She hated this.
Hated that he hated her and she had no clue as to why.
No clue as to what she had done to make him this way.
But he was ignoring her, and sending her 'go to hell' looks. He had even been flaunting around stupid blondes who were apparently trustworthy, loyal and all kinds of shit she didn't really care about.
It had started during the case with the bomb. The blank stares. The smiles that didn't reach his eyes. The showing up later than usual or sometimes just not at all. Worst of all; he stopped bringing coffee.
Coffee. To some it wasn't anything. Just a highly caffeinated liquid that people drank when they needed a pick-me-up.
But to them, oh to them it meant so much more. The way his hand would sometimes graze hers when he handed it to her or the way he looked into her eyes with so much meaning stirring behind his own, that she felt like she was on fire and they were the only two people left on the planet, those things told her that she meant the world to him and that as long as there was coffee they were ok.
But now there was no coffee.
There wasn't even a Castle not in her sight anyway. Hadn't been in the last few days. He had been gone and she had been wondering what the hell happened.
All she knew is she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to be treated like she was a dog while he ran around with blondes and only came to the precinct when it was convenient for him.
She would have to intervene soon. Figure out why he was acting this way. Why when they seemed as though they were getting closer and closer to something more everyday he's just now starting to pull back.
Like all of the sudden he found out some deep dark secret that made him despise her made him want nothing to do with her.
She was just grabbing her keys to stand and leave when the elevator doors open and in walks Castle, decked out in a leather jacket, tight blue-jeans (that made her want him even when he was acting like a jack-ass), and dark sunglasses like the ones he wore during the photo shoot that had taken place here in the precinct two years ago. Scruff covered his chin and upper lip, and coated his cheeks like he hadn't shaved in two days (which she honestly didn't mind 'cause she did love the bad-boy type look on him)
NO, she thought you can't think these things when you don't know what wrong with him yet.
Then he was walking— or strutting like he was the best thing in this place. She thought it kinda looked like he had a stick shoved up his ass.
She turned back to her desk to turn off her computer and pull herself together. She mentally checked herself.
Face void of any emotion, check.
Voice neutral, check
Wall up, ch—yea.
No her wall hadn't been up for the better part of the year, yet with the way he was acting it was slowly coming back up brick after brick, slathering on the cement along with it. If her wall went back up she knew it wouldn't be coming back down. She knew, no one else would come along and worm their way in because if the one person she thought she could really, actually trust is gone. Then she'll be gone too.
"So Beckett," she cringed at his voice, bored and as would rather be anywhere else.
But she knew he would.
He'd rather be with Jacinda or one of the other blonde's he had picked up over the last few weeks anywhere but near her.
He still hadn't finished his sentence so she finally looked up he looked concerned and confused.
Well that makes two of them.
"What do you want Castle?" She asked on an exasperated sigh.
He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again and repeated the action two more times before finally saying "Are you ok?"
She gave him a sharp look. Eyes cut narrowly, face scrunched up.
What the hell she thought get it over with.
"No. No I'm not."
She said it closed her eyes and then stepped away from him. Walking to the elevator she knew he was following. Because he wanted answers just like her.
Once in the elevator he kept quiet hoping that she would tell him what's wrong and much to his luck she did.
She slammed her hand onto the emergency break and started pacing the short distance from the door to the back wall.
"Beckett." He said interrupting her line of thought.
Her head snapped up and she stalked towards him until he was pushed up against the back of the wall.
"What in the HELL did I do to you?" She all but snarled in his face.
" I have been waiting and healing and then you come in with your blonde pilot shoot me a few dirty looks and drop out of my life for a few weeks. I thought we were working on things. I thought everything was going great. We were getting closer and everything was fine and then I don't know you and your man hormones decided to go off the deep end and cut me off without so much as a good bye. Now you're going to ask me if I'm ok. No. No I'm not ok. I haven't been ok since you decided to have a little pity party and not tell me what the hell is wrong."
She ended her rant a louder than it had started and then began pacing again. She didn't know how he was just standing there and ignoring her, but it was pissing her off even more.
Finally.
Finally.
He spoke. "You want to know what's wrong? You want to know why I've acted like this? I tell you something as important as I did and you hide it from me? I can't believe how stupid I was I just.. I thought we were going places too. I thought everything was great and we were almost there. We were just about to cross the finish line, but then I find out you hid this from me. All this time? You never even acknowledged it or acted like you cared. No you just go around acting like nothing happened."
"God Castle," She looked at him with confusion all over her face ", I have no idea what you're talking about. What is so important that you keep looking at me like I'm the most traitorous person in the world? Please enlighten me, because I would really love to know."
He ground his teeth together. HOW COULD SHE STILL PRETEND?
"The day you were shot. You told me you didn't remember a thing. You didn't remember anything getting shot. Me tackling you. Me telling you I love you. You said you didn't remember—," He was cut off by her intake of breath and then looked up to see her eyes bigger than saucers staring at him like he was the plague.
She backed up into the wall and then her eyes became unfocused and it was as if she was in some far off place. Thinking. Or worse remembering.
But… if she really did remember then why did she look so shocked? He had heard her. In the interrogation room, when she had decided to tell the suspect instead of him.
So he knew she remembered. Unless…
When she spoke her eyes were still staring off into space but her words were sure and calm. "Rick." He heard her say so quietly, so, so quietly.
"I never… what made you think I remembered?" She finally looked at him. Tears were shining in her eyes and her cheeks were red.
"That day in the box with Bobby. You told him you remembered. You told him and I heard everything."
She closed her eyes and sunk down onto the floor.
The tears were now rolling down her face. He thought she had intentionally kept something this important from him. He thought.. she didn't love him back.
But how could he think that after everything? Everything.
"Rick," she said his name again ", I was… I was lying to Bobby that day. I never really remembered.
She tore her gaze from the carpet of the elevator and looked back up at him. "Rick. I don't remember anything from that day. I wasn't lying to you when I said that. I really don't remember."
When their eyes met she noticed his were shining brightly and they were so blue. Such a crystal clear color. Beautiful. She wanted to crawl over to him and tell him she was sorry for the misunderstanding and that everything would be ok now.
But she didn't.
She couldn't move.
She was paralyzed in place by some unknown force and all she could do was watch as he finally allowed himself to sit across from her in the elevator.
AN: I'm going to leave that there for now. This will probably be like 2 or 3 shot. And yes I know I'm a little late the party, but this one is a little different than most of the others. I don't remember reading any where she doesn't really remember yet, but they may be out there and I missed them. But yep, so there you go. Reviews are awesome, (and I don't care what Slaughter says I will say awesome until the day I die) so let me know what you think. Sorry for any and all mistakes. Disclaimer.
-Jordan