is so expensive that you could only dream of affording one piece of if and you eat it as slowly as possible to savor it.

Someone must have shown him a picture of me, because he smiled when he caught me staring at him. As soon as he made eye contact with me, I looked away and pretended that I saw something very interesting on the barren white floors. Even then, he still approached me. The vibes he sent off oozed confidence and made me beyond nervous. The familiar feeling of sweat on my palms and a racing heart returned to me. My eyes stayed locked with that floor.

"Hello." Oh gosh, his voice was like velvet. "Are you the lovely lady who wrote the play? My, my... You're even more cute in person."

The floor was still enthralling, but I heard him. My face was burning.

Joker laughed. "I heard you were shy, but there is no need. I'm pretty sure that we'll get to be good friends these next few months... With the play and all." He extended one of his elegant hands, gently caressing my chin and guiding my head to face him in favor of the floor. I was on lockdown, I did nothing to protest his motion of touching my face. The world was moving slower now, I felt like the moment wouldn't ever end. My heartbeat was faster, I felt like my body was consumed by fires-

And all I said was, "W-we... We'll... See... about that."

Joker cocked his head to the side, soft hair waving as he did so. Despite my words, he gave me a gentle smile. "Hm, we'll see? You doubt my skill as an actor, do you? Hahaha...," Even his laugh was enchanting. Who the hell was this guy? "I'm sure I'll correct that misconception at the audition."

As if to place the cherry on top of his charming sundae, he winked at me. I gulped, unable to get words to escape my throat. Not like I could even think of anything to say, I was far too flustered.

Fortunately, he just laughed a little more and strut back off to his exclusive seat. My body was still frozen when Choi spoke up.

"See, I told ya he was impressive. I think we have our Hans chosen!" She chimed, starstruck herself.

I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my mind from the haze of handsomeness I had been caught up in. "U-uh, nah. Not yet."

Choi's hazel eyes narrowed, and her lipstick clad lips pursed themselves. "What do you mean?! He's perfect for it. He's a great actor, and he's totally handsome. You said you wanted Hans to be played by an extremely handsome man, didn't you?"

I nodded. "He's handsome, but... He isn't the only handsome guy in the world." Joker much reminded me of a character from my first novel. The type that was so beautiful and aware of it, the type who used that fact to get what they wanted. I wasn't hating on it though, for it was an effective method. However I was not going to let it rule over my production.

The publisher rolled her eyes at me. "Whatever. I guess we'll sit through eleven men trying to vie for the part when we all know who the best candidate is. Wasting time is just my favorite thing to do!"

"Isn't he going to ask for a lot of money? We should at least hear the rest of them out." I explained, hoping to make Choi a little more open to someone else potentially playing the part.

"That's the beauty of it!" She insisted, grabbing me by the arms. "He loved the story so much that he's willing to do it pro bono."

"Well, that's awful nice of him, but let's give the others a chance." I insisted, wiggling my way out of her intense grip on me. The guard on my side had been glaring holes into her the whole time she was on me. I guess they were there for interpersonal attacks as well...

Though she clearly disagreed, Choi let it go as we entered the auditorium. Again, it was a truly grand building. The trim level was beyond extravagant, baby angels carved into the walls with what I assume was marble. It was truly glamorous.

We were seated in the front row, in the middle so we would have the best view of the actors and actresses. Beside us was seated the director who had been chosen for the play, an eccentric looking man dressed in a bright purple trench coat. Even though he was the official director, the cast was entirely my decision. Everyone had agreed that since I was the author of this play, I would be the most capable of choosing the people who would represent my characters. My director, who went by the name Stardime, would handle it from there.

He gave both of us a big smile, showing off his falsely white teeth. "Hello, hello! It is so nice to see you again, Claudia. I'm absolutely ecstatic for the auditions!"

Oh, gosh. I loved Stardime and all, but he was so loud. It made me anxious. I retreated into myself and nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Stardime chuckled and slouched back in his seat, weaving his hands together. "I have a feeling we'll be witnessing a lot of talent tonight."

"With someone like Joker here, of course we will!" Choi cut in, beaming. She really, really liked this Joker guy... It was a little obsessive. Choi was always exuberant but she was even more hyped up when it came to speaking of him.

I was still apprehensive, even though Stardime nodded in agreement.

Our first round of auditions were for the main female character and the eventual love interest for the male character that we already had so much debate about. Every actress who attempted was fairly qualified, but one shone far beyond the others. She was an extremely tiny blonde woman with the most deep brown eyes I had ever seen.

"... And if you want me to leave so you can continue your experiments, I will! But so you know, Hans..." Her petite hands reached for an invisible man, shaking with emotion. "I... Will always love you, forever and ever. I don't care if your work causes the death of others. Death to the world, for all I care! You are the only one who has ever understood, the only one who even tried to comprehend me. You saved me, and nothing you could do... Nothing could ever change that."

