Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing but the nebulous mess of ideas swirling around my brain.
Faith
Robin sat very still in an uncomfortable chair; afraid to move, to leave. He couldn't tell how long he had been sitting there, but it didn't really matter. Nothing mattered, truly, except for the fierce, fiery red head in the medical bay bed before him. She was silent, unmoving. Injured in the most recent battle for the city, their city, against one of their many foes. And it was all because of him, all because she was trying to protect him. Granted she'd saved his life, but in the process, nearly lost hers. Yes, her body was stronger than his, and yeah, she could take more than most of the team in terms of a beating, and still be able to retaliate, still be able to finish whatever was going on and be her happy, cheerful self at the end of it. Smiling through the pain, helping the other Titans to feel better, mentally and physically regardless of the outcome of the battle.
Always, that was, until today. While Robin couldn't remember most of the fight, what he did remember played in a continuous loop in his mind, permanently embedded there. Playing at varying speeds: slow motion the worst parts and speeding over the inconsequential ones, over and over; he didn't know how long it would go on or how much more he could take. It his fault, a stupid miscalculation on his part when jumping in to attack and hopefully finish quickly before the battle got out of hand. But he was thrown back, high into the air, toward the corner of a brick building. She had caught him before he could get too high and dropped him to the ground, but while she was still in the air distracted from saving her friend, this villain took a cheap shot at her. Sending her much in the same direction as Robin, only higher. She slammed in the same corner originally meant for Robin, quite awkwardly. Robin assumed she was okay, that in a second she'd fly out of the indent she'd created and attack with much of the fervor he so admired in her. But something stopped him, and he continued to watch for her to emerge. She did, just not in the way he expected. It didn't register at first that she wasn't flying, but rather slipping down the side of the building, head tilting forward, her luminous eyes closed. Abandoning the battle, trusting his friends to complete the work, he began to run toward where she would land, but he knew no matter how fast he ran, even if he could fly, he wasn't going to be able to get to her in time to catch her before she hit the street below.
With the others close to finishing the fight and having the capture imminent, Robin knew, he knew that this wasn't a time to distract them, but his screaming of her name did. The remaining three watched in collected horror as their Star slammed in to the pavement, their leader running toward her, getting there moments too late to catch her. They heard him screaming her name, yelling at her to get up, to simply wake. He sounded as broken as she had looked as she fell. This sight spurred the three remaining team members to finish this, finish it now. When it was done, with the bad guy being carted off by grateful police, they slowly approached the pile of rubble in the street. Terrified by what they would find, what they would see. As the haze from the broken bricks and smashed concrete began to clear, nothing in their collective pasts could have prepared Raven, Cyborg, or Beast Boy for the sight before them: Starfire's seemingly lifeless body, so broken and bloody, being cradled tenderly by an emotional Robin, now begging her to wake up.
Raven stepped forward first, laying a gentle hand on Robin's shoulder. She gave it a light squeeze, trying to pass some of her strength to him, trying not to lose control of herself in the process. She couldn't hold on for long, however, so much emotion was rolling off of the Boy Wonder making it hard on her. Cyborg's human eye was becoming clouded and misty, much like his brain at the moment. He couldn't think clearly; seeing the girl he loved as his sister, his little sister so hurt had momentarily shut down all thought. Beast Boy looked at his friends, at his family, who already looked to be in mourning. And as much as he hurt now, he knew something needed to be done.
He wasn't ready to give up hope just yet.
He walked forward and knelt in front of Star, he reached out to feel for her pulse when Robin suddenly pulled her closer to him.
"Don't touch her!" he ground out as menacing as he could at Beast Boy's actions, but it came out sounding more like a choked out sob.
Beast Boy looked, really looked, at Robin. What could have been trails of sweat down his face from the battle could also have been tear tracks. He knew, as did Cyborg and Raven, his friend cared more for Star than he could ever admit, and he could see that his friend was fast losing his control. Beast Boy looked from Robin to Starfire, he saw as her chest rose and fell with breath and a feeling of hope took place in his heart.
Looking back at Robin, Beast Boy firmly spoke up, "Dude, she's breathing. She's still alive. Which means she still has a chance. The sooner we get her back to the tower, the sooner we can help her, and save her." Beast Boy hadn't spoken loudly, nor had he whispered, but his words had had the desired effect on his friends.
Robin looked up at his normally goofy and affable friend. He hadn't been thinking of trying to save Star, trying to heal her. He was so used to having that which he valued or cared for taken away, preparing himself for the loss was ingrained in him very early. Regardless of how much he wanted to see her smile again and know that everything would be alright, that she would be okay; it was his nature to not realize there may be a chance.
Seeing his words filter through the mind of their leader, Beast Boy put his hand on Robin's shoulder and spoke again, "Allow Raven to transport herself, Cy and Star back to the tower. They'll get Star set up in the medical bay, while I fly you back, okay?" He wasn't going to remind Rob that Star had flown him to the battle. The two had been on the roof of the tower talking when the call came in. "We'll meet them there, and you can take first watch of her tonight okay? But Rob, you got to let her go, if just for a little while. Let Cy take her, carry her back and get her set up in the medical bay with Rae's help."
Robin not only heard his friend's words, he saw their wisdom, and nodded his head in the affirmative, afraid to speak and give away more than he meant. He looked on as Raven seemed to be preparing herself for the trip.
In her mind, Raven was thinking about the amount of energy she would need. True, she was tired from the fight, but not so much that she believed herself unable to do this. She needed to do this, if not for Star and their burgeoning friendship, then for the team as a whole.
Cyborg moved forward toward Robin and Beast Boy, as Beast Boy helped Robin to stand with Star was still in Robin's arms and still breathing, shallowly, but at this point, to this group, breathing was breathing. As Cyborg went to take the injured Starfire in his arms, Robin again pulled her back to him, holding her as close as he could while still being as gentle as he could.
"But, what if…" he began, only to be interrupted by the green changeling.
"No. No 'what ifs'. We don't have time for that. The sooner she is home, the fewer 'what ifs' possible. She needs you to be strong, to push the negative and horrible ideas out of your head now," the young man heaved a heavy sigh before continuing, "Let Cy take her, and once he has her, I'll start flying you home."
"Home," echoed the broken leader, as he gazed at the girl in his arms.
"Come on Rob. I promise she'll be in good hands, man. She'll still be there when you arrive." The cybernetic teen said gently to his friend.
Reluctantly, and with great care, the leader of the mighty Teen Titans handed over his best friend. He hadn't even gotten the chance to tell her how he felt about her, that his feelings were different and that she was the only one he ever wanted to share them with. This girl who had come to mean more to him than anyone else, and he was wondering if this would be the last time he saw her alive.
'NO! I can't think this way. She'll be alright. She has to!' he thought to himself after he and Beast Boy landed on the roof of their home. He couldn't remember the flight or even what form his friend had taken, nor could he remember making his way from the roof to the medical room. He just remember sitting down in the darkened room, in that uncomfortable chair by Starfire's bedside, afraid to touch her and do more damage but afraid to leave should something happen to her: good, bad, or in between. And slowly the events that had led to this point began to replay in his brain.
Behind him, a small corner of his brain could hear Cyborg softly talking to Raven and Beast Boy about what was going on with Star, but he wasn't really able paying attention to them. He already knew the conversation and generally what was going on.
"She told me about this once, on the off chance it ever happened. Right now, her body is so banged up and so hurt that her mind, in an effort to keep her sane and protect her from the pain, has taken her mind or her soul, or however you want to look at it and locked it away from the pain, while her body attempts to heal itself."
"What do you mean attempts to heal itself?" Raven asked pointedly, "Doesn't her body just naturally heal itself like ours do? Like she always does?" There was something Cyborg wasn't saying, something he was keeping to himself, something bad. She was sure she didn't want to ask the question when she already suspected she knew the answer was something that would change everything.
For all the maturity and strength he had shown earlier, Beast Boy's innocence came surging back as he voiced the question Raven couldn't. "But what? What aren't you saying? Why can't you tell us when she will wake up? She's going to be okay, right?" his voice suddenly cracked a little at the end of his questions.