Her singing was even more impressive. She gave us a heartfelt cover of what she claimed to be her favorite song. I felt chills, and when she let out her last note I felt the hair on my arms raise. She was cast on the spot. When we told her, I thought she was going to burst.

"Thankyouthankyou!" She squealed, twirling around. The energy coming from her could practically be grasped by the hand. I couldn't help but smile at her content.

The rest of the auditions went similar. All heavily qualified, but one star shining brightly above the rest of the bunch. All had a certain passion to them that was completely foreign to me. My daydreaming took any chance of passion away, and having these people in my production was a most thrilling prospect.

I did not have a single trouble in casting someone until it came down to Hans.

"Hello, Ms. Claudia. How do you do?" Bowed Joker, a smile splayed wide across his face. His confidence was choking.

"I'm fine." I muttered, not making direct eye contact with him.

Removing himself from his bow, he began to prowl around the stage. His walk even accentuated his power and finesse. I know girls ogled over him, and Hell, I was one of them. But there was something there, something I couldn't detect that made me fear him. Maybe it was just his looks though. It didn't take much for me to become acutely petrified of something, seeing as how I held no grace whatsoever beyond my writing.

"I am going to recite the scene wherein Hans's experiments are exposed to Helga. Are you ready for it?" He inquired, his booming voice resonating throughout the auditorium.

My voice was that of a mouse compared to his. I was surprised he actually heard me when I mumbled, "Yes."

"Helga, I see you've found your way into my lair." He pivoted quickly to face where she would be standing. His expression had quickly morphed from the confident one he had when speaking to me to an expression of someone who had been caught doing something wrong. But true to his character, he quickly composed himself. "Hehehe... Sister, I welcome you here. Don't worry, there is nothing to fear! I would never test any of this on you..." He snapped his hand to the right, pointing.

"Oh, this man? You must wonder why his stomach is open. That isn't really important, dearest Helga. Ssh, ssh... He was a criminal anyways. Robbed a poor woman with children. He deserves such pain." He waltzed over to the imaginary scene of gore, looking over another imaginary table to examine the body. "What was I trying to do? Hohoho, I was trying to learn some more anatomy of course. These experiments require a proficient knowledge of the human body and I was lacking in the stomach area. But I believe now I am fully informed. His death was more useful than his life, you see?"

There was a pause, to insinuate Helga's line in response. It was calm for a moment, but then that laugh.

It was ear piercing, it was horrendous. Not in the way it was supposed to be though. Hans was meant to have a deranged laugh, but this was a whole new level. His chuckles from before were acceptable but this was...

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. For lack of a better term, it was a hilarious sound.

I couldn't stop my own laughing for a good ten seconds. Was that really the laugh he had chosen for Hans? It was awful! Joker's voice was the true joke here. I had been right about not casting him from the get-go, like Choi would have wanted. And speaking of her, she was giving me the most offended look, as if I had denounced all she ever stood for. Stardime, old man he was, was fast asleep next to me. Sometime during our auditions for Helga he told me that he trusted my judgement and passed out. He wreaked of liquor though so I could put together what was going on.

Joker cocked his head, frowning. He at least still looked like a chiseled God when he was upset, he did have that going for him. "Excuse me, did I say something wrong?"

"N-no." I was still giggling, but I forced myself to come down from it. I removed my glasses to wipe my tearing eyes. "I'm sorry, but what was up with that laugh?"

"What do you mean? Was there something wrong with it?" He inquired, clearly bewildered by my amusement.

Just when my laughter was beginning to calm, it was ignited again. He didn't know that his laughter sounded like a chihuahua choking on a squeak toy? I roared, bending over in my seat to let it all out. I heard Stardime rustle next to me. My laughter was so intense I managed to wake up a hungover man.

Joker was quiet until I found some more composure. "Oh my gosh... Haha, if that's what you plan on doing onstage, I don't know if I'll be able to cast you."

His brow furrowed. "You don't know? You surely must know I'm the most qualified actor that has graced this little audition of yours, right?"

While the cockiness was not appreciated, I was not the queen of witty comebacks. I shrugged. "Probably. But your laugh is stupid."

Crossing his arms, Joker snorted. "I can do different laughs, I just happen to think that laugh was perfect for Hans. Excuse me for trying to be in character, Ms. Claudia." He spat my name out like it was rancid meat. The way he said it made me nervous again and my happy little high his ridiculous laugh had created vanished. I gulped and just nodded let him know he could continue.