Cyborg lowered his eyes and heaved a sigh of a man much older than the teen. And with the voice of a man who had seen too much. "While she is unconscious, her body is trying to heal itself but at the same time assessing the damage done. If, whatever it is in her that decides there is too much damage," he paused and looked on Robin and Starfire for a moment before continuing on. "If the damage is too great, she'll slowly slip away. She won't feel the pain. She assured me of that, she won't feel any pain." He finished gently, and watched as the meaning of his words sunk in. Behind him, a jar of something shattered as Raven was the first to grasp what he said.
"So what you are telling us is that based on what you have seen, what you know about her healing process, there's a chance she's just going to die and there's nothing any of us can do?" The light overhead went black before breaking into thousands of little pieces.
Cyborg looked at the ground and shut his eyes before whispering, "Yes."
Raven was having a difficult time reigning in her emotions. The terror she'd been able to hold at bay since finding her friend injured was slowly but surely beginning to leak out at the confirmation of her question. Not only was it leaking out but it was growing at the thought that they may lose a vital part of the team. She and Star had slowly begun to get closer as friends, being the only females in the Tower. It had taken time, but it was happening. As Raven felt another surge of energy about to free itself, she closed her eyes and attempted to get a hold of it when she felt a slight, yet muscular form hug her to him. As the unwanted and untamed energy began to recede, Raven looked up in surprise into Beast Boy's eyes.
What she saw there wasn't sadness, or loss, or even fear, really. She saw grim determination with something else. Something more. Something that even shocked her. Hope. There in his eyes was hope, and no small amount either. He began to radiate it. He seemed to truly believe Starfire would live and everything would be okay.
Hearing Cy's prognosis, watching as Raven slowly begin to lose control and having to see Robin broken at Starfire's bedside, Beast Boy knew what he had to do, not just for Star but for the team as a whole. She was his sister, especially after everything that had gone down with Terra and with Slade, he owed her. She hadn't given up on him, not once. So he couldn't, wouldn't give up on her. Looking Raven directly in the eye, and using the same voice from earlier, he stated with complete and absolute certainty, "She's going to live."
Raven, Cyborg, and even Robin from his post, looked at their friend upon hearing his voice.
"How do you know? How can you be so sure?" Robin asked softly as his gaze drifted back to the prone form of the girl in the bed.
"I have faith," was the simple reply. "She never gave up on me, not after we lost Terra. She never gave up trying to help me feel better even though I felt guilty about feeling better. She had faith," he emphasized the word to show his point, "in me, that I'd come around. And yeah, I'm not how I was before Terra and I'll never be that way again. But, she helped me see to that it was okay that I couldn't go back to that person, that it was okay to pick up the pieces and try to recover part of who I was." Beast Boy stopped there for a moment to process his own confusing words. Shaking his head as if to straighten his thoughts, he blazed on, "I came back because my friend, who felt pain similar to mine, flat out refused to give up on me. So I refuse to give up on her. I know she will survive, just like I know that the sun will rise in the morning, like I know a part of me will always miss Terra. Starfire will be fine, not because she has to but because she will be. Star wouldn't leave us, not like this, and I refuse to think she would. It isn't who she is. She has more strength than any one of us. More strength than any of us give her credit for. So I am giving her the credit she deserves now, because she needs to know that on some level we believe in her and we won't just let her slip away without doing our best to have faith in her and her abilities," with his strongly delivered, if not slightly confusing speech, Beast Boy sagged a bit and suggested that they take turns watching Star with Robin having first watch, and the remaining three attempt to rest.
Raven looked at Cyborg and then at Robin, she could see that Beast Boy's words had had a positive effect. Hope was there in Cyborg's human eye, not as much as in the changeling's, but it was there. As she turned toward Robin, she noted that while she could not actually see his eyes, she could see a change in his demeanor. He was no longer slouched down in his chair but sitting straighter, gingerly reaching out to take Starfire's hand. She watched as a modicum of peace seemed to envelop him upon touching the broken Tamaranian; and suddenly she knew Beast Boy was correct. So long as they didn't give up on Starfire, Starfire would surely not give up the fight to live. As she began to follow the two boys in front of her, she paused and turned to Robin, "Will you alright, here, by yourself?"
Robin looked up at his friend with a thoughtful gaze, "Yeah," he answered. "I'll be fine here; and as long as Star's here with me, I won't be by myself. And maybe I'll finish my end of our conversation from earlier."
Nodding slowly and allowing a small smile to grace her features, Raven found herself replying, "I think that's exactly the right way to be thinking right now." And with that, the empath slowly drifted out of the medical bay. As she headed toward her room, Raven stopped, she didn't really want to be enclosed in the dark by herself with nothing but her thoughts to accompany her. She decided to head to the roof, and take in the sky; not only as a nod of acknowledgment to her injured friend, but because even alone in the dark of night, on the roof with the expansive sky above, the world seemed less lonely. As she made her way up and on to the roof, she was surprised to see someone was already there, laying with his feet hanging over the edge and staring into the starry sky.
Back in the medical bay, Robin was trying to decide on not only what he wanted to say but where to start. Before the battle earlier, he and Starfire had been on the roof, just talking. It had started serious but segued into other topics. Not about anything in particular so much, nothing truly serious. Just bantering back and forth, flirting a little here and there, and finding out little, seemingly insignificant things about the other. And for Robin, he had enjoyed it immensely.
He had gone up to the roof to find her, she'd seemed sad earlier and had disappeared for a while before he'd gone looking for her. When he'd finally found her on the edge of the roof, she was staring out at the bay, her back to the city, her legs drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them and her head on her knees. He called to her several times but she did not answer, it was then he noticed she had her eyes closed and she was slowly tapping her foot. As he went closer, he saw her music player on the ground next to her and the wire for the ear buds running up to her hair before getting lost in the mix. Not wanting to scare her but unable to think of a polite way to gain her attention, Robin decided to just walk up and plop down next to her. As he turned to look at her, he was caught off guard a moment by how amazing she looked with the sun shining on her as it hung low over the sky but still a while from truly setting. It set off her hair so that it truly looked like fire and her skin seemed to almost glow.
It was with this stupor she noticed his appearance at her side. Seeing that he was staring at her, she pulled her ear buds out and worriedly asked if everything was alright. Upon assuring he was indeed okay, he asked after her. "What's up with you today, Star? You seem sorta down. Why are you up here by yourself just listening to music?"
Sighing, she admitted, "I am not quite sure, while I am not feeling the homesick but I do miss Galfore and others. I also feel not well placed here on Earth right now. Which is why I am up here with my music, as I did not want to burden anyone with my troubled mood, and I had hoped the music would provide the necessary cheering for me."
"And I take it that the solitude and music aren't helping much are they?"
"No, unfortunately the methods I prefer are not working right now, the music has only served to make me wonder and feel more sad."
"What are you wondering about?" Robin asked, feeling truly interested in finding out what was bothering his friend.
"Well, I have listened to the song several times over, and for its length it is most simple. The man is asking the person he is singing to to wake. There is other stuff there, but I cannot believe that the person he is singing so beautifully to will not wake up for him." Starfire answered, the confusion and sadness etching itself into her normally very cheerful face as she looked to him.
Doing something that he didn't do often, Robin admitted his ignorance. "Honestly, Star, I don't think I have ever heard the song you're talking about, so I wouldn't know." Seeing her face fall even further, he immediately moved to try and repair the damage, "If you don't mind me listening to the song, then I'd be more than happy to discuss it with you." The tentative smile on her face told him he had done well and made him want to continue to cheer her up anyway he could, even if it meant he had to listen to a whiny guy wailing about failed love. However, Robin was surprised, while he could describe the guy as whiny, the lyrics were harder to decipher. It took him a few minutes after listening to the song, just sitting with Star watching the water before he felt he had an apt interpretation for the song.