But it never got better. I think he tried seven different laughs and each one just made me howl even more. And of course, every time I expressed my amusement Choi shot daggers at me with her gaze. I couldn't help myself though, I wasn't adept enough at hiding the few emotions I got caught up in to.

At the end of the final laugh, I dismissed him with a flick of my hand. "G-go on Joker, we'll let ya know if you got the part when auditions are over. T-thanks for taking the time hehehehehe." My dismissal was filled with laughter itself. It was pretty disrespectful and Joker marched off the stage, cheeks puffed in anger. I did feel a little bit harsh, but truly, I couldn't control myself.

Choi immediately slapped me on the back of the head, amusing me to choke on my own spit. While I was caught in a fit of coughing, she started reaming me.

"What the hell was that!? You just pissed off the best actor that's gonna walk through here!" She scolded, eyes squinted in disapproval.

I pouted. "Hey, you gotta be real. That laugh was pathetic."

"No, it wasn't. It was the laugh of an angel and you simply do not know how to appreciate beauty when it is standing right in front of you." Scoffed Choi, crossing her arms.

"Hey," I nudged her, feeling a little bad for upsetting her so, "We haven't cast anyone yet. He still could get it! The rest of it was really good."

The brunette didn't bother responding to me. She just turned back to the stage with a sour look on her face.

"Who is next anyways?" I inquired, trying to change the mood.

She glanced down at the sheet of paper that cited the order of the auditions. "Some kid named Zen. He's kinda famous locally, apparently."

"I've seen him before. He was absolutely marvelous in his last performance!" Stardime chimed in.

Again, Choi rolled her eyes. "He won't be as good as Joker, I know it."

"Well, I hope I can change your mind on that."

During our conversation, the next participant must have walked on stage. His voice alarmed me, so I looked up to examine him.

"H-hi! I'm sorry about t-that. Are you Zen!?" I stammered, shocked by both his sudden words and his appearance. His looks quite rivaled that of the previous contestant. If you asked me though, I would say he was even more attractive. His hair looked like spun summer clouds, and his eyes held this mystique to them... Bright red, that was rare...

He smiled. "Yeah, I'm Zen. It's still cool if I try out, right? You guy seemed pretty argumentative just now so if I have to leave, I will...," Zen paused, looking upward to something I couldn't see. "But... I really was hoping to get this part. It's a really good play you know."

My heart shattered in a thousand pieces. Okay, not literally, but he seemed so broken up by the fact his role may not be secure. Involuntarily, I clutched my chest. "Yes, yes, yes! Go on, please."

Immediately, Zen looked down. He let out a long sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. There was a few seconds of complete peace and silence.

And then he broke it like a storm hitting a peaceful night.

"Ursula, come back! You promised me you would never leave me. Why why why are you gone, my little bluebird!?" He paced back and forth as if something urgent had happen. Shaking hands were brought up to his head. "How could she do this to me? Was her love for me just an elaborate hoax? That harlot!" He groaned, snapping his head to the side to stare down at the floor. In the full production, a woman would be lying there on that floor.

He paused again, eyes narrowed as he stared down at that spot in the floor. He circled it like a vulture. Out of script, he spat on the floor, but that only made me sit on the edge of my seat. He understood this character enough to break script to represent him fully... And I was totally enthralled.

"I can't believe you, you... You scum. You promised me you would love me no matter what. You swore to me that you would never leave. You said the world could burn!" Zen's voice got louder with every accusation, passion rising. For a moment, I forgot his name was Zen. He was a representation of everything Hans was. In that moment, he was the Hans I had forged in my mind.

He dropped to his knees, menacing over the body. A hand floated over it, pretending to grasp a strand of hair. "Bluebird," He chimed in a singsongy voice, "You told me you'd love me until the end of time, so why the hell did you go and die?"

He paused for her line. Seeing as how I was the one who wrote the play, I recalled it vividly. This was the part where she whispered, "I do, Hans... I do..."

But Hans never heard that. And this boy knew that well. He stood up, kicking the imaginary body. "Hmph. You weren't worth the time, bluebird of mine. I never loved you much anyways, I just needed someone to love me for the sake of the experiment..." Zen let out a long sigh, staring up to the ceiling. Another one of what was supposed to be Hans's infamous laughs came out, but this time, I didn't laugh in response.

The laugh was chilling in the way I had imagined it to be. Even more so. For someone who vividly daydreams all of these stories in her mind, I was not ready for this. His laugh was chaotic and terror-inducing, and I felt like it was being directed right into the pit of my soul. I felt frozen. I felt like there was a cement block being set upon my body preventing me from moving, or even breathing.

It was the perfect laugh.

My mouth was gaped and I must of looked so awkward, but I was enthralled. How was he not more well-known?

He came down from his laugh, cracking near the end. That crack made it even better. That crack in his laugh, the breaking in his voice...

"Oh, lil bluebird... You were such a pretty pawn."

I stood up and clapped. I couldn't help myself. That performance moved me, because this Zen had just exactly acted out exactly what I had envisioned when I was daydreaming. It was so personal to me. It was like he reached inside of my mind and pulled out this exact replica of my plan. He had the part. I wanted to tell him. But for now, speech was taken from me. I was too engrossed in his performance to remember my words.

Zen gave me this gentle smile. His face was gorgeous, in a way that could be extremely evil or extremely pure. It was the ideal face for an actor. "Do you want to hear the singing part, or am I signed on?"

"I'll listen." I spoke too quickly, not remembering all my training to speak. It didn't matter. "But you have the part. No one got close to that. You have it."

His grin was cocky, but I could respect it because I knew that he had power behind that cockiness. "Thanks, I really wanted it. You wrote it, right? It's a really good play."

I could scarcely believe that I, a mere mortal, wrote something that this beautiful demigod enjoyed. "Uh-uh, yeah, I did. Thanks. You played it really well too."

His singing, as expected, was equally bone-chilling. My reaction, as also expected, was equally cringe inducing. But he was nice and accepted the part with grace, thanking me before walking off stage. I saw him pump his fist as soon as he thought he was out of sight. He seemed to be really happy... My production made him happy. What a joy.

Still a in a haze, Choi tried speaking to me. "What the hell was that!? Casting that guy so quickly over Joker? That was such a lame move!"

"I had the power to choose here." I turned to her, attempting to stand my ground. I didn't do that sort of thing often though, so my voice trembled a little.

Choi stood, looming over me. "We all thought you were going to choose Joker though!"

"Then what was the point of even having an audition!?" My normally soft voice raised, but only a little. There was not enough power with in me to raise such a roar, especially nothing in comparison to what we had just witnessed Zen produce.

She grimaced at me. "You have no idea what the hell you just did."

When she said that, I figured there was some implication that something bad would happen to me for not picking Joker. But two weeks later, absolutely nothing has happened to me. I've daydreamed a lot, I've written a lot for my next book, and I've slept a lot. A normal cycle for someone like me.

The pattern didn't break until Stardime saw fit to call me at three o'clock in the morning. Fortunately for him, I'm a writer. When we do sleep, it seems to always be in the daytime. "Hello?" I answered, eager to get the conversation over with already. I was halfway finished with a sentence when he called me up, and seeing it unfinished was bothering me.

"Hey, Claudia! I'm calling to talk about the play." His words were slurred, as if he was drunk. I wouldn't be surprised but I also wouldn't judge it. For Christ's sake, if you are up at three in the morning you better be writing or drunk. Because if you aren't doing one of those things it is entirely likely you are miserable and can't sleep because of horrible thoughts running through your mind.

"Uh-huh. Shoot." I leaned back in my desk chair, ready to hear him out.

"Well, first of all, you picked a good cast. Much better than that Joker kid for the main part too, Zen's been amazing." I grinned. My intuition had been right! I was ecstatic. After all, I didn't enjoy fighting at all, let alone with Choi. Choi was very dear to me and I hated arguing like we did. Even now she was hostile about it, so when we met up we would both go out of our way to bring up the play. It wasn't like we had to anyways. She was my publisher, not my director.

Stardime went on. "Well, everyone really wants to meet you. They all really enjoy the script and I just think it would be nice if we could all get together sometime and enjoy some food. There's a restaurant that we tend to go to after practice, would you mind meeting us up there tomorrow?"

I pursed my lips. "What time?"

"Dinner time, so about five." He proposed.

I rolled my eyes for a moment, trying to recall my schedule. My mind was always a jumble, mostly filled with daydream space. I couldn't always remember my schedule accurately... But I was almost certain that I was open for five. "Yeah, sure. I'll see ya then."

The old man laughed over the phone, "Great! Haha, it'll be a blast. Hey, I gotta let ya go Claud-Claud. Have a good night, I'll see ya!"

I tried saying goodbye, but he hung up the phone before the words got out. I suppose Stardime didn't care much for formality. What a strange name, anyways. Come to think of it nearly none of the people who tried out went by their real name, or even a name that could have been taken as real. Joker, Zen, Stardime? I wondered why, but knew I would find no answer. When I wrote I always published under my real name after all.

While it was normal for me to stay up until the sun came up writing, I closed my laptop after finishing that pesky sentence. I'll be honest actually- I finished up the whole paragraph. But I had a big day tomorrow, and I knew I had to get some sleep.

After all, I had to make sure this Zen kid was really worth enough to make that rift between Choi and I. I didn't worry much though, because I was already almost certain he was.