"I think," he began hesitantly as Starfire turned to him with interest. "I think there's more to it than just him wanting whoever it is to wake up, I think he wants them to realize something. It talks about getting away from liars and leaving the bad stuff behind. I think he wants them to see what's really going on and admit to it so that they can move on together." As this was clearly much deeper than she had read into it, Starfire had felt the need to question it. Robin wasn't really ready to get into a serious conversation and defend his interpretation because that could involve a detailed conversation about the two of them and the state of their relationship or nonrelationship depending on who was deciding, and so he successfully succeeded in directing the conversation elsewhere, and eventually eliciting a giggle or two from the previously sad girl. As he sat there and looked at her, with the sun beginning to sink lower, Robin was struck with this almost instant need to tell her how beautiful she looked and how she looked like the princess she truly was, and how inferior he felt next to her at times. Gathering his courage, he began, "Starfire, I… I want to…"
Giving him her full attention and a nod of encouragement, "What is it, Robin?"
"Star, I…" but it was at this point the alarm had signaled and he silently cursed his blown opportunity. Giving her a sad smile, and noticing the one from her face had dropped as well, he said, "Come on, we'll finish this later."
It was at this point in the medical bay that Robin smiled, a still very small but true smile. He had his starting place. He knew where to begin.
Raven had come up to the roof to be alone, but not truly alone. So she was very surprised indeed to find Beast Boy already up there with his feet hanging over the edge, lying on his back looking at the stars. And while, she thought she'd moved silently enough, she apparently hadn't as his voice rang out to her, "Didn't feel like going to sleep either, huh?"
"Not so much that as I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts in my room," was the monotone answer.
Choosing to ignore the obvious snide and snarky remark that he could make about her decor, he offered, "Do you want to join me?"
Raven thought for a minute, before walking over and lying down next to him. She noticed that he never once took his eyes off of the stars. Unwilling to hang her feet over the edge, she just bent her knees and allowed her toes to graze the edge. As she got comfortable next to Beast Boy, she thought about his earlier actions and the maturity he'd shown, and as her gaze lifted to the heavens, she thought about what he said back inside. Something about it bothered her, and she wanted to ask him about it but wasn't sure where to begin or if it even was her place.
"Amazing, isn't it? Our friend is from one of those glowy dots out there and somehow made it here, joined up with us and is sort of the glue that helps hold us all together," the awe and wonder at such a feat weren't disguised in his voice but open for all to hear.
"I've never really thought about it in those terms before. I know that her leaving her home planet wasn't by choice but I never really picked up the whole story from her before." Raven replied. And as her unease was still there, she decided to throw her cards down and just ask Beast Boy about what he had said back inside. "Before, when we were talking about Star's condition, you mentioned about Terra and how she helped you, what was that about?" Glancing up toward her friend's face she noticed his eyes close and a sadness descend on them. "I mean, if it's private or too hard to talk about, I understand. I was just curious; I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Raven was quickly backtracking; there had already been too much talk of death and other horrible things tonight, adding to it might make things worse.
"It's okay, I just… I guess I'm not used to talking about it still," Beast Boy opened his eyes and looked at Raven, "I know that sounds weird, considering I said Star and I would talk about it but it was more her talking and me listening and agreeing. After Terra did what she did, Star was hurt too. She was Terra's friend as well and after…" he allowed his voice to drift off for a moment as he sunk back into the memories of that dark time. Closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath he continued, but he couldn't stop his voice from cracking in places, "She sought me out, made me talk, even thought I didn't want to, I felt like the world was over, I'd lost someone I loved and I just wanted to be left alone. She helped me to see I wouldn't always feel guilty or sad or hurt by everything that had happened, she would allow my space to grieve but only to a degree, and when I was really down she was there to keep me company." Beast Boy tried to explain, but felt like he couldn't properly put into words all that had happened, give justice to the understanding and friendship he had received when he hadn't wanted it but had needed it. Suddenly he felt a small, slightly cold had take his. He opened his eyes and saw Raven sitting up next to him glancing at their joined hands.
"I'm sorry," she began, "that we weren't there for you then. That we didn't see what was going on with you and didn't try to help…" but she was cut off by Beast Boy sitting up and squeezing her hand.
"It's not your fault, I know that everyone else had to grieve in their own way and that is okay. I don't think of Star as a better friend because she was there and you weren't, I know her pain related more to mine and that's why she sought me out."
"Still I'm sorry, about a lot." Raven attempted to finish, even if it was rather lame. A slight shiver passed through her and she felt Beast Boy pull her close to him and leave his arm around her shoulder, she felt his warmth sink in through her cloak and leaned closer in. It was then she realized their hands were still connected and while she was slightly embarrassed by all that had been discussed and the position they were in now, she just didn't have it in her to care. As she began to lay her head on Beast Boy's shoulder, she heard him whisper, "Me too, but I can't change the past. I can only move on toward the future with an open heart." Nodding at his words, Raven closed her eyes, content for the first time in a long time.
Back in the medical bay, Robin had finished forming what he was going to say and began to blunder through his hastily prepared speech.
"I think that we were both right about the song: because right now, I'd give just about anything for you to open your eyes and smile at me. Because knowing you're hurt and in pain and that it's my fault is killing me. Knowing that I've screwed up in the past with you, that you still saw fit to give me a chance when I know I don't deserve it, Starfire, do you realize what that means to me? I've lost most everyone and everything I've ever cared about, but you, no matter that I pushed you away because I was afraid I'd lose you in the end, you kept coming back and got under my skin and in my heart. And I feel like an idiot sitting here telling you this right now because you can't actually respond but I'm hoping that some part of you hears this and it gives you some extra incentive to fight, to come back to us. To come back to me." Pausing, Robin listened to her raspy breathing as he closely watched in hopes that she would make a movement of any kind. Lowering his voice to barely a whisper, "I need you to wake up, Star. Just, please, wake up. There is still so much I want to tell you." Robin laid his head down on the bed next to the injured girl; and still holding her hand, he closed his eyes and very slowly drifted off.
Suddenly, Robin woke. He wasn't sure what made him, his neck hurt from the uncomfortable position it had been in, and his hand felt strangely empty. That was when he remembered falling asleep holding Starfire's hand. Looking up at his friend, he saw her eyes begin to twitch and Robin jumped up and sat at the side of the bed, again taking her hand in one of his and putting his other hand to her cheek. He'd hit the button on the communicator to summon the other Titans when he'd moved to the bed. Cautiously, he called to her gently, "Starfire?" At this point, the other Titan's entered. Cyborg moved immediately to the equipment that was attached to the girl, while Raven and Beast Boy hung back, their hands still connected.
Feeling the questioning gazes on him, Robin was about to turn and tell the others that Star had moved when a pained groan reached his ears. Giving a watery smile at the sweetest sound he'd heard in the last twelve agonizing hours, he said gently again, "Star?" It was then she opened her eyes, and Robin felt his smile expand and his heart begin to burst. She was back, she was alive, and she was looking at him. A brief glance around the room showed him that he wasn't the only one with tears threatening. Allowing his gaze to once again find Star, he noticed that while she looked much better than before, she still seemed to have some pain but mostly she looked confused.
"Robin, what has happened? Why am I here and why does everyone look like they wish to cry?" the little alien girl queried.
Taking a shaky breath, he answered, "You got hurt bad, Star. We thought we might lose you."
"But you did not, I am right here. And while I do have pain, I am still here and do not think I wish to go anywhere for a while."
Robin nodded in understanding, "That's fine, Star, that's fine." Leaning forward, he impulsively gave her a kiss on the forehead. "We're just so happy you're awake." Noticing the troubled look on her face, Robin asked what was bothering her.
"I do not know, I do not remember much of the battle or how I came to be here," pausing, she waited while all her friends looked at her. "But I feel I had a dream most odd, I believe I remember hearing you, Friend Robin, telling me I was right. What was I correct in?"
Robin blushed a bit, and then said something no one really expected, "I'll tell you later, but it had to do with our conversation yesterday; and I am really looking forward to finishing it with you."
It was then the others began to move forward. As they circle around their friend, each realized how lucky they were, and how it took a slight reminder that sometimes faith is all you need to see things through.
AN: the song that Starfire and Robin were discussing was "Open Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol, which is a beautiful song that leaves itself open to interpretation and is worth listening to if you are so inclined. This is the first story I ever wrote but stopped half way through because I got another idea that was interfering with this story. I hope you liked it.